Gary Vee's Guide To Being Shamelessly Charismatic

Gary Vaynerchuk seemingly has a superpower. In addition to being a very successful investor and entrepreneur, he seems to have the ability to say almost anything he wants and have people love him for it. Take Seth Godin, for example, who, halfway through a conversation with Gary, says this.

Zig used to say, you can be a meaningful, specific, or wise.

Zig said, when you're f. Cking Seth Godin, you can get away with it.

Has anyone ever walked out on the show?

Yes, because I could go second and just a few minutes after that has no economic utility.

Well, that's a whole different conversation.

But that's the conversation I'm trying to have. But you keep interrupting.

No, no, not.

And. And yet, 12 minutes later, all is forgiven.

But I'm super cool with hit. Listen, Seth, I'm super pumped you're on the show, man.

It's a pleasure. How can people find you online?

And this isn't an isolated incident. In every interview I've seen with Gary Vee, he does one or two things that seem to infuriate his guests. The first is he interrupts them.

You started trading at 12. Why?

I caddied at a fancy place.

It was a fancy place to me. I didn't. You're right.

Of course I'm talking. I'll tell you. And Ray Dalio is visibly frustrated by it, as viewers can see. But at the end, he's smiling and enjoying himself.

Ray, this has been super enjoyable.

It's been a blast for me, too. And the second is that Gary will say things that he knows you aren't going to like.

Yeah, I mean, look, you know, you guys know where I sit on this one. I won't meditate. I don't need to see psychics. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's not okay to put those two things in the same sentence.

And yet, Gary is incredibly popular, both among successful entrepreneurs like Seth Godin, Tim Ferriss and Tony Robbins and his Million Pl plus fans. So the question is, what does Gary do that makes it almost impossible for people to stay mad at him, even when he's interrupting or offending them? And what steps can you take in your own life so that people will think highly of you, even if you inadvertently tick them off? Let's start by watching that first Seth Godin clip play out.

Has anyone ever walked out on the show? Yes, because I could go second. I have something important to add here.

Go ahead.

You're heckling.

I am. I just. You know what? I'm just happy.

He puts his arm around Seth in a Big gesture of friendliness. Here's another example.

Science is one of the coolest things that's ever happened to mankind. It's not okay, Seth, I'm telling you.

The truth about this. I mean, I don't, I hate you. Don't disappoint.

As soon as he senses Seth is going beyond friendly jokes to actual frustration, he reaches out and touches him. This is hugely important because touch builds connection, trust and it can be used to communicate non verbally. And Gary does this with everyone from employees to celebrities. That Tony Robbins clip is within one minute of starting the video. Gary touches early and often and especially when he senses that he's pushed someone to the point of aggravation. The second thing Gary does incredibly well is compliment people. Here he is introducing Seth. Notice the touch and the compliment.

I feel very, very honored for you to be here on the show. Seth, please, please tell the one person in the Vayner Nation who's watching this right now who doesn't know who you are, a little 47 second bio or what, however you like to roll. How would you like to say hello?

Gary also likes to mix his compliments in with humor to come across as genuine without any hint of sucking up. He did it in that last clip by mentioning that one person in Vaynernation who doesn't know Seth. And here he is with Tony Robbins delivering a big compliment, then immediately making Tony laugh.

I mean, I don't really know what else to say. Legend in the room. You know what? I really like Tony and I'll just get right into it. Thank God for your documentary because people realized that you cursed and that gave me the air cover. People are like, oh Gary, it's okay that you cursed. Now I'm like, thank God.

So early in the conversation. He's creating a feeling of positivity and warmth through touch, compliments and humor. This is really helpful when he does slip up and do something to aggravate Seth because his use of humor and touch immediately diffuse the situation and calls back to those times earlier in the interaction when he built up positive goodwill. This is the value of an amazing first impression. Even when you are less than perfect, in later instances, you're going to get the benefit of the doubt because of that first impression you made in those clips. Gary is actually creating two of the four emotions that lead to consistently amazing first impressions. If you're curious what the other two emotions are, we've set up a video on all four emotions and the order you should aim to trigger them in. If you want to see that video and start using them today, you can click the link in the description, submit your email, and we'll automatically send you the video. It's also worth noting in Gary's case, he doesn't limit those compliments to just celebrities. He's nice to his fans and employees as well.

Hey, YouTube. So this is Colin. Very handsome and very smart. Saw that come through. Did you pick that? I knew you would. He's really good like that, so I'll leave it for that.

There's a third thing about Gary that makes people much more likely to forgive him for things. He's consistently authentic. Gary is a known quantity, fast talking, crazy, high energy, blunt and honest. Whether you like what he's saying or not.

I think that the Vayner Nation thinks they're hustling and straight to your face. I think 99.9% of you are not.

Some YouTubers might get hated on for calling out their viewers like that. But if you follow Gary enough to be watching, then you already know that Gary is willing to say something you might not like if he thinks it's the truth. So when he says something you don't like or interrupts you or drops a bunch of f bombs, someone might get momentarily bothered. But they don't really get mad at him because they expect it. Often in life, it isn't actually circumstances that dictate your reaction. It's how reality matches or clashes with your expectations. So when he tells Seth Godin that he buckets meditation with psychics, it initially aggravates Seth, but Seth very quickly lets it go and he doesn't stew on it. What else can he expect? It's just Gary being Gary. It's also worth mentioning here that that Persona of I say what I'm thinking and I don't care what you think about that gives him a bit of that Tyler Durden fight club appeal.

Let me tell you something about complaining and crying. That's really, really gonna hurt for all you complainers out there. Nobody gives a sh.

For some people, just the fact that he seems so real is why they like Gary Vee. They admire him not necessarily for what he's saying in that moment, but for the simple fact that he never changes his personality to fit into a situation. He's always himself, even if it means saying something you might not like swearing or insulting you to your face. It isn't that there's magic to acting like that. It's that there's an appeal in always fully being who you are and not caring what People think purely because a lot of us also crave to put down the weight of caring what other people think. Now, in isolation, this is the exact thing that has the potential to make him dislikeable. Today's rough.

Babin here is all bent out of shape. He just said today is rough. To be very frank with you, Vaynernation, I don't give a if Tyler or you think today was rough because I had 17 meetings that he couldn't be a part of because I'm actually running a business here. I'm not from some f cking teenage Beanie Bopper trying to do a vlog or some f ing influencer doing a vlog.

If that were how he treated his cameraman all the time, it wouldn't work. Yes, part of his personality is to be incredibly blunt, but it's mixed with a personality of humor, physical warmth and kindness. If you watch Gary, you get the sense that he really does mean well and want to look out for people. Here he is talking to the same guy in a different video, looking at.

Bavin right now, who I love so much, who's now in my heart and family. Do I want him to be with me and with me forever? Yes. Do I see a scenario where tomorrow or seven years from now, he may want to go do something else? Sure. But does that mean that it's, like, done and see ya? Absolutely not.

And because of how blunt and honest he is in giving negative feedback about something, people trust that Gary's being genuine when he's being positive. So when he says he doesn't give a f, he means it. And when he says, you're family and he's got your back, he means it. That's a big part of what makes people willing to overlook his potentially aggravating moments. He comes from a place of love and tries to help people. Here's a great example of Gary sitting down with someone and saying some stuff that could really infuriate him.

Do you know that the 1973 version of you, if he was sitting here, would punch you in your mouth? You know, listen, this is back to do you know yourself, or do you aspire to be something you might actually not be? Don't even worry. Don't even think of. You're not even close to that.

Why not?

Because you don't have the money to, like, really build the team. Good. Let me. Let me give you a real good answer. I got a feel for you right now. You need to work on you before you worry about a team.

What do you mean?

I Mean, you gotta get your together.

But that's not the whole interaction. He also gives the guy a lot of extremely specific advice to help him be successful. And he lets a 10 minute meeting run to almost 20 minutes just so he can help the guy more. And at the end, Gary gives the guy a path to what he ultimately said he wanted from the meeting.

Give me an update in 30 days. Send me an email. I'm dead serious. This is, you know, you came in here and said, I'd like to start the process of a relationship. Ideas are. Execution's the game. Right. Email me in 30 days. Either you're gonna email me in 30 days and say, look what I did, or what you're gonna do is not email me.

Thanks.

You got it, brother.

And when he thinks it's warranted, he's also quick to apologize.

He was my friend, I'm sure.

I apologize. Go ahead. But I really wanted to use this medium to publicly apologize to you. This is something I've done to you personally a lot of times.

Yeah, and that's how he does it. He may frustrate you by interrupting you or by saying something you don't like, but ultimately people continue to love him because he's a happy, charismatic, kind person with the intention to give a ton of value to other people. And that is a winning formula you can steal. Thank you so much for watching. One quick announcement. Charlie and I will be doing something new for our next videos. For the first hour of every video, Charlie or I will be reading and responding to as many comments as we can. We thought that'd be an awesome way to get more involved with you as a viewer. So because I haven't seen 7am in a long, long time, we're going to move our video release to 11:00am Pacific every Monday. If you want to get notified when those new videos go up, just click the subscribe button below and the little bell next to it so you're notified. I'm excited to connect with you guys in the comments and I will see you in the next video.