6 Habits That Make Women Lose Respect For You

Oh, my God. When I'm talking, you're not talking. No, when I'm talking, you're not talking.

Mumbles I'm sorry, she is no longer respecting his answer. Huge, huge mistake.

Oh, my God, you're distracting me right now. Like, now you're just doing. I'm sorry, why are you distracting me?

I'm just captivating.

Yeah, you're just distracting me. Oh, my God. Stop. You're annoying me. Stop. This is why. Yes, we'll have to, like, just cut him out of the show.

That kind of disrespect is the last thing you want to have happen to you. And what is crazy about this particular interview is that while the entire Internet sort of dogpiled on Alec Baldwin's wife, they were saying they felt so bad for Alec. What they missed and what people miss in their life are the nice guy things that Alec did, all leading up to this. That basically guaranteed that she treated him with disrespect, lost attraction to him, didn't trust him. And I can imagine that this type of disdain and contempt might be fairly commonplace in their relationship. Rather than dive into what is going on behind the scenes with them, I'm going to use this as an example of six things that a lot of nice guys are doing all the time that are guaranteed to make women disrespect you and lose attraction to you. That way you can cut them out of your life once and for. So let's get into it. At the beginning of this interaction, things are pretty good between them and you can watch the way that they interrupt each other. It's friendly.

Kids are trying to go to bed. This was a. This was an early interrupts. It was.

Gets back to her.

I had to like sneak out interrupts him.

I go, mommy has to go to work. And they're like, oh, okay, no.

Then the baby goes back. There's no hard feelings here, though. Watch how that shifts in this next question though. Or listen for rather the tone that Alec takes when he talks about hilarious age.

Here, here, last one open.

How were you? How old were you? Six. You were six years old when the first Planet Hollywood opens.

So she shut down. She's not feeling good. She smiles it off in this moment. That is a tone of belittlement. That's a superior. How are you?

How are you? How old were you? Six.

Yeah. If you speak to someone with that tone, it's reasonable that they're going to feel like, why are you coming at me? This sets off everything that goes on after this. So Right here. Alec interrupts. She then gives him 30, 40 seconds to talk. And quite frankly, he just fills up space. He says almost nothing. He drops some names, he repeats himself a couple times. And you can tell that while she's listening, she is no longer respecting his answer.

Long time House of Blues too. Danny Aykroyd in that crowd.

Okay.

And they were very, very famous restaurant music clubs, you know, played a lot of music and. But now they went down, they closed, and she's bothered.

That's a lip lick. You're gonna see a lot of these.

Founder, the original guy that, that started it is back here, starting it again. So good for him.

And that's the History Channel so much right there. Let's slow this down.

That's the History Channel.

Obviously that is a passive aggressive dig, but. And that's the History Channel as a way of saying that was. Don't do that anymore. Look what Alec does. As soon as she says that this is the first huge problem and that's the History Channel, he mumbles, I'm sorry. And by the way, if you can read lips, I'd love to know what he says after this. But the part that I can definitely read is I'm sorry. Do not say sorry in order to make someone else stop being mad at you. Just because someone is bothered with you does not mean that it is appropriate for you to say sorry. Should say sorry when you feel that you've acted out of line with your own values. When you wish that you hadn't done something that you'd done for your own internal reasons. But what nice guys do, they use the word sorry to try to get out of trouble when the other person is upset with them. If they think that that person is overreacting with their anger towards them, they will just say sorry to escape it. I'm sorry. And watch what happens here. Here she is feeling like she doesn't trust him answering for her.

And she, as a mother, is very good at keeping them on a routine. But she's.

Open your mouth. She wants to say something. She's not doing it. She doesn't trust him.

I have to say that I don't think you make it more silly than I actually feel.

She disagrees. She's not happy with the way that he is handling this question. And honestly, she is now opposing him from what has happened before.

No, no, we just cut all that part out.

Cut me out, Cut you out.

The other part, the cutting out. This is not just about the show. This is more passive aggressive. Like I need to Cut you out right now. Watch how this transpires.

No, I mean I think that every day because we like routine. And I think anybody who's a parent knows that like routine is king or in queen. Routine is key. We'll just say king and qu at the same time. It's essential.

So he says this is essential. Watch how long it is before this interruption. He's clearly not listening anymore. He's needing something back from her. We'll talk about exactly what that is.

I think that us trying to every.

Day for essential in Spanish.

Essencia. Okay, that's her off. Yeah. Oh my God. You're distracting me right now. Like now you're just doing another. I'm sorry, why are you distracting me?

I'm just captivating.

For nice guys, approval is like oxygen. The primary source of their approval over the course of their life tends to be women. But it starts with seeking approval from the mother and it transfers and is projected onto future romantic interests, dates, girlfriends, wives, that sort of thing. And so when the approval stopped flowing just a minute earlier, he started feeling unwell, dysregulated. So now he's just going to try all bunch of strategies. He's going to help her out, he's going to ask her about Spanish. Whether or not he's poking her here isn't totally clear. You're going to see him cycle through all different kinds of nice guys behaviors. But this interruption is a very childlike strategy to try to get attention and approval back to him. She now is upset with it and she she's gonna shift into aggressive aggression or active aggression where she is no longer just like saying haha history challenge. She's gonna say stop doing what you're doing. It's not cute.

You're just distracting me. No, but. Oh my God, stop. You're annoying me. Stop. It's not cute. No, he's distracting me.

So beautiful. So much going on here. Okay. Essentially what nice guy is? It is a childhood manipulation strategy because you need mom's approval. You're frustrated with mom. So the way that you act out is covert and passive aggressive.

Oh my.

Go compliment someone when you've just bothered them with an insincere compliment. What are you doing? Why you interrupt me? It's because you're so beautiful. No, it's not. It is obviously not because she's beautiful. Something else is going on in him. If you look at it a very surface way, what the Internet did, everyone then came and yelled at her. What the nice guy is very effective at doing through the Duration of his life is if there's a room, there will often be conflict that erupts in the room that the nice guy is him. But the person who looks bad will not be that person. It will be someone else who has had it up to here with the manipulative, covert crap. And they'll go active in their aggression. And to someone who isn't attuned or doesn't know the details or the backstory, it's going to look like that person just erupted.

Oh, my God. Stop. You're annoying me. Stop. It's not cute. No, he's distracting me.

Nice guy is so afraid to be perceived of as bad, they're focused primarily on looking good, hence the compliments, hence everything. And the biggest thing that happens here looks at the camera. We're going to see a lot of this. Nice guys triangulate a third person into the relationship because they don't feel safe, stand up for themselves on their own. So they try to get a majority of people. And you're gonna see him do it multiple times. Looks at the camera, looks at the.

Reporter like, oh, you know, walk out of this interview.

I need the motherhood notes. Then he wanders off.

No. Okay, go back.

Okay. So she collects herself.

It's all about routine.

She's answering questions here. He's just lost. He hasn't gotten the approval he needs. He needs to go somewhere. He's dysregulated. Okay, so now another strategy similar. He's going to say how much he wants to come home. He needs to come home. He loves it. He loves his wife. He is needing that reflected approval when you've bothered someone, going up and kissing their butt over and over and over again from an ungrounded place. Especially in this nice guy scenari scenario where you're going to attract someone who generally doesn't go for that. It's not going to work. It's not going to get him the approval that he wants. He is sharing, most likely, this anecdote to try to get back in her good graces. And you'll see him do this. He tries at the end of this, she's not having it.

Now, seriously, I have a home, loves home home. I have a home, loves his home. And when I'm not home, I want to go home. I just went to Florida for the. For overnight for an event.

She's got this lip lick.

She's like, down there yesterday, came back today. She's frustrated even when I'm away from them for a day. And you believe me, and then he looks at her.

You believe me, right? Why would you have to say you.

Believe me and you believe me.

I say this, it's because you're not speaking from your grounded self. You're not just saying what is true for you. He is trying to get her to believe him that he really wants to be home. It's this little kid survival strategy of needing your approval to survive. I mean, it comes out directly.

She loves when I go away.

She loves it.

Wow.

Wow. And then she won't do it. Another thing that nice guys tend to do is they put people on the spot in difficult situations where they are stuck between this choice of publicly being like, stop doing. Doing what you're doing. I don't like that. Which was her choice or creating awkwardness. She's like, you like when I go away? You believe me. She loves when I go away. And the implication is, you got to say, no, I want you to stay. I want you to stay. They seek that validation, and it is very annoying and frustrating to be around somebody who is getting validation, not by saying, hey, I'm feeling insecure. Could you help me? They're seeking it in these manipulative, controlling ways that put you between a rock and a social hard place where you look like a jerk if you don't say it.

We want more of this. Season two. Do we know anything?

Elaria show.

Okay, so we're skipping ahead a little bit here. He's gonna make this joke twice. He tried being complimentary, didn't work, and now he's gonna cycle back to passive aggressive. The resentment is building in him. This is one of the core traits of nice guys is they are filled with resentment. And to the degree that you have this. I have definitely had this in my life. You will build resentment and frustration over time because this strategy doesn't work, and it's emasculating season two.

Do we know anything?

The Hilaria show.

So the Hilaria show, Like, what's gonna happen with season two? Implying that it's gonna be all about her. And he'll make the same joke even more pointed later.

No, no, I think we're not gonna.

Be the Hilaria show.

We're gonna see how it feels to Greg.

You're a winner.

Oh, my God. When I'm talking, you're not talking. No, when I'm talking, you're not talking.

That is a direct passive aggressive attack from him.

There's Greg. You're a winner.

You're a winner. Is he so angry at her when he Is saying that she brings the aggressive, active aggression. She says, stop doing this. He's cowed. He looks down.

I'm talking. You're not talking. This is why.

Yes, we'll have to camera. And he does the thing where he brings in. He triangulates a third party. If you find yourself having to triangulate a third party and you're going, she said that I was right. And I told her what happened, and she said that was right. So I don't know why you're being upset with me. That's a sign that you're in a toxic relationship. A healthy relationship is one where two people trust one another enough to take responsibility when they've made a mistake. They could say, hey, I think you mistreated me there. And trust that the other person has the maturity to reflect and say, you're right. Or, you know, I actually think that something was going on with you and you were projecting on me. Or, you know, you don't have to use all the therapeutic language, but to say to divvy up responsibility in a way that feels good for both people. If you don't trust your partner to do that, you're naturally going to try to seek majorities outside of the relationship to come and in and overpower the other person, which is what that look at the camera is. He's looking to the cameraman, trying to rope other people in. And honestly, that is what happened here. The Internet definitely got mad at her compared to him.

Cut him out of the show.

Cuts him out.

I mean, I think this is a really.

And now he feels like crap. He's angry.

Angry.

He tried being nice, tried being passive aggressive.

And, you know, I think that it's walking away.

Okay, so she's gonna bring him back in a little bit later.

As you guys saw in episode two, Carmen in her face masks.

When you are affectionate or with someone in the middle of an unresolved fight is a way of, like, controlling them. Or it can at least be perceived as that you might not mean it to come across. But being really huggy and affectionate and oh, I love you so much, that is a smothering move. And it doesn't feel good. He doesn't like it here. And then watch his response because he's going to come with the most aggression that we see from him.

I predict now on television, on American television, that season two is going to be you and Carmen. It's going to be the two of them. We have their own.

Can I tell you, from now on, he's Pissed.

He's saying, you don't let me be involved. But he's completely passive about it. Instead of saying, I wish you'd let me talk more, or like, you keep cutting me off. I don't appreciate that you don't seem to value the things that I have to say is not happening. And because he's not bringing this stuff actively, she is even disrespecting him more and more and more.

Tell you, from now on, unless it's history, don't take anything that this guy is to say because he just invents it must.

But it's all like, she's telling other people, don't take it. But she's saying, this is how I feel. I don't take anything that he says. He just invents it. I can't trust him. So now he's come back, and now we're back to the compliment.

Well, people read my wife's book and realize what like an unusually amazing woman she is.

So starts off with a nice compliment.

One of the most special people. She is probably the most special person I've ever met in my life. Her qualities are. So the combination is like kind of mind blowing anyway.

And she doesn't receive it and so he doesn't. He can't stick with it. There's no depth to that compliment. It may be true for him in other times, but be careful. If you find yourself in the middle of fights wanting to say things like, I love you, I appreciate you, or every time you bring up a something that is challenging for the other person, something you'd like to have them change, you have to compliment sandwich it. That is a symptom of nice guy stuff. It means that you can't bring out a pure expression of something is bothering me without feeling that you have to buffer it. And usually that's because earlier in your life, you shared that something was hard with a primary caretaker and they emotionally stepped away from you. They made it your fault, they blamed you, they walked away. And so you're always on thin ice around people, which is why you don't bring conflict up clearly and actively and then allow that conflict to sit. Nice guys, while they can be very consistent with their resentment, they can only sit in it for a little bit at a time. They never get deep into the actual anger because they don't trust that the relationship can withstand that. I really quickly just want to highlight some of the things, the key takeaways that I've written down here. First, cut out any reflexive sorrys, only say Sorry when you mean it. When you feel genuine remorse. Second. Second, pay attention to your own passive aggressiveness if you're wanting something. When you find yourself making a passive aggressive joke, look inside and saying, what is it that I'm wanting to receive? Or wanting to stop? And speak the sentence that starts with I'd like. And that's it. I'd like you to not interrupt me the next time I speak. Do not compliment women or anyone to get out of the doghouse. Do not chase someone if you sense that they're angry with you. Do not make that the sole reason that you're chasing to try to make them feel better. It is okay for people in loving relationships to be upset with one another, to step away from one another. Another One of the most common pieces of advice that I disagree with is never go to sleep angry. I disagree. I think it is totally healthy to have a relationship that can permit anger that lasts through the evening. Right? You can go to bed knowing that you can wake up and resolve it. It doesn't have to be immediately resolved between you. That means that the things that you're resolving are small. You're not getting into the larger issues that might take more time and space to resolve. Pay attention. If the woman that you're with does not respect you when you're answering questions, she doesn't trust you and reflect. Is there something that you could learn from it being like, wow, I do ramble a lot and I could see that we're promoting a television show and that might not be good for. Or ask yourself, holy cow, do I want to be with someone that does not trust and respect me to handle it when I'm talking? And if you're doing this to the woman that you're with, you can't trust her when she's in public to answer for herself. Notice that there's a problem there. Also, do not try to win in arguments by inviting in outside parties. Totally fine. To seek advice, to vent to friends, to do all of that. If you're going back to your spouse or the person that you're dating and saying, you know, I told so and so about it and they agreed with me. Now you're trying to gang up and form majorities. That's not what a relationship is. It's two people and you have to work that out with one another. And if you find that some of these nice guys tendencies are in your life, that's extremely normal. But there is a way to get over them. Outside of this video, I would highly recommend checking out Charisma University. It is the program that I made and I've recorded it four times. The first time had way more people pleasing, nice guy tendencies in it. And I recently went through it just to check and I'm happy to say, and I was genuinely proud to go through it and see that, oh wow, I've cleaned a lot of this up. There's ways to attract people, feel confident, make situations go well without resorting resorting to people pleasing. So if you want to improve these tendencies in your life, you want to be more confident and charismatic in any social situation, check out Charisma University. I hope that you guys have enjoyed this video. If you liked it, let me know and I'll see you in the next one. Peace.