Elite Level Confidence: How To Stop Caring What Other People Think

It's not your fault that you care what other people think. It's a natural instinct almost everyone has, and it feels justified. Because if you truly don't care at all what people think, you risk becoming a social outcast.

Would you please still be my friend? No. Get away from me. Okay.

The problem is, if you care too much about what other people think, it will lead you to an anxious, mediocre life.

The average person is obese, likely to be divorced, and has less than 1k in the bank. It feels safe to do what everyone else is doing, but it's actually a terrible decision.

There's also an internal cost. When you live for other people's approval, you lose touch with your own natural confidence, energy, and joy for life. Now, this video is not about becoming a narcissist and not caring at all about other people. So let's let Tony Robbins reframe our goal.

I don't know the ever stop caring completely. People say they don't care. I think what they really mean is, I don't let it stop me.

The number one regret of people who are dying is, I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself and not the life others expected of me. So let's spend the rest of this video going through how you can do just that. One way to stop caring what other people think is to find your fire. You cannot care about everything at a 10 out of 10. So if you want to stop caring what people think, find something you care about more.

Your obsession outweighs the insecurity of being an outsider. Exactly.

The first thing to realize if you have people in your life telling you not to pursue your dreams is that you are not alone.

Your father, did he live long enough to enjoy your success? Yeah, he kind of. You know, he.

He really was disappointed by the. By me moving to Los Angeles. He really wanted me to go to university.

You were bullied for skateboarding? Like that didn't exist? Absolutely, yeah. By whom? Like, I imagine, by anyone my age. People at the age of 15 just can't comprehend having drive and wanting to work. So you're just like this little outcast. You're, like, ostracized from society, and you're a weirdo loser every step of the way.

If you have family or friends telling you not to live life the way you want to you, here's an exercise you may find helpful. Visualize your ideal day. When do you wake up? Where do you wake up? What happens during your day? Create a clear vision of your ideal Life. It's easy to deal with people judging your actions today if you know those actions are moving you closer to a future you're excited about. And always remember, someone's negative judgment might just be crabs in a bucket syndrome.

You put a bunch of crabs in a barrel, every crab that tries to climb out of the barrel, there's another crab that's gonna grab that crab and pull him back in. Eventually, no crabs can get out the barrel because they're all pulling each other back down.

The second trick to stop worrying about what everyone thinks about you is to create an inner circle. Only care about the opinions of a select few chosen people you love and trust. This is how people like Bill Burr feel confident saying things they know some people won't like.

If people bring it up, I just say, you know, not everybody's gonna like me. Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. I don't need everybody. Like, I just need enough people. I still have that need to be liked. So now I'm like, going up to my wife, like, you know, I haven't yelled in a while. Have you noticed? Yeah. Am I a swe. Well, guy? Do you like me? So I still have that crushing need to be liked.

This strategy sounds good, especially if you have a tight group of people you respect. But this inner circle strategy can trap you into that group's expectations and limit the ways you'll allow yourself to grow. It's a great first step, but not the end goal. The next level is to only give this power to yourself. And to do that, you need to decide your core values and commit to caring about them more than the opinions of other people. This can include things like growth, contribution, fun, freedom, or honesty. This next clip is an example of what it looks like to commit to honesty instead of trying to look perfect.

What scares you? Everything. Everything. Not being in control. Not knowing. Anticipation. Like waiting for something to go wrong. I'm an addict and alcoholic, so I have my ups and downs.

The ironic thing is because it's so rare to meet someone who isn't trying to fit in or impress you, when you do commit to your core values, it often makes people like you. Just look at the reaction Andrew Santino's honesty gets in this next clip. For context, Schultz is asking him what he thinks of Mr. Beast's cookies.

What do you think? That looks great. Yeah, they're great. My teeth fall out. Stop. On my boy. Peaceable, bro. You of all people. Don't. Don't say some dumb like that. Those cookies are trash.

As One quick note. You don't have to be that harsh to commit to honesty as a personal value. If you like this idea of having core values, it helps to sit down and actually write what yours are. Then read them several times every day like a mantra. I value growth, honesty, kindness and fun more than fitting in. Remember, other people will come and go from your life. The only person you have to live with every day is yourself. So those are three things you can care about more than the opinions of other people. Your future vision, your inner circle, and your core values. Now, let's talk about some strategies to simply care less about what other people think without needing to replace it with something else. One way to worry less about the judgment of others is to leave the validation casino.

I decided to delete my Instagram because I just felt like I was so addicted to this kind of false version of my life that it was just taking over. I would be on set working. I'd come and sit in my chair and just scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll. And it was, it was becoming a problem. I was just obsessed with it. And I was obsessed to find out what people were saying and how people, what they thought about me.

Every time you try to get external validation, you train your brain to care what other people think. Contrast that with Saad Guru's advice on how to overcome the fear of being judged and notice if anything surprising stands out to you.

Anybody can say what they want, Anybody can do what they want. This is like this only because I have not given this privilege to anybody, that somebody can make me happy, somebody can make me unhappy, somebody can make me miserable. Right now, you are a consequence of other people's opinions.

He doesn't let other people make him feel unhappy or happy. That's something most people don't realize. If you rely on other people to feel good about yourself and you give them the power to make you feel bad about yourself. In making this video, I couldn't help but think of Andrew Tate, one of the most disliked people on the planet. I was curious how he remains unaffected by the millions of people who hate him online. His mindset is surprisingly similar to sadhguru.

Because when you can emotionally affect somebody, you control them. They can't emotionally affect me, they can't make me happy with the video, they can't make me sad within a video.

Now, again, the goal is not to completely stop caring about other people. You don't want to only care about yourself and end up hurting other people or treating them badly. The goal is simply to feel free enough to live the life you want and pursue your dreams while still being a kind, empathetic person. After you leave the Validation Casino, you'll realize something. Here's the truth for most people, most of the time, I feel bad for you.

I don't think about you at all.

Obsessing over someone else's opinion of you feels silly when you realize that most of the time they're just thinking about themselves. And even if they are thinking negative thoughts about you, if you zoom out, you'll realize their opinions don't matter anyway.

A friendly reminder that in three generations, everyone who knew us will be dead.

Including the people whose opinions stopped you.

From doing what you wanted all along.

This is not meant to depress you, but to inspire you to live the life you want to live. There's a specific question I said as a phone reminder that's helpful for remembering this what will matter when I'm 90? Seeing this pop up on your phone every day will help you realize what truly matters to you. The last way to stop caring what people think is self acceptance. A big reason you're scared that other people are thinking negative thoughts about you is because you're afraid there's some truth to what they're thinking. Like, someone can say something ridiculous about you, and if you know it's ridiculous.

It doesn't mean anything.

But if it's got a hint of.

Truth, you're like, ooo.

Often the reason you care so much about what other people think is because there are things about yourself you're ashamed of. So for example, you worry they'll think you're weird because you think you're weird. And the cure is to accept that you are weird. If you aren't ashamed of something, you won't care if people tease you about it. For example, watch how Mila Kunis reacts to being teased for playing World of Warcraft.

But now with expansion pack, they're going.

To have raids that only require like 10 people. Oh good.

So it makes things a lot easier, really.

Going to streamline this. Is that change Obama's been talking about? Oh my God, it's such a good game. I love it. Other people cannot make you feel shame. They can only trigger you to make yourself feel shame. That shame comes from a misguided sense that you're supposed to be perfect. You aren't perfect. No one is.

There's no embarrassment in struggle.

If you accept yourself fully, no one can ever make you feel bad about yourself. So now the question is, how can you accept yourself in those moments when you don't feel okay with your weirdness or your imperfections. You use the best friend trick. Ask yourself what advice would you give to your best friend in this situation because you likely have more grace and empathy for them than you do for yourself. Now some people are afraid of self acceptance because they think it'll steal their motivation to improve. How can you be self accepting without becoming complacent? Because I spent most of my life hating myself at best tolerating myself for moments. But there was a lot of self love loathing driving performance and I for a long time viewed any type of self acceptance as complacency. Ironically, this is the opposite of true Self acceptance is extremely important if your goal is to grow and change because you cannot get where you want to go until you admit where you are.

I don't think you can truly change for the better in a lasting, meaningful way unless it is driven by self acceptance.

I agree with that. The people who we see struggle the most with improving their charisma are the ones who refuse to admit to themselves that they aren't already charismatic. Their friends don't respect them, their dating lives are bad, they aren't getting the jobs they want, but they always blame it on something external. They can't grow because they can't admit to themselves that they need to grow. So if you want to grow and improve yourself, start by accepting where you are. Acceptance does not mean I love where I am and I want to stay here forever. I it means it's okay that this is where you are today. From that place, there's no limit to how much you can improve. If you specifically want to improve your charisma and confidence, you might like our video program Charisma University. Past members have written us that after going through cu, they've seen social outcomes like more friends and a better dating life, and career advancements like raises, promotions and new job offers. Even more importantly, you'll have more self confidence and higher self esteem. If you want to learn more, click the link on screen or in the description below. Either way, I hope today's video has helped give you the courage to stop caring so much what other people think and to more fully embrace your weird, perfectly imperfect, true self.