The Business of Trusting Yourself: Building a Business on Your Own Terms

This is an hour ago, right?

Yeah.

So it's fresh that life is offering me options and it's being loving and gracious, but it will shift. And I can operate in flow with that and trust that I'm being carried to my next and highest and best. Mm-hmm. Cling and life will eventually wash me out with all of, you know, whatever around me.

Hello, I am Bunny Young, serial entrepreneur, mom of 4 kids, and I am honored today and every day to be your host of the Yes And Podcast. I'm here to tell you that those voices inside your head saying that you are bad at business are lying. There is no playbook. You get to build a life and a business that looks and works and loves Just like you. And not by going faster, but in this podcast, we are going to go deeper into the strategy and the energetics that make you and your business a unique unicorn. So, just for you, on today's episode of the Yes and Podcast, I brought a guest who is going to challenge something that a lot of us have outsourced without even realizing it: our trust. In our marriages, in our jobs, in our partnerships, in our friendships, in our titles, in the next That's going to finally make us feel safe. Are you ready to meet this guest? Amanda Aldrich is a lot of incredible, brilliant things. She's an ICF-certified transformational coach. She trained at the Institute for Coaching Mastery, as did I. Celebrating that. She's a former triathlon coach who built an entire community of athletes around their first finish lines and their fastest times. She's a woman who, when her family needed her to show up financially— Due to some life circumstances, she walked into a corporate interview and said, I can do stuff, and then quickly became the top revenue generator at her company within 2 years. She's also a woman who has been through the kind of seasons that would make most people give up: a husband's stroke at the age of 42, the loss of her father, the loss of her nephew, a conscious uncoupling after decades of marriage, and a corporate career that went from zero to senior level, and from 11 to 14 meetings a day to weeks in France twice last year. So she also, I want to tell you this, she also has the best meditation voice. So 10 out of 10 recommend going and finding her on Insight Timer, on Instagram, and asking her for her meditations. Actually, they should be in her Instagram bio link. So that way. She has the best voice for those moments when anxiety shows up before you can even name it. Like she's, it's just an incredible voice that you're about to hear. And she works with high-achieving individuals who have built extraordinary lives on the outside and are finally ready to build something real on the inside too. And she's also one of my unicorns. She is a member of our Defy Business Accelerator, and I have the privilege of watching her transform in real time. And we are gonna go into her journey today and so many things that are going to parallel your story and actually help you honestly, not just provide the quick fix, not just the magic pill for business and for life, the honest way that transforms at a cellular level, which is actually the better way. And I will say this: if something in you wakes up during this conversation, if you hear something in Amanda, or as I call her, Mandy's story, and think, that's me, I want you to stay until the very end of this podcast episode because I have something I want to share with you, an invitation, something that's been quietly changing the lives of women just like Mandi and just like you. This is The Business of Trusting Yourself. Let's dive in. So Mandi had shared that there is a squirrel living in her house rent-free. Not welcome. Not necessarily invited, right? You're getting ready to move to Europe for several months.

Uh, to travel in Europe.

Yes.

Yes.

And live there.

Yeah. Yeah.

You know, an extended holiday of sorts, an exploration and adventure. And you don't want the person moving into your house while you're gone to inherit this squirrel.

Lovely though she may be. Yes.

Yes. And the conversation that we've been having for the last 6+ months is you making this decision to move out of a comfort zone in your life.

Mm-hmm.

And so what we discussed is like, what does the squirrel represent? And when you just shared with me the options that you gave the squirrel, her, the female squirrel, It's almost like you're the universe and she's you.

I see it. I am, it's, it's clearing for me because I'm living this real time, but the, um, the analogy, the mirror is not lost on me.

How does it feel to be the universe in this situation versus the squirrel?

Hmm. I don't know that I had thought about it. In, and I, um, I did in, I have not in those words, but in the life. This is life offering you, you know, that this situation's gonna change. And yeah, I was able to just, I was talking to my squirrel an hour ago and was in the moment feeling this, this is life talking to me as well. Yes. And I mean, this is an hour ago, right? So it's fresh that life is offering me options and it's being loving and gracious, but it will shift. And I can operate in flow with that and trust that I'm being carried to my next and highest and best. Cling and life will eventually wash me out with all of You know, whatever around me.

Yeah.

Wash me, Tula, next, let me say.

Yes. Yes. Yes. I don't think in the history, in 22 years in business, that I have ever used a squirrel in coaching.

You're welcome.

I mean, thank you. Thank you. And you know who's gonna love this episode is Damon because Yeah. In the very beginning of Damon and I's friendship. So 2020, 2021. Uh, for the, for those of you who don't know who the infamous Damon is, he has his own Yes And podcast episode. Plus, um, just Google Damon Burton SEO and you will find an incredible being who is also, I'm very fortunate to have as my best friend. And he came as our guest coach last year for our Defy retreat. And he's just such a beautiful, being and brilliant and energetically aligned. And during COVID we're all in our homes. Like, we're all, you know, inside looking out. And we had this squirrel family that moved in our house in Virginia, like, in our front yard. Wasn't in our house. Wasn't experiencing what you're experiencing, Mandi, but out front. And Damon and I would send these voice, like, videos through Marco Polo back and forth, narrating the the squirrel families. So actually, the squirrel is a really cute totem in our friendship. So thank you for that. I think he has squirrel socks and a squirrel sweater, and he had a custom-made Etsy squirrel bench sent to me. Didn't know that existed. So I can send you my squirrel bench and see if she, you know, wants to use it. I'd love to get you a squirrel bench. There are so many people that are listening to this and saying, yeah, but it's just a squirrel. Based on your experience over the last several years, what would you say to them?

I think nothing is just, nothing is just, everything is an opportunity to learn and to grow. And I think the more that we are awake to that, The more life will use anything and everything to continue to teach us and expand us and to call us forward and simply to surprise and delight us.

Yes. Okay. So we jumped right into things, into something that is super alive for you. And I can't promise that we're not gonna come back to that story. However, I want to go back to the very beginning of this story and start the episode here in this aspect before we go into what you're experiencing now, in allowing this audience to understand who you are and understand this powerful journey that you have been on. And I think one of my favorite ways to explain how you came into my world was through an email saying that you weren't going to work with me. Right. I'm canceling. Our appointment, and it was, you had booked a session, like you had booked, I don't know if you remember this, but you had like booked a session, and then you canceled the session. And I said, Mandy, like, are you, are you meaning to cancel this session? And then I got an email back that was like, yeah, well, I was looking at Defy, but I, I think I'm good right now. And I said, well, let's, let's talk. And, uh, I have full body chills. For a few reasons, if I can share those with you. Please. Because this dance that you have beautifully done that I've been in awe of, it hasn't— I can't even say it's been with me, but how you came into my world is how I've witnessed you in this energy of commitment to yourself and honoring what's alive right now, as well as honoring the past and honoring the future and the shifts that you've made in your life. Mm-hmm. None of them are small. And so coming out of a coaching program, a coaching mastery program, and then saying, I'm going to build a business around this, and booking this call, and then feeling— this is the story I'm telling myself— feeling all of the things that came up and said, whoa, you know, Okay, let's, let's take a pause. And then in a matter of, let's see, 6 months, not just investing in a year, but investing in 2 years to be held in a community to build this business. How are you navigating this dance with yourself with such compassion to make these massive decisions? Like, take me through how you are with yourself. As you continue to make these massive decisions, and you can share some of the ones that you've shared with me from the past decade that have led you here today.

Yeah, certainly. It's, it's, it's all easy to see in the retrospect, you know, to the degree that I'm able to see. As you stated, I mean, I was in this mastermind, but even that, that was one of those, a coach training program rather, and that was one of those Am I going to do this decisions? And that was in 2022, which, you know, I'll back up the bus. I was married for a very, very long time to a really lovely man who's still a really lovely man. And we had a series of events within a 15-month period of, you know, just bullet points. My husband had a stroke. That was the first thing. And at 42 years old with no precursors, totally healthy, just You know, and I was there with him when it happened and that upended our lives, as you can imagine. Yeah. Largely in the aftermath, the things that unfolded over time. But that was like incident number one in this window. And then my father was diagnosed with cancer and died 3 months later. And my nephew, you know, bless his soul, took his own life. And then, you know, and then I had the kids that were reeling from this and coping in less than healthy ways. And so there was just this season of life got real. Mm-hmm. And out of that, you know, my husband recovered beautifully and differently. And we would both agree to highest and best outcomes in his journey. I think life had— I know life had more for each of us to learn. And we went through a process a few years, you know, after walking that lengthy journey of his recovery, we found both of ourselves empty. And we had this lovely companionate codependent relationship, and neither of us could source for the other one anymore, ultimately. And Long story short on that, and, you know, taking all of the pain of that journey aside, we consciously uncoupled from one another. And that at 40, in my late 40s, was a— this was never meant to happen. This was never part of the picture. We were the couple. We were that couple, you know, the ones that were gonna make it all the way. And I just, I come back to life has taught each of us. Mm-hmm. so much out of that on the other side of that, through that process, but then on the other side as well. And, you know, and for me, there was a lot of in those first years, oh, well, if that wasn't my person, maybe you're my person. And when those things weren't working out, I was trying to understand other people. I, you know, oh, you are attachment avoidant. And wait, what is this attachment anxious? crap, you know? And that really was the big catalyst to the real deep self-discovery and why, you know, I knew my backstory. I knew the mother wound and all of that stuff. And as it had played out in other relationships, but here it was just, let's rip this down to the core. And so in that journey of what's real, who am I, what am I about? You know, what am I seeking in the world? What am I seeking in places that I should be finding here?

I just want to slow that one down for a second, that statement. What am I seeking in others and what am I seeking in other places that I really should be finding within myself?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And life will keep giving us that lesson in new and deeper ways is what I'm experiencing. First it was with partnership and now it's with, you know, my business, my, you know, my vocation, whatever it is. There's still, there's, there's this going down to this core of I'm whole. I'm complete in and of myself and I can do what I want. What do I want?

Hmm. What do I want?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And what gets in the way of me? I mean, this is, this is the whole coaching thing, right? In helping others is what do I want and where am I and what's in the way of getting there, right? Well, what's in the way is, is, is me. Amen. The beautiful things that have kept me safe all my life, all the skills that I developed at a teeny tiny age for keeping myself safe, they work really, really well. They're really, really strong. And I don't wanna say dismantling those, you know, 'cause there's an honoring. Thank you. I've accomplished some incredible things in my life. And a lot of it was driven through that mechanism of climb, be, do. And so that serves, those skills serve, but the energy behind them skills, is it self-preservation? Is it accomplishment for the sake of being accepted and protected? Or, you know, it's just— Yeah. False thing. What's, what's the motive? What's the— is this performance or is this pure? Yeah.

And I've seen you coach and I've seen that purity. And it's like, I, I'm in awe of the aspect that it's like every single day, if you want to think about it as, as another layer or kind of like a papier-mâché mask that you're, you know, peeling off the layers that, like you said, from a very young age you have put on to be able to, as a coping mechanism, as a protection mechanism, to get to where you are. And, and I am noticing as you're sharing and from what we've done in our work together, it's like peeling back the labels that you thought were you, including wife.

Mm-hmm.

Including your title at work, because something that I think is important to share with our listeners is how quickly you climbed a ladder that you hadn't planned on escalating or planned on, you know, you, you took a position just kind of, well, you tell it, you tell it.

Certainly. Yeah. Well, that was one of the, the, one of the outcomes of my husband's stroke. You know, he had his own business, you know, we had founded that together, but it was, Him. He was carrying that. And in the aftermath of his stroke, the business suffered. You know, it was a long slow. And I was a triathlon coach at the time, swim coach on the swim deck every morning at 5:00 AM. And, and then, uh, had a club with, you know, a membership that was up and down, lovely people and coaching one-to-one, you know, people to their first, you know, uh, sprint triathlon finish to multi-Ironman finishers who were looking to improve their performance, et cetera. That's what I was doing. Mm-hmm. And loved so much about that. Loved the community, loved the coaching, not passionate about triathlon per se, but, but loved that venue. It did not— there wasn't a lot of money tied to that. There was not a lot of income enough to, you know, it wasn't— it— There was some. And it wasn't enough though for our family's needs when when my husband's business began to suffer as an outcome of his stroke and everything that he was dealing with. And so I needed to level up what I was bringing to the family financially. And that looked like me, you know, who had been a stay-at-home mom, a theater director, and a triathlon coach going to interviews and And not— and playing a part, you know, just, uh, I remember, I remember I was at this one interview and, um, and I walk in and, you know, they're asking questions and of course I'm nervous. I hadn't been in this kind of venue for a while and they're like, so, you know, do you, uh, you know, can you build spreadsheets? And, and while I had leveraged those to whatever degree, you know, with, with my coaching programs, My answer was, I can do stuff. And what that was, was it— that was a total lack of confidence. I need this. I want this to happen. I'm stressed out. I don't know if I fit. My life at home is crazy, right? And I can do stuff, you know, which is a true statement, but not what they were looking for. But through, through a connections, I ended up getting a job with this startup company that had been around for several years but was operating with a remote model. So, you know, I got to work from home. I came on as an hourly billing collection agent, and there was, you know, $1-point-whatever million in arrears that hadn't been collected from worldwide customers. You know, this is on the global stage. And within a matter of months, I had collected over 90% of that through persistence and relationship building. And yeah, so I just leaned in. Then it was, hey, I, you know, I need more money than this. This is a reality. I wanna be here. I loved the people I worked with, very altruistic people that had founded this company and very people-first and lived their values. And so I went to the VP who had hired me and I said, I wanna be here, but there is a need, so I'm gonna have to move on unless we can find something else. And I became that company's first customer success manager, which in, you know, the SaaS world, it was a new thing back in 2015. And so highly, you know, relationship dependent, building strong relationship with customers. And I excelled at that and brought it with— there was so much joy in, And fostering relationships, closing, helping to close deals. And I ended up becoming the— by the time I left, I was the, you know, that month I was the top revenue generator in the company. In a 2-year period, I had climbed up. Then the company was acquired and everything got turned on its head. And I was consoling somebody who had been let go, you know, that morning. Oh my goodness, you know, I'm so sorry. Whatever you need, LinkedIn referral, blah, blah, blah. I gotta go to my one-to-one with my manager, but I'm gonna come back to you. I go to my one-to-one and I was let go and it wrecked me. My identity had become so entangled with performance, with being, you know, known, liked, and trusted environment. And it triggered abandonment wounds like nothing else. I mean, it was, I was in bed for some time after that. And, but I, you know, needed to go back to work. And somebody who had been at that company prior and had moved on scouted me and recruited me. And I went and looked at the office and it was cubicles and I was like, this is not happening for me. I can't do this. I can't be in a corner. But I went, you know, I followed through with the interview and there was 3 men sitting across the table from me. And in my head, I was a solid no. But then just like your voice coming to me here, there was a voice and said, inside me that said, pay attention. And so I did. And I'm listening. And what I became open to and realized was we are a match. I have things I can offer here and this organization, I'm gonna learn things that I don't yet know. We're a match. And that was right around the time my husband and I had our first separation. And And I ended up, I'm like, there wasn't, there was desperation at one point. 'Cause, 'cause I walked away and going, yeah, I think that's a match, but I still, and then, um, and then the day I moved out, I'm like, I was again poached by this company and they said, you know, come meet the people, come meet more of the people. And I went and I went, I think I'm gonna do this. And, and that I became, I was the oldest woman in the company. I was the only female for a good season. Um, I was commuting downtown, you know, every day on light rail and It was this whole new world and learning all this software that I had had no exposure to. So we're talking like 2 years into my journey, this, you know, the first company, then this one. I was there for 5 years and I left. I'd gotten multiple raises while I was there, became senior, you know, had all the top accounts and was staying out of loyalty because I was burnt. And, but didn't want to, I'm hearing the themes, you know, didn't wanna leave anybody high and dry. Um, and, but then I got poached by somebody who made me an offer that blew my mind. Didn't realize those sorts of things were available to me. No-brainer. I've got so many wonderful little stories of, you know, kismet and synergy out of what I arranged there in my, like, you know, some, some things down the line. But, but I've been where I'm at now for, I just hit my 4-year anniversary, which was huge. And this is, uh, This is, this is big girl stuff, you know? And it's been so formative and I'm so appreciative, but yes, it's been a, you know, a 2, 4 and a half, 4, 10-year journey.

The thing that I'm hearing is once you have clarity, including your story that you shared with me and with our group about your house and how you created and manifested your house. And I know there's a ton of talk about manifestation and Like, I'm going to yes, and this manifestation practice in the aspect that there's a couple things that I want to go back to. One is, you've talked about this journey of shedding the labels as well as collecting the tools, collecting the information, collecting the knowing, collecting the skills. And what's really clear, and I'm curious if you see this as well, is That means nothing without actually putting it out into the world.

Mm-hmm.

You know, what are you going to do with this? Which is the second piece of this theme that I'm hearing is that once you're clear on the thing that you said earlier, what you want, the universe brings you those lessons in abundance. Literally, you were poached. And I'm not saying that because it hasn't always been the next step has been safe right here. Sometimes you've had to Like with your uncoupling, I don't know why this is happening. This doesn't feel great. And I'm trusting.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The salient point for me right now, because I've thought about my marriage in relationship to where I'm at right now and, um, and the leaving of my marriage, and I had to get to a point of, oh wow, it's either I leave or, or I kind of leave in a different way. And for, for solid reasons, I chose what was in many ways scarier. Yeah. I mean, I can go into as much detail, you know, as we want to, but you know where I'm at right now, I don't want to get to that point again, that deep, dark place again. I have the benefit of retrospect and I'm mindful of that as I navigate my current journey on some leaps, you know, that I've long wanted to take.

Yeah.

I'm being gentle with myself. You

know, you're not alone in navigating building an incredible life on the outside to everybody else. Your life is actually incredible on the inside as well. And still giving yourself permission to want more. And that's the conversation we had last summer, and we had it in the fall again, of like, there's a part of you that's like, why can't I just be happy with what I have?

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

You know, the position, the revenue. And one of the things that I want to reflect back to you is initially last summer when we had this conversation, I remember where I was. When we had the conversation, I was standing in my kitchen on the opposite side of the breakfast bar and rocking my son back and forth, um, and had the laptop up there as we were having this conversation, as I was listening to you. And I remember you saying, I've got a meeting at the exact same time as the Defy calls.

Right.

And, you know, it's a standing meeting. And then you— I said nothing. And you said, I'm going to see about how we can move the meeting, or maybe I don't even need to be a part of the meeting, right? I could see the wheels going. And then we chatted again. You joined, you joined Defy, and we chatted several months later, and you shared with me how your calendar went from— I don't want to exaggerate this, but you had 5 days of meetings all day.

11 to 14 meetings a day, yeah.

In the fall, you were in France for— A

couple weeks. Yeah. Yeah. I've been to, I was in France twice last year. So, um, yeah.

How many meetings do you have now on your calendar every week?

Uh, it's dropped significantly.

It's not 11 to 14 meetings a day?

No, no.

What changed?

Me. I mean, that could be a flippant answer. That could be too succinct. I know that I have changed and I know that the world around me has changed and you can draw a corollary there. And I choose to believe in that corollary because the amount of me drawing boundaries or pushing back or proclaiming, you know, it's very small. It's very small. It was very scary for me to not attend this, to block my calendar for a meeting, you know, that's important.

Mm-hmm.

And go, I'm just not available. Maybe, you know, maybe somebody else needs to be. This was, I was being assigned something new. And I was talking to somebody and I said, this is a commitment I have. And so if it means if I have to be there, you know, then maybe you need somebody else for this assignment. And the world didn't blow up. The world didn't fall apart.

Yeah.

And that muscle wants to exercise. It's really wonderful to reflect back because it's been over a year now. And that, um, that meeting has gone away, you know, that meeting got moved. Um, and now I am a part of it on a, you know, um, and, and I was still able to meet every, every need.

Yes, I was, I was literally thinking about this this morning because a year ago you had exactly an hour and we know Mandy can tell you. Our Defy calls are scheduled, I suggest 90 minutes, and very often we go the, like, 2 hours, you know, in full support. And there was this energetic, like, let me come for an hour. That's what I have on my calendar. Let me get everything out of it. And then I watched it go to you being there for 90 minutes. I have something right at, you know, the 90-minute mark. So then I have to go to this morning, literally this morning, it was so beautiful. Because I went over 2 hours by a couple minutes, and you're there, and you're full screen, and you're glowing, and there's nowhere to run to. Like, the squirrel was the priority today.

Mm-hmm.

You know? You are the priority. That's, that's the truer sense. Watching this evolution in you as you've transformed and continue to transform, just hearing you and witnessing you share your story. And take ownership of all of these incredible things. What comes through for me is, and I, I want you to talk to you a year ago in a second, but what comes through for me is there's a million and 5 reasons why not.

Mm-hmm.

You found one to do it and you built your life around whether it's Defy, whether it's going to France, whether it's the Conscious Uncoupling, whether it is quadrupling your revenue. You found one reason and built a life around that.

Yeah.

I just want you to slow that down and really feel that for a moment. What comes up for you as I share that?

It's recognition of the truth of that, and that it's a process. I said earlier that I'm not missing the parallels between my marriage and, you know, corporate America, right? There was an outsourcing to my partner there of validation, of safety, of security, of worth, you know, all of that. And then transferred that into the dating world, self-discovery. And then I think like for so many of us, but I'll, you know, speak for myself. Mm-hmm. In particular, my job has been, whether it was company A, B, or C in these last 10 years, has been the thing that has given me security in replacement of my marriage. That 2-week trip, that place to perform and receive accolades and all of that. And what's been happening Prior to Defy, but with the container of Defy, with the weekly energetic contrast that I experience in being in a Defy gathering where you are mirroring faultlessly what's available versus, you know, what we settle for or choose for our security, our outsourcing, what have you. I have grown in this container. This, I've needed this time. I've needed this much time for me to say, hey, I'm not, you know, to make additional boundaries around my time and my energy. And yeah, so I don't know if I lost the question in there, but—

Yes.

There's been growth and it's, you know, for me, it's not overnight. It's required what it's required, and here I am.

And it gets— I'm witnessing it in real time get faster and faster and faster in what I call like the flash to bang of like, once you have the clarity, it happens. Once you have the clarity, it happens. Sometimes I'm witnessing you not get the clarity in the amount of time that you wish it would happen. The squirrel will leave your house when the squirrel, at the exact moment the squirrel should leave your house.

Mm-hmm.

In either of those 3 ways that, you know, we can share the squirrel story, those 3 ways that you outlined, the squirrel will leave your house and it will be at the exact moment that you get the clarity. The lesson continues until the lesson is learned. Even as you were sharing your story, like, I see the patterns, right? So it doesn't matter the money, the revenue, the time that you've created on your calendar, the energy that you're bringing, those lessons are coming as well. It's just about the awareness with that lesson, right?

Yeah.

So I flirted with, for this podcast, the title that came through is The Business of Trusting Yourself. Okay. Why do you think I would choose that for this episode?

I want to— my need to get it right, you know, is right there at the front.

Yeah, let's just breathe and know that I don't have an answer. I want you to know I don't have words in my head that would equal right. I have the frequency of, man, if you were to put words around Mandy's progress, amount around my relationship with you over the past 15 months. If you were to create a billboard to advertise that film, Mm-hmm. what would you title it? And getting really curious on that and then open to, oh, this is flirtatious. This is interesting. This feels like It could be the beginning of holding the energy of this story.

I want something creative and wonderful and that does honor to— it's all in me, and when I see it is when I'll accept it. Yeah, I don't have anything magical in the moment to, you know, that pops, but I go back to, I go back to the, you know, the building the business of trusting yourself. Is that what you said?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Business of trusting yourself.

The business of trusting yourself. And I mean, that has been, that's been the journey. One of the consistent messages that I have mirrored back to me from you and the Defy container is is that everything that I have built in my life, it's not the thing. It's, it's me. And, and when I outsource, I think it's the thing. I think that this, you know, this marriage, this house, this job, this, you know, fill in the blank, right?

Mm-hmm.

Is, is giving me my backbone or something is giving me my place in the world. Now I'm giving me my place in the world. And when I am operating from a place of desperation or fear, I mean, I feel it very— I can't deny it anymore. I know what's going on inside of me. And, but back to the, you know, those things that I've built, they're strong. And to take leaps of, oh, I've got me. I've done so much of that. There's just some that are just taking— I think of the Indiana Jones movie. I think about this all the time. The Temple of Doom. I think it's the Temple of Doom.

Mm-hmm.

He's gotta cross the chasm, right? And he takes like, he's gotta take that first step and then the bridge is there. And that analogy has not left me. I've taken so many little steps and dancing around the edge and I'm over there with my hammer. Let me build this and let me build that. And they all go one step in, but I'm not going to stand on that. Or maybe I'll put my toe on it. And, but, but this solid, like, now that's where I'm going. That's where I'm going. And come and I feel great about it.

Yes.

That's, that's the next, that's, that's the first and next step.

Yes.

So to speak.

Yes. Yes. And, and just like, so I just watched Onward with my girls. Mm-hmm. Um, and there's a scene exactly like that in Onward. Um, and I've used the Indiana Jones analogy a ton as well. And I think that that's exactly true, cuz one of the first things we do in Defy is figure out your long-term vision. And the thing that Indy can see is the other side. He can see the other side and then He has to just trust that the first step is there. It's that in-between. People are like, I have no idea where I'm going. Yes, you do. You know the vision, right? You know that that's the step one that we do together and really own that. And it's the same thing in Onward is like, there's a chasm. It's the exact same scene. It's just done with blue— I think they're trolls. I don't know what they are. I don't know. I'm going to have to Google that later. And I'll send you this scene though, because it's great. And he's taking the steps, but he has a rope tied around him, and his brother's holding the rope. And the rope comes undone and, like, unties itself as he's, like, 75% of the way or halfway there. And his brother says nothing. His brother's just standing there holding his breath, being like, don't look back. Keep going. You're doing great. Mm-hmm. And the last step before he's gets to that vision, gets to the other side, he turns around and sees that his brother's not— doesn't have him, doesn't have the rope, and all the belief flows out of his body and he starts to fall. He grabs the cliff, he's okay. But it's like that moment where it's like, I'm okay as long as I believe I'm okay.

Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And that's the If I'm outsourcing—

You had a moment like me this morning. Yes, yes, yes. Yes.

Yeah. This, this, this, this, this. When I am outsourcing my, my faith, my trust to the bridge, then, then I'm, I spend all my time building the bridge.

Yes.

And that, you know, you can look at so much.

Yes.

And where I'm at right now, that's, that's the thing. That's the thing that I'm feeling most intensely. And, and so to your point, the business of trusting yourself, it's, well, if I take a step and I fall, I know how to swim. I know how to, you know, grab on and climb and then, you know, make the pivot, make the change. These are just long-running stories and they're not just My own, it's societal. You know, this is a very, this is a very universal in America sort of struggle with, I'm not passionate here. I may be good, I may appreciate, I may, you know, be well received and integrous and all of those wonderful things. And yet, and yet, and yet, and my and yet will not leave. And And I could spend the next 30 years, if I'm blessed enough to have them, building a bridge and never take the step. But the value of the intentionality of joining a container like Defy is it's impossible to ignore the and yet. And I don't want to, but it's impossible to continue to delude yourself where you're like, oh, I said I'd do that thing last week and I didn't do it and I really meant it. Why didn't I do it? Yes. cleaner again. And, and if you do that week over week over week, and then you're like, girlfriend, you gotta have some real serious conversations with yourself. You know, what are you, what are you, what are you really doing? What do you really want? And how, how committed are you to, to that thing? Yeah.

And understanding that the J-O-B is not the bridge.

Yeah.

You know, there's so many people, Mandy, that believe the J-O-B or even the company that you're building, even whether or not your coaching practice is successful, that that's the bridge.

Mm-hmm.

When in actuality, and, and you know this from being a coach, and you know this from all of the individuals that you worked with, with the triathlons, no matter if you're biking or you're swimming or you're running, it's like you're the common denominator. You're the common denominator in your J-O-B. You're the common denominator in your building a coaching practice. You're the common denominator in entrepreneurship. It starts with you taking that step with the belief in you. It, what I mirror back for you and the level of belief and just love that I have for you, you can choose to not look in the mirror. Mm-hmm. You can choose to shatter the mirror, but I, I, the reason that I believe that it's so special to support you and other individuals through that container of DEFY is because you see it. You see it, and you keep taking that step.

Mm-hmm.

And there's that part of you that is well aware of everything that I'm speaking about right now, and there's the part of you also that we can hold for that is Still holding onto the side of whatever label version safety, you know, is still squirreling in safety.

Yes. Still hunkered down. Yes.

Yeah. What, what gets active, activated for you when I say that? And, and what do you tell the woman? who is listening to this, the individual, the being? Because we don't just have female listeners. However, I believe it's a very— in my experience as a therapist and as a coach, it's very common among women to outsource our trust and outsource our safety and outsource our power to external.

Mm-hmm.

And what do you tell that woman who's listening to this, And is like, I'll be successful. I'll trust myself. I will take that first step when?

Hmm. Yeah. Well, I'm still in it. I'm still in it.

Me too. Can I just say that? Can I just slow this down to say me too? Like, I, you know, I wanna go back to the triathlons for a second as you kind of gather your Your intentional response to this is my endurance. The only thing that has changed is my endurance and my resiliency. Life, I would love to tell you, I'd love to tell all of you listening to this that life gets better. That's not been my experience. My experience is that I get better.

Mm-hmm.

Right? I mean, 2019, we had the dumpster fire of the coworking space and a terrible period of time. Well, I don't know if it was terrible or not, right? Like, it's A, it's hindsight, and B, I can't say it was terrible because look where I'm at now with a business partner. And literally just last week, had another ruptured relationship that rocked me in a way that I was like, what am I doing wrong? And then I remembered— The Bunny from 2019 that was like, look, I can focus on fixing the relationship, or I can focus on fixing this coworking space, this business that's housing 19 families and kids. That was a— of course, Mandy, of course it had to have kids, because if it was just money, I would've just been like, whatever, walk away. But there were kids and families that were trusting me.

Precisely.

And so, you know, that's when it's like, I realized last week that it's like the lessons will continue until the lesson is learned. And I feel like I'm going to be learning my lessons for as long as I'm in this cute, sexy rental suit of a human body.

Right.

Right? So, I did learn my lesson in 2019, and I also get a refresher. I get CEUs in the art of Being Bunny. That's a privilege. That is an honor.

Hmm.

And I just wanted to share that with you and with everyone to own, I'm not done. And there's no hierarchy here. There's no pedestal. I think the thing that I'm here for is I'm just so clear, I'm here to hold that safe space for transformation. I'm here to stand on the side of that chasm and say, I believe if you take that first step, you will be successful. And I am also really dedicated in the integrity of what it means to be a coach, to be a mentor, to hold this space for you. I won't take that first step, and I won't— for you, I won't take that power away from you. Thank you. I won't take that belief, that trust, that experience from you. And I also am not here to tell you Well, here's exactly how I did it and how— that's how you should do it too.

Right.

I'll tell you, I took the step. I fell this many times. I succeeded this many times, and I didn't die. And I believe you will be successful as well. That's the extent of my contract with you is to hold that level of belief and to invite you into holding and trusting and loving yourself. To the level and beyond than I do.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, well, first I wanna just bookmark that. I think that's a great book title, The Art of Being Bunny.

And I will let my ghostwriter know since you, you are not the first person who has brought it up. I've written 4 books and none of them have been about business or me.

Mm-hmm. Well, there you go. And then 2, yes to everything that you said about the container. that you hold. And 3, I think that life— I know that life continues to provide not just one lesson at a time. There's myriad lessons going on that are, okay, she doesn't trust herself with this big thing, this thing that she thinks is big. Let's give her little lessons, little reminders, little opportunities to flex the muscle of trusting herself. You know, and you're privy to some recent things in my life. You know, I recently let go of a relationship and on again, off again, never negative, you know, 5 years, um, of interaction, you know, uh, relationship. And, and, and while that had its pain, I knew that there would be pain. I knew that Even though it was good, it wasn't working for me. It's not the vision that I have for myself. I provided opportunities for this other lovely human to join me in my vision. And there were professions of wanting that, but there was not enough action and consistency. And so with grace and love and honoring, I exercised the muscle of not having another bird in this hand, you know, and letting this one, encouraging this one to fly. And that was a muscle of trusting that I have got me, and I being life, have got me, you know, in bigger levels. Mm-hmm. And I think it's I think it's, I, I know that I have got me in the, I can weather, I can do, I can provide for, I can, you know, and then there's, there's gradations in that, um, for me. So let's flex that muscle. Let's just do, you know, let's do 5-pound curls and we'll get to the 50-pound eventually, you know, whatever. And, um, but, but I, you know, I know you may know that I can curl just To keep the analogy, that larger thing, um, until I know it.

Yes.

You know? And that's the container that you, until I know it, until you, Mandy, speaking for Bunny, what I will hold that vision for you. I will hold that mirror. Yeah. And, and so life is the squirrel. It's another, it's another little lesson I'm figuring out, you know, I'm figuring that lesson out. This is for me. I know it is as I'm railing on the walls last night and then this morning talking to her with encouragement, you know, to exit on her terms versus mine, because that's coming. Um, yeah, I'm flexing those muscles and life is kind to us. I'd like—

Yeah.

I choose to believe that life is— I have arrived at a place of belief that it's all For me. And that doesn't mean it's not hard in what we feel and experience and want to leap. Um, but I'm mindful in the process. This is for me. I may not see it yet, but I have enough life experience to know that that's, that's true. There will be fruit from this.

And no matter how she gets there, The squirrel or you, the next chapter is going to be for you and beautiful and better than ever before, no matter how you or she chooses to get there.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll come, I'll come back to our house, the house story, because you brought it up and, and the cleric. I was very— that is such a clean and lovely example to me of consciously creating something in your life. I was in— I'll be as brief as I can, but I was in a lovely apartment. It was so me, it was so perfect. I was loosely in the market for a home because I would, you know, at that time my logic was I'd rather be paying my mortgage than somebody else's. And had not avidly been seeking, just passively. I had a friend of mine challenge me to write a list of 10 things that I wanted in a home. I wrote a list of 16 things, you know, very specific. I want it between this street and this street and this on the north and this on the south. This is the price I want. I want high ceilings, lots of windows, hardwood floors, clawfoot tub, little yard, place to park my camper and my car, neighbors who will love me and I'll love them. Something that when I walk in makes me cry the happy tears because I'll know that it was uniquely chosen for me. Built-ins, blah, blah, blah, 16 things. And, you know, that was in May. In June, I, uh, yeah, I was, uh, fast forward August, I'm, um, out with a friend and, uh, I drive, we're just driving, looking at homes and I'm just like, I realized I was selling myself on something, this other home. And I had this download kind of like the earlier, hey, pay attention. The download was. Mm-hmm. Just stay where you're at until something more compelling comes along. Okay. I was prepared to sign another lease, another year on my lease. And then, and then on that same drive, this is August 2nd, 2020, she says, well, where do you wanna live? And I said, you know, in this neighborhood that I live in, which, you know, was on my list from back in May. And she said, well, let's just, you know, drive around there. Okay. We drive, you know, and I'm, we're just chatting and I see this little darling yellow Victorian home. And I pointed at it past her, you know, and I said, that is what I want. And I remembered the number because it wasn't for sale. I talked to my friend who had asked me to make the list. You know, he asked me, hey, have you seen anything you like? Oh yeah, I have. There's this little house, you know, that you should look it up. That was the June date. Sorry, I got my dates mixed up. You should look it up because I'm looking for something like that. And then you'll know, you know, what's on my mind. Fast, that's June. August 2nd, I was in the neighborhood again with my daughter, not about the house. We're just walking and talking. I'm like, oh, that street. Remember the little house I told you about? It's on this street. She said, well, let's walk by. We walk by. The owner's outside. We strike up a conversation. My daughter pipes up, you don't want to sell it, do you? And they're like, no, no, no. You know, um, But something in my gut, I just honored that it was in my gut and made it come outta my mouth because that, hey, could I just drop off my number? 'Cause I hated the idea that someday they might decide to sell. Mm-hmm. Just to, to look at it. I won't bother you. Yeah, yeah, no problem. August 4th, I dropped off a letter on their porch. I was out in the street walking away. I didn't bother them and I just let it go. I just let it go. I don't want to want this. I don't want to Some struggle, this whole wrestling journey I'm on now, right? That I just, I don't want that. I let it go. I forgot about it. Week and a half later, I got an email. Hey Amanda, I'm a realtor. I'm representing so-and-so in the sale of their home. They gave me a copy of your letter. I think there's some synergy. Have your realtor contact me. I had the keys a month later. They sold it only to me. I mean, they didn't, you know, it was for me. And I got every damn thing on my list, every single one of them. And I love that story so much. I love that. And it's this home, you know, that I'm sitting in now. And I love that story so much because I think it's such a clear example of, oh, I know what I want. I was challenged by a friend to get really clear, super clear. And I wasn't angsty about it and I wasn't wrestling about it. And it just Boop, popped up into my world. And I've got other stories like that. Um, that one didn't challenge, you know, as many of the triggers that I'm navigating now, but this is for my good because don't need this, don't need that. And so that journey that I'm on right now, it's the same thing. I'm just taking longer to get across the chasm. I'm just taking longer.

And time doesn't exist. Here's the thing. Can I share with you my realization, my biased opinion, my belief in my life?

I'm never going to say no, Bunny Young.

The chasm doesn't exist. You know, like the same safety when you perceive standing on one side or the other is safety that you've created while you're walking over The nonexistent bridge.

Mm-hmm.

You know, it's so— I was holding Callie, my daughter, the other day, and I don't love walking down the stairs. Sometimes with my heart condition, I get lightheaded. So I don't love carrying her down the stairs or carrying her up the stairs. And we were doing something and I actually, we're, I think it was Disneyland and the elevator just wasn't coming. And so I was like, I'll walk down the stairs and I was carrying her. And it's so interesting because I carried her all the way down these stairs and Steve said, do you want me to take her? And I was like, oh no, I've got her. Just like thinking, thinking, my thought was I would never drop her.

Hmm.

I would never drop her. Right? With that level of belief, I cannot control In her entire being, whether or not through medical crisis or my clumsiness, that I don't drop her.

Mm-hmm.

But that belief in that moment, I would never drop her. I never fail either, right? It's like, why do I have this belief in this environment, this conviction, but in my own home, in 2 flights of stairs, I have stood and waited for someone to come upstairs and carry the baby down. The only difference in either of those situations is my belief in myself. Yeah. The chasms don't exist. The edges don't exist. It's your belief. It's your perception. And it's your story, you know, because here's the beautiful thing that I believe is that my level of belief in the aspect that I would never drop my daughter is because of the love that I have for her and the desire to keep her safe. And in order to have that to give to somebody else, I have to have it for myself.

Mm-hmm.

I can't recognize and give somebody something that I don't know exists and that I don't have to give. And the revenue that you have generated, I know we talk about this, that a J-O-B is, is just another client.

You can't—

The revenue that you have generated is not exclusive to a J-O-B and bringing that magic out to your clients. Is such a gift for them. It's like being a triathlete coach, doing— navigating all the things that you have is to attune your story, your frequency, your journey to help so many people that are already in your world. And I just want to put a bow around this with something that you said of that clarity and making that list and dialing it in. And so if there's one short action— small takeaway to take from this episode and from this energetic exchange, I hope you and those listening make their list and get really clear because you're so powerful and you're going to make it happen. And I'm not just speaking to the listeners right now, Mandi.

Yeah, I hear you.

Right? So My final question for you that you knew was coming. What is your definition of a yes and life?

That I'm not resistant to anything that comes along because it's all in service. It can, it, it all has the opportunity to be of service. Yeah. And it's, it goes back to the operating in flow. I can flow with life or I can You know, hang on and be dragged along, drug along. Yeah. It's, it's, oh yes. Oh yes. There's a squirrel in my wall and she's here to teach me something. And when I received the lesson, she's going to move along.

Yeah. I love that. I could keep going and having this conversation. I'm so blessed at the stars and planetary alignment that led me— led you into my world and led me into yours. And I'm so grateful for the automatic notification that I received of you declining our meeting, and for you trusting yourself to come back to that conversation, and for allowing me to hold this mirror for you. And for you seeing it for yourself too, all of those things, you're just such an inspiration and I'm so proud of you and I appreciate you coming onto the podcast to share this.

Yeah. Well, thank you. And what would I say to my year ago self? You asked that. Yeah. Yeah. Show up for the meeting. Yeah. And I mean, and she did, and I'm so glad.

I'm so glad you remembered that that was an open loophole because we would have had a second podcast episode here. Is there anything else you want to tell her?

Yeah.

That you want her to know? You're going to be from one side of the chasm to the other as you're yelling across the canyon.

Yes. It's again, an analogy. I see, you know, I see a parent with a child jump. I'm going to catch you. I'm going to catch you. You know, and so a year from now, me looking to today, me is going, baby, I got you. And you can take as long as you want. You get to take as long as you want and you don't have to jump. It's all good, but you're still up there at the edge. And, and I'm getting the idea that you want to jump and just know I've got you. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.

Yeah. I love that.

Me too.

I love that for so many reasons and reasons that I will share with you, like, in our personal time. I just want to thank you again for being willing to share your story in service of so many others. And just for trusting that you're not alone and for continuing on in this journey. It's such an honor to be on this journey with you. So thank you.

Thank you, Bunny.

Thank you so much for being here and watching the whole episode. So if you absolutely enjoyed it and learned from it, which I know you did, make sure you're following the show so you're the first one to get a notification when a new episode drops. We're doing weekly right now, and I just want to make sure that you are able to know when the episode drops. And it means the world to me when you you share it, when you subscribe, when you give us some feedback on those episodes, because that's the only reason that we're doing this podcast is for you, in full support of you building your Yes And life and business. And what Amanda said about the Indiana Jones bridge, about spending all of your time building a bridge that was never the point, I've been thinking about that since she said it, and I think that you probably will be thinking about it long after listening to this episode as well. So I wanted to give you an invitation. No pressure. And I already mentioned this at the top of the episode that I had something for you, because oftentimes we get inspired or we get information, and that's not where transformation comes from. Transformation comes from where you put that energy into the transformation. So here's the invitation. What the community that Mandi is a part of, the container that's been holding her, supporting her lovingly as she does this work, is called DEFY. You've probably heard of it before, and you're familiar with it. It is my holistic business accelerator for coaches and entrepreneurs who are done outsourcing their trust and ready to build something that is actually theirs with handholding, with weekly support, with weekly coaching, with a roadmap, all of the things that you're like, is that in there? Yes, it's in there. And it's also the support for everything that comes up on the journey of building your yes and business and life. And if that's you, I want to share something with you. I am going to be opening up a very limited amount of spots on my calendar, not for sales calls, but for conversations. And I call these Defy Fit calls, and I'm going to put the link in the show notes because this is where you get to step out of the energy of the podcast episode and into the application of having me actually hold space for your transformation. It's one thing to get all of the information and inspiration from this podcast episode. It's a completely other thing to come Talk to me, and to take that next step together. So, wherever you are on your journey, wherever I am going to meet you next, whether it's in a Defy Fit call or whether it's in the next episode of the Yes And Podcast, I just want to honor what is landing for you. I want you to share with me your takeaways on Instagram, @thebunnyyoung on Instagram. And also, if you have a question or If you want to receive any more support, like I said, check out the show notes. You can also email my team at hello@bunnyyoung.com. Until then, I will see you on the next episode of the Yes and Podcast.