4 AWFUL Habits That Make People Disrespect You

Earning respect in Westeros often looks like.

Her children are b.

But in the real world there are ways of gaining respect and power that are not about projecting strength, but the truth of who you are. So in this video we'll be using a dying man's speech to show how you can influence effortlessly and command respect for who you truly are. First, though, you need to understand the difference between force, manipulation and power. In the context of this video, force is when you get your needs met by threatening, punishing or incentivizing other people. This is the dominant mode of control that we see in Westeros, like when Daemon threatens the Kingsguard about joining Rhaenyra's cause.

Swear anew your oath to Rhaenyra as.

Your queen or know that you will die screaming. Do we are told or get burned alive? People fall in line because that's not a deal they want to take. In our world you see force at play, often in the workplace with threats of firing or promises of reward if you do as you're commanded. The clear incentives of force make it extremely effective at influencing people quickly, but loyalty only lasts as long as the threat or incentive does. As soon as the punishment or reward moves, the knives come out. A much more subtle form of control that lasts a bit longer is manipulation. Manipulation can involve outright lying to get people to act in your interests, but usually it involves sharing truths that make people do what you want while leaving out the parts that move them in a different direction. Otto Hightower lives in this realm, as in the next clip where he's talking to Viserys about remarrying after his wife's death. He tells the truth in a way that talks Viserys out of marrying Laena Velaryon for Dut, but conveniently leaves out that his own daughter would be the next choice, improving Otto's standing immensely.

I dearly loved my own lady wife. The pain of her passing still haunts me and to be compelled to replace her for duty's sake. You are the king, but I do.

Not envy you when they're manipulating people, smuggle their needs into their advice to other people so they may try to convince you that something is in your best interest when their true motivation is to change your behavior to solve a problem in their life. Margaery Tyrell is an expert at this. Watch how she subtly convinces Tommen to move away from his mother while hiding that it was in her best interest and not necessarily Tommen's.

It's so wonderful to have her watching over you. A lioness guarding her Cub. Well, I'm a man now.

But you'll always be her baby boy.

It's no wonder she's so protective of you. She'll never let you out of her sight.

For most of our viewers, this is the most common form of control that you are likely to exert on and receive from others. It can look like a friend pushing you to stay out late and live a little rather than just admitting that they don't want to party alone. Or it could be you being super agreeable in a new relationship, only to relax into your authentic self and create issues once you feel more safely connected. Now you don't need to beat yourself up for this. Most of us have been socialized to get our needs met in this indirect way. But you do want to become aware of manipulative tendencies you may have. In part because when people discover the self serving nature of your advice, you lose respect and power. Which is exactly what happened with Otto and Viserys.

She was a calculated distraction. I only now realize how well calculated it was. That is an absurdity. Your interests no longer align with those of the Realm. Your judgment has been compromised. The Crown and the Realm both owe you a debt that can never be repaid. But I can no longer trust your.

Judgment, even if no one calls it out. Though, when you manipulate, you train yourself to be indirect in how you meet your needs, which holds you back from true power. Now true power is rare, especially in Westeros. It comes from revealing your needs and the truth of your experience without coercing anyone to meet those needs or to agree with your truth. This makes you disarmingly magnetic. And this is what we see from Viserys at dinner.

I wish you to see me as I am now.

Being open about your needs and your truth is easier to do when your authentic feelings match what people like to hear. We've covered this often on our channel. Being more upbeat, complimentary and silly from a genuine place all make you super magnetic. So don't stop.

You got fat.

But when your truth is that you're in pain or a need that you have makes you feel weak, being open can feel much more challenging. So here's some guidance to become powerful and have people respect you for who you actually are. First, when beginning a tough conversation, perhaps about something someone close to you does that upsets you, share the complexity of your emotional truth. It's rare that tough feelings are all one thing or all another. It's often a mix of love and pain, hope and fear. Viscera begins by noting this fact.

It Both gladdens my heart and fills me with sorrow to see these faces around the table.

Second, own clearly when you're asking someone else to behave in a way that makes you feel better. Unlike Otto or Margaery who try to smuggle their needs into what's best for the person they're speaking with, real power takes ownership of what it's looking to accomplish. It doesn't hide behind this is what's best for you. And if that's not your deepest motivation, Viserys again states this clearly.

Set aside your grievances if not for the sake of the Crown and for the sake of this old man who loves you all so dearly.

If there is a situation where you may have a conflict of interest, say in a sales position or trying to get your friend to stay out late, as we mentioned before, you can own it and still use persuasive tools by saying something like look, I'm biased because of this reason, but I do think you'd benefit because and then state things from their perspective. The point is to acknowledge how your advice meets your own needs so that the other person can make a well informed decision about what's best for them and still trust your intentions. Third, power is most effective when it's consistent. A big reason Viserys plea was ignored as soon as he left the room was because he spent a lifetime using force and manipulation. He demanded inauthenticity as to the parentage of Rhaenyra's kids, neglected his last three children even when Aemond lost an eye, and consistently, consistently threatened those around him.

Did you say it? I don't know what you mean. You will address me as your Grace or I will have my Kingsguard. Cut out your tongue and let it be known. Anyone whose tongue dares to question the birth of Princess Rhaenyra's sons should have.

It removed for power and vulnerability to move people around you. It can't just be a one time thing, so don't treat this as a strategy to immediately persuade others. Fourth, don't pretend your demands are request. Which means that if you ask someone for something really sweetly, but then rage when you don't get the answer you want, you are breaking this rule. Criston Cole is a perfect example of this. He approaches Rhaenyra, asking her to be with him in an apparently vulnerable showing.

I'm asking you to come with me.

In Essos.

You could marry me.

But when Rhaenyra denies him, he actively sabotages her children's training, antagonizes her new lover and later crowns her half brother king instead of her behind the facade of his vulnerable request was a demand and a threat. That is force, and it leads to the bitterness that you see overtake Cristen. In order not to confuse demands and requests, our final point can be helpful, which is to recognize that anytime you are obsessing over someone else's behavior or need it to be a certain way, you're giving your power away. This can happen with an interviewer hoping that you will get offered a job, a crush hoping that they date you, or even a family member hoping that they understand you. We obsess in those situations because we think someone else has the key to our happiness. And of course, it's true that other people's behavior can hurt or help you to feel good. But the truth, deep down, is that many of the emotions we think other people inflict on us actually come from the way that we treat ourselves when triggered by other people's acceptance or rejection. For instance, Criston was not wrong to be heartbroken as a result of Rhaenyra's rejection. But what compounded that pain was the story he told about how he had nothing left.

I took an oath.

As a knight of your Kingsguard. An oath of chastity. I've broken it. I've soiled my white cloak. It is the only thing I have to my f. Ing name. Criston, like so many of us, could not feel who he was if it ran counter to the norms of his society, because Westerosi custom said that he. He had no honor. He stopped feeling the honor that existed in his heart and could have remained in his deeds because his ego told him that he had nothing to his name. He overlooked all the wonderful experiences life had in store for him, like the simple joy of the wind on his face as he sailed across the sea. Or just having really, amazingly great hair. Congrats, Ser Crispin.

Ser Crispin, wasn't it? Ser Criston Cole, my prince. Ah, yes. Apologies. I couldn't recall.

But this is the foundation of. Of power. It's not having the great hair, but it's the recognition of all that you currently have and are. Whereas force and manipulation believe that other people need to do certain things for you to be okay. Power recognizes that other people can only trigger you to forget how okay you are deep down. When you take a deep breath, feel your heartbeat, and find your power, you will realize that being rejected does not make you unlovable. Being mistreated does not make you deserving of it. Being excluded from a group does not mean you must feel lonely, nor does being accepted mean the opposite of all this. From a place of power, you'll wind up caring less about making people behave in this way or that way, and more about expressing yourself authentically. You stop wanting people to see you in a way that pleases them. And like Viserys, you truly mean.

I wish you to see me.

Having the courage to meet your own needs, meet them directly, and thereby reveal who you truly are is the only way that people can respect you for who you are. Everything else is just people respecting or fearing your facade. And though not every person is going to respond positively to the authentic you, in time the people who don't respect you will filter themselves out, creating space for those who do. And in time, both your inner and outer experience becomes supportive of your happiness. That is the essence of power. And though it may feel highly uncomfortable at first, it can become the most effortless way to live once you get the hang of it. And if you're looking for more guidance on building social power quickly, you might like to check out our course, Charisma University. It is a step by step program for making huge strides in your confidence and charisma. In less than 30 days, guaranteed over 14,000 viewers like you have joined. And here's what just a few few of them have to say. My biggest breakthrough has been gaining more confidence. If you knew me a year ago, you'd see a socially awkward guy. But that same guy had hidden confidence and charisma that has now been unleashed. If you're reading this or listening right now, think about who you want to be in a year. This course will teach you how to be that person. Another young man used it in his school and says the YouTube videos are great, but the courses are amazing. Ever since I first started, I've gotten to know so many other people and their friends.

Friends.

So many opportunities have opened up to me. I've been invited to so many hangouts and it has been amazing. And finally, your course has been life changing to the point where I wake up in the mornings feeling like I've been transferred to a new person's body. The person I kept dreaming about becoming before I found charisma on command. It is incredible. I found myself and I found what makes me happy. And you can see more comments like those if you decide to join the course in the comments underneath the videos. If you do so, you have a full 60 day money back guarantee for any reason, which means you have plenty of time to go through the course, get all the value, see a transformation in your life, and then decide if it was worth it. Otherwise you can get a refund. So if you want to join, click the link on screen right now or in the description below. We've had thousands of people men, women, introverts, extroverts get a ton of value from this course and I would love for you to do the same. I hope you decide to join, but either way, I hope that you've enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.

I hope you enjoyed.