How To Be Charismatic If You're "Nerdy"

Henry Cavill loves role playing video games, and he isn't afraid to say so.

I'm a big gamer. I'm a big gamer. I've been a big PC gamer too.

Many people mistakenly think that you need to hide any nerdy interest you have if you want to be seen as attractive. But that's not true at all. You know what will make you instantly seem unattractive? If someone gets the sense that you're trying to hide parts of yourself just to make them like you. Now, you don't have to make your nerdy hobbies the first thing you talk about, but if it comes up naturally, lean into it and own it. That said, the problem is most people don't know how to talk about their nerdy interests so that the other person finds them interesting. So let's get into some specifics. Three easy tips to talk about your nerdy interests in a more attractive way the first important thing to realize is that enthusiasm about anything is endearing. For example, watch this clip of Joe Manganiello talking about a moment from his past D and D game. For context, he's talking about stealing a powerful artifact for his character, the hand of an evil God. Watch for three things. His face lights up, he's smiling, and he emotes with his hands.

There's no way I can get away. Any way. I did the calculations. The only way I was possibly going to get away? Chopping off my own hand and putting the hand of ecna on like, which. Why would I. Why would I not do that? Anyway, from a cinematic standpoint, there's no more cinematic moment when it comes to nerdy interests.

The most common mistake people make is is having a tone of voice or body language that projects embarrassment or shame. If you talk about something like you're embarrassed of it, the other person will assume it's embarrassing. Watch this next clip for a good example of the common cues that make someone think you're embarrassed. Low volume, looking down and hesitating when you speak.

I can't go to Germany.

Why?

I got homework.

When you're talking, do the opposite. Allow your excitement about the topic to come through in your voice, your facial expressions, and your hand gestures. Now, enthusiasm is a great first step, but if you really want to hook someone, you have to learn how to make your interests interesting to them. One bad habit that makes it harder for you to connect with people is when they can't follow the details of what you're talking about. Here's a funny example with Ronda Rousey.

Trying to talk about World of Warcraft with Conan.

He had some kind of a druid, and I started off the night elf hunter, like most people do, and he recommended that I be a rogue. So I got myself a blood elf rogue and I actually really like her a lot. And I can like interact with people online.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I know, I know, I know.

The easiest way to avoid this is to make your nerdy interests relatable. Avoid using jargon and instead relate your passion to something you know the person will understand. Here's an example of how Joe Manganiello first explained Dungeons and Dragons to his wife.

What are you doing in the basement? I go, well, it's like Game of Thrones. I go, you love that show. Every Sunday it's like that. It's like dragons and fighters and warriors.

And the magic phrase for getting someone to appreciate why you like something is it's like followed by something you know they understand and ideally something they like. This will help form a connection between you because you're pointing out how your interests aren't as dissimilar as they might appear. For instance, if you're trying to explain why you like League of Legends to someone who has no idea what it is, it might be helpful to lead with something like it's a five on five team game you can play with friends, just like basketball, except it's a computer game you all play online. Will they instantly understand everything about the game? No, but they will start to understand why you like it and be able to relate to it in conversation. There's one more helpful trick you can use when you're talking about something and you aren't sure if the other person is into it. Give them chances to opt in or opt out. Ping for their interest and if they seem intrigued, dive in. If not, don't force it. Now, if you're speaking with enthusiasm and making it relatable, you're way less likely to bore people. But you should still periodically let them opt in or out. If you're going to go deep on a topic and you aren't sure they're also passionate about it. Watch this next clip for a super easy example of this with Mila Kunis.

Not to say that I'm not looking forward to the new Star wars movie. The new trailer is sick. I was so excited to see that new start. I loved it. Did you see the new trailer?

Yeah, I thought it was amazing.

It was with the new the lightsaber that comes out, that's like a little baby Cross. I was like, oh, my God, this is awesome.

It's that simple. Bring it up with enthusiasm, make it relatable, and then allow the other person to opt in or out. As you go deeper into the subject now, you can absolutely have only nerdy hobbies and be attractive. But there is something else that helps tremendously. Being attractive is easier when you have hobbies that give you at least two very different thin slices. Henry Cavill knows this about himself.

But you were playing World of Warcraft and the phone rings and you were like, I'll get that later.

I'll get. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, I'll get that later. And I was playing. It was an important part of a particular dungeon that I was going through. And it's cool now that I'm Superman.

Yeah.

And Joe Manganiello is the same way. He loves D and D, but he also loves football and ice climbing. You may think that what's happening here is that the nerdy stuff drags these guys down, but it just gets outweighed by the quote unquote cool things about them. But that isn't the case. To prove it, just look at guys like Joe Rogan or Lex Friedman. Joe wouldn't be nearly as interesting if he was just a buff dude into bodybuilding and Jiu jitsu. He's way more popular specifically because he has a diverse and unusual combination of interests that includes athletics, psychedelics, wildlife, philosophy and science. If Lex Friedman were just a Jiu Jitsu black belt, his podcast wouldn't be as successful. His varied interests in jiu jitsu guitar, psychedelics and artificial intelligence make it so that he's more appealing to a wider variety of people. For you, you're more attractive if people can't predict everything about you based on a stereotype. So this isn't to say you have to pick hobbies just for other people, but if you do have a diverse set of interests, get that across in conversation. It makes you harder to immediately stereotype.

Or put into a bucket.

And that ability to surprise someone by breaking out of where they initially bucketed you will instantly make you more intriguing.

Now, let's talk about a mistake that.

Unfortunately, a lot of people make giving up on your physical appearance. This will be a quick point. Yes, guys like Joe Manganiello and Henry Cavill are genetically gifted in a way very few people are. But their looks aren't as God given as you might think. Listen to Henry Cavill talk about his childhood here.

Did they bully you at school? Did they call you fatty?

Those fat. Cavill was the actual name. But you know what? I was fat and my name was still Cavill then, so it was a fairly fitting nickname.

Cruel.

But kids are cruel.

You know, there's nothing wrong with being overweight. It's just a common complaint from overweight people that they aren't seen as attractive. And attraction can't be negotiated or demanded. So if you wish that more people found you attractive, it's worth considering if you can improve your nutrition or fitness. This doesn't mean to become a bodybuilder. Find an activity you actually like, whether it's surfing, hiking, soccer, or yoga, and do what you enjoy. Now, that said, physique change takes effort and time. By far, the easiest way to instantly look more attractive is simply a good haircut. My favorite example of this is Steve Carell. Look at him in the office anchorman.

And on the red carpet.

He's the same guy wearing a suit in all three, but his hair creates a very different first impression in each. Adam Driver is another great example. Today he's a sex symbol, but you wouldn't guess it by looking at his marine photo. So if you want to be more attractive, aim for a haircut that flatters your features. Okay, now let's get into the last.

Mistake a lot of people make when.

Trying to date or even just make friends. The mistake is hiding your interest because you fear rejection. So many people complain about being in the friend zone when they were the ones that initially put themselves there by being scared to express romantic interest. So they just hover around, hoping the other person will express interest in them. Or they go to a bar and see someone attractive, but they can't work.

Up the confidence to go and talk to the person.

This happens even when trying to make friends. People are so scared of making a negative impression, they focus on not doing anything that could be disliked, and you end up going unseen, making no impression at all. Instead, embrace being polarizing. Being willing to risk a negative impression frees you to make a strong positive impression. So in your own life, when that fearful inner voice pops up to try to stop you from taking a social risk, make it a point to focus on the possible upside and ask yourself what would happen if this went really, really well. With practice, you can train your mind to habitually focus on positive outcomes which will spur you to take action. That said, it's easier said than done to put yourself out there in a big way to ask out your crush, ask for a promotion or approach the person you admire. But every time you let your fear stop you, you've missed out on a potentially life changing connection. If taking your confidence to the next level and erasing your fear of rejection is something that's important to you, you may like our video program Charisma University. It's a step by step guide. That's the fastest way I know to become confident and charismatic. You can read all the details in the link below, but I think the strongest way to let you know what it's all about is just to let the members speak for themselves. We've had thousands of people go through the program so far, with an average rating of 9 out of 10 stars. Here are a few of the things that CU members have written in so far. This first one is from a guy.

Who joined after a breakup.

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