5 Simple Ways To Command More Respect

Did you know that people usually decide if they respect you within the first minute of meeting you? Sometimes that takes as few as just five seconds, which goes for both good and bad impressions. So you give me seven minutes, I will teach you five psychological tricks that you can use to command respect instantly. And these will build habits that make that respect last. First is something you can do before you even speak to someone, and that is to fill up your calendar, because people subconsciously associate limited availability with. With higher value. Now, the flip of this is being free whenever you are. And although that flexibility is meant as a kindness, it can actually make people more likely to show up late or flake. And that is true in business. It's true in friendships and in dating. So the way to build respect here is to purposely fill your calendar with real commitments, even if they're just for you. That can mean blocking out time for the gym, your hobbies, or your favorite TV show. For me, every Sunday evening was sacred for Game of Thrones for a long time. I wish I was the monster you think I am. Which means that when you're scheduling with anyone, you will naturally say things like, I'm free Thursday at noon or Wednesday at 2pm which works for you. When you do that, you find that people actually put more effort into connecting, into showing up to that time, than if you kindly but foolishly break your commitments to try to accommodate other people. Now, the second key point is evolutionary, and it has to do with how we move and direct our attention. You see, when we unconsciously know that those rapid, jerky movements of prey animals are associated with fear because those animals are doing that to scan the horizon for threats. Now, on the other hand, we sense that those slow, comfortable movements of predator animals that don't need to react to everything are associated with power and safety. Now, humans are both prey and predator. So when we see humans do one or the other, we will unconsciously feel uncomfortable when they're behaving in that prey way and very relaxed when they're in that more predator mode doesn't mean that they're dangerous, just means that they're slow. So there's tons of ways to practice this confident quality to your movements. But one very easy way is to make sure that when you're speaking to someone that you don't let someone else interrupting you rip your attention away. You don't let every noise capture you. So if you're talking and someone cuts in with a question, don't immediately let that interruption dictate where your tension goes. You let the other person finish, or you finish, and then you come back back to that person with something like, hey, good to see you. What were you asking about? Now, when you do this, both the person that was listening to you and the person who actually interrupted you, who wanted your attention, are going to respect you more, since your attention can't be ripped away by any little thing. Now, this third point has to do, again, with how we direct our attention, but it's for people that go too far in the direction of that second point, because, yes, you don't want to let people completely control your attention, but some people will then make the mistake of not acknowledging others at all. So they'll be walking down the sidewalk, see someone else with headphones in, and they won't even look at them. They'll just, you know, down or away, or they know someone at the gym that they've spoken to once or twice, and that person has dumbbells when they arrive, and they don't know whether they should, you know, wave or make eye contact or greet them, so they just kind of again, down. Or if you go into a crowded meeting room of a bunch of colleagues, you might feel like, I can't say hi to everybody, so I guess I just wave awkwardly. Now, the principle that actually builds respect here is, is to extend yourself further than you normally do, and most people do when it comes to acknowledging and greeting others. That means letting friendly eye contact linger on the stranger on the sidewalk, even if it's not reciprocated, means going up to that guy that you met at the gym and giving him a quick clap on the back if he's between sets, or just a big wave if you don't want to disrupt him while he's working out. And in a crowded meeting room, it might mean that you shake hands with at least one more person than you normally would, even if that means you have to walk around a table and go out of your way to do so. Now, when you do this, obviously people are gonna feel appreciated, but they'll also respect you because you bailed them out of that uncomfortable uncertainty of if they should acknowledge you or not. And it's a simple way to mark yourself as a leader in any situation. Now, the next point is all about filler words we all know that you shouldn't say or like, and we try not to, but most people don't know, is that words like amazing and that's so cool can crush your respectability in the same way as those other words. And that is because even though it can feel like, hey, I'm just trying to be enthusiastic. That those phrases sometimes will make the other person feel that you're overly impressed for no reason. And they're likely to try to withdraw from you as they wonder why you're buttering them up. So instead what you want to do is eliminate inauthentic compliments. Only compliment people when you are genuinely moved to appreciation. When people feel that you're being sincere, something that you noticed about them, they are going to respect it, rather than thinking you're just some sort of a nice guy that wants something from them. And if you really, really try to give compliments on every occasion that you feel appreciation, you will wind up giving, giving way more compliments, starting way more conversations than if you just use compliments as some sort of uncomfortable lubricant in conversation. So this pairs very well with the point about greeting people. You put them together. Now, part of the reason that we add those filler words sometimes is because we feel pressure that we need to have something useful to say constantly in conversations. And this next point helps deal with that. It's something that I've actually become infamous for on YouTube. So whether you're giving yourself three or five or 10 seconds, the rule is that we give ourselves so much less time than we offer to others when it comes to silence. So we need to recognize that and give ourselves the same amount of space that we would offer to them. Which means that pure silence is totally fine. As you gather your thoughts after someone asks you a question or even if you're mid story. Now, if you feel like you need some sort of crutch words, try, let me think about that. I've seen Dr. K do that a ton and it actually makes the other person feel very listened to. So I'm going to toss something out there. Sure. Can I think for a second and though it might feel sometimes like that clock is ticking, gotta say something. Actually gathering yourself, taking a moment draws attention to you because it shows that you're reflecting deeply on what that person has said or what you want to say next. If you listen to the greatest stories, tellers like Dave Chappelle just notice how much silence is in their stories.

Then I looked over in the corner, there was a, there was a box, custom made jerseys for the local team. Each one was hand stitched and on the back they stitched on the K heart on all of them. Kevin saw me staring at that box and he went over and grabbed one of them jerseys and he walked right to my son, he said, hey, little man. I want you to have this.

So give yourself that same space, that same grace. Take a moment, slow down in interaction. It will help a ton. And I acknowledge that, yes, implementing everything I just said can be tricky. Like, which of these are you supposed to do first? How do you make these effortless instead of feeling like a test? So if you're interested in the fastest way that I know of to make this stuff effortless, you might be interested in my course, Charisma University. You get full details at the link here. But basically, if you like the YouTube channel and charisma, confidence building respect is a priority for you, I highly encourage you to click the link, check it out, learn more, and maybe join. Either way, I hope that you have enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.