When Someone Intimidates You, Do This...

Sometimes I struggle with the fact that, wow, there's a possibility I can really hurt somebody. It's orgasmic sometimes.

Mike Tyson is one of the most intimidating people on the planet. Not only did he terrify his opponents—

I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children.

He's famous for walking out of interviews—

You want to take this stuff off?

And calling people out.

I guess I did change because I'm not assailing you but you're irritating me right now.

But look what happened when Theo Von interviewed him.

I love you, man. You're beautiful.

What's crazy is Mike went into the interview expecting to dislike Theo I didn't think I was gonna like you.

You're a really good brother.

Really?

I thought you were just gonna be some mullet redneck.

But not all of Theo's interviews go this well. When he talked to his favorite comedian, he got way too into his own head even before the interview started.

I am— man, I'm nervous, actually.

And as a result, the whole conversation fell apart.

Well, I would say get over that. Your loved ones will save money on the funeral costs because no one's gonna go so there's not gonna be too many fucking snacks they gotta put together.

So in this video, we're going to break down exactly how to handle an intimidating person whether it's your boss or someone that you're nervous to approach so that you flip the situation like Theo did with Tyson instead of having the Theo and Bill Burr experience. Now, what's weird about the Theo-Bill conversation going so poorly is that Theo clearly respects Bill.

Today's guest is my favorite comedian.

But that respect is actually what makes him mess up the interview. Like, look at what Theo does when Bill is trying to talk about filming his special.

What's the name of the place I just—

Royal Albert Hall. Royal Albert Hall. That's one that I won't forget.

Susan Boyle has been there. Remember her? Who else?

Dude, I love how you're just fucking reaching for shit here. Napoleon? That's an old guy.

And those interruptions keep happening.

Oh, wagons are awesome. I love a station wagon.

I remember the motor opening the car and just seeing 2 pieces under there.

Bill already looks pissed off and it's only 3 minutes into the interview but the problem is when people get anxious, they start to focus on themselves more. Am I being interesting? Am I being funny? And so instead of just noticing that Bill is pissed, Theo just keeps talking and this is where the interview starts to go off the rails.

Opening the car and just seeing 2 pieces under there. My mom got an old cop car for a while and that was pretty— I never had a motorcycle, man. When I lived in Tucson, they had a guy had a school bus he cut—

And eventually, Bill has had enough.

At any point, can I promote that I have a special out here?

But it's crazy how much Theo has changed over the last 7 years because when he talks to Mike Tyson, he handles the conversation completely differently. Like when Mike tells a story about being made fun of for his clothes as a kid.

I have tar from building the picnic— I got shit on me. Some guys took me to this neighborhood dance. Everybody started laughing at me. I started laughing but I was crying. I became a criminal and I only bought nice clothes.

The biggest difference is that Theo is just letting Mike talk here.

There's something—

But Theo did something else here that actually helped a lot. Adrenaline makes everything feel urgent so when Theo paused there, it slowed him down and it gave him time to take in what Mike says. Now, Theo is one of the funniest people on the planet so eventually, he does crack a joke.

Isn't that crazy? I became a criminal by nightclothes.

You're under arrest but you look great.

Yeah. Oh, I love those.

But it's a joke that makes Mike's story funnier which is not what happens when Theo tries to be funny around Bill.

Actually, and I was doing a show in Vaz— Basra or something and I got a blowjob on an unsecure airfield. From a female and in the middle of the night in a Black Hawk helicopter. Praise God, brother.

Well, there you go. So, yes, he's been in a helicopter.

So I have been in one.

Theo's trying to make Bill laugh here but it has the opposite effect and then the final nail in the coffin is when Bill tells a story about having to give up his dog when his daughter was born and Theo asks such a weird question that Bill just gives up and leaves.

We gave her away like a year before my daughter was born so— The dog was like a bouncer. He was like, no, who the fuck is this? This person needs to be terminated.

Did you ever, uh, you ever donated sperm or anything like that when you were coming up as a comedian?

Nope, and I don't have a gun in my helicopter, but I want to thank you for having me.

This conversation with Bill is complicated. Theo's a bit off and Bill is kind of being a jerk as well, but the root of the problem is that instead of just listening to Bill, Theo is in performance mode, constantly trying to impress him. With Tyson, it's not that Theo doesn't talk; it's that his focus is totally I love the suffering.

I don't want no good time.

Right. Oh, you like the discomfort?

Oh, yes. I didn't have no favorite drug.

You didn't have a favorite, huh?

No.

By repeating what Mike said back to him or paraphrasing it, Theo makes Mike feel like he's not only being heard; he's being understood. The technical term for this is reflective listening and it can become weird and robotic if you just repeat back every word someone says but in Theo's case, it helps him stay present in the conversation and focus on Mike rather than on himself. But listening on its own doesn't create a connection. This is something that a lot of people get wrong. They think they're just supposed to be a good listener so they don't say anything but then that puts all the pressure on the other person. But choosing when to share something can either deepen the conversation or kill it completely and this is the very first mistake Theo makes with Bill. They're only 1 minute in when Theo hits him with this.

Well, yeah, that's— I just had to— I just took some dates off of the books. I got a bunch of stress, man. I was starting to lose my mind, I thought.

Oh, yeah. No, that's it.

Now, to be fair to Theo, he seems like he was genuinely having a rough time and there is nothing wrong with wanting to talk about that but sharing something deep and intense that early in a conversation can make things awkward and in Bill's case, he doesn't really know how to respond.

Wow, you're in touch with your feelings. That's good.

But Theo's genuinely stressed and doesn't really laugh.

Yeah, man, I got too many of them. I think if you beat me open, just a lot of feelings sometimes would come out. Too many.

When Theo talks to Mike, he still shares the personal stuff but he just approaches it differently.

You look sharp, Mike.

Thank you. Thank you very much. I wasn't gonna wear a suit. I was gonna be casual but I had to be casually sharp.

And then because Mike seems pretty into that, Theo asks him, Do you like dressing up or not?

I love it.

You do?

And then his questions gradually get deeper.

Do you know, like, which ones are from which fights and stuff? Do you think that God put too much power in your hands? Until Mike starts to open up You know, your mother passed away when you were young. What was she like?

Um, she was a drunk. She was a prostitute. But, um, she was who she was.

And only then, 18 minutes into the conversation, does he tell a story about what his mom was like.

You know, my mom, my mom had like an issue when I was a kid. Like, she couldn't look at me. So early on, I realized I got to take care of myself, right? I probably was a kid for maybe 45 seconds. And since then, I was an adult. I don't care if I was 2 months old. Does that make any sense to you?

Exactly.

With Bill, Theo tried to create intimacy immediately. With Mike, he let it build incrementally. But you know you've shared the right amount when the conversation keeps going versus getting shut down.

Poverty is just so beautiful sometimes.

If you can laugh at it, it's hilarious.

Oh, it is.

We had some fun.

Nothing more funny than poverty.

Oh, dude.

It doesn't matter— it doesn't care how rich or famous you get, it still affects you.

The conversations people remember are usually the ones that move beyond facts and get into something personal. That's where real connection forms but getting there without making the other person uncomfortable can be difficult.

And I was starting to lose my mind, I thought.

Oh, yeah. No, that's— it affects everybody differently.

And with an intimidating person like Tyson, it can also get confrontational.

Can you describe, Mike, what your cocaine addiction was like?

No, you can read about it in the book though.

So how do you know when it's okay to ask a deeper question or not? One way is to start by asking a wide question. that can be answered in whatever way the person finds comfortable like Theo does here with Mike.

If there was a time in your life that you could go back to and that you could just have that footage, what would it be?

Even though this question is pretty personal, it's open enough that Mike can take it any direction he wants depending on how deep he wants to go.

It'd be when I first met my mentor, Cus D'Amato. And I was in that juvenile detention, I was doing stuff there, and then I started boxing, I started changing my life, then I met him. That's the part I wish I could come back.

Yeah?

I miss that.

Because Mike chose to bring up Cus himself, Theo knows this is a subject that Mike may be willing to explore and his body language here also suggests that he's passionate about this topic and wants to say more so Theo zooms in and asks him another question.

That's the part I wish could come back.

Yeah?

I miss that.

What was it about it that—

I don't know. I had somebody I loved and they loved me.

Now, here, Theo could ask him something like, what made Cus a good mentor? Or, what did Cus teach you? But look at what he says instead.

How'd you know that he loved you?

Oh, fuck. Don't even tell me. He, um— if anybody say something negative about me, he would attack them. 75, he would attack them.

Pow pow pow pow. This is still early on in the conversation but the reason they got to such a deep place so early is because Theo just zoomed in gradually. He started with a pretty wide question.

If there was a time in your life that you could just have that footage, what would it be?

And then when Mike answered, he asked him to talk more about it.

What was it about it that—

And only then did he ask him a more personal question.

How'd you know that he loved you?

Oh, fuck.

But even though Theo and Mike are starting to connect, Theo is in a tight spot here.

So he protected you?

Yeah. Then why are you having me talking about this bullshit? Stop. Stop, motherfucker. Stop.

That's somewhere between a joke and a warning. If Theo immediately changes the subject, he risks retreating too far and coming across as weak. But if he keeps asking Mike personal questions, he risks escalating the conversation to the point of no return like in this interview here.

I couldn't handle it at all. You have to go. You understand me.

But watch what Theo does here.

Shouldn't a bell—

shouldn't we go back to our quarters for a minute? No, I think it's just interesting like there's times in your life where people come along and they kind of like hold you up by the neck and like, you know, kind of dry your cheeks and stuff like that and give you a place to be.

Everyone needs a mentor in their life— everybody.

He's still talking about the same topic but he zoomed out a level which takes the pressure off without totally shutting the topic down. As a result, Mike goes even deeper.

Now let me explain something. He was like my father. He's my adopted father— legally adopted father. I wasn't out of his sight much. If he told me to kill somebody, I would. No, I'm telling you, that's how it was. That's how deep it was.

But even though Theo was able to connect with Mike way more than Bill, it's not that he and Mike didn't have any conflict. The difference was how Theo responded to the conflict. Look at what happens towards the end of his conversation with Bill.

That's fine.

I want to show you my truck, all right? So we can bond on something. We can agree we missed the mark.

You brought up Family Man.

Have you seen that movie?

I've seen Family Guy. What about The Nice Guys?

Mm-mm.

Oh, you gotta see that.

Okay.

You gotta see that one. That's a funny one.

I'll watch The Nice Guys.

No, I don't know. I think you're looking down. You got your jaw out. You got your jaw out. It's very confrontational. I'm feeling like you're not liking my suggestions.

Now, obviously, this is the end of a rougher conversation for Theo, but Bill is genuinely trying to connect, yet Theo's acting withdrawn because he's assuming negative intent. But look at what he does when the conversation with Mike escalates.

I don't know you but those are things that I know about you.

You may think you know about me but you'll figure them out now.

Theo doesn't get defensive or retreat like he does with Bill.

You'll figure them out now.

Okay, let's go.

Oh!

Ding ding ding!

All right, all right, all right.

Thank you, Mike. Thank you for spending time with us and with me.

Thank you.

Instead, he plays along and actually expresses gratitude for Mike. This is the moment of the interview that wins Mike over.

And with me.

Thank you.

I didn't think I was gonna like you. You're a really good brother.

Really?

Thanks, bro. I appreciate that.

My wife told me, don't judge him. Don't judge him.

This is called assuming positive intent and the reason it's so powerful is that it leaves us open to connecting with the person in front of us versus the person that we thought they were going to be.

I love you, man. You're beautiful. I thought you were gonna be some mullet redneck. You're beautiful, man. You're beautiful.

But ideally, you don't want to spend every conversation consciously reminding yourself to assume positive intent Use reflective listening and zoom in and out of questions. It's too much and treating it as a bunch of separate ideas can actually make things even worse.

Just to let you know, I can't hear your inner thoughts so don't get all fucking weirded out and just walk out on me.

That's so crazy.

I feel like you're in my head, man.

So I found the best way to incorporate everything we talked about is just to focus on your body. Do everything that you can to signal to yourself that you are safe. I remember getting chewed out by a boss one time for something that I kind of deserved and I started to feel that panic and I wanted to I rushed to explain myself, to defend, to try to impress him— basically everything that this video says not to do— and I couldn't think of the exact right thing to say at the time so I just sat back in my chair, turned my palms up, lifted my chin, took a deep breath, and let him speak while I held the posture I'd have if this was a friendly conversation. That immediately made me slow down and follow just about every tip in this video. When I spoke, I asked questions to understand, I stopped impressing him or trying to defend myself, Pretty soon he was on my team saying he was going to talk to the higher-ups at the company to explain that my mistake wasn't such a huge deal. That wasn't me running through a checklist. I changed what my body was doing and everything else followed. Because knowing these ideas is one thing, but being able to use them when you're nervous, intimidated, or desperate to make a good impression is something else. And that's what Charisma University helps you to practice. Over 30 days, it gives you a clear action to take each day so skills like these become habits that you can rely on in real conversations. The goal is to stop searching for the perfect thing to say and start feeling calm, present, and confident without even having to think about it. You also get a 60-day money-back guarantee so you can complete the entire program, put it into practice, and decide for yourself whether it's made a meaningful difference. Thousands of people have now gone through Charisma University and here's how just 2 of those members described the difference it made for them. One member wrote, In conversation, I'd find myself hesitant to speak or I'd get caught in my own head overthinking things. After Charisma University, I am now way more confident in saying what I think and how I feel even in bigger group settings. Another member experienced a similar change. In the past, when meeting new people, I'd freeze and my mind would go blank or I couldn't get out of my head. Now, I feel that same confidence and peace of mind that I have with my friends when meeting new people. Thanks to Charisma University, I have built a great circle of new friends. If you want to see if Charisma University can do the same for you, click the link below to learn more. Either way, I hope that you've enjoyed today's video. I look forward to seeing you in the next one.