Remember who you are | GenX & The Imposter Syndrome

Well, hello everybody! I am your host Camille D. Jamerson and welcome to Life at the Half. One of my favorite Disney stories is The Lion King. Now, not the one that just came out. I'm talking about VHS-level Lion King. And there's this scene where the main character, um, a lion cub named Simba has the opportunity to see his father Mufasa, who had died earlier in the show, in a vision. And he appears to him in kind of like this cloudy vision form. And Simba had been struggling with all types of things, his purpose, taking his place in the Pride Lands due to his insecurities and taking responsibility for something that he didn't even do. Um, or something that wasn't even really his fault. Maybe that's the better way to say it. And his father in this vision tells him two things, and these are the two things that we're going to kind of talk about today and make it relatable to the Gen X experience. The first thing, um, that Mufasa tells him was that you have become—

you—

that you are more than you have become. How about that? You are more than you have become. And I went back and watched it again just so I could make sure I remembered that right. And because of the second line that we're going to share, sometimes we forget this first one. And Simba had been living in the jungle, he had made friends, and he was living large. You guys remember, um, Timba and Pumbaa, whatever their names were. And he was, he was doing okay, but he was supposed to be king. Right? And he was supposed to be ruling and living at another level. And then the second thing that Mufasa told him, which is really where we're going to hone in on today, was to remember who you are. And because of what Simba had endured, and because someone else was kind of ruling in his spot, um, he kind of resigned to being less than. Um, he was feeling like a fraud for even, um, being in line, right, to, um, become the next king. And his father said to him over and over and over again, remember who you are, remember who you are. So today I am here to remind you of who you are and how if you've looked in the mirror lately and thought I am way more than I've become. Or even if you haven't been able to say that about yourself, this episode is still just for you. We're going to talk about that. We're going to talk about defeating the imposter syndrome and how to navigate this phase of your life, your career, and your future. And joining me today is the perfect guest to help us kind of decode the next step, um, in our life. And it's none other than Gen X career growth coach Tabitha Jones. You guys, help me welcome Tabitha to the studio. Hello, hello, hello, ma'am.

Hello, Camille, how are you? Hello, everybody.

Well, hello. Let me guys tell you a little bit about Tabitha before we just jump into questions. Tabitha is a career growth coach and she's based in in the San Francisco Bay Area. She works with Gen X female leaders who are ready to land their dream job, get promoted, and step into their confidence for ultimate career fulfillment. She has successfully helped hundreds of women climb the corporate ladder, develop as leaders, learn how to confidently tell their stories, and land amazing promotions. And her clients work for large corporations such as Comcast, Cisco, AbbVie, Tyson, and more. Now, Tabitha's story about how she transitioned into coaching was pretty interesting. So Tabitha, I want to pitch it to you here and let you, um, tell this as kind of your introduction, kind of what happened.

You were working in corporate America 30-plus years, and then, and then, so I was sitting in a conference one day, and bear in mind, I was leading large technical teams. And people who know me or don't know me very well are always shocked when I say technical teams because I'm not that mathematical. So, um, yes, so I'm sitting in this executive presence kind of seminar, it's kind of fun, down by San Diego, and I'm listening to these ladies and I've got this voice behind me saying, why are you still in the audience? I'm like, who said that? Um, and so as I kind of went through the day, my imposter syndrome kicked in. So a little more than, than we talked about already. But, um, what happened is I said, well, these ladies have master's degrees and PhDs and coached people all over the world and they've done all these things. Just stay in your lane. So the voice keeps coming back and coming back. And finally I said, well, let's dip a toe in it. And I got started and I loved it, doing it part-time, working my corporate job. Fast forward 2019, I decided I'm going to quit my job. I am going to go into this coaching full-time. And then pandemic.

This little thing called a pandemic.

Little thing, right? Just a little bit of a shift in mindset there. So I thought, well, you know, we just went throw a reorg, I'll get my team settled, and then I'm going to go next year.

Yeah.

So I got to a point where I just, you know, was kind of hesitating. I felt myself hesitating. And finally I was just like, if you don't do it now, you're 51 years old. If you don't do it now, you're never going to know.

That's right. That's right.

And yeah, it just was so heavy. Like, I've got to do this thing. If it's, it's on my heart, it is time. I want to go help other women. And I made the jump much to my husband and my bosses' shock. There we are.

I need to do a show on the shock of husbands on wives. It's the best. I could tell you guys about Mr. Jamerson's face to this day. But so what, what sent you down this specific path to coach Gen X women? Like, what's— what kind of resonated with you that that was going to be your lane?

Yeah, such a great question. So, you know, a lot of the coaching world is about niching and finding your people and, you know, the audience that you really resonate with. And I didn't initially niche, but I got to a point where I said, okay, let's sit down, let's look at who our clients are and the clients that I enjoyed working with the most. And what I found is that the clients that I worked the best with that had the best outcomes were Gen X, uh, generally between the ages of 45 and 55, some on either end of that, high-performing females who struggled with confidence and imposter syndrome, who hadn't applied for jobs in 10 to 20 years but are realizing like, if I don't do this now, I'm never going to do it.

Yeah.

Um, and just really realize that this is a special group of people. It's a special season in our lives. And it's a time where in the workplace, the competition is different. We raised the competition, if you think about it, right? We've got our millennials, our Gen Z.

That's right. We raised the competition, man.

I gotta write that down. We did. We raised the competition, whether they were our own children or whether they were nieces and nephews, et cetera. So what I realized is that I have a 28-year-old son, millennial. We raised them to be confident from the moment they were born. You know, everybody's like, that's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. It never stopped. Yeah. So they grew up with confidence. They grew up learning. We gave it to them. That's right. So we have it.

That's right. We only can give what you have. Oh wow, that's so powerful. That's so beautiful.

Exactly. So teaching them really the strategies that you've taught these, those around you, right? So teaching that strategy and bringing it back. And, you know, a lot of us are moms or aunts or, you know, heads of our families, and we just do things, especially women, right? We just get shit done. Like, just go get it done. Yes. And we don't think about the impact that that action had on other people. We don't think about the value that we bring to the world or the workplace Right.

Because it comes so natural to us. Right.

You just go do it. Oh, that's on fire. Let me just go put that out. Let's not talk about the 12 lives I just saved by putting that fire out.

No biggie. All in a day's work.

Exactly. Wow. So for me, it was really realizing this is what's missing and how can I get in and serve this group? Because I've used the strategies that I teach in my own corporate life. I've used it as I've mentored and coached others. And it's just really amazing to see a woman come in just feeling like kind of beaten down and she can't and she's not enough and she's not good enough. And then to see her start sitting up and see the smile and see the just transformation over about 10 weeks. It's, it's what I love. And that's where I'm staying.

Love it. Now that, that's a really good segue into the next thing I was going to ask you. Is there, or have you noticed, maybe I should say it that way, have you noticed specific reasons that cause Gen X women in particular to go down that imposter syndrome path? And I'm sure if there are men listening, some of these things are applicable to you as well, but I know, Tabitha, your sweet spot is women, so that's kind of why I'm directing it that way. Are there things that you've noticed that kind of cause that spiral to start?

Yeah, it's a variety of things. So the root of most imposter syndrome is comparison, right? And before, back in the old days, we used to compare ourselves to the people that were sitting around us, the people in our lives. And now we're comparing ourselves to people on the internet, we are comparing ourselves to influencers. Um, so there's a lot of comparison and a lot of, I just can't do my I can't do her job the way she does it. So I hear that. I have heard a lot of, you know, I build myself up, I get into the interview, and I look at the panel and realize I'm old enough to be their mother. Wow. They think I'm so old. I'm like, oh, they don't think that. You think that. It's none of your business what they're thinking.

They're thinking, right?

We're there for— right.

Wow.

Wow.

Do you, do you deal with a lot of transition in, in thought, I'm assuming. Like, I think that's a big piece of maybe what you bring to the table as far as coaching is concerned, dealing with thoughts and mindset.

Yeah, absolutely. A lot of that. Um, I'll give you an example of a client I'm working with now who I knew her probably 20 years ago. We worked together, and to me, I think I was a maybe a project manager, senior manager at the time, and she was a director. And she was just this badass, put-together, beautiful, articulate woman. Fast forward through life, things have happened, life changes, and she reaches out and she's in tears. Wow. And I'm like, who am I talking to? You have the same name, but you're not the same person. Um, so one of the first things we did, so to give a little more backstory, she was on a job search. She's been self-employed, but needs to go back to corporate for a variety of reasons. And just cannot get an interview. Doesn't matter who she knows. When she did get an interview, it was a disaster. And so I said, okay, let me start with your resume. So did my deep sea fishing, as I call it, like pulling out all those accomplishments and experience examples. And the next week we sat down and I said, I want you to close your eyes and I'm going to read your new professional summary to you. And when I did, what I saw was her heavy face, her shoulders up, like, oh gosh, what am I going to hear? And then as I watched her, her shoulders went down, her smile came up, her face brightened. And when I was done, I said, what did that bring up for you? And she said, you're talking about me. I remember you're talking about me. I'm like, yes, I'm talking about you. This is you.

Remember you? Wow. And that, that's so key because it, it, one would think that, you know, you're going to these interviews, etc., and you're not getting the job, and you'll immediately start internalizing that, oh, I'm not a good fit, or I'm not enough, or I didn't have the experience. It's like, no, you have all of that, but you don't know who you are. And they can tell that, you know, when you come to the table, because again, we're dealing with— in some cases, all of these confident millennials that we taught to be confident. And if you come in there defeated before you start, I'm assuming that that can be felt.

Absolutely.

You know, absolutely. Wow. So despite our education and our experience and our accomplishments, some of us— I mean, we can read our resume all day, but we look at that and we think that it's not enough. You know, all of these feelings of self-doubt start to creep in. So somebody comes to you like that, what, what's kind of the first thing you would do with them?

So the first thing I do with every client, of course, after the initial, you know, download and kind of onboarding, is we start with two things. We start with a list of 50 things you're most proud of and goals, personal, professional, and for our coaching program. Now, the 50 things I'm most proud of is really funny because I don't usually say much more than that. And usually I'll get 10 to 15 career-related items on that list that are very vanilla. Um, so, you know, when I—

give me an example of that.

Um, I hosted a team lunch and received 10 thank yous. Something so basic, right? But then when you reposition it to thinking, okay, you're a lot bigger than your job. What else are you proud of? I mean, me personally, I've rescued dogs. I raised a son who is an amazing human being. He's caring. I gave him the confidence to become an entrepreneur right out of the gate. He never knew he couldn't. Um, you know, those types of things should be on your list. You might have taken care of a family member or friend as they were going through some type of medical treatment, or, you know, you may volunteer and serve food to people in your community. You may do a variety of things that make you that whole human being that is so valuable. You just forget.

Wow.

Yeah, so that's how— that's one of the fun activities.

Yeah, because I'm sitting here as you're talking and I'm like 50, man, that's a lot. Because in my head I'm thinking my kids, but I immediately start going to work. I was like, oh, I helped this client do that. It's hard to think of yourself outside of that space. I'm really excited that you put women through that because I think that's important just for them to hear themselves say some of the things that they've done and some of the things that they're proud of. Shoot, we're going to take a break in a few minutes. But when we come back, Tabitha, I want us to talk about how do we, or do we, compete with these younger generations and take up space in the working world? Like it or not, they're younger and they bring things to the table that are unique or creative. They're tech savvy, they're whatever they are, all the things we taught them. How do we, as Gen X women, um, how do we compete with that? Or do we? So when we come back from the break, guys, you, you stay tuned. Um, Tabitha is going to give us her insight on how we accomplish that. Be right back. Life of the Half is sponsored in part by the award-winning firm CDJ and Associates. With CDJ and Associates, bringing on a consultant to help pull your business together doesn't have to be overwhelming and stressful. Our firm is dedicated to bringing innovative, out-of-the-box creativity to every single project, creating dynamic, doable solutions for every client. Our unique expertise in branding, PR, communications, and strategic planning will catapult your brand into brilliance and boost your bottom line. Contact our squad of gladiators today at info@cdjandassociates.com. Again, that's info@cdjandassociates.com. All right, and welcome back to Life at the Half. We have here with us career growth coach Tabitha Jones from the San Francisco Bay Area. And before we took the break, I asked Tabitha, to how do we, or do we, compete with the younger generation and really take up space in the work environment, given that they're younger and they're more tech savvy and they're all these wonderful things that we hear about the younger generation. But we as Gen Xers, we bring something to the table too. How do we compete with what they have, or do we? Take it away, Tabitha. What do you think?

I love that you bring up the technology and the things that they've learned. We learned without technology. Adapted to technology, and that shows we can continue to learn and grow. So we are absolutely competitive.

That adaptability. I mean, and I can mail a letter. How about that?

Oh my gosh, funny story for another time, because I could tell you a whole long story about that. How do I mail a letter? Wait, what? What? You taught me how to use the, uh, whatever program that is. I taught you how to use a phone, so it's okay.

It's fine. We're even. Call it even.

So, you know, for us it comes down to those types of things. Knowing we're adaptable, knowing that you need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. This life, this world that we're in, it's changing at a really fast pace. That's okay. You're going to have to stop and learn things. You may have to admit that you don't know something and ask for extra support. That's okay.

Wow.

Um, really recognizing that we're worthy of getting what we want in life. And we have a right to go.

That's right.

You know, we, again, we talked about, you know, raising our generation of millennials and, and Zers that, you know, you can do anything you want. Well, guess what? We can too.

Yeah.

Um, and if we don't get it the first time, and millennials know this, but we still are adjusting with it, if we don't get something the first time or we fail, We need to accept the lesson, take it as a learning opportunity, make adjustments, and go for it again. We don't just give up because it didn't work the first time.

Wow, I love that. I love that. So what confidence builders or, um, strategies do you put in place, um, to help people truly kind of, um, get over those types of humps and really remember who they are and what they can do?

A couple of things. So we talked about the 50 things you're most proud of list. I have— when I catch a client sliding backwards or self-doubting themselves longer than I expect to see, I make them not only add 5 things to the list every week, but I have them record it and print it. So it is printed, it's sitting on their desk right in front of them, it's recorded. They can hit play on their phone and listen to it on the way to an important meeting or way to a job in their own voice. In their own voice.

Oh, that's powerful.

That's about that other— yes, right?

I love that. And speaking of, you know, kind of what the millennials get right as far as, um, not giving up and, and being really resilient, what, what else? What do the kids get right and what do the kids get wrong as far as this whole imposter syndrome space?

Yeah, for sure. Um, I would love to add just one more thing. Oh, please, confidence builders, before we pop on. Yeah, so the other thing that I recommend is really journaling.

Oh, that's good.

Gratitude journals and fear journals. So you can get into your head with the gratitude journal, get into your feelings and into your happiness and find your joy, but get that fear out. So if something is keeping you in place people are often afraid to move forward because they made a mistake in the past, or because one person who doesn't even matter today made a comment that now has you second-guessing yourself all the time. Write it down, just get rid of it. Wad it up, burn it, whatever. Just get rid of those fears. That's helpful. And then the third thing, and this is something that I had to do myself when I was struggling for a little bit— when you forget who you are Go get dressed as who you are. I know it sounds so funny, but some days we're home, right? We're comfortable. We're casual. We got our yoga pants and our slippers on, and you're just feeling like, ugh, what's going on? I can't do it. Well, you know what? Go in your closet, drag that beautiful dress out from White House Black Market and your beautiful Calvin Klein pumps or whatever your favorite shoe is. Put it on and look at yourself in the mirror and try a couple power poses because that will shift your confidence.

Oh, I'm loving that. And, you know, I have a tiara in the closet, so I mean, I could just go full out now that I think about it. I love that. And, and I love that you said power poses, because even your positioning, um, needs to change and shift in order for you to— I think in order for you to feel, um, more like yourself. Is that something that you ascribe to as well?

Absolutely. Because if you're slouchy and you're just like, you know, it's a big difference than this, you know?

Yeah.

And your chest is out. Your shoulders are down and everything's where it belongs. Big, big difference. All right, I'm sorry I took us off.

Oh no, no, no, you're— that was good. I'm glad you brought that up, especially about the fear journal, because that's kind of the first time I've heard about that. But I think that that's a critical, um, strategy, guys, um, to really look at writing down your fears and getting them out of you and, and out of your head onto paper. And like you said, burn it up, throw it away, whatever. But it's time to let some of those things go so we can move forward. So the question that I asked you before we took that wonderful detour was about the millennials and Gen Xs. What things do they get right? I'm sorry, millennials and Gen Zers. What do they get right and what do they get wrong as it relates to this imposter syndrome area?

Yeah. So what they are doing right is that they have no fear. They don't care. They will go try new things. They're brave. They care a lot less about what people think.

Doesn't that sound like us though?

I mean, we are the whatever generation.

I mean, what the heck happened? Okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.

Go ahead. We just forgot, right? Because, well, think about raising kids. If you do something wrong, you know, they might get eaten by an alligator. Like, you know, but those are not real fears. Those are just, you know, things that stick with us. Right. I'm in California, zero alligators. Um, but you know, they just, they're not afraid to fail because we taught them it's okay. Yeah, let's get some more practice and go do it again. So that's what they do. It's natural for them. Um, they're also really good at speaking up more and maintaining visibility because they seem to know really clearly what they want. They know who can help them get there. They don't ask for permission. They just go. Like, they don't care. They will go. Um, which is what prevents them from spending years and years and years in the same job. Yeah, where, you know, we will sit in the same job until we're perfect. We don't look at progress over perfection. We look at perfection and then move.

We will stay in a job until we're perfect. Oh, we will.

We'll say, yeah, more education, we need another certificate, we need this, we need that. They'll just go for it and see what happens. Yeah, and that's absolutely be, you know, a thing that is helping millennials and Gen Zers as they're building their career. Now, Gen X, we might have called that job hopping, right? What it really is is they go, they get the experience they need, and they're off to the next goal.

Yeah, because— and we pride ourselves in that faithfulness and sticking to a job for 20 years or 30 years or whatever, when in fact it could be to our detriment from what it sounds like.

Yeah, absolutely. Wow.

Anything in particular that you think they get wrong?

You know, sometimes overly confident, so they can come off a little cocky, you know, but I think it's a smidge, smidge. Um, other than that, I would say it's not necessarily understanding the value of— I call it, I guess, generational diversity, right? So all diversity leads to success in the place. Yeah. Having a diverse group of mentors and coaches will help you grow and develop faster than you could do it on your own. I agree. I don't know that they always see the value in leaning on their Gen X coworkers and colleagues to get that extra balance and learn and be open to hearing how we've maybe done something and why we know something different might be a better path. Absolutely. So that would be, if I were to say, hey, you youngins— I'm just kidding. If I were to talk to millennials and Gen Z, I would say just make sure that you're looking at all forms of diversity, including generational diversity, when you're looking for coaches and mentors.

I love that.

You get a lot out of it.

Love that. And one of the things I tell people all the time is that when you're looking for a coach or a mentor, you want somebody that's already been where it is you're trying to go. You know, they can't lead you someplace they've never been. So I think that's great advice. And that is something that I see along with millennials and Gen Zers, that they'll look outward, you know, to their colleagues and their circle, but not necessarily upward to the generation ahead of them. So I think that's great advice. So before we wrap up, questions that I ask every guest. First one is, what book are you reading or what book do you recommend?

So I'm going to answer with two questions— two answers there. So right now I am reading a Mary Stone, uh, Detective Ellie, uh, Detective Ellie Cline series. I love, um, kind of suspense crime novels, so it's a great series. But a book that I absolutely love— I have it right here actually— is The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. If you haven't read it, it is exceptional, and he's an amazing speaker. If you watch him on YouTube, he speaks really fast. I've seen him in person twice, but he's done a whole study on happiness and how happiness truly impacts lives and how happier people tend to get promoted and they're more, you know, just optimistic about the future and they don't let all the things going on in the world today get to them. So it's a great read and he is an absolutely wonderful person to follow on YouTube.

That's awesome. Give us the name of that book again, Tabitha.

It's The Happiness Advantage. By Sean Achor, A-C-H-O-R.

Awesome. I just want to make sure we get that on record. Now think about Tabitha at 14 years old. Think about that girl, and what are 3 words that you would use to describe her?

Oh, she was awkward, awkward, definitely unconfident, but very smart.

And what would you tell her today?

Oh, I would tell her that none of this is going to matter. So seriously, don't, don't worry about what other people are thinking or might be saying because it is none of your business. Um, and this is truly a really short blink in your lifetime. Um, so it's not always going to be fun, but so much good will come from it.

I love that. I love that. Now before I let you go, would you tell people how to find you and If you've got something going on that you think our audience could benefit from, I want to yield the floor to you for a minute to share that.

Oh, I appreciate that. Thank you. Truly, the best way to connect with me is either on LinkedIn or on my website. My name is Tabitha, T-A-B-A-T-H-A. So I'm a Tabitha with all A's. Last name is Jones. Website is my name, so www.tabithajones.com. And I actually have a booking link right on my profile on LinkedIn or my website if you'd like to talk. If you're struggling with imposter syndrome, you're getting ready to start this new season of your life and are looking to make a great career transition or get promoted maybe in the career that you're in, I would love to talk to you and see what advice I can give you and how we might work together in the future.

That's awesome. Thank you so much, Tabitha, for being my guest today and joining, um, us here on Life at the Half. It has truly been such a pleasure. Um, maybe come back on second season.

I would love it. This has been so much fun. Thank you.

Awesome. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, thank you for tuning in today. And I hope that, um, something was said that encouraged you, that nudged you, that kind of reminded you of who you are. And that as a Gen Xer You still have time left to prove to yourself that you are more than you have become. And we'll be right here cheering you on here on Life at the Hack.