Seven phrases that signal low confidence, like hedging your opinions or apologizing unnecessarily. The speaker shows what to say instead to sound more assured and in control of your message.
People naturally gravitate towards others who exude confidence. Unfortunately, little phrases you use can make other people think that you are totally lacking in self confidence. And that's why in this video we're covering seven of those common phrases you might be using and what you should say instead. The first word to be careful with is just. Just is a minimizer, and there's nothing inherently wrong with it. If you say that you'd like just a little bit of rice, it means that you want very little rice. But if you say I just wanted to see the new Avengers movie, you're minimizing your desire. Maybe because you're complaining you didn't get to go, maybe you're trying to make it seem like it's not such a big request. But regardless, the more confident thing to do is to let your desires stand on their own. So cut the word just out of those situations and especially pay attention for it in your emails where I see it misused most frequently, often seen in tandem with just is I was wondering or I was thinking. We often use these phrases to avoid asking a question directly, sometimes because we don't want to impose, and sometimes because we don't want to get rejected. But saying I was wondering if you'd like to get drinks on Saturday isn't nearly as confident as asking directly would you like to get drinks on Saturday? And saying I was just wondering if you'd like to get drinks on Saturday is even worse. Look out for your text messages to see if this crops up in yours. Next up we have Is this guy bothering you? Or really any other joke that cuts at your friends publicly? I often see this with younger guys who are interacting with a girl that they like because they don't know how to introduce themselves and maybe because they're jealous. They'll approach a girl that their friend is talking to by saying how do you know this loser? Or is this guy bothering you? Yes, it's a joke, but it makes both of you seem lame since you're saying that your friend is boring and that you're the type of person who keeps boring friends. Instead, compliment your friends during introductions. It shows true confidence. Now, no list of phrases that lack confidence would be complete without filler words. For instance, and like, realize that you can simply replace all of these with silence. It's okay. Even recommended to have pauses while you speak. And the best way by far to notice and remove these is by recording yourself and listening back while counting the time that you use these filler words. Next, we have a double sided issue for two different types of people, I'm sorry and on the flip side, I'm sorry. But now you should absolutely say I'm sorry from time to time. But if you're using it to appease other people without really thinking if you've done something wrong, it's going to reek of low confidence. Conversely, the type of person who says I'm sorry but is trying to smoke smooth things over, but then immediately justify themselves, which proves that the sorry was just a social manipulation rather than a genuine apology let your I'm sorry stand on their own. Next up is you probably don't care, but now this falls into the broader category of disqualifiers. Before sharing anything like I'm sure you won't like it or don't expect too much. If you think that someone won't like something either, don't say it. Or even better, develop the confidence to tell your stories and share what you have to say with the enthusiasm that makes the other person fascinated. Lastly, we have My blank is making me, My boss is making me, My girlfriend is making me. Whatever. When you say this, you're positioning yourself as someone who operates as someone else's servant. Instead, recognize that even if someone is pushing you to do something, you always get to make the ultimate choice. So instead, just say, I'm going to Cincinnati this week or I'm going to see the new Bridget Jones movie. Cutting these phrases out puts you on the right path, but if you'd like to take it even further, you can develop deeper confidence through mental rehearsal and visualization. Our sponsor for this video, Simple Habit is excellent for that. It's an app that has tons of different meditation options for free. And the one that I would start with for feeling more positive and confident is called Seven Days of Joy. And if you'd like to unlock all the different guided meditations that Simple Habit has, it's just $12 a month now. I've been doing this for several months now and it's absolutely been worth it for me. But if you'd like to check it out for yourself and see if it's right for you, you can go ahead and get a free week long trial of all the meditations that Simple Habit has, including the ones that I mentioned using the link below. Just make sure that you do it on your iPad or your phone because it is a mobile app after all. Anyways, I hope that you enjoyed this video. I hope that you dig into those meditations if you decide to try out Simple Habit, and I look forward to seeing you again next week.
