5 Things Sociopaths Do

There are sociopaths in this world who will embarrass, manipulate, and even physically hurt you to get what they want. And because their brains don't work like most people's, it can be tough to see it coming until it's too late. So in this video, we're going to help you better understand the mind of a sociopath. Then we'll go over five subtle signs to help you tell if someone is a sociopath. While no single trait means anything definitive, if you see these all together, it can be a red flag when it comes to the mainstream media. The most heavily emphasized trait of sociopaths is in their lack of empathy. Simply put, they do not relate to other people's pain or sadness. Maybe if I don't blink, my eyes will tear up. While it's often used for laughs on tv, you may not realize that this lack of empathy has a scary consequence. Sociopaths have a strong internal urge to manipulate you. To understand why, here's a thought. Think about your own life and something you want. Maybe it's a promotion at work or something someone else owns, or even wanting to have sex with someone. Now imagine what you would do to get that thing if your brain could not feel guilt, if you didn't care about hurting other people to get what you want. Listen to these two diagnosed sociopaths talk about that instinct to manipulate.

I am quite manipulative, naturally. It's just really, really built in. And I have to have those instincts, otherwise I don't get the outcomes that I want.

Because if I encounter a certain kind of person and if I'm talking to you and I sense a level of weakness, I get kind of the urge to prey upon that. If I have something that I want to get, then I'm gonna. I'm gonna do my best to get it.

Not every sociopath is a bad person. But. But that instinct to manipulate is why it can be important to know if you're talking to a sociopath. Sociopaths today are even considered to be on the same spectrum as psychopaths. And it's not as uncommon as you may think. According to the Journal of clinical psychiatry, one in 30 people are said to have these antisocial personality disorders. So if your school or your place of work has more than 30 people in it, you may be interacting with a sociopath or psychopath without even realizing it. The first potential sign that you've met a sociopath is a strange one, because meeting a sociopath doesn't come with some gut sense of dread. Often it's the opposite. Their first impressions can feel too good to be true. This is because they have no boundaries as to how much they will fake about themselves to win you over. Listen to this man describe how he would get close to people in order to use them.

I'll speak to someone. I won't really tell them much about me. They'll tell me about them. And then once they tell me about them, I'll kind of form a personality. I'll exaggerate certain features about my own personality to match what it is that they're looking to see.

Now, a lot of people do this to a smaller degree when meeting new people. They'll pretend to be more interested in the things they say or laugh at jokes that aren't particularly funny. But sociopaths and psychopaths take this to a level far beyond where most neurotypical people would be comfortable. Here's a more vile example from a serial pedophile with aspd. He's talking about how he would earn people's trust so that he could take advantage of them.

The best way to fool people is to help them is to ask what they want. Ask what they need. Do they need any help doing anything? Do they need any money? Or do they need their car fixed? Do they need the grass cut? Do they need their children looked out for?

So if you walk away from a first encounter feeling completely enamored with a person, you may have just experienced the fake charm of a sociopath. Of course, not everyone you feel an immediate special connection with is a sociopath. Some people just have likable, charismatic habits and make good first impressions. So don't let that on its own be a red flag. If you have this, this feels too good to be true experience, and you aren't sure what it means, then keep an eye out for the next sociopath clue. The sociopath stare. Since sociopaths feel shallow emotions at best, they don't get nervous around people. This means they don't feel compelled to break eye contact like most people do. Listen to Kanika explain it here.

I don't break eye contact very often. I have to physically teach myself to blink more often, which is really weird. Yeah. And to stop staring at people. It freaks them out.

Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes was infamous for going 10 seconds between blinks.

Every time you create something new, there should be questions. And to me, that's a sign that you've actually done something that is transformative.

In general, strong eye contact is a sign of confidence. But if someone is engaging in 10 second bouts of unblinking eye contact with you. Take note, it could be a red flag. Now, let's say this person isn't a stranger, but someone you already know well. A classmate, a work colleague, or even a friend. If you've managed to get into a relationship with a possible sociopath, you may want to ask yourself this. Do I do more favors for them than I do for most people? Because of their instinct for manipulating people, sociopaths can end up getting more favors from you than anyone else. They'll do this by starting small before working their way up to bigger asks. They'll also lie to you and use your own empathy against you.

I would tell her, oh, you know, my dog, he got rushed to the hospital last night. We were there late until about 3am and there was this problem and that problem and that problem, and I don't even have a dog.

You might think you would know if someone was lying to you. But sociopath lies often go unnoticed for two reasons. First, sociopaths are extremely comfortable lying. They don't have the normal tells like fidgeting a hard swallow or trouble holding eye contact while lying. Second, unlike the small white lies most people are comfortable telling, sociopath lies are way more detailed and grandiose. And sociopaths are much more comfortable doubling down on a lie when caught. So much so, it's hard for a neurotypical person to detect a lie because you end up thinking this can't possibly be a lie because no normal person would lie this way. Jodi Arias is a good example of this. Watch the various stories she spun up after her ex boyfriend was found murdered at his home.

Were you at Travis's house on Wednesday? Absolutely not. I was nowhere near Mesa. I was nowhere near Phoenix. I witnessed Travis being attacked by two other individuals.

Who?

I don't know who they were. I couldn't pick them out in a police lineup.

So what happened?

I'm not proud that I just left my friend there to be slaughtered at the hands of two other people. I'm not proud of that at all. I didn't mean to shoot him or anything.

This is an extreme example, but it goes to show how someone with ASPD is much more comfortable following up a lie with another lie and feeling no shame or guilt about doubling down on their lie or creating an elaborate fake story. Diane Downs, who murdered her own daughter, even tried to use the elaborate nature of her lie to prove she wasn't lying.

I wouldn't walk in there and say, this weird person came up out of nowhere and shot us for no reason, and just left. I mean, that's not a believable story. I could have, if I had done this, I could have come up with a believable story.

Now it's worth repeating. Most sociopaths aren't murderers. Many people with ASPD don't even know they have it, and they live mostly normal lives. But you can see why it would be so hard to spot a sociopath was lying if they were someone close to you. Finally, the last sign that you're dealing with a sociopath is that their emotional responses seem off. For instance, because sociopaths don't have a natural empathy, any condolences they share will be learned and potentially, potentially robotic.

What I'll have to do is I have to logically understand that, okay, this is an event that people. People typically get sad at. So I would have to find words of confidence to give them. You know, I'm sorry that happened to you. I know that must be hard. Is there anything I could do? Would you like to talk?

Sometimes it's those moments where a sociopath tries to fake empathy that they will accidentally reveal their lack of it. This is actually one of the areas that the show Dexter does a good job of highlighting. The writers make sure he occasionally mishandles reacting to bad news. I'm having intimate relations with laguelta. Congratulations.

Paul's dead.

Oh. Another emotional response to look out for is a lack of guilt. After hurting you, did you always understand the negative effect manipulation can have on others?

No, I didn't always understand why people had an adverse reaction to it because in a way, I kind of looked at it like a game and you lost.

One particular phrase to look out for is why are you so upset? As a one off, it doesn't mean anything. But if this is something you hear repeatedly, it may be a clue that the person you're with struggles with empathy. If you're dating a sociopath, this question can also be a lead in to to more dangerous behaviors like invalidating your feelings and gaslighting you. Because a sociopath lacks empathy, they are going to have a very strong frame when they say things like it's not a big deal. I don't know why you're so upset. You're overreacting. This is why it's important to maintain strong relationships outside of your significant other so you have people you trust that can reorient you. Because it is very hard to be in a one on one frame game with a sociopath. There is one thing most people misunderstand about sociopaths. And their emotions. While a sociopath's expressions of empathy or sadness will be muted, their anger response is actually heightened. This is one of the biggest differences between a sociopath and a psychopath. Psychopaths tend to be more universally detached. They have all their emotions under control. But sociopaths are often impulsive and actually quick to anger. And when they do get angry, the level of anger they feel and express often seems extreme. So a sociopath is likely to lash out in anger. This may relate to the different causes of sociopathy and psychopathy. The current belief is that psychopaths are born it's in their genetic material, but sociopaths are created specifically through trauma. Now, it's worth noting that all of these things occur on a spectrum. Sometimes when you're asked why you're so upset and it's because your reaction really is above how most people would react, it's worth repeating. No One sign from this video indicates someone has Antisocial Personality Disorder. Any real ASPD diagnosis would have to come from a trained professional. This video isn't meant to arm you to go out into the world and try to diagnose people, but hopefully you feel like you've learned more about the mind of a sociopath and little red flags will pop up next time one does try to manipulate you. And with that conclusion, I'd like to thank our sponsor for this video, Audible. Audible is offering everyone who watches this video a free audiobook. If you enjoyed this video and you like learning about psychology and how the mind works, I recommend the audiobook Predictably Irrational. It will teach you a lot about the human mind and what makes people make the decisions they make. Your logical mind is in way less control than you may think. It also shows you how easily you can be manipulated into making certain mental mistakes and and how to protect yourself from that manipulation going forward. If you want to check it out, go to audible.com charisma or text charisma to 500500 Audible is my personal favorite audiobook platform. It's a great way to take your downtime, like driving or doing errands, and transform it into productive time where you're improving yourself. By joining Audible, you get a credit every month to use on any title in their premium selection, regardless of price. You also get access to their PLUS catalog with thousands of audiobooks, podcasts, and guided meditations that you can listen to for free with your membership. So if you want to try it out, you can go to audible.com charisma or text Charisma to 500500 and get a free 30 day trial including any audiobook you want. If you like learning about how the mind works, I recommend checking out Predictably Irrational. Either way, I really hope you like this video. I want to thank our editing team of Andre, Therese and Ivan for working so hard to edit it. Thank you so much for watching it and hopefully we'll see you in the next one.