Its a Hard Knocks Life: Can GenX push back against grind culture and embrace a "Soft Life"?

Hey, I'm Camille D. Jamerson, and this is Life at the Half, my midlife style podcast about shifting the over-40 crowd from midlife crisis to midlife clarity. Over the course of this limited season, Life at the Half will make you laugh, think, cry, feel, and it will inspire you to intentionally design this funky in-between season in our lives. Midlife doesn't know who it's messing with. We are Gen X, baby, and it's just halftime for us. There is still so much more game for us left to live. So let's figure out our next play together, okay? Here on Life at the Half. Hello, hello out there, it's Camille D. Jamerson. Thank you for joining us for another episode of Life at the Half. Um, today's episode, like many before, is going to be absolutely phenomenal. And we're gonna hit on a subject, um, that I think you guys will really enjoy. Um, if anybody knows anything about me, um, my friends imply that, um, I can be kind of a glam bot, as they say. Um, and I've kind of adopted as my theme song The Glamorous Life by Sheila E. Um, I heard it at my senior picnic, 1984. I will never forget it. And it It does kind of describe me to a degree, um, but as I've gotten older, I've kind of shied away from it and have taken more a hard knocks approach, which is why this show is called, um, The Hard Knocks Life, um, and a lot of that is due to just my drive, my passion, my gotta get it done kind of attitude. And I've steered away from some of the softer, more glamorous things that I used to enjoy. I mean, guys, I used to pageant queen, for God's sake, right? So, um, then enter this whole soft life, um, era. Um, it was started on TikTok, from what I understand, actually from some Nigerians in the Gen Z crowd. And, um, there are a lot of misconceptions as to what the soft life is, what it isn't. Um, but what we're going to talk about as it relates to Gen X is, is this something that we can adopt? Um, if so, how? Why? What What are the benefits? What are the downsides? What are the misconceptions? And I thought of nobody else better to talk about this than my business bestie. Katrina Mitchell is a life alchemist, as we call her, an amazing coach. But in addition to that, she's also the owner of Fundamental Spa here in Pleasant Ridge, Michigan. And if that wasn't enough, she is the gracious host of the Soph Life Soiree, which just happened, um, a little bit earlier this year. Um, and so we're going to talk a little bit about that, and I'm going to bring Katrina into the studio to discuss the soft life, what it means to her, what the soiree was all about, and how can Gen X adapt to it from here. So would you guys help me welcome my business bestie Katrina Mitchell?

Hey, hey, hello!

How are you, buddy?

I am excellent. Good, good, good. Thank you for having me.

Well, thanks for joining. Why don't you tell the people a little bit about you and then kind of end with how you got to the Soft Life Soiree and what that was all about? What was your goals as that was concerned? Okay, awesome.

Well, I am Katrina Michelle. I am the proud owner of Fundamentals Relaxation Spa here in Pleasant Ridge, Michigan. We are a full-service day spa. We offer massage, facial, manicure, pedicure, everything you need to feel wonderful, relax, and be well and have a luxurious experience. But what makes us different is that I am a certified health coach, and so I have a passion and a keen understanding of self-care from an emotional standpoint. And so I try to infuse that into everything that I do. So you're not just coming to Fundamentals to relax, but you're also coming to relax and be well. And that's really important to me. We've been in business for— this is year 20, it'll be 23 in December. I have been serving our community as a massage therapist and owner for the last 19 years of our existence. And so my heart and my passion is to help women live a healthy and whole and balanced life. And so it was reignited in me after my mom had cancer. And she was a woman who worked into her 70s, but she had a very gracious balance of work and play. And after she passed away, I started studying, how does she do this? You know, what, what am I missing? How do I live and provide the best legacy? And I wanted her legacy to go on. And so that took my business and shifted it on its head. And I really began to see self-care as important to your well-being and to the longevity. And my mother was a person who really— she took care of herself like many of our mothers and grandmothers did. So I don't think the soft life is anything new. Our grandmas did it.

How about that? Yeah.

And so I think we got away from it in our generation. This overperformance thing has pushed us to the point where we look at taking care of ourselves as one more thing to do. And so my goal really with what I do is to help women incorporate self-care and the soft life into everything that they do, um, and it not become a chore for you, but something that you really enjoy and embrace, um, every opportunity that you get.

So how did the Soiree come about? And I was there for it, so, um, I can definitely give my take on it, but I want you to kind of walk through, you know, how did you get there and how did you begin to curate that experience for ladies?

Wow. Well, the Soft Life Soiree was an event held at a beautiful estate in Matamora, Michigan, um, sitting on 20 acres and trees and deer and fireplaces and jacuzzis and all of the things, you know, that we think about for the soft life. And I've actually— it was such a blessing to me because this was something that I envisioned probably 15 years ago. I wanted to bring women together so they had an opportunity to experience sisterhood. Spa services were something secondary, but what was most important to me was the transformation of the woman. And I wanted her to really— them to let their guards down and to relate to other women. I have two sisters, and my sisters are my backbone. And so I learned that not every woman has good female relationships. It might be, you know, I might have a broken relationship with your mom, you may not have good girlfriends. But I wanted to create a safe environment so women have that opportunity to just be. And I kept trying to orchestrate it and make it be something, program it. Yeah, you know, because again, I like order. So I'm like, okay, well, I want this and I want that. And those things, some of those things happen, many of them didn't. And every time I tried to write something down, I got nothing. So I said I was just going to let it be. And so it was an amazing experience. And I asked one simple question, tell me your name and what do you love about yourself? And it became such an important and transformative experience for all the women there. And it was just super powerful. So I think, like I said, the services that were provided were secondary. What was most important was really getting an experience of the soft life, which could mean so many different things to so many different people, but it comes from a place of self-love first.

Yeah, that, that was where I was going next. It's like, well, how do you define soft life, and what does claiming that soft life— what does that look like? What does that mean to you?

Yeah, I think that You know, for me, the def— defining the soft life is anything that nurtures your, um, your soul. And, um, it could be reading a book, it could be talking with a friend, but it's something that takes you outside of the everyday hustle, um, everyday, you know, grind. It takes you outside of that and it transcends you into another space. And so, um, again, it can look different from— for everyone, because I'm a person, I do self-care. I get my hair done, nails done, lashes. So I do the self-care things, but, you know, that's all on the outside. In the meantime, my brain is just fried, right?

Right. Because when people hear that soft life, they immediately go to facials and manicures, and I think that's a part of it. But yeah, if you're not well from the inside out, correct. I don't know that that translates into a soft life.

Yeah. You know, and I've seen people say it's tapping, tapping into your feminine side and tapping into your femininity. And yeah, you know, that too. But I really think it's more, um, understanding that your body needs time to rest and to slow down.

So in essence, it's tapping into your humanity. Not necessarily your femininity or masculinity, it's your humanity. You're human. And you—

yeah, I think it's tapping into your humanity and tapping into your divinity as well.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah, you know, because you have to slow down and really hear what your body needs, what your spirit needs, and, um, You know, because again, our body could be saying, oh, get this massage because I'm human, and then if I— if you rub on me, I'm gonna feel good. But the spirit man may be saying, yeah, but you need— you need to go over here and talk to somebody because you need therapy.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

So I think it's a balance of the two, you know, for sure. Um, yeah.

So yeah, I like that.

What—

what's the difference between— because one of the I guess negative things that I've heard people attribute to the soft life is this, um, laziness. Like, oh, so you're just gonna lay around and not do anything, whatever that means. So what's the difference between the soft life and laziness?

Um, that's interesting. I don't think— well, to me, the soft life is active because you're doing something. You're not just laying there and doing nothing. So either you're going on the outside of you and taking care of that human side and doing something, or you're resting and you're taking care of the inner man. So I wrote down an acronym for rest, and the R is for release. Let me back up. So the reason why I was praying before this, and I'm like, okay, What am I supposed to say? Here we go. You got me thinking, right?

Right.

And so I said, I think there's a negative connotation with the rest.

Yes.

So that goes to what your question was about laziness. Yeah. If you want to have a lazy day, then what's wrong with that?

Wrong with that, right?

There's nothing wrong with rest. There's nothing wrong with being lazy. There's nothing wrong with staying in your pajamas all day. Yes. A friend of mine to tell me you know, it's okay for you to rest. But a lot of times people think rest means inactivity, and it doesn't. So that's when I got this acronym. So the R is for release. So, you know, when you're— when you're resting, whether you're laying down, whether I'm sitting watching TV, you're releasing what's on you for the day. You're releasing the negative thoughts, um, or anything that's really binding you. And then the E is for embrace. And that means just to be in the present moment. A lot of times our thoughts are all over the place. So I can't be here with you in this podcast because I'm thinking about this. Hungry. So it's like, right?

It's like same, but okay.

So we can't embrace and be in the present moment. So I think that's important. So the E is for embrace. The S is for support. Sometimes we need other people to support us in our rest. So whether that's accountability, it may be support through therapy, but sometimes you need someone to say, it's okay, girl, you got to unplug. You can do that. And sometimes the support comes from your spouse, like letting them give you space to unplug. You know, because as women, we all feel like we're always on, um, with our family, our friends, and all that. And then the T is for transform. And I think that true rest is transformative. We know if we get a good night's sleep, we're transformed, you know. But even if it's not sleeping, if you're resting at the spa, you're going to come out better, come out, you know, with clearer thoughts, come out and ready to take on the world in a different way. So the negative connotation of rest and laziness needs to go because there's nothing wrong with that.

Absolutely. Did you find it surprising or odd that this whole, um, kind of thought process came from the Gen Zers? You know, it came from the kids, so to speak. Um, because in my head I'm like, y'all got time to rest? Y'all need to be— y'all don't have no money, you gotta work. In my head I'm just like, how does that work? But I think they're on to something, and it reminds me of when our age group, we started saying little things like, hey, you need to treat yourself. You know, it's like an evolution of that. Um, so tell me your thoughts about that. Were you surprised that it seemed to be the younger people that grasped that faster? And is it an evolution of what we thought, or you think this is something totally new?

Um, yes, I was surprised. Yeah, I was surprised. Um, I had saw something about The Soft Life prior to the soiree when I was looking for a name. I Googled it and I was like, these are kids, so what is hard?

Yeah, right. Like, what are you doing that's so hard?

What are you doing that's so hard? But because I have nieces and nephews and mentees in this age group, I know that they had a high standard of overperforming because of the pace of things in the world and the internet. So they felt they had to— so they were burning themselves out in their 20s. And so though I was surprised that they um, discovered it so early, because we weren't thinking about that in our late 20s.

No, not at all.

Um, I see why, because they were just— they were completely out of balance. Um, and to be honest, they didn't really have us as an example because we were grinding too, right along with—

absolutely, you know.

So yeah, it was— it was a surprise, but I do think that every generation realizes that there is more to life than me working every day and burning myself into the ground. And sometimes we don't realize it until we're flat on our backs, either at the end of our lives or some medical crisis or something's happening, and you're like, oh crap, like, I need to do something different, right?

I need to live.

Yeah. So I'm grateful for that generation that gave us the wake-up call to say, you know, I don't want to be like the people.

I don't want to do that. It's like, I'm not trying to work 50 years and get a watch and then I'm too sick to enjoy retirement.

Yep.

You know, that— I, I mean, they're totally pushing back against that. And to your point, I totally— when you put it that way, I understand why. The world is so much faster than it was when we were that age, and to for them to try to jump into a double dutch, you know, and keep up at that pace has to be exhausting. So I see why they were just kind of like, yeah, maybe not, you know, not so much, or at least not the same way.

Yeah. And I think it shows great emotional maturity for them to say, I don't want to do it like that.

Yeah, you know, very in touch with what's happening.

Yes. And so I applaud them for that because again, we need them to be sane because they're going to be our caregivers and our legislators and our presidents. So I need to be part—

so you're going to be taking care of me in the old folks home. I need you to have your mind together.

I, I so appreciate it.

Wow, that is such a good point. Well, okay, so we're gonna get ready to take a break, um, but I see the question and then we take the break and when we come back you give me your thoughts on it. Um, most of this talk about the soft life, soft life that I hear, um, has been about women, but I have heard a few things, um, as it relates to men. Um, so can men really adopt a soft life? And if so, how? And if not, why not? So Um, guys, if you're listening in, I told you I try to keep my programming balanced so you will glean something from it as well. Stay tuned. And ladies as well, because this is something you want to— information you want to sow into your daughter, your sons, your nephews, um, husbands, boyfriends, etc. So stay tuned, we'll be right back when my business bestie answers this question. Life of the Half is sponsored in part by the award-winning firm CDJ and Associates. With CDJ and Associates, bringing on a consultant to help pull your business together doesn't have to be overwhelming and stressful. Our firm is dedicated to bringing innovative, out-of-the-box creativity to every single project, creating dynamic, doable solutions for every client. Our unique expertise in branding, PR, communications, and strategic planning will catapult your brand into brilliance and boost your bottom line. Contact our squad of gladiators today at info@cdjandassociates.com. Again, that's info@cdjandassociates.com. Hey everybody and welcome back. I'm here with my business bestie Katrina Mitchell here on Life at the Half, and in this episode, um, it's The Hard Knocks Life, which is what it's named, and the subtitle is Can Gen X Rebel Against Grind Culture and Embrace the Soft Life? And before we went to break, I asked Katrina a question that I'm going to yield the floor to have her answer here, and Um, what it was is that we, we talk about the soft life and everything that you hear about it has to do with women. Not everything, most of the things that you read have to do with women. And I asked if men can embrace, um, this kind of soft life era, and if so, how, and if not, why not. So Katrina, what do you think?

Um, I think yes, they can. Okay, I think they can. Um, because men, you know, they're human. And so the soft life is a choice and it's a decision. Now, is it easier for them, or as easy for them as it is for women? I don't think so, because, um, men are providers and they're producers. And so when it's time for them to slow down, they think something is wrong. And they work till they can't work anymore because by nature, um, and nurture, they're supposed to provide for us.

Wow.

And their families. So I think it's just a little bit more difficult. Um, however, I believe that their version of self-care is, um, you know, they go get their haircuts. And that's why that barbershop culture is so important because technically that's their soft life. Experience.

Yeah, that's their spa.

That's their spa. You know, they're in the barber shop, they're having a great time, they're building their community, you know, they have the community of their brothers, and, and it gives them a chance to get away from their everyday routine, even though— and they do that more routine than most women.

Yes, absolutely. Oh yeah, that lineup.

Absolutely.

Beard tight. Yes, yes.

You know, so I think that from the perspective of services, yes. And I also think that more men are really embracing and talking about mental health more than ever. And so that part of the soft life where you realize that you really don't have to perform like a machine. Yes, you have to take care of your family. But do you do it to the detriment of your health? I feel like there's a shift that's happening. Um, but just like many things, you know, women, we gotta coax them into it and let them know that it's okay, you know.

Good. And I was going to ask kind of what's our role to kind of help facilitate that.

Yeah, I think it's just, you know, being supportive to them and letting them know that it's okay. And I don't judge you because you want to take a nap, you know. And if you want to— I know, bro. Yeah, if you want to unplug, I support you in that, you know. And I'm not going to look at you any less because you're taking some rest. And then I'm not expecting you to jump up and now run and perform. I want you to experience that transformation after rest so you come back better to me because you're not grinding, you know. So I really think that it's, as a couple, um, male and female, we need to support one another and give, um, each other the opportunity to experience the soft life together, because then it becomes generational. Because if you see your parents doing it, then you know that it's okay. And so, right, um, for me, my parents experienced the soft life together in a lot of respects. You know, they— my mother— my father fully supported my mother. In her travels, and he bought her clothes and made sure she was good and looked good and felt pretty and smelled good. And she was able to do that. And, and interestingly enough, interestingly enough, my mother was the primary breadwinner and my dad was a stay-at-home dad. And so, um, he was the first person taking me to get a manicure. We went to the barbershop and I got a manicure, you know. So yeah, but he was a strong you know, powerful man, but he realized that there was a place where he wanted to make sure that he was groomed and that it made him feel good and it made him feel powerful. And so I feel that generationally, um, I feel like our Black, Black women and Black men embraced the soft life and embraced, um, self-care in a way out of necessity because you had to My dad used to say, I don't want to look like I work in the fields, so I'm gonna get my— oh, make sure I get a manicure. I'm not gonna wear any jeans. My father never wore jeans. Um, I'm gonna get my hair cut because I don't want to look like I work in the fields. And you know, when our mothers and grandmothers would get dressed to go to church, it's because you didn't want to look like he was scrubbing the floors.

Yeah.

So we had the, the— it was the same paradigm, whereas theirs was done out of a different necessity. Um, and, and again, our generation somehow in there lost it again. Maybe it was because we had the house key around our neck when we were 6. I don't know. I don't know.

Because— and, and that takes me to my next question. Because Gen X is known for their work ethic, which isn't necessarily a negative, but too much of anything can be a negative. Um, So we're known for our work ethic, we're known for our hustle, we're known for getting the job done. How can we make the shift to embrace even a part of that when it seems to go totally against the grain of what we've been doing for the last 20 years?

Um, we just make a decision.

How about that? I knew you was gonna say that.

Yeah, because it's not hard. Like, yeah, I think that again, because we— our drive and determination, yes, it was, you know, we were created that way, birthed, nurtured and birthed that way. We came out of the womb, you know.

Yeah, punching the clock, punch, like, clank, I'm here, let's go.

Yeah, I mean, I started working 14, and I was begging to get a job at 12. Like, it was just like, you know. Yeah. So I just think now you just have to make the decision to reprioritize and give yourself permission that if you fall off, it's okay. I'm not going to beat myself up about it because I didn't do what I said I was going to do. I'm going to reassess and make the decision again to take care of myself first. And so, you know, it's just really about making yourself a priority. And, um, you know, getting rid of that, that strong Black woman complex where I have to perform. Um, and you don't. You have to live.

Yeah. And so, you know, it's like the show is over.

Yeah, yeah.

Done performing.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You know, um, and I think that there's a disconnect between the high level of performance and the high level of stress and the high level of disease that's in our community. Like, there's a total disconnect.

It's like, y'all see how that go together?

No, no, no, we don't. We don't. So you go to the doctor and you're like, I don't know why I gained 15 pounds in this Yeah, yeah. How about those cortisol and those hormone levels?

Oh, wow.

How about that lack of sleep?

Oh, right. You're like, oh, I got something to do with that.

That's got something to do with that. So yeah, I just really think that it's making that decision and it's also having someone to hold you accountable. Which I think you and I do a relatively good job at that.

I think so.

You know, I think that's important to have someone just to check in on you. It's like, you know, what you doing? What you doing? Are you sitting down?

Right. How about that? I'll never forget the text I got from you that you asked me— I was in the middle of grief, um, with my mom, and you were like, did you shower today? Did I read that right? I'm looking at my phone like And then I had to think, no, I didn't actually. And so I think— I, I don't think I answered you right away. I went and showered and then came back like, yeah, of course I showered today. I thought big and bad like I did. But that accountability was so important. And to have people thinking about your well-being when sometimes you're not putting yourself as the priority. Yeah, um, that— I think that's critical. And Gen Xers really have to be intentional, I think, about building those networks and those circles. Um, we had an episode, one of the first ones was about building friendships and how we've gotten away from that. Um, it's become hard, you know, back in the day it's like, do you want to be my friend? Check yes or no, you know, and that's how you made friends. But now we have to really be more intentional about building those relationships and nurturing, um, the ones that will keep you accountable. So as a Gen Xer, because we're older we have more exposure. In, in most cases, we have more expendable income. You would think it would be easier for us to, um, make some of those shifts, but I have found that it's harder. And I'm going to tell you why. Because, for example— and I really struggle with this, I meant to tell you this before, um, I taped that episode— but I taped the episode about 3 things that I'm fearful of. And one of them was I'm fearful of what other people will think about some of the decisions that I make. So one of the things I've been toying with is getting a housekeeper. And all of a sudden I felt like, oh my God, I can't get that. People think I'm trying to be this, that, or the other. I'm trying to be uppity. It's like, no, I just want my floors clean and I don't have time to do it, you know. And you feel like you have to explain as to why you're doing things to take care of you. And that's— I know that's crazy, but I know that there are other people that think the same way. So what do you say to that? Um, to me, because I'm gonna get myself together, but to the others out there, why is it hard?

Yes. Yeah, I think that it is hard because we're so used to judging ourselves. You know, I don't think that— I was just having a conversation with someone about something, um, I don't remember what it was, but just to use your example, no one would know you had a housekeeper but you.

Nobody.

So what's all the mental gymnastics for? Like, nobody's going to know, and if they did the people that love you be like, girl, what's the number?

That's like, yeah, you know.

So I think that we've— we tell ourselves these stories in our head that I have to be at a certain elite level to have these particular services, when you don't. You work every day, and so you, just like you pay to have your car wash or your mortgage. It's just the amount of money that's allotted to do something that you want to do with.

Yeah.

And so, but for some reason, and again, it's probably something cultural because culturally, our Black folks, we were the housekeepers.

Housekeepers.

Yeah. So to think that now I get someone to do that service for me. Almost feels like it's something wrong.

Because, yeah, like, who am I to have something?

Yeah, you know, because again, it was a class system, it was based on them, and it was based on access because you had the money to give you the access. Yeah, but we now have that, you know, so we have that expendable income. Um, I just think that again, we, we, we place judgments on things, and it really isn't right or wrong, good or bad, it just is.

Yes.

And if you just want to do that, then you just you just do that, you know. And so I, um, I think that— and it's easier to spend— for us to spend money on a handbag than to take that same $1,500 and spend it on something that's really going to be beneficial to you, because now you're going to have more time, you're going to have more peace if you have someone cleaning your home. But instead, you take that 3 grand and put it on 2 handbags, and then you're like, shoot, my laundry is in the corner and my floor is just I got laundry in the washing machine right now, right? And now I'm mad because I can't even carry my handbag because I got to clean the floor and do the laundry, right?

I'm carrying this laundry basket.

That's what I'm carrying. You're carrying a Louis Vuitton laundry bag.

That is so true. Well, I, I mean, I— and I was so frustrated that I was having those mental gymnastics. I'm like Camille, seriously. I mean, you— and it's not that you're trying to be suchy much or whatever, it's like, I just, I'm over it. Can somebody just clean my windows? That's it. And it's crazy.

Yeah, I think it comes down to feeling like that you are worth it.

Yeah.

And we feel like we're not. Personally, I'm not worthy of You'll never articulate that, but that's really what it comes down to.

That's what you're saying.

I don't value myself and my time enough to have someone to come in and to support me in this way.

Wow, that's gonna leave a mark.

Yeah.

Oh yeah. Thanks a lot, Katrina. Right, it's so helpful. So, okay. We, we talked about the benefits kind of of a soft life and what, um, what that says to you, what it says to the next generation. So I'm gonna ask you that, that tough question. Um, are you going to keep doing these soft life events to keep the legacy of your mom alive and well? I know, I'm just buttering it on real thick. I'm sorry, y'all. Y'all should have been there. It was so nice.

I—

it was, it was amazing. So, and if so, you know, kind of what do you see this evolving to? What would you do? What do you want to do differently? What do you want to do more of, less of, etc.? What is that? What does the next phase of this look like to you that we're going to start planning really soon?

I'm sorry, can you like sign your business bestie contract?

I don't, I don't think so. I'm gonna look it through the contract right now. I don't, I don't see that line.

I don't think you can get out. Oh man. Okay, well, I think that— so in the ideal world, if I had all the resources and the time and the energy, and minus all the mental gymnastics that takes me to plan things, yes, the next, um, phase would look like soft life soirees all over the world.

Oh yes.

And they would be destinations. Um, I think that women traveling and experiencing culture is just such a fun way to, um, to just connect, you know. Um, so that would be the ultimate, just to, you know, we could go to Paris and stay in a real Santa Chalet. We could go, you know, to Santorini, Greece. And I just like— yes, I want to go everywhere, and I want to see crystal clear blue water and all of the things.

Yes.

Um, and so I feel like the Soft Life Soiree will become a movement, um, and a community. Ultimately, that's what I want. You know, I want women to, to connect on a deeper level and to build friendships. Because again, it is hard as you get older to build friendships, and especially in the world of social media, you know, people, you know, they judge and they think they know you, but they don't. And then they don't really want to try to get to know you. Then they meet you on social— meet you outside of social media, like, yeah, I like you. And it's just a lot. It's like high school. It is. Yes, just high school on your cell phone. Yep, all over again, you know. And so I think the opportunity to really forge meaningful relationships, um, can be provided with us with a soft life story as well. Um, so yeah, I mean, will I do it again? Camille D. Jamerson says yes.

I'm giving her the side eye for those of you who are listening.

Like, yeah, you know, um, it was an amazing, amazing experience. And I, um, you know, I would love to repeat it again, but as I was sharing with, uh, Camille prior to the show, um, sometimes when you do events, weddings, birthday parties, um, cooking dinner It doesn't matter. Sometimes we as women, we overperform at a level that's so, so high, and we push and we drive and we try to make it perfect. And then when it happens, you can't even be present in the moment because you've done so much to bring it to pass. And so that's what I experienced. And so would I do it? Yes. Would I do it differently? Absolutely. Because I don't want to do a soiree and then I'm going to have to recover because I did a soiree.

You know, you're gonna have to take a soft life soiree in order to get over the one you just did.

Over the one I just did, because I just— I wanted it to be perfect, and nothing is ever perfect, but, but it had to be a certain way, you know.

But that's the total antithesis of what the soft life is. It's not about overperforming. Absolutely the flip opposite. So wow, that's powerful.

Yeah, you know, and that's what I was— afterwards I was like, I think I did this wrong.

Like, wait a second. Yeah.

And then, you know, there was so many glowing women and people talking about it, and, and I felt amazing. But after all y'all left, I was like, tired now.

Yeah, yeah.

So, um, so I learned from that. And that was actually a lesson in soft life for me. We fall back into our habits like you were just saying. Why is it so hard for us to shift? Because it's not in our nature. Our nature is to grind and to produce and to do all the things. So this is stepping outside of— and I think that's where it goes back again to difference in being in your humanity and stepping into your divinity and saying, okay, I really want to pour into this from my spirit. Yeah. And not from my humanness, because my humanness had to have the matching napkins and the gold rim plates.

You did.

She wasn't gonna rest until she had—

there were gold rim plates. I was there. I set the table myself. Sure did.

Yeah, you know, so, but the spirit was probably like, they don't care.

Like, girl, they don't care as long as the bacon is good. They don't care. Yeah. Yeah.

So I think it's just really learning to tap into that soft life as a lifestyle.

Yeah.

And when you find yourself outside of that, bringing yourself back and saying, one, like we just talked about, why am I doing that? Like, what mental gymnastics am I going through and why? And I think that helps us to recognize our behaviors, and then it's an easier shift.

Yeah.

Versus going through the mental gymnastics and then falling into depression because you went through the mental gymnastics and then not addressing whatever the issue is. And so I feel like we have a tendency to do that because we don't want to show any form of weakness. Wow. Yeah. So I feel like just helping women embrace all of that as a lifestyle really is the root of the soft life for me and the Soft Life Soiree. And so as we evolve and find a way to do that in a way that is not super heavy, because I didn't want the soiree to be like therapy, like, I didn't want that, you know?

Yeah.

But I wanted to be a fun bonding experience, and it was. And so Um, if I could repeat all the fields for all the women, because I did it for them. I did it for, um, them to experience it, and I was just used as a, as a vessel. I was a stressed-out vessel, and I was—

but you were a cute vessel though.

I was cute.

You were cute. Good of the group.

Yes. So I, I believe that doing it in a different way will be a better blessing to everyone because I can perform from that place of peace versus performance.

Yeah, like they say, you'll be giving from your saucer versus from your cup.

Ah, that's good.

Yeah, yeah. So those of you who might have seen my birthday post, one of the things that I want to commit in this birthday year is that Um, you know, this is one of the things that I really want to work on embracing. Um, so thank you, Katrina, for sharing this and for eventually holding me accountable for doing this better, because now of course it's a goal. So now I need to do the soft life perfectly. So, uh, right, it's like, like You're doing it wrong.

Stop it, stop it.

Like, right, because I'm on the whiteboard like, okay, now what does this look like? So if I do this and then I'm like, I don't think this is how this is supposed to go.

This is not supposed— it's not, it's not.

So yeah, well, you guys stay tuned. I'm gonna circle back and talk about this and let you know how it's coming. Um, and you know, when Katrina comes back for season 2 um, we'll talk about kind of where we are with this. So Katrina, I, I usually end with my guests, um, asking a couple of questions. The first one is, um, what book are you reading or what book do you recommend? As you know, I'm a big book nerd, so I love asking this question.

Um, I am actually reading right now It is called— I'm gonna tell you in a minute. I want to say that it's called— now, do you listen to, um, you read your books or you listen? I know you're a reader.

I do both. I do both. I have the Audible in the car, and then if it's a book that I really like, I go and buy the hard copy so I can mark it up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, I'm reading a book called, um, Oneness with All Life, and the, um, author is Eckhart Tolle.

Okay.

And he's a New Age thinker. Um, but what I like about it is that it really talks about being in the present moment. Um, and it's approaching life and God in a way where you're always aware of your divinity and always aware of what's going on and why you're there, why you're present in that present moment. It's been really transformative. It's a little esoteric in thinking, but I think sometimes we need that stuff that's going to make you rewind like 17 times where you're like, wait, what? Right.

Say it again. Say it again.

Wait a minute. Oh, that was good. What? You know, yeah, one of those, um, one of those types of reads.

Yeah, nice. And what's the name of it again?

It is called Oneness with All Life.

Oneness with All Life. Yep, everybody. So that's, uh, Katrina's book recommendation. Now the second question: think about Katrina at 13-ish years old. So I don't know if that's 8th, 9th grade. Um, what are 3 words that describe what you were like then?

13. 13. So long ago.

Um, it was not that— dang, Katrina, you make it seem like it was hundreds of years ago. Yeah, I know, right? Yeah, what's that, like 8th, 9th grade maybe?

Yeah, I got a picture where I was, so 13. I was coming out of 8th.

Going into 9th.

9th. Um, so I would say curious. Um, intelligent and bold.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

What would you tell that 13-year-old now?

Um, whatever is happening to you now is not— will not define you. Um, to hold on to that curiosity, um, and that boldness. And that it'll take you farther than you realize. Wow. Um, you know, don't allow these present circumstances to steal your joy or to make you operate in fear.

Oh, I like that. Yeah, I like that. Now, would that 13-year-old had listened? No, I never asked that of anybody, but I was like, I could ask Katrina that.

And so she thought she knew everything, everything. She didn't know everything, but she was so bossy and so bold and so brash that she was like, okay, look, I got this, I got this. Like, I'm 13, what?

I'm a whole teenager.

I'm a whole teenager. Like, I'm getting ready to go to private school and do all the things.

Like, all the things, you know. Um, yeah, so no, she would not have listened to Well, Katrina, I want to thank you so much for joining me for this episode, even though it was pseudo by force, but that's okay. You got to do what you got to do out here in these streets when you got to get your business bestie on your show. Um, I want you to take a second and tell people where they can find you, um, if they want to link up with you and find out what's going on at Fundamentals and in your coaching world.

Absolutely. Um, you can find me on Instagram and Facebook at Fundamentals Spa. And then if you want to connect with me personally, I am on Instagram and Facebook as Katrina Michelle with one L Mitchell.

Absolutely. Make sure you guys recognize that it is Katrina Michelle with one L. Um, and if you're following me, she's following me, so you can find her in my followers if you're looking for her. Um, or just DM me. I will make sure that you guys get connected. Well, thank you, ma'am, for joining me, and I cannot wait till you come back, um, in season 2. I'm already putting that out there right now, so just—

I see you.

Yeah, I'm slick, I'm slick. You see how I did that? Just boom, season 2. So, all right, thanks, buddy. I'll see you soon. Okay. All right, everybody, thank you so much for tuning in. That was an amazing episode. And I'm really serious, like I said, that the soft life is one that I'm looking to work harder to embrace. And I know work harder to embrace the soft life, that sounds like oxymoron. But one of the things that Katrina said is that you have to make a decision. We have to be intentional. And so that does take work. But I think the ends justify the means because I don't want to get all the way to the end only to discover that I did not embrace some of the best things in life and some of the softer things in life, and that everything doesn't have to be hard. Um, and that's really difficult for me, but we're going to work on it. We're going to work on it together, okay? Um, so you share with me kind of what you're going through, um, and I will be as transparent, um, with you as well. So as always, thank you for tuning in. If you or somebody that you know would make a great guest for the show, let me know. You can drop me an email, and we've got a new email address, so lifeatthehalf@gmail.com. Real simple to remember, lifeatthehalf@gmail.com. Shoot me a message, myself or someone from my team will certainly reach out to you. Our website is up and popping, um, lifeatthehalf.com, um, and from there you can find everything. You can find the podcast, you can find us on YouTube, you can find our social media. Make sure make sure you're joining our Facebook group because when the season ends, that's where we're going to continue the conversation until the next season begins. So again, thank you so much for tuning in. It's been my pleasure being your host today. And, um, as we embrace this softer life, um, together, nobody will be cheering you on louder than us here at Life at the Half. Take care.