The Cost of Being a Female Entrepreneur Who Refuses to Play Small

Something that I have discussed with clients is that triggering someone and inspiring someone, those energies live on the same spectrum. There are 2 reasons that you are going to be the villain in somebody else's story. One is that you held them accountable, and the other one is that you are showing them what's possible, and they are not ready, or they don't want to be ready, or they don't want to know that it's possible because that would require some form of action from them. And so something that I have discussed with clients is that triggering someone and inspiring someone, those energies live on the same spectrum. It's just whether or not that person is willing to take action or not take action. And so, for example, if you are triggering somebody, if you're showing up— And you're in your full yes-ness and you're fully embodied and you don't have to work 40 hours a week, or if you left your J-O-B, there are people that will make that wrong and tell you all the reasons why it was a really poor idea for you to leave your job and how could you leave the security of a paycheck? And then there's gonna be other people that are like cheering you on and you're inspiring them and they see that the security of a paycheck provided by somebody else is just an illusion. And so you can see with the same action that you take, you're going to trigger people and you're going to inspire people. And so the point of me sharing this is that no matter what role you're playing in somebody else's story, that's their curriculum. That's not yours. And so this constant people pleasing and this constant aspect of trying to live your life to minimize the amount of damage that you cause in other people's lives, it's like, as long as you are focused on being a good person and making this world a better place, You don't have to worry about whether somebody is going to be triggered by you or inspired by you, because that's actually their curriculum. And you don't want to take their curriculum from them because that's their curriculum. You want to focus on your curriculum. And so what is the aspect that you are worried about triggering somebody reflecting back for you? Is there a part of your childhood where it wasn't safe to take up space? Is there a part of your narrative or your story or your pattern or your relationship with your parents? Where your bigness, your muchness was reflected back to you as a bad thing, because that's where you get to go and you get to sit with yourself and say, okay, again, that was somebody else's curriculum, not mine. There is nothing wrong with you being you. In fact, it's one of the most beautiful things that you can do for yourself and for your family and for your clients is to be confident in who you are. Because when you're questioning who you are and you have that question mark with the work that you're bringing out in into this world, people are already wondering if they can trust themselves, and now you're bringing the questioning energy of, can you trust yourself? And so as a coach, as a healer, as a service provider, those 2 questioning energies meet, it doesn't result in a whole lot of confidence. However, the opposite, when you have this confidence, when you have this clarity, when you know what the path is and you know where you're going and you're inviting people along that path, It can really be infectious for them. It can raise the level of their confidence to be like, yeah, you know what? Not only is she doing the thing, but she believes it's possible for me. I can believe in myself too. You can't believe in a client for themselves, but you can inspire them to believe in themselves. And again, we come back to being a villain in somebody else's story because that inspiration is them choosing to take action, choosing to believe something is possible. Versus that triggering to say, okay, well, it's— and, and I hear this, well, that's easy for you, Bunny, because, you know, it— you've practiced it. That's easy for you because it comes easy to you. That's easy for you because you love business. And it's like, you can find whatever excuse as to why you can't have what I have. It's not true though. It's just the story that you're telling yourself to give yourself an excuse to take action. And I'm an incredibly direct person, and that's not for everybody. The way that I coach, the mirrors that I hold, I'm a direct and efficient person. And I do end up being the villain in a lot of individuals' stories, as I have found in this work. And my commitment is to not let that stop me from bringing my magic into the world, because I firmly believe that for every one person that leaves a trolling comment on my Instagram page or on whatever kind of content or goes through the motions to sign up for my email just to let me know about how dumb I am or whatever it is that I'm writing about my email doesn't align or it's not their truth, there's hundreds, if not thousands, of people who are inspired by that that aren't replying to that email that are seeing that. The amount of times in 21 years of doing this that somebody has told me, oh my gosh, I read your email and it changed everything for me. That post that you shared transformed the way that I thought about money, transformed the way that I thought about my time. I went through the Work-Life Alignment Challenge and I watched the replays. I wasn't there live because the timing didn't work out, but I realized that my relationship with my calendar could be completely simplified, and I got back 10 hours of my week to spend with my family. I could continue on and on, and it makes me emotional thinking about that because there's been so many times, if I'm being super honest with you, where I've questioned whether or not this is making a difference, whether or not this matters, whether or not me showing up in this world, me recording these podcasts and sending them out into the world matters. And my ask would be, like, that you take the time to let the creator know, just maybe once today. You can reply to this podcast. You can put a comment on Instagram. You can send me a DM. It doesn't even have to be to me, but let somebody know that— Yeah. Their work supported you in some way because I am not the only person and the only creator and the only individual entrepreneur that is putting stuff out there that is questioned whether or not it matters. And it does matter. I know that it matters because I do get that feedback, but I know that it matters, and yes, and I know that it matters because it's aligned with me. It provides me this energy and this fulfillment and this clarity that— is just so beautiful. And so my biased opinion is every single day that I wake up and that I get out of bed and that I'm gifted with another heartbeat and another breath to be taking is that there's still people out there that are waiting to hear my message because otherwise, why would I be here? And I could spend all the time in the world in my head finding reasons not to do it. Being a villain in somebody else's story is not a reason not to do it. It's an excuse to keep yourself small, but that's also not why you're here. Again, that is their curriculum. You held them accountable. I've had clients that have said, I'll do anything that you do. I love your programs. I love you. And then in less than 6 months, it's like they're speaking to other people and talking negatively. And, you know, and it's like, because nothing about me changed. Nothing about what I was doing changed. Nothing about the container that we were in changed. I just held a mirror up to them, and they didn't like what they saw. And they would rather— it's easier to say they don't like me than to admit that they don't like themselves. And I don't say that lightly because there's been times when I've worked with coaches that I'm like, oh my gosh, she has no idea what she's talking about. But in actuality, it's she had something that either I didn't think I could have, I wasn't giving myself permission to have, or I thought that because she had it, it meant that I could have less of it. And if I'm really honest with myself, you— I rarely use absolutes, but like, you never have to make somebody wrong to choose that it's not for you. So the effort and the aspect of making somebody wrong Is to create this psychological separation between you and them, to give yourself the excuse to not take action on whatever it is that they're triggering you about. And I recorded a podcast episode last year after like a terrible VIP day that I had. And I say that now, like, with so much less energy because I realized after this VIP day that she, this coach that I had the VIP day, didn't meet my expectations in my head of the standard that I hold myself to of what I provide my clients for a VIP day. But it didn't mean that she didn't fulfill her idea of what a VIP day is. And so the thing that I sat with is she basically spent an hour and a half with me and charged me for an entire VIP day. I will spend 6, 8, 10 hours with clients for their VIP days, and love it and enjoy it. And it's like, do I feel like, is there a part of me that feels like in order to give them that value, I have to be there for 6 hours, I have to be there for 8 hours, I have to be there for 10 hours, where she feels like in an hour and a half she can give that value? And so I got to sit with that, and I got to explore that. But that doesn't make her— making her wrong, making her bad did not add value to my life. What added value to my life was sitting down and figuring out why my ego, why my mind wanted to be busy making her wrong. What was I avoiding stepping into for my awareness? And I have this conversation with clients about like what the avoiding is, is because they'll say like, well, I signed up and I'm here. And, but are you here? Are you all in? Are you camera on? Have you closed all the other tabs? Are you taking notes? Are you making time to watch the videos? And implement what you're learning, or are you just showing up as a pacification, as an excuse for saying, oh, I'm still not getting results? Knowledge is not going to get you results. Action is going to get you results. Embodiment is going to get you results. And being camera off, saying I'm showing up, not implementing, making people wrong, villainizing other people are all signs of avoidance and protection and creating that smallness where there's actually so much room for expansion and so much room for aliveness and so much room for you to take up space. And so when I was thinking about creating— this whole thing came from— Yeah. Like my experiences. I was going through some stuff in my life and in my business, and then I saw on Natalie Ellis's page, she had shared a Dr. Carolyn Leaf quote that said, you were a villain in somebody else's story because you held somebody accountable. And I was like, you know, that's the energy that I was trying to describe with words is I have spent so much of my life trying to make sure that everybody else was okay and trying not to disappoint everybody else. And what I found was that's their curriculum, not mine. My curriculum was to be so okay with myself that I could be okay if somebody wasn't okay with me. How is that for a quote? And I'm at a point in my life where I'm not perfect. There's stuff that's still Will trigger me. However, it's like life doesn't get easier, I get better. So the amount of time between triggers and recovery is almost seconds now versus it used to be spinning out for days. And then we've all been there where we'll call people and tell them what happened. I did this after the VIP day because people would ask me like, what happened? I consciously did not tell people, like I consciously did not tell people. And then the dopamine hit when somebody would be like, well, what happened? And I'm like, oh, you'll never believe X, Y, and Z. And they're like, oh my gosh, I can't believe like she is in business. Yeah, she's not only in business, but she claims to make over $10 million. I don't know if that's true or not, but it's like somebody's paying her, you know? And so then I recorded the podcast and I was like, instead of telling 10 people 20 people, 50 people, everything that was just so mind-blowing about this day and how absolutely terrible of a business experience it was. I'm going to record this podcast. And then I sent a message to our podcast manager and I was like, delete that podcast episode because all that was, was trying to make me feel better about my decision and how she should have returned the money that I invested in a year-long container instead of just saying, okay, well, I'll give you a ticket to this and I will You know, give you a VIP day, and the VIP day ended up being an hour and a half. And it's like, hmm, if the entire value, if the entire value of what I invested in a year-long container was learned by me saying, okay, here's where I get to take my power back and stop blaming somebody else, and that I learned that business can be simple, and business doesn't have to look a certain way. That anybody, anywhere can run their business exactly how they desire it, and that all of these coaches that are giving prescriptions on how to have success their way are actually doing a disservice to their clients. What would that lesson be worth? And did she give it to me? No, I gave it to myself. And that's because every single container that I make an investment in, I get an ROI, and I'm responsible for that ROI. So anytime that I become the villain in somebody else's story, I understand that they made me responsible for their ROI instead of taking responsibility for the ROI in their life. And then anytime I'm making somebody a villain, I sit with that and I get the lesson. And so, as you're listening to this, you're probably a little bit triggered, and hopefully you're a little bit inspired or a lot a bit inspired just to know that you matter. This is all Earth school. This is all your life's curriculum. And that you are not the villain. You are the inspiration because you are living your life in full alignment. And as long as you wake up each and every day and you're doing that, there's going to be people that want to exchange value with you. You're in the most highest valuable self when you are in alignment with doing that. And I believe that's how you not only make the world a better place, but as long as you don't stop, that's also how you become Infinitely abundant in time, in energy, and in money. So I'd love to know what your thoughts are on this solo episode. And like I said, I'd love for you to go to Instagram and drop me a note there. We're committed to putting out more and more of these solo episodes so that I can bring you this. I imagine this as me like crawling into your phone or your computer or wherever you're listening and consuming this podcast and providing you With coaching. Like, I want to be this— I want this experience to be like you feeling like you have me in your back pocket cheering you on, helping you build that Yes And version of your life and your business, because I am. I am cheering you on, and I love to hear from you. And until the next episode of the Yes And Podcast, I am your host, Bunny Young, serial entrepreneur, business therapist, all of the above. And— Bye! Yes, you get to have it all and you get to enjoy it as well. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Yes And Podcast.