5 Common Habits That Kill Your Confidence

A sad irony of the Joker is.

That it's only after his descent into madness that Arthur appears happy and confident. But of course, turning on the world isn't the only way to feel mentally strong. And that's why in this video, I want to use Arthur's story to talk about five habits that kill your mental.

Fortitude and your confidence and what you.

Can do instead to build mental toughness. And I fully recognize that Arthur is someone with atypical neurology whose mental illness.

Has a slew of causes outside of of his control.

But these habits aren't helping him, and I think they make an excellent jumping off point to reveal tweaks that any of us can make to feel better.

In our own lives.

Joker spoilers will of course follow. First off, we see that Arthur often engages in fantasy, imagining first that Murray would love him as a son.

You see all this, the lights, the show, the audience, all that stuff. I'd give it all up in a heartbeat to have a kid like you.

And then later he fantasizes that he could just stroll into his neighbor's apartment after committing a triple homicide and make out with her out of nowhere. We've talked about the power of visualization in past videos, particularly on Conor McGregor. Vividly envisioning a desired outcome can make you more likely to achieve it. But it's important to note that Arthur's fantasies do not have the same positive impact as the visualizations that we discussed. And the fundamental difference is that visualizations include the work necessary to achieve a goal, whereas fantasies focus just on the crowning moment of glory. Arthur doesn't imagine practicing a stand up routine with improved timing. He doesn't imagine proper introducing himself to his neighbor or asking her on a date. He skips right to the unearned payoff. Now you definitely want to avoid this trap in your own life. Otherwise you're conditioning yourself to be a dreamer that never quite makes it. So make sure that your visualizations include not just the moment of success, but also some of the realistic effort that is going to be required to get there. That will inspire you to take the appropriate actions rather than simply waiting for miracles to occur. Which takes us to the second point. All Arthur and his environment undermine his own self efficacy. He doesn't feel as if he can take steps to change his life. And we see an example of when he's falsely accused of stealing a sign from work. He barely protests, never even returned his.

Sign because I got jumped. Didn't you hear?

If you don't return the sign, I Gotta take it out of your paycheck. Are we clear?

This unwillingness to self advocate may come from Arthur's upbringing. His mother reinforces the idea that Arthur is incapable of changing by constantly insisting that the only path to a better life is for Thomas Wayne to come out of the blue and rescue them.

Why would he help us?

Because Thomas Wayne is a good man. If he knew how we were living, if he saw this place, it would make him sick.

Arthur's lack of self confidence and self.

Efficacy is further compounded by her insistence on a fixed mentality when it comes to skill acquisition. For instance, when Arthur talks about doing stand up, she doesn't encourage him to practice, but instead instead treats his talent as something that is completely limited and fixed.

Everybody's telling me that my stand up's ready for the big clubs.

Happy? What makes you think you could do that?

What do you mean?

I mean, don't you have to be funny to be a comedian?

Now she has a point. Arthur's jokes probably won't go over very well. But rather than talking about being funny, a better frame would be to talk about the need to practice writing jokes. One implies a helpless worldview. You either are or you aren't. And dreams can never be achieved if you aren't. And the other implies that dedicated hard work can make an impact. But instead Arthur feels helpless with the exception of the one thing that ever gave him, power, Violence.

Now, your circumstances may not be as.

Dire as Arthur's, but the lesson remains. If you want to feel confident, don't undercut your own self efficacy. Take steps, even small ones, to affirm that you can improve your life, be.

It by exercising, striking up conversation with people that you encounter during your day.

Or standing up for yourself when you feel that you're being treated unfairly. We have videos that can help you specifically with starting those conversations and on.

The best ways to handle conversational aggression.

But the mindset that you can achieve and are worthy of an excellent life, no matter where you start from, is absolutely true. And that's what I want to emphasize to you here.

Now, the third thing that I want.

To talk about is a problem that many of us face, which is that Arthur has no outlet where he can honestly express his emotions, particularly the most challenging ones.

All I have are negative thoughts.

The one supposed person who is to be an outlet, Arthur's social worker, doesn't even listen to him. Or at least Arthur doesn't feel that she does.

You don't listen to you. I don't think you ever really Hear me.

Bottling up your emotions is the common.

Prescription in modern society.

Suck it up, tough it out, keep.

Your chin up, we say. And this all has its place. Like when you need to power through a difficult day without breaking down. But there needs to be a release valve for the tension that gets built up up. Because if you don't, what Carl Jung called the shadow can overtake you. That is to say that all of your repressed feelings will find a way out, often in a destructive fashion. Arthur can't express and integrate his difficult emotions, and eventually he becomes his shadow, the Joker. The solution for Arthur and for the rest of us is to find some sort of healthy outlet for challenging emotions. Arthur was onto something here. As creative outlets like journaling and stand up can be great ways to transform inner turmoil. Other people prefer vigorous exercise or hitting.

A punching bag to give their aggression aggression and outlet.

However you do it, integrating your shadow side will make you feel much more mentally sound and likely more confident, since you're no longer denying aspects of yourself. Which highlights the next main point. Arthur inadvertently disowns aspects of himself, sometimes by labeling his emotions away.

Okay, I'm not angry, please.

And other times with all encompassing language that doesn't acknowledge the true complexity of his emotional life.

I never heard him cry.

He's always been such a happy little boy.

I haven't been happy one minute of my entire life.

Now, in conversation, there's nothing wrong with saying that you're not mad to calm yourself down or calling yourself a happy person. But it's important to realize that our emotional lives are complex, and they do not fit neatly into the language that we often use to describe ourselves when we feel forced to make our emotions conform to the way in which we describe ourselves. For instance, by living up to our happy reputation, we engage in self denial. And if that's done over a long period of time, it can cause the eruption of the repressed shadow. A particular thing to keep in mind.

If you're an introverted fan of this.

Channel, is that you don't always have to push yourself to be charismatic, social and extroverted. Honoring the part of yourself that just wants to be alone sometimes is totally healthy. And this brings us to our last point. Everything that we have discussed results in Arthur's total hatred of the world.

I killed those guys because they were awful. Everybody is awful these days. It's enough to make anyone crazy.

Not everybody. And I'll tell you this, not everyone is awful.

You're awful.

Art.

People don't care about Arthur and So in return, he doesn't care about them.

If it was me dying on the sidewalk, you'd walk right over me. I pass you every day and you don't notice me. But these guys. What, because Thomas Wayne went and cried about them on tv?

Now, this belief enrages Arthur to the point of murder. And it's certainly true that we see people treat Arthur terribly without ever considering his feelings. But it's also true that we don't see Arthur follow his own advice. He doesn't put himself in the other guy's shoes. For instance, he doesn't consider that maybe Thomas Wayne wouldn't take kindly to the man who stuck his fingers in his son's mouth and strangled his butler. He doesn't consider that Randall's lying about the gun was probably motivated to save his own job the same way that Arthur. Arthur lied about the gun in an attempt to save his job.

Please. I love this job. It's a prop. It's part of my act.

Now, that's bullshit. Bullshit. Besides, Randall told me you tried to buy a.38 off him last week.

Randall told you that?

Were Arthur more able to think what it's like to be the other guy, he might find forgiveness or simply compassion for his deeply disturbed mother. He might think about a better way to contact Thomas Wayne so as not to put him on the defensive. Now, obviously, Arthur has trau serious untreated mental illness. So this point isn't so much about what he should have done, but about what we can learn from him. Perhaps you can think what it's like.

To be the other guy at some point today.

Maybe even if it's someone that you feel has wronged you. This empathetic perspective makes you far more socially effective. And it makes you less likely to become caught up in negative spirals which, addictive as they may feel, really only serve to make you feel frustrated or weak.

One thing that really aggravates Arthur's problems is that he doesn't have a strong support network. He doesn't have friendships at work or.

Outside of it, and his relationship with.

His girlfriend exists only in his imagination. Now, I imagine that you are probably in a better situation with Arthur. Based on the comments in past videos, it seems like many of you would enjoy having more strong friendships, better relationships at work, and a better dating life. And if that all interests you, I highly recommend that you check out Charisma University. Charisma University is our step by step guided online program that is guaranteed to make you more confident and charismatic in just 30 days and when you are confident and charismatic, people are more naturally drawn to you. It's easier to make friends, get more dates, have strong relationships with your co workers and superiors. The list goes on. Now over 5,000 people have already taken advantage of this program and gained life changing results from it. Here is what just a few of them have to say. This first one is from someone who found Charisma University life changing. For his confidence, he said, I wasn't truly confident. I was constantly seeking validation and care too much about other people's opinions of me.

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And when I look back, I truly.

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