3 AWFUL Habits That Instantly Make People Look Down On You

You might be sabotaging your first impressions and not even realize it. And it's not because you're making some big, terrible mistake. It's because a lot of the advice that we've all received over the course of our lives is incomplete. And if you take that incomplete advice and you apply it to the wrong situation, you're going to get a bad result. So in this video, what I want to do are talk about three pieces of advice that need tweaks to actually work in the real world. When you add these tweaks, you'll go from sabotaging first impressions to really, really hitting home runs. And the first one that I want to touch on is, is this. A lot of people aim for harmony in first impressions. They do not, under any circumstances, want to create conflict. But the truth is, when people cross lines, even in first impressions, the best thing that you can do is set a boundary. I want to give you an example so you can really take this home. This is one of my favorites. A friend of mine a little ways back was at a company, it was a finance company, and he was presenting to the head honcho boss. This guy's worth $100 million, flies around on private jets, and was generally an abuser. Like, he was verbally abusive to everybody in the office. So he's got this meeting, and he's pitching to him whether or not they should invest in a company that they gave him to research. And he gets around to the end, and he says, so based on all my research, I think that this company is a pass. It's just too risky. Head honcho guy. David stands up, looks at him, the rest of the team, and says, you guys are pussies. Everyone else there gets quiet because they've taken this kind of abuse before. But my friend is not used to this, right? He's never been treated like this. So he looks right back at the boss and says, david, where I come from, calling another man a pussy is the worst thing you could do. You would immediately start a fist fight. Don't ever call me a pussy again. And he gets quiet, and everyone in the room gets quiet, and David gets quiet. A few seconds pass, and I'm sure they must have seemed like eternity. And David says, I'm sorry, I won't ever do that again. Completely goes back, meeting starts rolling, people pick up the slack. But what happened is after that, my friend never, ever received that kind of abuse that people in the office continue to get from him, right? That guy never gave him any crap again. It's because he set a boundary. And even though he was low man on the totem pole, he created respect. This is what happens when people cross lines. I'm not saying that you need to shout their faces off. Neither am I saying that you need to do what most people do and just go, hehe. You know, it's okay. I've seen people do this in so many situations, right? Somebody makes a racist, a sexist comment they don't like in a business meeting, somebody shows up really late, doesn't respect your time. Or I know a girl in a business meeting, she was basically being hit on by the guy and didn't know what to do. So she just kind of laughed it off, pretended that it was just a joke. In these scenarios, what you need to do in so many words is say, one, hey, I don't appreciate what you just did, and two, don't ever do it again. And then quiet. That is it. I'm not asking you to yell at someone. I'm not asking you to take it home. I'm not asking you to complain about it with your friends. If you do this, you will find that the boundaries you set create more respect in all of you of your interactions. Incredibly powerful. The second thing is kind of a light version of the boundary setting, and it's this. A lot of people hate to disagree with anyone in first impression. And it's because we know that people like people that are like them. They want people that went to the same school as they did, that like the same sports teams that have the same interests. So when somebody says something that maybe we don't share, we tend to gloss right over that and look for the commonalities. But the truth is, when you bring up things that are not commonalities, in fact that you might be polar opposites on in the first impression, you create a ton of trust. Another example, because I love these. First time that I went to Brazil, I was in Rio de Janeiro and I went to the Copacabana Palace. Really nice place. Don't know if they still have parties there. If they do, check it out. And I walked in, hung around for a while, and I saw a girl that I really thought was very pretty. So I walked up, started talking to her, and I began to speak in Portuguese after a few sentences in English and she said, oh my God. Wow, your Portuguese is awesome. Like, you must be so intelligent. The people in this city are just not. They're not worldly at all. And that was one, a really nice compliment. But two, it kind of struck me as I don't know about this, because I was in Rio and I found that people extremely friendly, outgoing, exuberant, fun. And her sort of emphasis on these people are dumb was a bit of a turn off to me. So I said, listen, first off, thank you very much for the compliment. My Portuguese is only good not because I'm some sort of savant, but because I used to study Spanish. But I gotta say, for me, the most important thing about any individual is not that they've traveled to a bunch of countries or they're worldly or that they have a super high iq. It's that they make the people around them feel good and that they're fun. And she said, yeah, yeah, yeah, but you know, fun is shallow. I would prefer a guy that was intelligent and worldly any day. And she kind of looked at me going, be that guy. And I was tempted to. I wanted to go, you're right, you said I was this guy, you like this guy, Perfect, we're gonna hit it off. But I had to continue to say so. I mean, listen, I would take both, right? I want fun and intelligent. But when it comes down to it, the people that I connect with the best are the people that spread good vibes, the people that are happy and fun. And honestly, if they're not the sharpest, if they haven't traveled the world and they don't speak six languages, they just lived in their city and they have kind of an insular view, I don't really mind that. I just care that they're a good person. And we agreed to disagree, right? Right in that moment, she said, well, that's not how I am. And we continued to talk. But what happened was that a tremendous amount of trust was built between her and I because I was willing to disagree with her and she was willing to disagree with me. And what wound up happening is that we did connect. I spent the rest of the week that I was there in Rio with her. She let me stay at her place when I got kicked out of my hostel and left me alone in her house while she went to work. And I do believe that a huge, huge, huge component of that trust that was built was because so early on I was willing to say, listen, we might not be a match, we might not work out, and if we're not a match, that's totally fine. But I'm going to be transparent about it. When you let people know about the ways that you disagree with them, not shoving it down their throat, but just saying, hey, that's not how I Am we can totally agree to disagree. I'm not trying to convince you, but you should know that's not my feelings. People trust you so much more. So that's the second piece to making a really good first impression is sometimes the things that you don't have in common can be just as important as the things that you do have in common. The third piece is fake it till you make it is often misinterpreted, and it's a great piece of advice. Don't get me wrong, but fake it till you make it applies only to body language and nonverbal communication. When you start using fake it till you make it and the things that you say, that's when you run into trouble. So, for instance, the CEO who had a terrible quarter speaking in front of his company gets up there and says, hey, guys, we're doing great. Not exactly what we want, but Visa is really on track. And our numbers were kind of off in the projection, so we're killing it right now. Or, right? Guy at a networking event who goes off and pretends that he has a kind of status at his company, that he can hook people up. He goes, you know what, man? Just send me your resume. I'll get you a job, no problem. And he's got no such power. This happens all the time. People fake power that they don't have. Or a guy who wants to impress a girl takes her to a nice restaurant, really great. But rather than acting like, you know, this is a special occasion, pretends that this is something he does all the time. That kind of stuff does not fly. So here's what you want to do. Fake it till you make it. And the way that you speak and the way that you carry yourself, your tonality, the way that you gesticulate, the way that you breathe, that's going to affect your head, which is going to actually change the way that you feel, Right? Your physiology does change your emotion. And we've talked about this at length. I don't want to go into it here, but when it comes to the things that are coming out of your mouth, be honest to a fault. So, for instance, that CEO might get up there and say, guys, listen, this quarter was a disappointment. We did not hit our numbers. We didn't do the things that we needed to do. I've spoken to many of you. I've reflected on what needs to happen, and here's how we're going to do it going forward. The confidence that he speaks with is what's going to inspire people to hang on to continue. And the honesty is going to make them trust him. That, holy cow, like, we can do this. He's not just going to sugarcoat everything. Take the guy who takes a woman to a nice restaurant, right? Rather than going in and be like, oh, yeah, pretending he knows the Matrix D or that this happens all the time, or talking about his investment portfolio, whatever it is, you might go in there and say, listen, I gotta be honest. This place is way nicer than the restaurants I normally go to. So I hope that you're impressed by the food. And that makes you laugh extra hard at my jokes, right? Play it off fun, funny, but you can let people know this is special, this is nice. That honesty is gonna let her know, which is a huge concern for women, by the way, that the men that they're dating are not being real, are not being honest. When you show things that might not be to your favorite, right, and you're not doing it in a calculated way, but you're doing it because it's honest, that's going to create a bond of trust between you that is actually going to make the relationship go much, much better. The thing that ties all three of these together is this. The charismatic person, the person that is comfortable with themselves, is comfortable with the truth, and they can sit with it and they recognize this is going to make me connect really well with some people, and some people are not going to connect well. But I will not be disrespected. I'm not afraid to share my opinion, and I'm not going to pretend that that something is the case when it's not. So that is the thread that ties them all together. And I hope you see it in our other videos, because it's a big one. There are other things that can sabotage first impressions. In fact, one of them is the order that you create these four emotions in. There are four emotions that create an amazing first impression. Get the order right, it's amazing. You get the order wrong, it's sometimes not so great. So if you're curious what that is, hit the link here. It's going to take you to another video that shows you what those four emotions are and more importantly, shows you the order that you need to hit them in. Because that's the thing. A lot of people create them, but they don't do it in the right order. So if you want to see that, click the link, drop your email. It's going to take you to that video right away. If you guys have liked this video, please subscribe to the channel. We're making more of these videos, at least one a week. It's going to show up on your homepage when we do it. You'll see my face or you'll see a charisma breakdown. And sometimes we do people that are fictional characters like Tyrion Lannister, anyone from Game of Thrones. We did Muhammad Ali, maybe Arnold Schwarzenegger coming up. But we take these very charismatic people and break down exactly what they're doing so that we can learn from them. So those are some of my favorites. They take a long time but should have one of those coming very soon. So if you want to see them, subscribe to the channel and of course, any comments, any questions, drop them in the comment box below. They inspire a lot of these videos and a lot of the people that we do breakdowns of. In any event, I hope that you guys have enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.