5 Common Habits That Make People Instantly Dislike You

A few recent Brie Larson interviews have caught the attention of Marvel fans.

Right, guys?

Yeah.

For all my extra cakes.

People have asked if the cast doesn't get along with Brie. And even as an audience member, it's tough to sit through some of these interviews without cringing. So today I want to talk about what you can learn from these situations and how to prevent yourself from doing specific behavior patterns that can make people dislike you without you intending or even realizing it. And I want to make this clear. The actual. There are interviews that I can show you where Bri is extremely likable. You're gonna see a few clips of them in this video. I'm addressing these two more recent interviews because they're topical and because they provide great insight into charisma mistakes that I see many people make. The first issue that you want to avoid is reading negative intent in an ambiguous situation. Bri's Wired interview has this repeatedly.

Go to college? No. Would Brie Larson work out, like, hypothetically? Would I at some point? Is. Is that like a personal attack or something? Is that a request? Do you think I should? Yeah, I work out a lot. Thanks for asking.

We'll come back to this idea of interpreting negative intent because it is possible that she wasn't doing that at all and was actually aiming for sarcasm in these situations. The problem is that sarcasm requires a tell. You must go over the top, either in your word choice, body language, or tone, or people will not recognize sarcasm where you might have intended it. Without that, Brie's defensiveness appears sincere.

Left handed, why do you need to know? Can Captain Marvel beat Superman? I can't believe you even have to Google that. Duh. I mean, why?

To be clear, you can add sarcasm to this type of a joke. For instance, Aubrey Plaza gives similar responses in her Wired interview, but people responded much better. And it's because she's communicating that she doesn't mean what she says. In this case by narrowing her eyes and changing her tone slightly.

Does Aubrey Plaza have a sister?

I have two sisters, yeah. Oh, that's none of your business. That's my family.

Since it is so subtle, this level of sarcasm will be missed by many people. And I know that British people are going to hate this recommendation, but at least in America, a good rule of thumb is that when you are being tongue in cheek, do not be flat in your delivery, especially if a literal interpretation of what you're saying would make you sound like a jerk. Go over the top in changing your tone, your gestures, or your facial expressions. This helps People distinguish between normal conversation and a character that you are playing for the purpose of a joke. This next clip is a great example of Bri playing like she's upset while making it clear that that isn't truly how she feels. She's not really offended. Now watch for the change in her voice tone and her over the top gesticulating.

That's a problem.

Well, I feel inferior, but it's okay, go for it.

Why would you feel inferior?

Well, look at it, first of all. And second of all, I have nothing.

Oh, no, no, right there, look. You got a little.

But back to the first point. It is possible that Bree might be sincere in her frustration with these questions. Now, obviously we can't read minds, but there is no absurdity, no smile to release the tension. Just flat statements as if she is interpreting what she was being asked as an attack.

Is that like a personal attack or something?

Regardless of what was happening in Bree's head, in your own life, you would benefit tremendously from reading positive intent into ambiguous situation like these. In fact, even when people are undeniably being rude to you, reading positive intent can be an excellent way to gain control of the situation. It's part of what made Russell Brand so admirable in his MSNBC interview from several years ago. That entire interaction deserves a breakdown on its own, but just watch here where the host takes aim at Russell's accent. He could get flustered in response, but instead he assumes positive intent and cracks back a friendly joke.

But on satellite radio in the car, I can't understand a single joke he's doing.

It.

You can't understand it. Can you understand me? Yes, but I'm telling When I'm driving in the car and he's. Everyone's laughing in the audience of the radio, I'm like, I have no idea what he's. It's best you focus on your driving. You're a man. You don't want to be distracted by humor. You might crash into a pedestrian. So it's a good thing. I think it's probably for the best.

Jokes like these that interpret positive intent can go a long way to winning the person over who is being rude to you. Though it didn't actually work in this particular situation. And if you'd like a breakdown of this entire interaction, just let us know in the comments. Just so you gu know, due to your overwhelming response, we are working now on a video that covers attachment theory. But moving along with this video to the third point, you should not jump on every opportunity to call praise or Attention to yourself. Now, in this next clip, Chris Hemsworth is talking up his stunt double, and he's putting himself down to do it. This is a nice, common move for somebody who is kind of on top. And in this case, Hemsworth is clearly athletic and powerful and famous. So it's kind of him to take that trainer and put him above him, even if it means denigrating himself to do it.

He just gets injured and I don't. He does all the hard stuff and makes me look cool. But now I've told you, it doesn't make me look cool, does it?

If you're in a situation like this sitting next to someone who has just done this, it's a great opportunity to further spread the praise. In this case, you might want to spread it to other stunt doubles, to the visual effects team for making the impossible appear real, or just your castmates in general. It is perhaps the worst opportunity to insist on your own specialness because it contrasts so starkly with Chris's humility. And it also puts him on the defensive since he was putting himself down, and now we're taking that seriously. Unfortunately, that is the route that Brie went.

You don't do.

I do all my stunts.

I did my stunts because I thought that that's what everyone did.

Again, this is another situation where voice tone matters massively. If Brie had said something like, wait a second, you guys got stunt doubles? I thought we were supposed to do all that crazy stuff by ourself. People probably would have just laughed at that. But without anything over the top, without playing a character, she appears sincere in attempt to call positive attention to herself, and it doesn't play well. A now defensive Chris pokes her back, doubting that she does her own stunts. And he mentions Tom Cruise as a contrast.

I did my stunts because I thought that that's what everyone did.

Tom Cruise over here.

And again, rather than taking this opportunity to praise Tom Cruise's legendary status in the industry as one of the A listers who truly does his own stunts and put hisself on the line, Bree insists on distinguishing herself further.

No, I'll be the first me, not the next Tom Cruise, thank you very much.

Well, you know, I mean, he does his own stunts, you know. No, I do. We all do stunts. Yeah.

If you're in a situation like this, the charismatic move, the confident move, is to spread the praise. Don't worry so much. If you're getting yours. When you give it freely, it comes back to you freely. Watch Chris Pratt illustrate this point perfectly. The Avengers cast are asked who the most charming Chris is. Look at how he handles it. Who's the most charming Chris?

Why don't you love yourself, man? Come on.

Because he's humble.

Sorry, I was lost for a moment.

No, I get it.

It is exactly his own willingness to raise somebody else up that is what makes other people vote for him in droves. Oh, she's so happy about it too. Because he's my soul brother. This all takes us to the fourth point of the video, which is you should not try to win each moment of banter. This makes it harder to feel comfortable joking with you because things always become competitive. Take as an example when Brie says that she is the strongest character in the movie, which, though dry, could be considered a playful J at her costars. Chris predictably jabs back and the high pitched voice is an indication that he is being playful, as are the extreme hit movements. And eventually he gets a laugh from the people around him.

Is there any competition between the different.

Sex, the different groups?

There's no competition for me because I'm the strongest. So it's just kind of like a different.

Oh yes, you let her think that, but it's not.

As I said before, it's not. It's just a fact. It's not a personal opinion.

No.

It's not a reflection on what you. You can't do. But it is also kind of a reflection on all that you can do.

It's just that you're just not that strong.

Now with that laugh, Chris has, quote unquote won this round of banter. But in order to let Brie save face, he adds that her character is.

Really smart, pretty smart, and you know, should we have a fight?

Bree shakes her head no, fidgets with her earring. And then when Chris says that we should have a fight, she doesn't interpret it positively or playfully. She seems to feel as if she is being laughed at. So rather than saying, oh my God, we should totally have a fight in the next Avengers or making some other joke, she says that she feels like she's been fighting with him all day. And you get the sense that she's being honest.

Should we have a fight? And she can eat baby.

I think it's been an all day thing.

I suspect that is a real representation of her feelings. She probably does feel like these exchanges are fights and that can be exhausting. If you've ever felt like this here is a way out. Sometimes it is better to stop fighting. Don't try to win every laugh from the audience. Instead, go with the joke, even if it feels like you are the butt of that joke, and then amplify it. By not taking this kind of insulting joke seriously, you defuse its power, and you turn the crowd from laughing at you to laughing with you. Here is Brie doing it in another interview with Craig Ferguson when he teases her name.

That's a lovely name, Bree. Is that really. Are you named after a cheese?

Yes, I am.

Really? Really?

I'm named after a cheese. I get confused all the time. I walk into rooms, people are like, oh, I didn't know it was gonna be a human. I thought it was gonna be a cheese.

No, no.

And here's another example of Chris Pratt taking one on the chin in good spirit.

Is Chris Pratt the worst? Chris? It should just be this.

Is Chris Pratt the worst?

Kind of, kind of the worst.

This is all much easier if you interpret positive intent per the first point. So now the last thing that I want to touch on is how to handle a compliment. You should avoid responding to compliments with banter that are put downs in nature, even if you're joking like this panic attack.

That's really nice. I'm still stronger than you, though.

You're not, though.

Instead, you can give a sincere thank you. Emphasized, perhaps with sustained eye contact or a touch.

You're toying with me. I like your bejeweled epaulettes, by the way. That's very nice. It's like you're a sort of commander of fabulous.

Alternatively, you. You can spin it back around to the other person and playfully find a way to give them back an even bigger compliment.

Well, I think you should take a lot of it.

Thank you, Fifi.

Yeah, And I have just spoken to Jonah and he said you should too. So Jonah said yes.

There you go. They love you.

I'll give Jonah credit then. It's only honorable, innit, Troy? Jonah can have credit. Okay.

Either way, whatever you do, do not punish people when they give you compliments. Otherwise, they will not be so forthcoming. When in doubt, a sincere thank you and a smile or just a return compliment will take you much farther. So I hope that you guys enjoy this video. If you are a fan of the channel, you may want to check out our course, Charisma University. In my opinion, it is hands down the best thing that I have ever created. When it comes to developing your own charisma covers everything from making a great first impression to magnetic body language, deep confidence, and of course, doing it all consistently, which, as you saw in this video, doesn't always come naturally to many of us. So if you want to learn more, go ahead, click the button on screen now or the link in the description. Either way, I hope that you enjoyed the video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.