Bully Banter: The Habit That Makes People Instantly Like You Less

The first social mistake we'll cover today is bully banter, Putting someone down to make the rest of the group laugh. Like this clip.

What are you afraid of? Well, I was gonna go with flying, but I think I'll go with girls over 12.

This mistake confuses people because playful teasing can be a great way to make people like you. But the key is to make everyone laugh, including the person you're teasing. This is a huge crowd, and, like, you go to, like, the Tonight show.

In the States, and there's, like, five people in the audience. That's only when you're there, Dar.

So how can you tease someone playfully without accidentally hurting their feelings and making them dislike you? Especially with people you aren't close to. Don't tease something they're likely to be insecure about. You think this is obvious, but it's surprisingly common.

And when you get finished with those jeans and decide you don't like them, give them to me. I'm gonna make two pairs. Barbara, I was just wondering who told you that, because my wife tells me that often. She says, good morning.

I'm still married, as a matter of fact.

Yes. Well, you are.

Some people love dark humor, and with those friends, nothing has to be off limits. But if you're trying to have a laugh with someone you don't know, well, tease them about things they're unlikely to be insecure about. Jokes that will almost always go well are ones that highlight the person's strengths are obviously untrue or both. Speaking of family, Dwayne, you also just recently bought your mom a house.

I did. That, like, makes me want to cry. Yeah.

No way.

No, no, no way.

I gotta.

It's about to a billion dollars later, he finally burn his mama house. All right, should we clap for that? I think the whole room right now is thinking the same thing.

During our sex scene, I felt your rubbing into me.

And it must have been so challenging having to work with Henry every day.

It's just so awful.

It's just too bad about his face, right? He's such a nice guy. And then, you know, the next bad.

Habit to avoid is mocking someone's mistakes. Here's an example of what that might look like with the scream queens cast reacting to iconic movie screams. I think it was, like, what I.

Liked about it was it kind of.

Came, like, as like, a she.

Like, is like, oh, yeah, that. I want to see what you just said written on paper.

This seems obvious. So why do people do this? Sometimes they're just thinking out loud. And don't Realize they're being hurtful, but often it's because they want to show off their own intelligence. There's a time when you snuck into the room to see what the. I sneaked into the room.

Snuck isn't a word, Conan. And you went to Harvard. And you should know that.

People mistakenly think this makes them look smart. But often it just makes the person dislike you, and it makes you a target. In the future, the next time you make a mistake, you can bet that person will jump on it and shame you like you've done to them in the past.

I keep a dictionary down here and I just found it.

Just want to look at.

Oh, what the hell. Look right here. Snuck past and past part of sneak.

The next mistake you might make without realizing it is the negative Nancy speaking specifically, being negative about things you know the other person likes.

I like Canadians, man. Do you? Yeah. You're one of the few. Really? Yeah. Who doesn't like Canadians? Me. Why don't you like them? It's kind of annoying. I don't know. Have you met Izzy? No, but what do you think of his vibe? Bro, he's the best. His vibes. I saw him make a comment at a press conference where he was like, yo, I'm do a TikTok dance once I beat you. Yeah. And that really just, like, maybe not.

You want to be honest in conversation. It's good to not blindly agree with everything the other person says, but if you're consistently negative about the things that someone like, it can create the feeling in them that you two won't get along.

Are you on TikTok? I'm trying to understand, like, is this your character? Are you like the hater or something? Like, what's. Who am I hating on? I'm. I'm just like. I'm trying to understand, like, you're hating on Izzy for doing TikTok dances when.

You do TikTok dances.

No, like, I love. I love Justin Poirier. Can I show Shells your last TikTok? Yeah. Yeah. Before you delete it, explain what. What the dynamic is here.

The worst time to do this is when you're first meeting someone.

What's the favorite place you've ever been?

Vegas.

I'm going to Vegas tomorrow. I don't think I'll like it.

So how can you be authentic self and still connect? By connecting one layer deeper on shared values. So one possible response would be, oh, that's interesting. I don't think I'd like Vegas, but I've never been. Why do you like it, then you can look for values to connect on from their answer. If they say they like it because it lets them get away from the stress of everyday life and focus on having fun for a few days, you can say you love doing that too, but for you, that's a camping trip. Asking why and bonding over shared values can create a great back and forth conversation. Once you do have conversation flowing, make sure you avoid disrespectful distractions. This is when you accidentally disrespect someone by getting distracted while they're opening up to you.

It was a really bad camp. It was probably the worst camp of my career. My dad had passed away like three weeks before the fight and like two.

Or three days after that.

Why does that look so Jamie? My cousin passed away. Like, pull it back. Is it our computer that's doing that?

You might think you would never do this, but there is a version of this that almost everyone is guilty of these days.

You know what I'm saying? It's hard to have empathy for that. Yeah, no, that makes sense. I think we lost them.

This is one we all do. Phone addiction is real and most of us suffer from it to some degree. You might think this is a minor thing, but looking at your phone when someone's talking to you can instantly kill a potential new relationship.

What bothers you the most right now? Nothing. Nothing bothers you. You looking at your phone while we're doing this interview and everybody's seeming disinterested? What do you mean me taking time out of my day to do this and then feeling like forcing you guys to do the podcast.

If you're talking to someone, tune in and give them your full attention. If you're struggling because you're bored, don't zone out or disrespect them looking at your phone. Instead, pivot the conversation to something you're genuinely interested in. If you want to learn more about how to do that smoothly, we'll link to a video on that topic at the end of this video. Another common mistake that can make someone feel disrespected is repeatedly talking over someone.

If they decided to have an Apple coin and you'd buy all Apple products with an Apple. With Apple phones, Apple imacs. And you just invest in.

What do you mean? No, hold please.

I'm going to tell you what it is.

Hold please.

Let me finish.

The majority of the time when you do this, you aren't trying to be rude, you're just excited about what you have to say. Sorry, it's a Very bad habit.

No, that's okay.

You just excited to talk. I am. I'm a know it all.

I'm very excited. You're excited to talk. No, I'm.

I'm irritated by myself.

I'm not. Don't worry about it.

Cutting someone off once because you're excited isn't a big deal. But if you make a habit of it and start to see body language like Joe Rogan's in these next two clips, that's a sign. You need to make a real effort to stop interrupting. Specifically, these things have. Europeans didn't come to Hawaii.

I understand. Okay, so that's.

That is how I feel. Before we get into today's last charisma mistake, I want to highlight that these are 15 second clips that do not represent the entire person. We are not saying these people are dislikable or uncharismatic at all. These are simply moments in time that we can learn from one conversation with. A lot of teachable moments happens to be the full Send podcast featuring Andrew Schultz. Even at the time, it was obvious to everyone involved that things were not going well.

I feel bad. I feel like you came at me a little bit there. Why do you feel bad? I just feel like you targeted me. Is you or. No. Did someone tell you to come in? No. I thought you were just being a little annoying.

We've covered a few things from this conversation already, but there's one more lesson we can learn from it. Steve explains it well in this next clip.

Me. What makes you think that? I don't know. It's gonna be like a therapy session. Yeah. I mean, what the are you. I don't know if you're playing a character or you're having, like an insecure moment. If you're having a vulnerable insecure moment, then I want to, like, talk about kind of playing something. But what? Oh. If you're playing something, say that triggered you. Say that. I think he's so insecure, and I think he plays his character.

This is extremely common. You want someone to like you, so you try to look good. You lie or hide what you consider the bad stuff about yourself. You try to embellish or draw attention to the things that you think the other person will like. Ironically, trying hard to look good is what makes you look bad, because people can sense inauthenticity. In this conversation, Steinie is trying to bounce back and forth between saying as being authentic and saying as playing a character, trying to see which one will get Schultz to like him.

If you're having A vulnerable, insecure moment. Then I want to like kind of playing something. What did I say that triggered you? Do you find it hard to be yourself? I think that's true. That's what I do, bro. I don't have as much of a tolerance for characters as I do for authenticity. You don't think I'm being authentic, Bro, Everything I do is like a joke. You can't take it too seriously.

This habit can be so deeply ingrained that you struggle to be fully open and authentic even when you want to be.

Just say how you honestly feel. Don't I feel good, bro? I think you're pretty. You don't feel good. You don't feel good. You feel insecure right now because you think I don't like you. Well, thank you so much for hurting my self esteem and probably keeping me inside tonight. Hope you have a great night. Even that's not real. So real. You're going out tonight? Yeah. You're gonna party? It's okay, man.

This mistake confuses a lot of people. After all, we all want to be ourselves and be authentic. But you might also want better outcomes in life. Whether that's better relationships, more career success, or just to feel more confident. So what can you do if you want to be your authentic self, but the way you've been doing it so far isn't getting you the life you dream about. One way is to focus on building charismatic habits so you can present your best self without thinking about it. For some people, this requires a quick mental reframe. Who you are isn't your bad body language or your poor delivery. You are the person underneath that, who most people don't even get a chance to meet. If you don't happen to luck into having good social habits. Another way to improve your charisma without being fake is to focus on building deep inner confidence. When you take your confidence to the next level, you'll naturally be more charismatic without trying. If you'd like a specific blueprint for building charismatic habits and deep, unshakeable confidence, check out our program, Charisma University. It's a step by step guided program that comes with a daily action guide so you know exactly what to do each day to take what you're learning and turn it into a habit you do effortlessly. You might find that hard to believe, but you don't have to take my word for it. The program comes with a 60 day money back guarantee so you can take the entire course, see if it changes your life, and if not, give yourself a refund. From right inside the program. If you want to learn more, click the link on screen now or below in the description. We've had thousands of people improve their lives with Charisma University, and we'd love for you to do the same. Either way, I hope this video has helped you, and I look forward to seeing you in the next one. I hope you enjoyed.