You Can’t Grow a Business Without Learning to Receive (What Relationship Coaching Taught Me)

The other thing that I love about what I do in the coaching space, in the business coaching space, is that your business and your life doesn't have to be broken to get coaching. Like Olympic athletes have coaches because they want to be supported in excellence. Welcome back to the Yes And Podcast. And this season, we are diving deep with extraordinary beings who are shattering barriers, building legacies, and redefining success. On their own terms. And today, I'm actually going to take you in the Wayback Machine for one of season 1's very first episodes. I had a chance to go back and have a relationship coaching session with one of our guests from season 1. And on this episode, it's a solo episode, but I'm going to be breaking down the behind the scenes of what it is like to— Sit in a relationship coach's chair. step into this container with this incredible guest all over again and be coached by her all over again. And I also want to share with you some really powerful shifts that happened not just in my marriage and in my relationships, but some powerful insights and breakthroughs that I had for myself. So, we— if you have not already listened to the episode with Alyssa Nobriga, From season 1. It's super powerful. And I'm laughing because I got an email from her about a week ago that said, you know, if you're available in the LA area Friday or Sunday, we'd love to be able to record with, like, either yourself or a relationship episode. And I thought, hmm, you know, that would be great. So I got to walk into Alyssa's house, a place that I've been so many times before, and I've got this beautiful dress on today. I'm like literally wearing exactly what I was wearing. If you are just listening to this on Spotify, you can go to the YouTube channel. You can see exactly what I was wearing. You can go to Instagram, see the highlight reels of this. I have my hair done, my makeup done, the whole thing for this TV show that she was filming. And I like, at first, the email was just like a 1-hour session with my husband and I with Alyssa. Mm-hmm. And I went back and read it, and she did say, like, somebody else would be there, like another therapist, but I wasn't paying attention. And come to find out, it's like a TV show that's going to be on YouTube, and it's being shopped around the networks, and all this kind of exciting stuff that I can't tell you too much about. Find out more later, I promise. And I walk into this house and get to relive this moment all over again of, like, sharing that. For those of you who have not followed my story for a while, my My husband and I have had 10 miscarriages. We had 4 before our first daughter, 2 in between our first daughter and our second daughter, and 4 between our second daughter and our son. And we were in the middle of adoption paperwork, actually, and I had just had heart surgery. And in the post-op, so about 2 weeks after my heart surgery, the nurse is reading the paperwork, and kind of accusatory, she's like, did you know you were pregnant? And I was like, uh, no, would not have signed up for heart surgery with that. But that is, that's a story for another episode. And that's how we found out we were pregnant. And I, every part of me was thinking like, we're, we've never had a back-to-back successful pregnancy to birth story until now. And I'm, I have coached with Alyssa on and off, I believe since 2020. 2022? I believe it's 2021. And so it was such a gift to be able to, like, share this experience of having another pregnancy, another healthy, beautiful pregnancy, another baby, back in this place of healing. As soon as I walked in— I want to tell you more about that in a second— but as soon as I walked in, it's like my body was like, oh, are you ready to cry? Which was Ended up being what happened. I was so excited to be able to be held by somebody that I have such respect for and such love for, and not just professionally. I love that her and I are at a place professionally where, like, she's just paid me some of the biggest compliments on my work and referred clients and all of this kind of incredible stuff. And personally, You know, where I can honestly say we have this relationship where we tell each other that we love each other and we mean it. And it's just so beautiful. And we are able to have— continue to build off of this. And so to walk into this environment, in this physical environment that my energy and my physical self is very used to softening in, to— with this person that I trust both on a professional and a personal level, and I've connected deeply with on both. that sees me and loves me. And I had no reason to be nervous because, like, it's not any kind of a gotcha energy, right? It's not like, oh, let's make a drama about Bunny. No, like, it's sharing this work with the world, this work that I so deeply believe in. And I'm bringing this person, this being that I have this soul contract with, and I share not just a bed with, but a family with and a life with. That adores me and loves me, and I get to step into this room and say, we have an incredible marriage and an incredible partnership, and it gets to get better if we want it to, and we do. And so I remember I had this moment this morning where I was like, oh my gosh, like, what are you doing? I read over the legal paperwork that we had to sign for the TV show. It was basically releasing all of our rights. We can't see it before it gets released. We get no access to the edits before it's out. And when it's out, it's owned by the studio. And like, we, we're done. Like, you're signing it away, right? They can edit it. They can make it look however they want it to look, which I know from modeling and from being in the stunt and entertainment world. And I just had this moment where I was like, what, what are we doing? And especially around a topic such as— our marriage. And I had a conversation with Steve about it, and he's like, are you okay if stuff comes out? And I thought about it, and I said, yeah. I mean, there's nothing that I don't think I've already shared with you guys or am willing to share with you guys in the sake of understanding that my curriculum serves others, right? And so processing those lessons, and that's exactly what this episode is about. So that's kind of thing number one, that I was able to step into an environment where I felt safe, with support that I felt safe around. And that's also something that I have dedicated Defy to, our 12-month holistic business accelerator, that, you know, if you're listening to this and you're a coach that is looking for more than just the knowledge, but also the space to integrate and to have a holistic space for the support, then I'd strongly encourage you to check out the show notes. Or go to abetterplaceconsulting.com/defynow, because my work with Alyssa is one of the things that really motivated me to create a container for coaches to create businesses in the same way that Alyssa was creating these containers for healing, and for coaches to learn more about coaching and about their healing. So being in that container and having that support, I walked into the entryway of her house and it was so, it was amazing because like even when I messaged, I sent an email and I was like, hey, like they said, is there anything we need to know about you and all this? And I said like, I have a service dog. Alyssa knows that. And so going back to this house, walking in and They put us in her office as like a green room prior to kind of recording. And I was just looking at her podcast setup and just thinking about all of the growth that I've witnessed this incredible woman have, and also looked in the mirror and was like, you know, not too shabby yourself, babe, from the first time that you entered into this home. And Just grateful. Just grateful. And grateful that, for me, and grateful for the support. And, you know, thinking about that in the morning of, like, the media release and all of that, like, can I just trust? Can I trust that my husband loves me? Alyssa loves me. Anybody that, you know, Alyssa's bringing into this is, is gonna have care and compassion. They don't have to love me, but want what's best for me. Can you receive that? Such a big lesson, right? Such a big lesson. And so we step in, and they're asking these questions about our childhood and our marriage. And I was really clear with Steve that I said, we have an incredible marriage, an incredible relationship. So why don't you lead with what you want out of this session and your intention? And initially he's like, Well, I don't really have anything. And then Scott Lyons, who was doing the second chair, like, kind of got into Steve and unlocked some stuff. And Steve was still not consciously, not consciously resistant, but just still like in his, the way that he responds, which is like very neutral and nothing really bothers him and everything's great and all this kind of stuff. And so then Alyssa turns to me and figures that like, okay, well, let's see if Bunny can crack open the shell. Oh man. There was this moment that I dropped out of answering all the questions and communicating in words, and I just looked at my husband, And I looked him in the eye. Basically what Scott and Alyssa were asking Steve was to come out of the story and into the emotion. And I would say something about— they would ask Steve what he felt about what he was hearing, and he would respond back with, like, the facts, the logic of it. And as I'm watching him do this, I just look in his eyes and I just see so much Unconditional love for me. And I'm thinking about his trust and leaving his job and this baby that we're— miracle baby that we're welcoming in, and 17 years of just this adventure and all of this. And I just look at him and I start crying. And he's trying to get me to stop crying, like he's wiping my tears away and all of that. And I said, I I'm not crying because I'm sad. I'm crying because I see how much you love me, and I'm receiving that. And it's like I'm leaking with gratitude for this life and these beings that we have evolved in. And it's like Alyssa and Scott just kind of dissolved into the background. And what I really learned in that moment— and when I say learned, I don't mean— From a knowing, I mean, from like a soul depth. It unlocked this for me of slowing it down and dropping into your body. And I coach so many entrepreneurs on this. I literally did this in DEFY last week. There was no amount of questioning and talking that was going to get Steve into his body. When I started crying, though, He was there with me. Anytime after that that I looked directly in his eyes, the tears started again because my body was just responding to this wholesome frequency that he was emitting of, we don't have to poke around for problems in our relationship or in our marriage. Like, I love you and, you know, I'm here for you and I trust you and anything that you desire. Like, this wasn't coming from his words. This was coming from his feeling, like his energy, his soul. And so, again, like what I really internalized with that was like, how can we slow it down and see each other and feel what this moment feels like versus going back into the story? And so I made a commitment. I made a commitment to reflect back to him what's serving me, what's working, which is an incredible gratitude practice. And if you don't already have a gratitude practice in the mornings and in the evenings, I would 10 out of 10 recommend that because wiring your brain, what Alyssa had mirrored for me is that I could come up with examples of where he was not meeting my needs and the stories around that. Coming up with slowing it down in the moment when he was meeting my needs, I didn't necessarily share as feedback to him, even when he did, literally in the session. And the moment that I did share with him, even in tears, What he was doing and how that slowing down and dropping the humor really impacted me. It was so effective. And so that's what she had invited me into. And then for him, inviting him into really slowing it down, not just telling me what he thought I heard, but being there with me in that feeling. And for so much of our experiences, being able to really be present is like 90% of the equation, whether it's personal or whether it's professional. Yes. You can have your experience, you can have your facts, you can be right. One of the examples that, uh, Steve and I discussed is about this pregnancy. We specifically asked his parents to not tell anybody. And we asked them several times. And the next day, his mom was like, just so you know, we're being super respectful. We're not telling anybody. And then she's like, and Steve's sister says congratulations. She's so happy for you. And I'm laughing, but man, it stung so much. It stung so much that we've never gotten a chance to share the news the way that we wanted with his family. And with his sister because she beats us to it every single time. That's why we specifically asked. And today, in communicating to him that in the past he was like, my mom didn't do it on purpose, like she's just excited, all of this kind of stuff, which is true. It's 100% true. I don't believe that my mother-in-love— Did it to hurt me. And yet, her not doing it to hurt me and me hurting were true at the same time. And so when Steve came out of the, I need you to understand that my mom didn't do it to hurt you, and came into the, my wife's hurting, I felt so seen and so held. And It's like I no longer cared what his mom or his parents did. I didn't have to be right. We were present in that moment. And I like, that's the presence, right? Is because Steve wanted to go into the past and we do, right? Like then I go further into the past and I'm like, remember X, Y, and Z time? Like I'm submitting evidence into court, like X, Y, and Z time when your parents disrespected us in this way and, you know, said they were going to do something and didn't do. And it's like, Then we're just going further and further back versus, like, in this present moment, can you hear I'm hurting? And he was there for it. And you can do this with clients too. Like, rather than fixing, rather than solving, you get to slow it down and really just share what it is that you're hearing, and it's so incredibly powerful. And so, It was such a gift, again, to be able to step back and be met and be served by this person that I've had this relationship with personally and professionally for so many years, and to be able to take something that is beautiful. That's the other thing that I love about what I do in the coaching space, in the business coaching space, is that your business and your life doesn't have to be broken to get coaching. Like, Olympic athletes have coaches because they want to be supported in the excellence. And that's what I stepped into this container for. And it was also beautiful to share firsthand with my husband what the work that happened inside that house looked like for all of these years. All the times that he's dropped me off and, you know, come back 6 hours later, 8 hours later. I'll never forget, he walked in one time to help me get, like, Guinness and Guinness's bed and all this kind of stuff in my purse. It was like 7:30, 8 o'clock. I'd probably been there for 10 hours at that point. And we were playing some kind of feminine empowerment that was talking about female body parts over and over again. He just looked at me and goes— We were all dancing around. Like, it probably looked like some kind of witchy Club party, you know? And he goes, is this what you did all day? So we're back in this house, and no, we're really doing the work. And I was so proud of us, so proud of me. And, you know, wherever you're listening to this podcast episode, whoever is supporting you, I just want you to know, like, I record these podcast episodes as if you're stepping into my home, into a session, and I'm sharing with you anything and everything that I can in full support of you. And while you're listening to this, even though I've recorded this days, weeks, months in advance, I'm fully present in my energy, in my voice that I am directing to you as the listener, as— such an important member of this audience. Because of you, I record these. Think about that for a second, that I'm sitting here, not in my podcast studio because my podcast studio has some construction going on, sharing with you a very different, very personal side of my home, and I'm sending this broadcast out, this message out to you because I care. And because I want you to be able to benefit not just from the lessons and the wisdom and the experiences that I've had in my life, but I want you to know, yes, and— yes, that's important to me. All of that's important to me. And I also want you to know that above and beyond all of that, there is somebody on this planet who cares about you building your yes, and life, cares about you having a business that works for you versus the other way around, cares about you being able to build A company that you love while enjoying a life that you love, cares about you being able to be present with your family and also be bringing your magic into this world. And so, wherever you were listening to this podcast episode, I'm present with you. And it means the world to me When you open this up into a conversation, because that's the intention here. So whether you drop me a line on Instagram @thebunnyyoung and you let me know what you took away from this episode, let me know if you like a little bit more of the behind the scenes and a little bit more of the vulnerability of me sharing not just guests, but also what's going on for me behind the scenes, as well as being able to share this with somebody that you care about. If this message resonated with you, give it as a gift to somebody else. And one of the most incredible gifts, because we're still growing this podcast day by day organically, from you sharing these episodes and from your reviews. So if you would take 10 seconds to just drop a review, drop some love. You can also shoot me an email at hello@bunnyyoung.com and let us know if there's a guest that you would recommend, a podcast episode idea that you have, or just Let me know how this podcast episode landed for you. I'd love to be able to hear from you. I read each and every message that you send me on Instagram, that you send my team through the email. I get them all, and I hold them so dear, so sacred, and it means so much to me when you send these episodes to somebody that you care about and when you leave those reviews. So, all that to say that I am so glad that you are here. I am Bunny Young, and I will see you on another episode of the Yes And Podcast. Bye! Very soon.