Sergio Valente: My three biggest personal fears and why they are JUST like Sergio Valente jeans.

Hey, I'm Camille D. Jamerson, and this is Life at the Half, my midlife style podcast about shifting the over-40 crowd from midlife crisis to midlife clarity. Over the course of this limited season, Life at the Half will make you laugh, think, cry, feel, and it will inspire you to intentionally design this funky in-between season in our lives. Midlife doesn't know who it's messing with. We are Gen X, baby, and it's just halftime for us. There is still so much more game for us left to live. So let's figure out our next play together, okay? Here on Life at the Half. Well, hey, hey, hey everybody, this is Camille D. Jamerson, your host of Life at the Half. It is so cool to be here with you guys today in this very, very special, special episode. And I say that it's special because unlike most of the Life at the Half episodes, um, I'm not going to have a guest today. It's just going to be you and I. So today is going to be very, um, personal and intimate, if you will. And I'm going to share with you, um, some things that I haven't shared with very many people. And for that reason, I thought that having a guest may distract me, because if you guys have watched or heard any of these episodes, you know the conversations can go just any old kind of way, right? So I wanted to be really focused and really commit to what I want to share with you. And so I thought just you and I would make for a great show. So with that being said, I called this show, um, Sergio Valente. Um, and if any of you have ever had a pair of Sergio Valente jeans or wanted one, um, you might be shocked to know this. Um, first of all, I had a pair of Sergio Valentes. They were my second pair of designer jeans. Um, I have— you know that I had Calvin Klein jeans first, and then, um, when those got too small for me, I had to give those my sister. Um, and then— no, actually not my sister, I gave them to a friend because my sister is taller than me, so she couldn't fit them either. So I had to give those to a friend. And then my next pair was a pair of Sergio Valente jeans. And I was this many years old when I discovered that unlike Calvin Klein and Gloria Vanderbilt, there's no such person as Sergio Valente. As in, that's nobody. They just literally made up that name and sold designer jeans for a designer that doesn't exist. Yep, let that just marinate for a second. Yeah, there is no such person as Sergio Valente, and we all out there buying his jeans and, um, you know, selling pints of blood so we can get these designer jeans for a guy that doesn't exist. There's this whole other company and conglomerate of people who made up the Sergio Valente brand, but he himself just doesn't exist. There's no such thing. And it's really interesting to get all the way, um, to this age and discover that this thing that I was aspiring to, to pull back the layers and discover that there's nothing there, you know, um, or not what you thought. Kind of like the Wizard of Oz, you know, looking behind, um, the curtain only to discover just a mediocre man like everybody else. Um, but that's, that's exactly why I named this episode Sergio Valente, because I'm going to talk about fear, and, um, I'm going to share with you 3 major fears that I personally have that I am going to commit to you to work on for this year. I am going to, um, put myself out there And I'm going to allow you to kind of be my accountability. You can DM me, you can message me, you can inbox me, send me an email at any time and check me on any 3 of these. If you see me say something or post something, or if you know me, know me for real, if I do something that isn't contrary or kind of feeds into the fear that we talk about today, then I give you permission to check me on it because I really want to be diligent about working on these things. And you're like, Camille D. Jamerson, okay, what does all of these fears have to do with Sergio Valente? Because what I've discovered about fear is that when you really pull back the layers and really look at the root of why fear is what it is or why you're afraid of something, it's really nothing there. Your fears in a lot of cases, not all, but in a lot of cases are unfounded. Sometimes fear isn't the issue, courage is. You just have to muster the courage to work through the fear. I get the feeling that's easier said than done, but we're going to just dive right into 3 things. Hopefully this episode won't be very long, but I definitely wanted to take this particular subject and just talk to you guys one-on-one. Just between you and I, nobody else, just you and I. Um, these are, uh, Camille D. Jamerson's 3 fears that she's going to work on this year. The first one: I have this fear that I am running out of time. And, um, as of this taping, it's right around my birthday when this whole podcast is going to launch anyway. Um, and so Even with turning a year older, I feel it even heavier during this time of year. But I get the feeling that I'm running out of time for all the things that I want to do, all of the dreams that I have, all of the things that I aspire to accomplish. It feels like I don't have enough time. I don't have enough hours in the day. I don't have enough days in the week. I don't have enough weeks in the month. I don't have enough months in the year to get done everything that I want to get done. Truth be told, none of us really know how much time we have left. And so for me to have that fear so prevalent, so dominant in my everyday thinking, it's become paralyzing because sometimes I feel myself thinking, well, if I don't have time to do X, Y, and Z, then I just won't do anything in that regard. You know, it's like I, I keep myself from doing the things that I can do in a particular area just because I don't think I have the time to do everything. And that fear is just founded in— I think is rooted in, I should say, um, the fear of success, or, um, the fear that It might not be what it seems when I actually get done X, Y, and Z. I don't know. I suppose it could be a lot of things. But what I do know is that it's paralyzing. And if it's not a fear that I get my arms around, I think it has the power to stunt my potential and really have me, quote unquote, quit before it's time to stop. Right? How about that? It will potentially have the power to have me quit before it's time to stop. And I don't want to give anything that much power. So that is fear number 1. And by the way, I'm open to suggestions as to how to work through these fears. I'm not on here telling you the fears and the answers and, you know, whatever, because I don't know the answers, because if I did, they probably wouldn't be a fear. So I'm sharing them with just you. So if you have ideas as to how I can work through that, or if it's something that you've had to work through similarly and you found a strategy that worked for you, then I'm definitely open to that. And I realize that everything doesn't work for everybody, but I'm certainly open to hearing about your experiences and what worked for you. So with that being said, fear number 2. Fear number 2 is that my health is going to fail me. And I know that sounds weird, but here's— I know where this is rooted from. Um, when you have buried your parents, both of them in my case, um and watched your dad go through cancer and then watch your mom go through kidney failure and just how debilitating both of those diseases were in both of their cases. And then you wonder, you start to wonder if you have the proclivity to get one of these diseases, one or both, you know, You kind of wonder, man, is something like that going to take me out? Um, what do I need to watch for? You know, and you operate in this ongoing fear that, you know, one of those things or something totally different is going to catch up with you and quote unquote take you out of here. And the reason that that fear is— I was just about to call it silly, um, but I can't come up with a better word right now, and that's probably the best word for it. The reason that I think it's so silly, and I wanted to just expose it is because so much of the sickness and disease that we see in our communities, particularly in the African American community, but not just our community, just in communities overall, a lot of the diseases and illnesses, sicknesses that a lot of people are plagued with are things that were preventable if you had the right information. And so me having a lot more information than my mom did and that my dad did gives me an advantage that they didn't necessarily have. So yes, you know, my mom died of kidney failure, but if she knew X, Y, and Z back when she was my age and some of the things that she could have done to keep her kidney healthy and the food she could have eaten to keep down inflammation and keep the rest of her body healthy and staying at just the kazillions of things that are out there and supplements that she could have taken and even homemade herbal remedies because they're coming up a dime a dozen. Not saying that any of those things could have turned the tide on her, but the more that we know about these diseases, the more information that we get about these diseases, they possibly could have. Have. And now that I know more than she may have had, um, access to, there's more that I can do. Um, and the same thing, you know, in my dad's case. So, um, I have more information right now. I have my health and strength. I don't have any major health issues. I don't have any symptoms that anything is going on or going wrong. I have a great relationship with my doctor. She is on it, if you know what I mean. Um, so I have no reason really to have that fear except what I saw in my parents. So, um, and in my nucleus of family, meaning mom, dad, sisters, and brothers, um, I'm the oldest child. So as I told my siblings, it's like I'm the next one in the box, you know, all things being equal. And that also goes back to my fear of running out of time, but I have this fear that something is just going to come up on me and really start to change the quality of my life. And that's— health can do that to you. So I know that there are things that I can do more of and better that can lessen that possibility. So I just need to be diligent in doing those things. Sort of. Um, and I, I, more than that, I definitely need the accountability to make sure that, um, I keep that fear down and keep doing the things that I know to do, um, to lessen the possibility of those things happening, right? So that's fear number 2. I've got one more to go, and I will share that with you, um, when we come back, I think that, um, this one's gonna surprise you and it's gonna sound frivolous probably compared to the other two because those were kind of heavy. But, um, I hope that, um, when I share this last one, there's somebody out there that's gonna be like, girl, me too, I just hadn't been able to put a voice to that. Um, because when I really sat down to write out my list of fears, and I got way more than 3, y'all, But I tried to pick, um, 3 that, um, I, I thought would really relate to Gen Xers and, um, our midlife season. Um, that last one really, really caught me off guard, and I think it's something that we need to talk about. So stay tuned. I'm going to do this really quick, uh, commercial break, and when I come back, I'm going to share with you my last fear, and then I'm going to end, um, just like I am with my other guests. So you get to hear, um, some things from me that usually I'm on the other side of the mic for. So guys, stay tuned, come right back. Life After Half is sponsored in part by the award-winning firm CDJ and Associates. With CDJ and Associates, bringing on a consultant to help pull your business together doesn't have to be overwhelming and stressful. Our firm is dedicated to bringing innovative, out-of-the-box creativity to every single project, creating dynamic, doable solutions for every client. Our unique expertise in branding, PR, communications, and strategic planning will catapult your brand into brilliance and boost your bottom line. Contact our squad of gladiators today at info@cdjandassociates.com. Again, that's info at cdjandassociates.com. Hey everybody, welcome back to Life at the Half. I am your host Camille D. Jamerson, and in this episode called Sergio Valente— I mean, if you don't know why I called it that, you need to just go back to the beginning and listen because you won't even believe it. But anyway, um, we are sharing kind of my top 3 fears that I have committed to working on for the remainder of this. And I have said that you, only you, are allowed to hold me accountable to getting through these fears, managing them, and really working towards getting on the other side. So the very first one that I shared was I have this fear that I'm running out of time, that time is getting away from me, and that I won't have time to do all the things that I want to do. And guys, I've got some really, really, big outlandish dreams. Um, but I don't want that fear that I'm running out of time to paralyze me from doing anything, um, just because I don't feel that I can do everything. So that's what that fear is all about. And then the second one that I just shared with you right before the break was I have this fear that I'm gonna get taken out of here by some health issue or some, um, disease. And, um, I shared that because of what I saw my mom and dad go through right before their passing, um, I saw how those diseases just sort of debilitated their lives. And I have this underlying like, uh, um, and it's hard to admit. I'm just going to be really transparent with you. It's hard to admit because I'm a person of faith, so I know all the right things that I'm supposed to say concerning this. But it's tough to admit, but it's still true. I'm wondering, am I going to get kidney disease? You know, you know, my dad had cancer. Am I going to have cancer? Am I going to have something that's totally different that neither of them had. Um, and none of us know that, but like I said when we were talking about it, there are things that I can do to lessen the proclivity of those things because we have more information now than they did. So that's kind of how I'm going to attack that fear. And so the very last one, and like I said before the break, this one is going to sound a bit frivolous to a degree compared to those first two. I got the hard to to done first, um, because this one is so— well, it's not frivolous because when you understand the root of it, you'll see what I mean. My third fear is that I have this fear of what people will think when I allow myself to have certain amenities, right? So let me give you an example. Um, there was a person in an online group that I'm in, and she was talking about, um, how much having, um, a housekeeper has changed her life. She's not somebody that's extremely wealthy. She has, um, VP job, I think. Um, her husband, um, works, um, as a consultant. And, um, you know, regular middle-class folks. But she was, um, really getting bogged down with housework, and she was doing the things that were necessary to maintain. Like she said, you know, I'm doing the dishes, I'm mopping the floor, I'm cleaning on Saturdays, but it's really not enough to really keep this house up, and I need some help. And her husband, you know, he chips in when he can. He keeps the yard done and, and all of that. But she's like, I need help, you know. My— I want my house clean and I need help with keeping things order— in order and organized. And so she went on to share that she found this housekeeper and, um, housekeeping service, I think it is. And, um, they came in, they did her. And so she was just, just giving a glowing recommendation. Um, but then at the end she said something that I will never forget. She said I know I'm gonna get negative feedback about this post, but please understand that it changed my life. I'm not lazy. Um, and she like listed all of these things that she thought people were going to say. I'm not lazy, I'm not uppity, I'm not rich, I'm not— you know, she listed all these things. She said, I was just somebody who needed help. And that thing stuck with me like, oh my goodness. Right? Um, and I thought no more about it until, um, just recently when my workload started picking back up. And my husband's retired, so he's home all day chilling, watching NCIS, all right? But, um, and he helps. He does the dishes, he does our yard, and, um, you know, he helps with the laundry. Sometimes he doesn't quite know how to fold what needs to be folded, but whatever, he gets stuff out the dryer. He helps, right? But even with the both of us doing that, it's still a lot. And we're doing the things to maintain, but, um, I need somebody to wash my windows, man, to scrub my shower, and just all kinds of stuff. But I remember having this thing like, you know, who am I to have a housekeeper? You know, who am I to have housekeeping services? And it's not just that, I'm just using that as an example, because what the overarching fear is, is my fear of what other people will think, um, if I avail myself to things that are considered, um, luxury versus necessity, right? Um, and where does that come from? Where does that come from? Um, the root of it is really not external. It's really not a people problem. It's a you problem. It's a me problem. Um, because a lot of why um, I have that fear is because I am assuming that I don't deserve those things, when in fact the opposite is true, right? I have this underlying, um, or, um, kind of undercurrent like, you know, I don't deserve, you know, having a housekeeper. Who am I to, um, have that luxury? Who am I to have grocery service? Who am I to do Who am I not to, right? Who am I not to? And why does that matter so much to me? Why is that such a fear? You know, why do I worry so much about what other people think as it relates to the things that I want to enhance my life, um, things that I want to make my life easier? I want a life of ease in this season. It's not going to be totally easy, but easier, bare minimum, right? Um, I didn't, um, come this far or work this hard to get all the way here to continue working myself to death, you know? And that's in any area. And yeah, I mean, I got kids, and like I said, I got my husband, um, who helps tremendously, but he didn't retire to take to washing walls. He should be living a life of ease too. Um, so whether it's, um, taking more vacations, whether it's hiring a housekeeper, whether it's getting us a personal assistant to help us with other things around the house, whether it's, um, just delegating some of the things that, um, I've been tasked to do, um, as it relates to taking care of my home or taking care of my business or whatever. Whatever that thing is for you and for me. Um, I want to get to the place where I don't fear making that decision and that, um, I can take what I need without feeling bad about it. I've already started, like, this year, um, every month I go to a massage therapist. Um, that actually started with necessity because, um, I have a proclivity to getting frozen shoulders. So I felt that coming on and I scheduled like right away. It's like, nope, let's stop the stank before it start. But I now continue to just go every month because that's what I want to do. That's what I think I need. That's my hour to kind of recharge and give back to myself. But I'm not going to lie, I feel guilty about it sometimes because on the other side of that, man, I could have did this edit for the podcast. I could have got these graphics done. I could have worked on this. I could have worked on that. I actually could be mopping the kitchen floor and stripping. It, it just is never ending. Um, so I need to work on that, just to, to sum it up. I need to work on that, being okay with, um, delegating things and getting help and, um, stepping into a season where my life becomes softer. And I'm going to do an episode on soft life too. I have the perfect person for it. Um, she just needs to get her life together so she can get her schedule and get on my podcast. But, um, because those of you who've never heard of soft life before, you need to find that hashtag and look at it. Um, and there are a lot of different, different definitions for it, but one of the ones that I have been drawn to is just really changing your season from being so hard, um, to doing the things that make life just a little bit easier for you and not feeling any way about it. Okay, all right, so those are my 3 things, guys. Remember, so I have the fear that I'm running out of time, a fear that I'm gonna have a health situation that takes me out of here, um, and then the third thing is my fear of, um, public opinion about decisions that I make about the health— about the help that I need. Um, and I guess that's more so, um, is it public opinion? I guess so. Um, but just kind of how I'm viewed, you know what I'm saying? You know, are people gonna look at my brand now and like, oh, she's so suchy much, that girl can't even mop her own floors. It's like Girl, bye. I've been mopping floors since I was 8. Can a sister get somebody to help her? But as easy as I'm saying that, I know I have an issue with it and I struggle with it. So that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna work on that. Um, so you guys stay tuned for— stay tuned to hear more about how I do that. And, um, and don't forget, you can hold me accountable, okay? So that's kind of that on that. Um, so I'm gonna end the show with this, which is how I end it with, um, everybody. Um, the first thing I ask people is to share kind of what you were like at 14, 3 words maybe that describe you at 14, and what you would tell that person now. Um, the 3 words that would describe me at 14, and, um, please remember I was 14 and already in the 10th grade, I think, because I got— or the 9th grade, um, because I got put up a grade, um, back in elementary school. So I was a year ahead, which meant unfortunately I was very socially behind, um, very, very small because I was already small to begin with. But very, very tiny, and I never ever looked like I belonged. Um, now book-wise, smart-wise, um, correct— I mean, I, I was jamming there, but socially I was very, very awkward because I never looked like I belong, um, because everybody else was so much further ahead socially and even developmentally-wise. They were just ahead. Um, so 3 words that would describe me was very anxious, I don't know what the word is, but I was always trying to prove myself, trying to always prove that I belonged. And then the third thing I would say as far as what described me was ambitious. I was very ambitious at a very young age because in just— in being in high school, I wanted to be a part of everything. I wanted to be in everything. I wanted to do everything. And I had a counselor, Ms. Murray, who was, um, very good at plugging me in the right places. So I was very ambitious, but also, like I said at the very beginning, very anxious, um, because like I said, I never felt like I fit. So those are the 3 things that describe me at 14. The other thing that I ask my guests all the time are to share, um, your book recommendations. There are, um, there's a book that I'm reading right now that I highly recommend. It's called The Sugar Jar. And I am— I got about an hour left to go. I'm listening to it on Audible, and that book already has really changed the game. It's called The Sugar Jar, and it's talking about your sugar is kind of a metaphor for your capacity and your energy. And the author speaks about how we expend our energy in so many different ways without having people pour back into our jar. She also talks about, continuing with that analogy, also talks about how people just come by and take a cup of sugar, you know, without your permission, and how people can be draining of your sugar, and how when you spill your sugar, just like if you spill sugar in your kitchen, if you waste it, it gets in cracks and crevices that you can never get back. So that's a book that I highly recommend. Again, it's called The Sugar Jar. Um, the second book that I recommend is called Four Thousand Weeks. And oh my God, I'm gonna do a podcast episode on this too, I think. Um, probably not this season. If we do a season 2, it'd definitely be there. But, um, Four Thousand Weeks is a book about, um, really wrapping your arms around how much time we actually get on Earth as humans. And if you calculate how much time we get as an average human living about 75, 78 years, I think they calculated, we only get like 4,000 weeks. And when you look at it that way, it really changes the game on how you spend and waste time. So I highly recommend that book. I also listened to that book via audio. But once I find a book that I really like on audio, I'll go and buy the hard copy because I just want to have that piece of literature on hand at all times, usually to loan out. But just in case I need to go back and reference something, it's usually easier for me to do that in a book than it is to try to find a specific thing on audio. So those are the two books that I recommend. Um, you guys got my, um, 14-year-old take. I think that's about it. That's usually how I end my shows, um, when I have guests. So thank you guys for obliging me and for allowing me to be your soul um, person today. It's been such a cool opportunity to kind of talk to you one-on-one, be very, um, transparent with you and share my fears. And, um, I know all of my faith people out there got a gazillion scriptures for me. I know them all, y'all. I know them all, y'all, trust me. Um, but I just really wanted to walk in truth about where I am. Um, I know how to apply those those truths to really help. But until I change up here, um, I know that these fears have the power to take me out of here before I'm ready. So I want to get my arms around those things and realize I'm not running out of time. I got time to do everything that I've been called to do. And the things that I don't do, I can set up the next generation so that they're able to do them. Um, the second thing, I'm— my health is good. I'm strong. I'm healthy right now. There are more things that I can do, um, to get on top of my health and wellness, and I just need to commit to do them. And then the last thing, as far as delegating and getting help that I need, I gotta get to the place where I don't care what people think. If I need my house clean, I need my house clean. If you're not coming over here to clean it, then and what? So, um, I gotta get to the place where I don't care. Um, and I would love to come off like I got it all together right through here, but I don't. So it's going to take some work, it's going to take some time, and I'm really glad that you guys are on this journey with me because I know that you're going to be a big help in helping me overcome these hurdles. So with that, I am going to end this episode of Life at the Half. Thank you so much for tuning in. It's been such a pleasure talking to you all today. Um, now if you or someone you know, um, if you think they would make a great guest on this show, they have some kind of lean or bent towards the Gen X community and all the million things that go on in midlife, I'd love to talk with them. Have them send me an email at camille@thecamillecompany.com. That's Camille, C-A-M-I-L-L-E, at thecamillecompany.com. And either myself or someone from my team will reach out to them, give them a call, and kind of chat about, um, what their expertise is and hopefully get them on the show. Um, until next time, um, remember that midlife has met its match with us. Midlife doesn't know who is messing with— we are Gen X, baby. We got this. And if you don't, then I'm gonna need you to stick around because nobody will cheer you on like we do here on Life at the Half. See you soon.