3 Steps To Go From Shy To Confident

Jumanji is back. And once again, the Rock, Kevin Hart and Jack Black are getting together. All three are super charismatic. We've covered them in previous breakdowns, but today I thought it would be fun to combine their strengths and talk about how you can build rock solid confidence from the ground up. Going from shy to confident. And to do this, I'll be pulling from some previous videos I've made, as well as some new clips to learn how to combine the best of Kevin, Dwayne and Jack into one confident mega beast. So let's start from ground zero. You're new to a group, no one knows you, or maybe you're even in that group for a while. But you're just shy. It's hard to feel confident when you're being ignored or overlooked. And it's in these times that Kevin Hart's penchant for commanding attention is exactly what you need.

Now, you know when you get smacked when you a kid, you get hyped when you get by yourself. You gonna smack me in front of my friends?

There are two important steps to commanding attention while you speak. First, you need to grab attention, and then you have to keep it. Now, when it comes to grabbing people's attention, giving them a reason to care goes a long way. So no matter if you're about to tell a story, make a joke, or contribute your opinion on, you can more easily get a group to listen by describing why what you're about to say matters, like Kevin does here. And then you got. You got asked to meet the President of the United States. Huge.

Huge. I mean, let me tell you why this was huge, Jim.

Kevin achieves the goal of gathering attention even more subtly in this next clip by hinting at a strong emotion in the story to come.

Here's where my frustration moment came. I'm by myself.

It's real. I can tell this is real. This is gonna be a real one.

I'm by myself.

These habits can help wallflowers avoid what is unfortunately fairly common for them, having their contributions in conversation ignored. But if you give people a reason, a strong emotion, or just hint at some drama to come, you build anticipation and make people more likely to listen to what you're about to say. Now, one thing that can be tricky if you're shy is the penchant groups have to interrupt one another. If you're shy, you're likely to defer rather easily and potentially fall out of conversation entirely. So a simple, better habit to convey confidence is to be a bit less deferential when you begin to Speak. And one way to do this is to repeat yourself until you have the group's attention. This is a fairly extreme version, but here's what it looks like when Kevin does it.

Right now, let's. I think it's happening that I'm the cool guy. Kevin is incredibly awkward in the way he's handling this.

I think we need to be honest here. I don't think I've ever been the awkward guy.

Now, this level of persistence may feel over the top, but when you're extremely shy, moving in the direction of being more assertive is often what is necessary. It doesn't mean that you need to repeat every little sentence that is talked over or that you'll never get cut off again. But it does mean that you should practice repeating yourself a few times in the event that you do get cut off, even if it means coming back to a point after a short detour where the group went in a different direction. Now, repeating yourself might get, well, a little bit repetitive. So another simple way to grab people's attention is by speaking a bit more loudly than usual. And of course, this can be in extreme cases, as is here with the joke.

I just wanna back roll up security serious.

Or you can simply enter into convers, a bit of a louder tone to clear some airtime to convey your ideas. Like here.

No, no, this is really bad. This is really bad. But as you can see, I was a cool kid, though.

He was cool in high school.

Yeah, always cool. You could tell I never had a problem with being cool.

In order to keep attention once you've captured it, having something interesting to say is, of course, a good thing, but often not enough. You've probably heard a teacher or professor delivering a lecture in a monotonous voice. No matter how good the content is, it's easy to lose focus. But look how Kevin Hart tells the story.

And I'd be damned if I didn't feel a flame, like, brush by my cheek a little bit. I said, hey, man, I just felt the flame. He's like. He goes, impossible. I say to myself, I was like, I'm sick of this.

If you speak like this, alternating with moments of more slowed, subdued energy, and then with moments of higher intensity, perhaps volume and pace, you keep people's attention. Changing your pitch. And playing characters by giving them different voices. And gesticulating can be even more effective because it pulls people into the story. Like here.

When it comes to really painting the picture, Jake is, they're coming, they jump.

If that seems like too much for strangers, you can Start by practicing this habit with your friends. That way, it doesn't matter if you come across as a little bit goofy moving along. Once you get comfortable commanding attention, the most confident thing to do can be counteract, counterintuitive. It's to redistribute some of that attention back to other people. This is where the rock style comes in. He is a big dude in every way, from his physical size to his gestures to his smile to his position as a triple A list celebrity. So attention naturally gravitates towards him.

It's okay. Come on. Come here. Come here. Come on, man. Come here. Look.

It's pretty.

It's beautiful. Look at that. Just a butterfly. Come here.

Always me, look.

Hold your hand up.

But instead of basking in the spotlight and making everything about himself, Dwayne takes the opposite approach. He often brings it back to other people. And when you make the people around you feel included and appreciated, you set yourself up as a leader in any situation, which, of course, can make your confidence skyrocket. Now, an easy and super effective way to make people feel included is by giving them recognition, especially when they're not expecting it. For instance, watch how Dwayne remembers and congratulates this interviewer. I was really excited when I found out you were gonna be in this movie because I thought.

Hold on a second, dude. Hold on. Hold on a second. Congratulations. I know it's a year, year and a half ago. You graduated, dude. Thank you, my friend. Good to see you kicking ass. You're out in the world. You're kicking ass.

Hanging out with you.

You're in Rio with you, man. Look at this.

Where do we go? It's all downhill from here. Where do we go? Or take a look here, where he praises the interviewer's question and acknowledges his passion for his job. How did they make that look like.

You actually fell down, hit the landing.

And then you continue in the same shot.

So cool question. So we had a camera rig. I love your questions, by the way.

Thanks, man.

This is why you love movies, man.

I love this stuff, man. This is my favorite stuff to ask.

I love it.

In your own life, you can deliver these types of compliments. After someone tells a funny story or share something that they're proud of, you pause the flow of conversation for a short bit just to let them know what you appreciate about them, assuming, of course, that you do in fact appreciate it. It is a short moment, but it can mean a lot to someone. Now, this is especially true of those people who might expect to be overlooked this can be younger colleagues at school or work, or the service people at your favorite food joint. A good rule of thumb when you're in a position of high status is that if you find yourself telling a story or answering questions for more than two minutes, it's probably a good idea to bring it back to the other person by asking their opinion, turning the question back on them, or just starting a new, more inclusive conversational thread. Though, of course, if they insist on hearing you share a story or a lesson, it's totally fine to continue. Now, another way in which Dwayne involves other people and makes them feel appreciated is through friendly touch. Here you can see him expressing his love for Danny DeVito, who he knows quite well at this point.

A lot of fun. A lot of fun. I love it.

But for people who he might not be comfortable kissing on the head, the Rock also has a habit of offering enthusiastic high fives.

Herman, right now I got your carrot top. Reese Witherspoon. How badass was that dude?

Despite how juvenile they may seem, high fives are actually an easy way to spread positivity and develop confidence for leading a conversation in a more energetic direction. When you offer someone a high five for any silly reason, most people will follow your lead, and it tends to boost both people's mood, which of course leads to both of you feeling more confident for the rest of that interaction. And the last thing which you also saw in that last clip, is to laugh generously. It's a simple way to give appreciation in a way that lifts everyone up. And it's especially effective once you've become a leader in your group.

And you just fucking just.

So far, we've talked about building from shyness towards greater comfort and holding attention, then to spreading that attention back to others as your confidence booms. But one thing that is common to both modes of being, whether you're more towards the shy or already feeling a bit more confident, is the need for commitment. And this is where Jack Black comes in. Because he fully commits to his actions, that's what makes him able to go off with hilarious bits of physical comedy. Like here you see another great example of that commitment in this next clip where Jack is asked to imitate the Rock and he even gets that habit of recognizing interviewers as he does so.

I'm glad you asked that question. First of all, you're Kathleen from Screen Junkies, right? I never forget a face. I never forget a thing. Life is a delicious drink that you have to suck deep.

Now, commitment can be easier said than enacted. When you're in an uncomfortable position because in those situations, most of us get very stuck in our heads, wondering how we're being perceived. But of course, acting hesitant only makes us feel less confident, which makes us come across even worse. And you can see this vicious cycle in action in a young Jaden Smith in this next clip. He has the right idea of repeating himself when he's cut off, but without conviction. He just gets talked over and feels doubly ignored.

But yeah, no, that is something you guys that'll get you really humble.

How does that keep you humble? Well, because people sort of. Often the solution then to building more conviction is actually to lowering your standards. Oftentimes that lack of conviction comes from an inability to simply relax and do something that you're unfamiliar with less than perfectly to allow yourself to say something dumb or do something poorly without self reproach, as Jack often does. And you can see in his Dwayne Johnson rant, for instance, that he repeats the same words but just plows through.

That's the approach that I take to life. That's how I approach everything. Life is a delicious drink that you have to suck deep. There's no time.

And when he plays basketball with Kevin Hart, he's terrible. But his enthusiasm makes everyone glad to have him on the court anyway.

Alright, it's game time. I yelled that so loud I got lightheaded.

Yes, and this is yet another key. Jack is committed to having fun. And when you fully commit to the things that you do from that perspective of having fun, most people will end up liking and respecting you no matter how ridiculous you look. And even more importantly, you will feel much more confident because you won't be held back by your perceived lack of skill or talent. Here Jack is explaining the core of this mindset.

Did you see my moves?

Yeah, I did.

So I don't really have the moves. No, you do, but I thought I'd make up for it with just like.

Commitment to putting all this in practice. First, figure out where you are on the spectrum for more shy and reserved to outgoing and talkative. If you're closer to shy, play around with speaking more loudly like Kevin Hart. Get a bit more into your characters when you tell story and speak as if you expect to be listened to, perhaps repeating yourself if you get cut off. If you're already more of an outgoing leader, you might try laughing a little bit bigger at other people's jokes like the Rock. You can give enthusiastic high fives to include more people or simply deliver compliments with eye contact and sincerity. To further reinforce your own confidence while making other people feel good. If you practice, even just for a day, one of these behaviors in a way that is committed to being playful, your results and confidence will shoot through the roof. If you want more help with how exactly to do that, our Charisma University program comes with 30 daily action guides that give you the step by step path to unshakeable confidence. You can read all about it in the link below, but the best way to let you know what the course is about is to just let members speak for themselves. So here are just a few of the things that CU members have written in the first is from a guy who was interviewing for new jobs. He says, I interviewed at dozens of places for jobs after medical school. At the end of one of my interview days, the doctor pulled me aside and said that I, hands down had the best interview out of everybody and they would love to have me at their program. They ranked me number one and it's my current job. Another person wrote about their social life saying, it has been truly incredible. I've instantly had results that seem insane. So many more meaningful connections, my friendships have improved and my interactions with total strangers are new. Exciting, fulfilling thing. I want to recommend this to everyone. This should be in our basic education system. And this last one is from someone who says that the course has been life changing. And he says your course has been life changing to the point where I wake up in the mornings feeling like I've been transferred to a new person's body. The person I kept dreaming about becoming before I found charisma on command. It is incredible. I found myself and I found what makes me happy. And you can see more success stories like these in the comments if you decide to join the course. If you do so, if you it comes with a 60 day money back guarantee which is 100% for any reason at all. And I make it 60 days even though the course is only 30 because I want to make sure that every single member truly feels like they're getting a ton of value out of the course. Otherwise you can just refund. So if you want to check the course out, go ahead, click the link on screen now or below in the description. We've had thousands of members go through this course get a ton out of it, introverts, extroverts, men and women from all over the globe and I would love for you to do the same. Either way, I hope that you enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.