6 RARE Habits That Raise Your Social Status

The rivalry between Iron man and Captain America has reached a fever pitch with Civil War. And in the movies and the comics, both are incredibly effective leaders. What's undeniable, though, is that people follow them for different reasons. Because Iron man, quite frankly, is much cooler than Captain America. In fact, Captain America can be kind of a dweeb.

Shit. Language. Wait a second. No one else is gonna deal with the fact that Cap just said language. I know.

In honor of Civil War, I want to take a look at the two actors behind these characters, because whether Iron bled into Robert Downey Jr. Or vice versa, the fact is that they have both mastered the art of witty banter and cool demeanor.

They love you. It is very pleasant to be loved. Is it pleasant to be loved?

Chris Evans more mirrors Captain America. And they both still make great leaders, but in a very different way. So let's take a look at how some tiny habits make Robert Downey Jr. And Tony Stark come across as very cool while. While Chris Evans and Captain America come across as something else entirely. Let's begin with the most noticeable habit. How frequently Robert Downey Jr. And Tony Stark both use sarcasm. So here's Robert Downey Jr. Accepting the award for best actor at the 2013 Choice Awards.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you've chosen wisely. Good looking out.

Clearly, Robert is just kidding, but sarcasm is a habit that he has. Specifically. He takes a lot of opportunities to jokingly elevate himself. Tony Stark is very much the same way, joking that people miss him when he arrives in Iron Man 2.

Oh, it's good to be back.

And both Tony Stark and Robert are not shy about telling you the amazing things that their lifestyle can afford without playing up any false humility. Here's to Tony Stark when asked about if he actually slept with 12 Maxim cover girls. Sir, I have a question to ask.

Yes, please. Is it True you went 12 for 12 with last year's Maxim cover model? That is an excellent question. Yes and no. March and I had a scheduling conflict, but fortunately, the Christmas cover was twins.

You see there? He answers the question as if it's no big deal, even though everyone else in the world wouldn't be able to tell that story without a big grin on their face. Robert does something similar. Here is an example of all the cast members responding when asked if they've been able to take any small mementos home from the set of the Avengers.

Did you guys take anything from the set? Memento. Any piece of your costume or anything like that? I would have stolen everything from the set.

I would not be doing that with Marvel. They know everything. They do.

They have a strict inventory of all that stuff.

So the stage is set here. No one on the cast took anything. They were too nervous to do that because Marvel and Disney are so locked down about everything that's on the set. Then Robert chimes in and says this without even smiling.

On Age of Ultron, there was a massive Avengers A which is outside the Avengers Center. Uhhuh. I have it. Where is it? I said. I said, why is this in. In England? Send it back to la. I'll put it in my office. They're like, seriously? I said, yeah, yeah, I'll wait. And it's there. I have it. You have it.

Everybody else smiles because of how cool that is, but Robert purposely doesn't even act very amused with it. He is unabashed when it comes to making jokes that elevate his status and even in telling true stories that elevate his status. And he tells all of that in ways that make it seem totally normal for him, which it is, because he's Robert Downey Jr. All of that creates an aura of cool. He is absolutely not bashful in the limelight. In fact, he thrives on it. And even jokes that he deserves much more of it. Chris Evans handles things very, very differently. Kind of like you might imagine the Captain America would. He downplays his own role when the limelight comes to him. And he thanks everyone else.

Oh, man. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who. The people, the people, the people who voted. Thank you to the people who love movies, who see movies, who are passionate about movies without. You guys lost. So thank you for giving me a purpose. And thank you to all the people that I worked with last year. I watched some really amazing people do amazing things, so thank you.

Now, this is the same award we just watched Robert win a minute ago, just two years later. Interestingly, Chris doesn't make a joke about he deserves it. He just says thank you sincerely. That choice between joking and sincerity will come up in your life every single time you receive any kind of compliment or praise. Responding one way isn't better than the other, but the one that you tend towards will have a huge impact in how you're perceived. Choose to be sincere more often and people will see you as gracious, genuine and kind. Choose to crack the joke more often and people will see you as funny and composed. It is worth mentioning, though, that the type of joke that you crack has a huge impact. There is a large Difference between being self deprecating, as Chris Evans does at the end of this speech, I'm gonna.

Say, I'll say 30, 40, 40% of the votes were my mom, but the other 60%, it really, really means a lot to me.

And being self aggrandizing like we saw Robert do before.

Well, you've chosen wisely.

Again, there is a trade off. Self deprecating jokes won't upset anyone, but if you do them too often, you risk coming off as very insecure. So self aggrandizing jokes will typically come off as more cool. But some people are going to think that you're just arrogant. One last wrinkle to add to this whole joking idea is that there's a huge difference between smiling when you crack a joke and not smiling. You see, sometimes the line between joking and seriousness is not obvious. In those cases, we look to context clues to tell us whether or not the person is joking or kind of just being a jerk. Typically the biggest clue is whether or not they laugh and smile. If they don't smile, it can leave us kind of confused. For an example of that, check out this next clip where Robert jokes about not in inviting Jimmy Fallon to his party.

You had a crazy blowout from what I read. I guess my invitation lost in the mail, it's fine, but you know how to, you know where I am pretty much every now. It's no big deal. But you, you had a lot of people there. Probably over 30 people were there. Probably. Right? Yeah. What was 31? You know, think about it. Yeah, you weren't invited.

You see here Robert says this in a very deadpan matter and kind of just lets it sit. And it is true that he didn't invite Jimmy to the party, but the way he said it comes across as sarcastic. So even though Robert does follow up in just a second here by saying that it would have been nice to have you, the tension is never released because Robert doesn't break and smile and speak in a different tone. So watch how the rest of this interaction unfolds.

You could have been skirted around the issue, by the way. Would have been, would have been great to have you there. Would love to have been there. Yeah. But the invite, I guess was prohibitive. Well, I'll never know. I'll never know what it feels like. I need to tell you. Here's a couple things that happened.

Watch this last part back and pay special attention to Jimmy's eyebrows and then how he chuckles for seemingly no reason at all. What you'll see is that Jimmy is trying to release some of the tension that's created by Robert's joke that he wasn't invited. Robert never laughed for him. So Jimmy kind of gets this yeesh look, and those are the eyebrows. And then that little chuckle, which is his way of saying, haha, that was just a joke, even though I don't really feel like it.

No, I'll never know what it feels like. I need to tell you. Here's a couple things that happened.

Now, I know that a lot of groups of friends will say stuff like, you know, we're buddies. It's all good between us. It's okay. We all know it's just joking. But the truth is, sarcastic jokes with no release that are at someone's expense do not make people feel good. Even if you're close, it makes them wonder if you like them. No matter how long you've been friends, that feeling just sits. And because of this, you get the sense that Jimmy is the one who is vying for Robert to like him for the rest of this interaction. And that's one way that the cool guy is created. Contrast that with what you tend to see from Chris Evans when he makes jokes. Not only does he do self deprecation, but he tends to make jokes that elevate other people. Watch here for an example how he jokes that he wishes people would think he looked like Chris Hemsworth.

No, I get Pratt. I get. I never get Hemsworth, which is really upsetting. Please think I'm Hemsworth. Please think I'm Hemsworth. No, you can be a Hemsworth.

So the content of that joke is that he wishes people thought that he was Hemsworth, that he wishes he could be more like Hemsworth. And we know that he's joking because it's so over the top and he laughs. But this joke is basically the opposite of what you saw Robert Downey do. There was no tension created here. And you can see it in the way that Chris Hemsworth responds. If anything, there was a little moment of pride. And that's what happens when you elevate people in your joke. Watch again how he spreads the good vibe around.

You feel like the Godfather of these superhero movies. Whether he feels it or not, he is, you know, he's gonna say something really, like, humble, simple, and like, oh, no, it would have happened anyway. This wouldn't have happened without Downey. And nobody doesn't know that.

Here he cracks a joke about how integral Robert was to making all of these Marvel movies and how even though that's the truth, he's going to go be humble about it. So at the same time, he's talking up Robert Downey's importance and his humility. Even in this next clip, when he's alley ooped a joking opportunity to diss Chris Pratt, he goes the complete opposite direction and puts himself down while elevating Chris Pratt.

Can we all agree Chris Pratt is the worst of all the Chrislies? No. He's the best of us. He's better than all of us.

The point here is that not only do you have an option of whether or not you're going to joke or be sincere in your conversations, you also have the option of which direction you take those jokes. Will you use it to elevate your own status and tease others? Or will you be self deprecating while elevating others? The first option is probably gonna make you more cool and respected. The the second makes you more likable. And I see the same trade off in the way that people handle other people's jokes. By this point, if I told you that one person laughs really, really loudly at others jokes and the other is more reserved, you'd probably know who is who. Clearly there's a pattern between Chris and Robert. So let's go ahead and watch as Chris tilts his head back and laughs like crazy even when people make jokes about him. So watch now as Chris Hemsworth disses Captain America for being an un nuanced character.

Different nuances to Thor. Whether he's on Asgard or on Earth or whatever you like, you bring new aspects to him. And with with Captain America, it's like, as we've seen, nuance. Yes, that was perfect. Let me just say that we've had a lot of Captain America love today, okay? So I'm glad to get some.

Even though Hemsworth is saying that he didn't really bring any nuance to his character, and Evans takes it totally unpersonally. He falls over in his seat and insists that that joke was perfect. This shows that he isn't actually insecure about these jokes, and it makes Hemsworth feel great. We all want to be funny, so when someone bursts out laughing at our joke and insists that it was perfect, we can't help but feel this swell of pride. I'm sure that you've had someone in your life give you that experience and it made you want to spend more time with the person who was laughing at your jokes. Robert Downey, on the other hand, tends to be more muted, purposely stifling sometimes his own laughter. It isn't that he doesn't have a sense of humor. It's that he prefers to play like he didn't find the joke funny so that he can respond with more banter. And you can tell because they tease him for being old in this next clip. And after a few seconds he finally breaks at the end and laughs.

Remarkable sequence, I think, where Robert Downey Jr. Plays a 20 year old man, which is, which is pretty incredible.

So notice here he very purposely is not laughing and then he can't keep up. He was about to say something quippy and funny in response, but he gets touched. Too many people tease and he finally laughs. That is very common for him is that he will restrain his own laughter and prepare to make another joke in response, rather, rather than sharing that laughter with other people and letting them know that their joke was really funny. At this point, I've spent a lot of time talking about joking because really that's one of the biggest drivers of whether you are more perceived as cool and respected or as likable. But there's one other piece that's very important and that is where you put your attention. Where you place your attention when you're speaking to someone has a huge effect on whether or not they feel the need to prove themselves to you. So in this next clip, he's got glasses on, but you can still see how Robert's attention and eye contact seem to wander after he's answered a question. Sometimes in the middle of a question, looking over his shoulder or at the camera, basically anywhere other than right at.

The interviewer part about this movie that they, they somehow managed to take an existing comic book. I'd say I don't have to carry the movie. That's on you. I mean, but you know what? None of us would have to carry a movie if Robert hadn't done what he done in 2008. So, I mean, we're still having fun. Look, Ant Man's right there. I still get excited by all the other superheroes too.

And finally, did you see the Kimmel trailer? If you're speaking to him, this can create a bit of a feeling that you need to win his attention back all the time. And it creates a moment of anxiety that maybe he's going to walk away. What that does is make you want to be more interesting so that you can maintain all of his attention. That's another point in the cool column as you work to win his favor. Chris Evans, on the other hand, tends to just look the person in the eye as he's speaking to them, especially when they're asking him question. That way the person feels less like they need to win him over. And you can see right here in this clip, this is a great example of it. Now the truth of all of this is that Both Robert Downey Jr. And Chris Evans don't do any of these things all the time. For instance, Robert Downey Jr. Will sincerely answer questions and talk people up.

That was before I saw miles ahead and realized that not only did I already thought you were great, but now I realize I'm, you're probably the most single most talented person I've ever been working with in a long time.

And Chris Evans will take joking disses at his friends. Very first time that you heard that.

He met I was like, is that my stand in. Oh, sorry, Thor. Oops. Hey, what's up? Got me a coffee. Thanks bro.

Now obviously we all exhibit some of these habits some of the time. But what it comes down to is the balance that you find and that is created due to your interaction habits. We all have habits when it comes to human interaction. Robert's habits make the people around him feel odd more often than not, but also potentially insecure as to their status. That is really what cool is. It's when people think that you are amazing but they are kind of unsure if they stack up. And then you see how Chris's habits might not come across as cool but still make him extremely likable. And that is the big difference between the two patterns that we saw today. The cool pattern as exemplified by Robert Downey Jr. And Iron man is self elevating jokes, distracted attention, all that kind of stuff that is going to make people walk away from you thinking, I hope that guy likes me. I would call the other habit that we saw in Chris Evans the giver pattern. And that is jokes that talk other people up, Focused attention that's going to make people walk away thinking, you know what, I really like that guy. You can of course do both of these at different times and of course you can be likable and cool, but, but you do have to choose which way you will lean more often than not you have to choose which habits you're going to go to more often. I know that I titled this video why Iron man is Cooler, but in my opinion you are actually better off leaning towards being likable than cool. That leads to people around you feeling better and for me that is worth it. So I recommend that you find the right balance for you. If you want to create more intrigue, more respect, maybe you add a bit of Downey's cockeyed banter. If you want to make other people feel good more often, maybe you allow yourself to laugh like crazy at other people's jokes. In short, you just pay attention to how your habits are making the people around you feel those habits are going to be the blueprint for the impression that you make most of the time. And if you're interested in the blueprint to making an amazing first impression, we've actually set up a different video that covers those four emotions that guarantee a great first impression every time. Hit those four emotions in the right order and you are set in any kind of environment from the boardroom or all the way to a bar or a party. So if you want those, go ahead and click the box. It's gonna take you to a page where you can submit your email and get immediate access to that video so that you begin using those emotions today. If you have enjoyed this video and want to be the first to know whenever we post new ones, go ahead now click the button and subscribe to the channel. That way we pop up on your YouTube home screen every single week and you won't have to worry about ever missing a new video or tracking us down. So go ahead now click that button and you'll get lots more breakdowns, fictional ones, nonfiction ones, plus the best tips that I have for being your most charismatic and confident self in the moments that count the most. If you guys have any video suggestions, please please write those down in the comments. I know that a lot of you have asked for more Game of Thrones and I have some good ideas brewing. Plus, I'm waiting and expecting some more good material in season six. There will be more Game of Thrones coming. Also, I know that a lot of you asked how I know these sorts of things and how I do these breakdowns, and I plan on talking about that in a video sometime later this week. So thank you guys for those comments. They really help a lot in terms of letting me know where to go next. I hope that you have enjoyed this video and I will see you in the next one.