3 Bad Habits That Make People Think You're Creepy

Mark Zuckerberg is having a rough time. Not only does he have to deal with congressional hearings, but it seems like a good portion of the Internet hates him or at least doubts his humanity. And it isn't because of the Cambridge Analytica scandal. It's because of the way that he presents himself. So in this video, I'm going to show you the kind of sad reason why some people are just harder to trust than others. And it's easier to write them off as potentially evil. And it's why negative reputations just seem to stick to them no matter what they do. I'm also going to help you find out if you are losing trust without even realizing it, plus teach you what to do to get it back. So, first off, as a principle, we humans like and trust people who show us that they have nothing to hide. And this isn't just metaphorical. Seeing the inside of someone's hands, seeing their palms, tends to put people at ease. The handshake actually originated as a way to show that neither person was carrying a weapon. But Zuckerberg almost never shows us his palms when he speaks, which winds up feeling unsettling.

First, let me say this. I care deeply about the democratic process and protecting its integrity. Facebook's mission is all about giving people a voice and bringing people closer together. Those are democratic values, and we're proud of them.

And it's not just in his hands that Zuckerberg appears to be holding back. In fact, one of his most memeable traits is his smile, which often seems to end pretty abruptly. This further disintegrates any trust that might have been built, because the speed with which his smile ends implies that it must be fake. After all, most people are incapable of going from really smiling to neutral so fast, so we subconsciously assume that the smile must have been a manipulation. Similarly, when Zuckerberg makes mistakes while speaking, he tries to cover them up really quickly. He's nervous, and he doesn't want the audience to spend time focusing on anything that's gonna make them laugh at him. But his inability to just let a joke have its moment digs him in an even deeper hole. So just watch this clip for an example of that.

Try not to let stuff bother you as much as possible, but it is gonna bother you because you're human. And I was human. I am human still, but. But I was just referring to myself in the past, not that I was not human.

If you're wondering how to handle embarrassing situations in a more charismatic way, watch how Chris Evans handles it in this Next clip, he gives the joke that was played on him time to actually play out. He laughs at himself and even has to play the clip of the joke back so that he can laugh again.

You got me.

Can we play it back? I really want to see almost every example that you'll see of people calling Zuckerberg robotic, including some of the ones we just watched, fall into the category of him behaving in an incongruent manner, which I believe is his biggest charisma issue. In short, congruency is when what you're saying and how you're saying it match. When they don't, it's incongruent. So for a perfect example of incongruence, there's an old Seinfeld joke about a woman who does this whenever she hears a funny joke.

It shows at least he's making an effort.

That's funny.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

That is textbook incongruence. What she is saying doesn't match her facial expressions. Here's Will Smith, on the other hand, showing what congruence looks like. The eyes, the smile, the tonality, and the words, all indicating that he does, in fact, enjoy being famous now.

You know what? Cause I've met a lot of people where fame can be a burden. And I just love it, man. Like, I do. I really do. You know, you just go. You be pointing at people.

This is where Zuckerberg runs into trouble. Just listen to him talk about Facebook's mission in this next clip. This is an area where you'd expect some passion, maybe some variation in vocal tonality, but this is what you get instead.

Senator? Yes, there will always be a version of Facebook that is free. It is our mission to try to help connect everyone around the world and to bring the world closer together. In order to do that, we believe that we need to offer a service that everyone can afford, and we're committed to doing that.

That is not at all congruent. And it's important to know that when verbal and nonverbal signals contradict one another, we don't trust the verbal ones. We don't trust the words. So in this case, we wind up wondering what Facebook's mission really is. Perhaps something more nefarious. And you see another example of this incongruence in the next clip. Zuckerberg here is talking about his favorite Instagram filter, but he doesn't seem particularly enthusiastic, judging by his monotone voice.

New face filters on Instagram today. This is my favorite one so far. Nice job, team.

In addition, Zuckerberg's smile often lacks congruence within itself, since it doesn't often activate the muscles around his eyes that would signify a genuine smile. And of course, you have the fast disappearing smile that we saw earlier. In this case, I grabbed a clip of Colbert, also at a Senate hearing, just so that you can compare how even when Colbert's more natural smile fades, it remains in his eyes. You see something similar when Zuckerberg is puzzled. He says that he's not sure what a question means, but he doesn't signal any confusion by furrowing his eyebrows or moving his head at all. So we wind up wondering if he's just avoiding the question by a diversion. No. Are you willing to change your business model in the interest of protecting individual privacy?

Congresswoman I'm not sure what that means.

This is why people jokingly but seriously sometimes think that Zuckerberg is evil. Like low congruency equals low trust. And when you can't trust someone, you're likely to infer malicious intent when there might really just have been a mistake of oversight, like could be the case with this whole Cambridge Analytica thing. You're also likely to discount positive stories that are associated with that person, like the fact that Zuckerberg has pledged 99% of his Facebook shares to charity and how he's already donated billions to help cure diseases around the world. You're likely to think fondly of the charming Warren Buffet driving modest cars, but ignore the fact that Zuckerberg does the same. And you're likely to forgive and forget the real life monopolistic practices from the endearing Bill Gates, but assume that Zuckerberg must want to conquer the world as part of his own evil scheme. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that Zuckerberg is a good or a bad person, or that you should or shouldn't trust him. My point, in a nutshell, is that if you lack congruence, the bad sticks to you much more than it would to someone else. And if you have high congruence and high charisma, people will assume the best about you. It's not fair, it's just the way that humans are wired. My guess is that Zuckerberg has low congruence not because he is lying, which is what it sometimes feels like, but because he is in the habit of not expressing himself. And this actually isn't that uncommon in people who grew up nerdy or shy. Sometimes they learned that it was better to just stay in their heads and not express themselves physically so that they wouldn't be noticed. So, like Zuckerberg, these people tend to not modulate their voices or furrow their brows or speak with their hands, laugh uncontrollably, or even walk with motion in their arms. Now, most of us are not this bad, but we probably have occasions where we get nervous and maybe stop expressing ourselves as much, which means that we can come across as weird when we're really just nervous or anxious. And the solution in almost every case is to get out of your head and into your body. So if you feel it happen when you're out at a bar, get on the dance floor for a few minutes and just shake things out. Or if you're at a networking event, you can't do that. Take a quick lap around, let your arms sway, and you can even give yourself a quick stretch as you walk. This might seem weird, but as a society, we are so stuck in our heads that we oftentimes need something weird to break us out. And when you are more comfortable expressing your body, you find that your emotions flow much more freely and that your expressions match your words more easily. You become more congruent. That means that you wind up speaking.

Like this, able to join hands and sing in the words of the old negro spiritual, free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty, we are free at last.

As opposed to this.

Senator? Yes, there will always be a version of Facebook that is free. It is our mission to try to help connect everyone around the world and to bring the world closer together. In order to do that, we believe that we need to offer a service that everyone can afford, and we're committed to doing that.

One quick announcement. We at Charisma on Command are hiring, and we're actually looking for someone with Internet marketing experience at a seven or eight figure company. And even if they have a job right now, we would still love to hear from them because this is a super cool position and you just might want to join even if you already have a job. So all the details are going to be in a link in the description. But even if that doesn't sound like you, if you wind up referring the applicant that we hire and that person stays for six months, we're going to give you $5,000 for helping with such an important hire. So if you're interested, just go ahead, take a look to see if this is you or someone that you know. Also, if you want to check out our course on first impressions, it goes far beyond how to not be awkward and into how to actually be charismatic. Every single time the link is in the description. You can just join, throw your name on the email list, check out that video after and purchase the course to get a chance to go through it right away. Also, subscribe hit the notification bell. All that fun stuff. Basically, you just don't want to miss next week's video because it's gonna be a weird one and I am sharing some very interesting stuff that I have gone through personally. So I'm looking forward to seeing you in that video. Hope that you enjoy this one and I will see you very soon.