5 Things You Say That Show You Lack Confidence

The first impressions that you are making often hinge on the smallest of things. It can be a gesticulation or a choice of words, and it can make it all come together or fall apart. Now, we covered a lot of the things that go good on this channel, but today I want to cover five common phrases that you are likely using that are ruining your first impressions and give you things that you can say instead. So the first one of these is going to be sorry for taking your time. Now this is one that I hear. When people land a meeting with someone that's higher in stature or they're at a networking event and someone seems really busy or they just lack confidence, the first thing out of their mouth is sorry for taking your time. Now this does two things. First off, you've immediately put them into I'm going to take from you defense mode because you've said you want to take their time. And when you say sorry, you're implying that you're about to do them wrong. And it makes everything that comes out of your mouth after that be viewed through this lens of this person is taking from me, I don't feel comfortable opening up to them. Them much stronger than this if you want to be gracious is to say I appreciate you making time. When you first walk into a meeting, for instance, this recognizes that they might be busy, but it doesn't imply that you are a time sucker or a time waster. And if it is true for you, though, there are salesmen who use this all the time. When it isn't true is to say, hey, look, I only have a few minutes. And then to continue. When you do this, you are putting yourself in the position of the person who has a busy day. This isn't the highlight of your day, it's part of your day. You're excited to be there, but you've got to get somewhere else shortly. Again, I don't recommend using this as a tactic or a lie, but in the event that it is true, it can really position you as someone who, like you are, has valuable time to give. So the second one here is probably the number one thing that I hear and it's the number one tip I give people who want to make better first impressions and is to cut the word fine out of your first impression vocabulary. As in, hey, how are you? I'm doing fine, thanks. The problem with fine is that it is the most common word that people use to describe the first impressions, next to good. And if you think of your life and all the first impressions that you have probably thousands of people. How many of those made a good first impression? It was not the normal one. These were people who did something extraordinary. So if you're starting off being just fine or good, you're in that bucket of everyone else who I will Forget in probably 10 minutes, much stronger, is to come out and be excellent, fantastic, great, amazing, whatever it is. So if you feel good, let it show in your word choice and in your tonality. If you still don't really feel great, it's not that kind of day, at least be solid, right? Solid is different enough from fine. That stands out. And if you're having a really bad day, you could actually do better, rather than just covering up with, yeah, I'm fine, thanks, to at least get into it. You don't need to complain, you don't need to whine about it. But in sharing a bit more about what happened, you're at least distinguishing yourself from the mass of people who are fine, which is huge. This is actually the first day of our course, Charisma University, because I think it is the most important thing that you can do instantaneously to improve your first impression. So I cannot overstate its value. Make sure you're doing this. The third one that follows on this one's heels is hey, followed by a long silence. So you're talking to someone, they say, hey, how are you? Hey. And there's nothing. The problem here is that people want to converse with people who make conversation feel effortless. And if they're sitting there going, oh, God, what do I say? What are we going to talk about? That conversational thread just died. They're going to get out of there and they're going to talk to someone who doesn't make them feel like that. So what you can do to make sure that people want to stick in conversation with you is make it feel more effortless by giving them a particular line of conversation to answer, respond, or speak to. So you might say, hey, if it's a group of people, how do you guys all know one another? At least they know what they can talk about. And then conversation can evolve. Or, hey, what brings you all out tonight? Or hey, what made you decide to come to this networking event? Are you working on anything? Any sort of line of inquiry beyond hey is going to help so much. And if you ever hear yourself just say, hey, add anything to it, it will go a long, long way. So the fourth thing here is very common to Los Angeles and I think, other big cities, and it's in a first impression scenario. Where you hear someone say, nice to see you. And what they are doing is they are trying to mask the fact that they do not know who they have met before and who they haven't. So in an effort to not get caught, they're just saying nice to see you to everyone. The problem is that very quickly you can tell this is insincere and whatever comes next, you're wondering if this person is just a smooth operator who you can't trust, and it ruins the whole thing. There's a higher level principle here, which is if you don't know something like someone's name, or you know, if you've met them before, simply own it. So in the case of nice to see you, you might say, you look really familiar. Have we met before? If you get it wrong, no harm, no foul. If you get it right, they might even appreciate the fact that you recognize them. And okay, maybe you talk to them for 30 minutes and you forgot. But it's better than trying to play it cool and getting it wrong. Same thing with names. If you forget someone's name, go, I'm sorry, what was your name again? David. Got it. David. Repeat it back to yourself a couple times and remember it this time. It goes a long, long way. And the fifth one, there's a large category of these, but it goes something like, can I buy you a drink? Or can I buy you a cup of coffee? It's any sort of material exchange in that first impression in exchange for that person's time. I've never had someone at a bar as a female ask to buy me a drink, but I have had people from Charisma on command who are maybe fans or wanting to do business ask to buy me a cup of coffee. And I can tell you the psychology that goes on here, which is very much under the radar, is that you instantly go into exchange mode because what they have offered is a material good. And now I'm not evaluating this person on if I enjoy their conversation or if they're fun or interesting. I I'm thinking, oh, wow, they want to purchase my time in exchange for a $5 cup of coffee. That doesn't really feel like a good deal. And even if it's someone that I might have felt neutral about, I begin to assume that that is a take because they have to give me a cup of coffee in order to get it. Same thing if you're purchasing someone's three minutes at the bar by buying them a drink. It's not a strong way to make a first impression because you are essentially buying their time. Believe it or not, much stronger is to not buy them anything. So if you said to me better would be would you like to chat over a cup of coffee? I don't really drink coffee, so I might suggest something else. But I would feel more comfortable with that because now it's not an exchange of material good for something that you have. I'm evaluating you as a person. Do I enjoy this person's company? Might it be an interesting conversation? They don't have to give me anything so I can view them in their totality and I'm more likely to say yes. Now if you want to go above and beyond, you don't have to do this with me. If we ever meet, but with that person and they do come out, just buy them the cup of coffee or the drink anyway, don't ask permission, just do it. This makes such a better first impression on that person because it is not expected, it is a surprise and it hits so much harder. So again, higher level principle here. Do not purchase someone's time. Don't offer them anything menial for it. Ask them to exchange, you know, a fun interaction or an interesting interaction or a useful business idea. And. And if there is lunch and you want to, you could pick up the tab as well. To really make a killer first impression though that part isn't necessary. So I hope that you guys have found this video useful. These are five things to not do. If you want to know all the things that you can do to make a killer first impression, to feel more confident and to carry on excellent conversation, check out our course, Charisma University. So I mentioned this, Day one is being better than fine, but the entire course is a 30 day course that you do over six weeks that helps you to build the habits that make you feel more charismatic and confident so that you nail first impressions every single time. Walk around feeling a confidence and charisma that just emanates from you naturally because you've built these habits over the 30 days. So if you want to check that course out and all the breakdowns and all the good stuff that is in there, go ahead, click the link in the description below or the one on screen here. I think this course is amazing. It's the best thing I've ever done and I'm continually updating it. The whole site is getting a redesign, so I'm very, very proud to share it with you today. So I hope that you guys decide to check that out. If you haven't done so yet, make sure to subscribe to the channel, hit that notification bell, and I look forward to seeing you in the next video.