7 Signs You Are Emotionally Mature

Emotional maturity creates strength and resilience in the face of life's obstacles. But pinning down what emotional maturity looks like and how it's developed can be hard to do. So in this video, we are going to cover seven specific signs that you are emotionally mature, and if not, at least seven things you can do to begin your work on that. First off, emotionally mature people do not demonize exes or the people in their life with whom they've had a falling out. Now, that's not to say that you should overlook the issues that drove you apart from those people in the first place. It means that you recognize that in most cases, both parties contribute to relationship dysfunction, even if it was just by staying in a toxic relationship. So if you find yourself talking about your crazy ex all the time, you might want to check yourself. Emotionally mature people are less interested in blaming and demonizing and far more interested in learning from their experiences. Which brings us to point 2. When there are recurring problems in their lives, emotionally mature people recognize that they are the common denominator and might be contributing to those bad experiences. So if you often find yourself in a particular type of negative relationship, maybe you're being cheated on by multiple partners. You recognize that while they are of course responsible for their broken promises, you may be contributing by filtering for and being attracted to that type of person in the first place. Now, this isn't a mindset from which the emotionally mature person beats themselves up, though. Instead, they use it to inspire themselves to reflect on the ways in which they can change and thereby change their results. The same concept is true of any recurring issue, whether it's falling out with close friends, difficulty in selling a product, or. Or people losing interest when you speak, if it's happening in multiple situations, emotionally mature people consider how they might be contributing and make it their own responsibility to break those patterns. Now, this does need a caveat, which is our third point, and that's that emotionally mature people do not take full responsibility for other people's feelings. This is a common pitfall. As people become more emotionally mature so as not to be a victim, they assume responsibility for everything. And when someone, many times it's a romantic partner is feeling upset or depressed or angry, the emotionally mature person, or the one who's trying to be, adopts full responsibility for those feelings and tries to problem solve on behalf of the other person. This may even be encouraged when the partner says, you made me sad or insecure or whatever it is. In these situations, it's important to assess fairly what your own contribution was. If you were a total jerk. Sure, take responsibility and apologize. But if someone is blaming their negative experience on you in a way that you wouldn't tolerate from other friends, family and loved ones, draw a boundary and don't let yourself get guilt tripped and become someone else's emotional crutch. Now, the fourth sign of emotional maturity is that you get angry, sad and anxious. And that might surprise you if you think that emotional maturity means not feeling negative emotions. In fact, you may believe that it's an asset to never get angry or to never cry. But anger, sadness and anxiety are normal parts of a healthy life. What is damaging is to repress those emotions, either to look cool or to live up to some stoic ideal. When you do this, those emotions find ways out. Anxiety turns into perfectionism and compulsive planning. Anger shifts to passive aggressiveness, sarcasm, or just forgetting to text someone back. Sadness can become depression at how grim politics or the news are, never recognizing that those feelings are coming from within. So give yourself permission to feel your own negative emotions. It's by acknowledging and moving through them that you can release hate hidden, destructive habits. This takes us to the fifth point. The flip side of that coin is that emotionally healthy people don't need to dwell or wallow in their negative emotions. Yes, they allow themselves to experience in them head on without distractions. But the goal is understanding and self compassion, not victimization or self pity. So emotionally healthy people can sit with negative emotions, allow themselves to uncover their roots beyond whatever might have triggered them in the first place, and then with care, they begin to problem solve. You can give yourself what you may need to move on. Sometimes it gets a lot loving kick in the butt to get up and go exercise. And other times it's the space to relax and unwind. Now, when it comes to communicating challenging emotions, emotionally mature people are capable of speaking about their emotions without needing to get emotional. So they don't have to yell about how angry they are or break down crying when discussing something that has upset them. They can instead honestly and calmly say hey, when you did that, I felt really angry or it hurt my feelings. When you Conversations about emotions can become more productive because the emotionally healthy person can separate venting from problem solving. And our seventh point is that emotionally mature people can pause. They often move more slowly in high pressure moments. In the face of aggression, they take a deep breath and wait a few seconds before responding, allowing for better decision making while still signaling confidence. When confronted with troubling information, they don't immediately assume the worst case scenario, but instead consider more likely scenarios and possible approaches to mitigate any losses. The emotionally mature person recognizes that very few things in life require immediate responses, and a pause, even if it's just for one breath, can transform their life.

Now, whether you're living all these signs or just a few, you can always keep growing. So if you want to quickly become even more emotionally mature, there are four questions that can break you into new levels of maturity and self satisfaction. They've helped me with my own frustrations and anxieties, and you can learn the four questions and how to use them in Loving what Is by Byron Katie the audiobook has live examples of people using these questions with a coach and makes internalizing the lessons much easier. You can get the whole audiobook, which includes those live coaching sessions, for free today@Audible.com Charisma or by texting Charisma to 500500 courtesy, of course, of this video's sponsor, Audible. Audible, as you probably know, has a massive library of audiobooks and with your 30 day free trial of Audible, you get to start with one free audiobook. And I highly recommend Loving what Is. If anxiety, self doubt, or self judgment are things you'd like to move beyond, you also get two free Audible originals with your trial. Mark Manson has one coming out on March 26th called Love is Not Enough that could be a great companion. With Audible, you get the opportunity to learn when you're commuting or working out or doing chores around the house, so even on your busiest days, you know that you're making time to better yourself. Loving what Is and the other titles.

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Been some of the most powerful teachers in my entire life, and Audible's free trial can can be a great way to learn their lessons. If you're short on time, I hope that you decide to check out Loving what Is. Chapter four is when the live conversations start and it makes for great listening.

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Now with your trial of audible@audible.com charisma or by texting charisma to 500 500. Either way, I hope that you've enjoyed this video. I look forward to seeing you in the next one.

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