This is a YouTube video titled "5 AWFUL Phrases That Lower Your Social Standing" created in November 2017. The content features Charlie Houpert delivering a monologue focused on communication skills, specifically highlighting common phrases that reduce charisma and persuasiveness, and suggesting better alternatives to improve social interactions and relationships.
In the past, I've spoken a lot about phrases that you're going to want to add to your vocabulary in order to become more charismatic and persuasive. But the truth is, far more common are phrases that you currently have in your vocabulary that are killing your charisma, that are making you far less persuasive, that are getting people to fight with you. So in this video, what I want to do is talk about five of those most common phrases and give you things that you can substitute so that you're just getting rid of the bad stuff so that your natural charisma can shine through. The first one of these is not the worst, but it is the most common, and it's really a missed opportunity. So just imagine that you got a friend who is flying in from out of town, and he comes in, he asks you if you can pick him up at the airport, and like a good friend, you say yes. You drive down to the airport, he gets in your car, and he says thank you. To which you reply, like many of us do, no problem. This is a huge, huge missed opportunity. Because what you're saying when you say no problem to someone that you've just done a favor for is that the reason that you did it isn't because you value his friendship because you wanted to see him, but. But because it wasn't a huge cost to you. And it kind of implies that if it had been a huge cost, you might not be there to pick them up in the first place. Much stronger than this is happy to help. And in this case, you might want to say, hey, man, you're a great friend. I'm happy to see you and happy to help. If you do this, you are building this around the relationship that you have and not just insisting. Well, I'm only here because I was in the area. Now, are there situations in your life where you hold the door for a stranger? They say thank you, and you might say, no problem. Sure, not a big deal. This is more for those times when you genuinely do a favor. You don't want to cut it down. You want to use it as a chance to really reinforce the relationship that you have. The second one, now, this is one that actually inspired this video. I heard this and I cringed and I went, I have to make a video on phrases that are ruining your charisma. I was at a restaurant just picking up food, and there was a guy in there that was speaking to a waiter, and I heard it on my way out. He said, you screwed up my bill, and I walked down and I just grated one because it bothers me when people speak to waiter in a different way, that they might speak to someone who's just not a waiter that they don't have that power over. But that phrase in and of itself is immediately casting blame. When you say you messed up or you screwed up, you are going to get that person to dig in their heels and fight you. Because what you're implying is that they are somehow wrong. Now, this waiter has no power in this dynamic because it's so asymmetrical. He did go along with it, but if you do this in your life, you're just inviting resistance. Much more powerful is to say something like this, hey, I think there may be a mistake on my bill. Can you help me figure it out? Now, this is powerful for two reasons. The first reason is that you're using the passive voice. You're not trying to say that he did it. And in fact, he might not have made the mistake. It could have been the cashier. And there's also been times, I know in my life and probably in yours, where you've been certain that somebody screwed something up. You checked it three times, you showed it to them, and then they pointed out how you were wrong in the first place, and you just look like an idiot. So by saying, I think there may be a mistake, you're not focusing on who's to blame. You're just focusing on, I want to fix this. And then that second part, could you please help me figure this out? Could you please help me get to the bottom of this? That puts you on the same team and actually sets up a goal. You mess this up, there's no way to learn to do and then to build a relationship off of that. So hope this has helped you take five things that you may be doing in your life and to substitute them with things that will make you more persuasive and charismatic. If you're curious about that first video, that has six things that you're probably, probably not doing that you might want to add, I will link to that right up here. If you're new and you want to subscribe to the channel, we have videos every Monday and Thursday to help you be your most confident and charismatic self. So hit that. And I've said this before, if you haven't already hit that notification bell, because you're not going to see our videos if it doesn't happen. YouTube just isn't serving them up as much. Hope you enjoyed this video and I will see you in the next one.
