7 Red Flags In Dating You Should Always Take Seriously

90 Day Fiance videos have been making the rounds on YouTube these days. And wow, there are some amazingly toxic relationships in that show.

I don't know why you care. I mean we're having like.

Unfortunately, it can be hard to recognize when your own relationship is headed for trouble until it's too late. So today we're going to cover seven red flags that are early signs of a toxic relationship. Now, because this is reality tv, it has some extreme examples and everything is heavily edited. So we're only going to cover situations that are common in everyday life and that people tend to ignore. So we won't cover signs that are hopefully obvious like a 30 year age gap, a history of domestic abuse, or straight up telling you that they only like you for your money.

So you're basically saying that you're just dating me because I can buy you things.

Yes.

The first early warning sign of a potentially toxic relationship is when someone, them or you prioritizes being attractive over being honest. Sometimes this will be outright lying about something to make themselves seem more attractive, like Ed does in this clip.

Am I what you expected? Do you like.

I expected? You are told to me.

I thought if I told you I was the same height, maybe I would have a chance.

Other times it might be holding back from telling you something important because they think you'll like them less for it.

I don't want more kids, but she does. I didn't tell her sooner because I didn't want to lose her.

This behavior is often justified, like that saying that they love you so much they didn't want to risk losing you. And especially when it's something less important, like height. It can be easy to write it off as a small thing. But even for something small, when you catch someone prioritizing being attractive over being honest, it's a red flag. This person is showing that they're willing to deceive you if it'll get them what they want. If you ignore this early sign, you may find yourself in a manipulative relationship. Another early sign of a manipulative relationship is is if the person makes it a headache to not give them what they want. For example, in this next clip, the woman is seeing her long distance boyfriend for the first time in a long time and this is the first thing she says.

Where's my flowers?

That joke alone is actually totally fine, but unfortunately for that guy, it keeps going. You look great.

Why do we have flowers?

No flowers. Honey, I'm sorry.

I'm sure this guy cringed when a few minutes later they walked past a Flower stand.

That is the flower spot.

Yep.

I'm not going to buy you $20 from flowers.

@ first you might think this is harmless behavior. After all, she's definitely making sure this guy learns his lesson. Bring flowers to the airport or get a headache. But you shouldn't be in a relationship where people are motivated by avoiding a headache. Instead, search for a relationship where you and the person treat each other the way you both want to be treated because you're inspired to without needing the threat of negativity. Nagging is only one of the common tactics for doing this. Another headache tactic to manipulate you is to attack your self esteem. Insulting you until you do what they want just to prove them wrong. Like Jennifer does here.

Are you too coward?

I'm too coward for that. I am.

Maybe you are not the right for me. Maybe you're too f for everything.

The last common tactic that some people will try to use to manipulate you is frequent crying. Now, it should go without saying. It's important to comfort a partner who is genuinely crying and has good reason. You'll have to use your judgment here. But as an example, watch what Darcy does after this man says he doesn't want to sleep with her the very first night they met.

Do you want to sleep here and I sleep downstairs? Is that.

No.

I just don't really feel comfortable sleeping alone.

Whether it's with nagging, attacking your self esteem or guilt. If your partner frequently uses negative emotions to get you to do what they want, it's a good sign you're heading for a toxic relationship. Another early sign of a toxic relationship is when they say what they think you want to hear, but then later their actions don't match their words. For example, saying they care about you but then being purposefully hurtful.

I don't ever want to hurt you.

Yeah, okay.

And try not to ruin the next one.

I'm happy to move on. I got bigger and better coming.

Put weight on.

Another example would be promising to support you in something but then not following through.

Before we broke up last year, he was like, anything you need, you can rely on me. I can help you. Suddenly he disappeared and I needed his help. Like his support.

As outside observers, it's obvious to us that if she gets back together with someone who promised to help her and then abandoned her, he'll just continue to promise the world and then under deliver. But she gets back with him anyway. Why? Because when you like someone, you want the nice things they say to be true. That's why it's important that you Maintain strong relationships outside of your romantic one. Your friends and family are often going to have a more accurate and less biased view of your relationship than you do. In fact, another early sign that your relationship is toxic is if your friends and family don't like your relationship. This seems obvious when you're not in the relationship, but when emotions are involved, many people suddenly find themselves ignoring the advice of the people around them.

My family doesn't know about this decision right now. I'm worried about how they're going to react when I tell them that I am married. They did have some doubts about our.

Relationship and this rarely ends well.

What is the problem? I am coming back.

Did you lie to me?

I am coming back.

Here's another example where an 18 year old girl is marrying a 27 year old guy that she's been dating for less than a year. Reasonably, her friends have reservations about it, but she just ignores them.

So you're gonna be married before your one year anniversary even comes up?

Yes, actually.

Yes.

That is crazy. Emilyn.

Maybe to you, tuning out your loved ones can be dangerous when you're just in the early stages of a relationship. At the same time, you don't want to let other people decide how you live your life. So a good question to ask yourself is, is the person giving you advice someone you respect and someone who has had relationships you would want? If so, then that is a good sign to listen to their concerns. These strong external relationships are so helpful in preventing a toxic relationship that sometimes people will proactively try to distance you from your friends and family. They know that if they can weaken these ties, they'll force you to be more dependent on them for love and therefore more uncomfortable about the idea of breaking up with them and living without them. This can take many forms, but one common one is trying to stop you from going out at night without them.

They're concerned because they're like, well I told them that you're not into like girls night.

You want to go. That's not an option.

You want to go. I want to go too. Another warning sign is they try to control who you text with. Like this woman who tries to get this guy to stop texting any woman he's not related to.

Acting like everyone that is texting me is like bringing intimacy to me.

You're about to be married. You don't answer literally. You shouldn't be answering anyone but your family members.

No matter how you ended up here, whether it's because of infidelity or just insecurity, when you Reach the point where one person can't trust the other to behave with integrity unless they're supervised, it's time to end the relationship. The restrictions will only get worse over time.

I definitely don't have good luck in finding faithful men for from this point on, he can't leave the house without telling me.

The reason people stay in relationships like this is actually the same. Whether you're the jealous partner obsessed with control or the restricted partner allowing yourself to be bullied. For both parties, they're not confident that they can find someone else they like who will be with them. This lack of confidence and self esteem is a common factor in toxic relationships. I'll talk more about how to boost your confidence and self esteem at the end of the video. Now, one big reason why friends and family might have a different opinion of your significant other than you do is is because sometimes in toxic relationships, we see our significant others not as they are, but as we want them to be. An early sign that you're projecting more onto your partner than they actually are is if you develop strong feelings before you know them. The most extreme example of this is love at first sight. Like this woman falling in love from a dating profile.

I decided to go online to look for love and that's where I met Jesse. For me, it was love at first sight.

This can seem romantic and certainly being that infatuated feels amazing at the time, but it shows. You've created an idea of someone and fallen in love with that invented version of them. We saw earlier how well that worked out for this guy.

You know, the day that I laid eyes on her was like beyond anything that I could have ever dreamed of.

If you feel yourself falling hard for someone in a relatively short period of time, that's fine. But it's important not to make any permanent decisions based on that infatuation. You just don't want to end up like this woman who wants to marry a man she's never even met.

I have never met John in person.

Before and I am hoping for a proposal. This may seem like an extreme example, but situations like this actually play out all the time. Whether it's eloping, moving in together, having a baby. This is especially dangerous because it's very common for toxic relationships to start well. In fact, a toxic partner will often make a better first impression than average because they wear more of a facade in the beginning of a relationship than most people do. Then once they know they have you hooked, their behavior gets worse.

Eight months of this online relationship with Jennifer. We're finally here in Columbia together, but our first moments in person have been a little rough.

Now, almost all relationships involve some amount of fighting, but if you find your relationship is like a rollercoaster with a lot of extreme highs and extreme lows, it's a good sign that it's a toxic relationship.

Yeah, I think. I think we're gonna be fine. I mean, we fought a lot, but we established that that's us.

If you find that you've started to normalize things like fighting or constant breakups, then it's time to recognize your relationship may be built more on addiction and codependence than on happiness. You don't want to be describing your relationship like this.

It's been really difficult over the last few months. We make up and break up almost every day.

The biggest issue that leads to these toxic relationships is a lack of self esteem and confidence. With true confidence, no one would behave this way or put up with this type of behavior. If something in this video has resonated with you, maybe you've seen these behaviors in yourself or in a past relationship. I highly recommend you check out Charisma University. It's our step by step guided program. That's the fastest way I know of to build more confidence. It will also help you take your charisma to the next level, giving you more options in dating so that you won't be scared of winding up alone. Now you can read all about the details in the link below, but I figured the best way to let you know what this is all about is just to let the members speak for themselves. So here are just a few of the things that CU members have written in via email or the course comments. The first one comes from a guy who saw major improvements in his social and dating life. He says Life changing in six weeks I went from being socially awkward with few friends to the life of every event I attend. I also went from having serious girl problems to dating the girl of my dreams. This next person used to struggle socially and saw major improvements after cu. They said through most of early adulthood I was shy, timid and took a defensive stance on social interactions. Now I am more confident in social situations, will talk to literally anyone about anything, will have a good time even if no one else is. And and I am more in control in interactions in my career and just happier. And this last one is from a woman who had just gotten back from a speaking tour. She says, Last year I joined CU right before two public speaking events, though I didn't do anything too terribly embarrassing while on stage My lack of confidence was obvious to everyone in the room. Fast forward to this weekend. I owned the stage and spoke to over 2,000 business owners. It was so powerful that even my marketing assistant was completely lost for words. There are more success stories just like those in the comments if you decide to join the course. If you do join, it comes with a 60 day money back guarantee which is 100% for any reason at all. And it's 60 days even though the course is only 30 days. Because I want to make sure every single person truly feels like they're getting a ton from the course. Otherwise you can just refund. So if you want to check out the course, go ahead and click the link on screen now or below in the description. We've had thousands of members go through this course and get a ton out of it. I hope that you decide to join if this is an area of your life that you're looking to improve. Either way, I hope you like this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.