How To Become A Leader That People Respect

The Stark men have a grim history of betrayal. First there was Ned by Littlefinger.

I did warn you not to trust me.

Then there was Robb by Roose Bolton and Walter Frey and finally Jon by his Night's Watch brothers. This isn't by accident. In fact, I blame Ned because all of the Stark men share some of his flaws, which make them doomed. As leaders, they try to be good men, they try to do what's right, but in the end, they fail. And this video will cover exactly how they fail and what we can learn from them. So let's go ahead and start with the patriarch and the first of the three Starks to be betrayed and killed. Good old Eddard. His problem can be summed up in one line of dialogue.

You do me wrong, my Lord. Your blood is the last thing I want. I don't know what you want. I've given up trying to get.

Ned doesn't know what people want and he's given up on trying. If you've seen our video on Tyrion, you know that this, knowing what people want is the key to surviving the Game of Thrones. Because if Ned had carefully considered what everyone actually wanted, he would have known that Littlefinger was a terrible person to trust. Let's look at what Ned did know about him and what he should have been able to infer about his motives.

I've hoped to meet you for some time, Lord Stark. No doubt Lady Catelyn has mentioned me. She has, Lord Baelish. I understand you knew my brother Brandon as well. All too well. I still carry a token of his esteem from navel to collarbone. Perhaps you chose the wrong man to duel with. Well, it wasn't the man that I chose, my lord. It was Catelyn Tully. A woman worth fighting for, I'm sure you'll agree.

Okay, so from just the first scene with Littlefinger, we know three things. First, that he used to be in love with Ned's current wife. Second, that Ned's brother nearly killed Littlefinger while he fought for her. And three, that this ambitious guy, Littlefinger, has now worked his way up from nowhere to be the Master of Coin. Does it make sense to trust this person with your most important life changing plan? To give all the power in the world to them? Clearly not, because this person would probably hate your guts if you were Ned. But this is exactly what Ned does.

You promised Catelyn you'd help me. The Queen has a dozen knights and a hundred men at arms. Enough to overwhelm what remains of my household guard. I need the gold Cloaks.

Ned is completely outnumbered and he bets his life on Littlefinger coming through with the gold cloaks for him. And Littlefinger does exactly what is expected. All Ned had to do was think. How would someone in Littlefinger's position with his background act? Yet Ned doesn't think that. He thinks what so many of us think. What would I do in this situation? And of course, if Ned said he would do something, he would keep his word. But this is a complete lack of empathy and it is stupid and deadly. People do not share your motivations, your codes, your anything. You can only look to their past actions if you want to predict how they're going to behave in the future. So let's move on to the final huge mistake that Ned made telling Sersi his plans. This is both a terrible case of expecting other people to behave exactly as he would and of underestimating his competition. Listen to what Sersi tells him when he lets her know that he's going to expose her bastard children. When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. There is no middle ground. Ned has told her his plan. She says I will win or die. And then Ned waits. How crazy is that? Of course she's going to use that chance to try to win. She just said so. Interestingly, a different character, Tyrion, accounts for this. He knows that when he tells his competition his plans, they're going to adjust and he uses this fact to spread disinformation and out the mole who is informing on him in this case, Pycelle.

Entrusting the council with these plans. But the Queen mustn't know I have your loyal servant. So loyal that you told the Queen about my plans to send Myrcella to Dorne. No, Never. It's a false suit, I swear it. See, I told Varys that I was giving the Princess to the Greyjoys. I told Littlefinger that I planned to wed her to Robin Arryn. I told no one that I was offering her to the Dornish. No one but you.

You see there, he caught Pycelle by knowing that he would act differently based on the information that he gave him. Ned expects everyone to be static. He tells you his plans and you're just gonna continue doing the same thing. That is a huge part of why he loses his head. Let's move on to the next Stark to be betrayed and killed. Rob Robb makes mistakes similar to his dad's, but his number one flaw is that he doesn't align his people's interests with his own. So let's go down the list. First we've got the phrase, also known as the late phrase, because they didn't enter rebellion until they knew which side was going to win. They want to increase their power and they want to ensure that they're going to have victory. So tempting them with a queenship makes total sense. But you really expect their loyalty after you've taken that queenship away? Completely crazy. Second, there's Catelyn, Robb's mom. She wants her family intact, she wants her daughters back once the war has erupted. And when she gets news that her sons, Bran and Rickon, have been killed, she is desperate. Robb could have sent her to ask Lysa Arryn to join the war, but instead he keeps her by the camp where she lets Jaime Lannister free. Honestly. Rather. Then you've got the Karstarks. They want Jaime Lannister dead because he killed one of them in an escape attempt. Rickard Karstark demands his head.

When your son returns, I will demand this murderer's head.

Wise men do not make demands of kings.

Fathers who love their sons do.

And then Robb doesn't give him Jaime Lannister's head, which precipitates the revenge which causes Robb to lose the Karstarks. If he had told Rickard Karstark that Jaime would be tried at the end of the war and that Karstark could have his head, he could have taken that rage and put it in the right direction. So, in real life, say that you are a boss and someone asks for a promotion, don't just give it to them. And don't just say no. Tell them that when they help you achieve a goal that you have set, they will have that promotion. Now, you are both pursuing your goal. So, moving on now to Edmure. Which brings us to the second major point in Rob's second major flaw. Your commanders need to know the strategy, not just the tactics. Robb told Edmure not to attack the Mountain, but he didn't tell him why. So when Edmure saw a chance, he did what he thought was right. And then this happened.

Your instructions were to wait for him to come to you. I seized an opportunity. What value was the mill? The Mountain was garrisoned across the river from it. Is he there now? Of course not. We took the fight to him. He could not withstand us. I wanted to draw the Mountain into the west, into our country, where we could surround him and kill him.

Now, Robb is a good strategist and that is a solid plan, but not telling Edmure his Overarching goal of not attacking was a major blunder. The people in your organization, on your team, wherever you may be, must know why they have certain goals. Otherwise they can't adapt to changing conditions. They can only do exactly what you have said. Genghis Khan, one of the greatest military commanders in history, divided the Mongol army into units of 10 men who were given autonomy to accomplish their specific missions. With some latitud. This meant that the men could be flexible to the conditions that they faced and improvise solutions that their commanders could never have anticipated. If you are a leader, you can't expect to make every single decision. You need to delegate and you need to do that effectively. So you can't just tell people the tactics. You need to give them the strategy. You need to tell them the why. Let's get onto John. In my opinions, John mistake is very simple. No communication. Check out what John has seen. That is an undead army being led by a mythical white walker. Jon has seen it and his men have seen it. It's the greatest threat the world has ever known. It's the reason that he wants to get the wildlings south of the Wall so he doesn't have to fight their undead corpses. And here's what he says about it to his men when he.

You have a good heart, Jon Snow. It'll get us all killed.

He says nothing. He's got thousands of eyewitnesses, some of whom are brothers of the Night's Watch. Each one would swore to what he's seen. And he doesn't explain that an undead army is coming to kill everyone. Notably, he does do this before. Hardhome. It looks like this.

You were at the fist of the First Men. If we abandon them, you know what they become. We can learn to live with the wildlings or we can add them to the army of the dead. Whatever they are now, they're better than that.

That is a great point. And in this scene, Jon gets through to them. They do go to hearthome to save the wildlings. But a good leader doesn't just say the mission once. He needs to repeat the mantra. He needs to make sure that people understand it and stay on track. He also needs needs to find a way to make sure that it makes sense for everybody. And that normally occurs by listening to what each individual cares about and finding a way to make them understand how your plan gives them what they care about. Vividly. This is where Jon Snow screws up with Ollie. They burnt my village. They put an arrow through my father's head. Right in front of me. They butchered my mother, everyone I ever knew. People will tell you what's important to them all the time, like Ollie does right here. Very obviously, he wants revenge against the wildlings that killed his family. And perh importantly, he doesn't want to see his loved ones butchered in front of him. So if you want to convince someone like Ollie to do something that they don't like, you need to paint a vivid, grim picture of their worst case scenario. That the undead wildlings are going to butcher his brothers of the Night's Watch and then enslave them so that they kill everyone else. It needs to be vivid. It needs to be visceral. But what does Jon Snow do?

I know this is hard for you, but winter is coming. We know what's coming with it. We can't face it alone.

What would motivate you more? The memories of having your village slaughtered or the vague threat of winter coming? Clearly the vivid memories. So it's no wonder that Ollie is willing to do whatever it takes to stop that. It's not pleasant, but if you want to get through to people, you have to paint a vivid picture of what they stand to gain and what they stand to lose. I've heard of it referred to as the heaven if they do and the hell if they don't. Both aspects are necessary if you want to lead someone from a position that they don't want to budge from. And unfortunately, it doesn't look like John's death has changed his persuasion skills much. I've come at it from a different angle for each Stark, but they all do the opposite of what we saw Tyrion do in his video. They do not know what the people around them want. They don't know how to give it to them. That makes them extremely flawed leaders. And if you're interested in what you can do to be a better leader, specifically what you can do to make an amazing first impression, we've set up another video that covers the four emotions that guarantee a great one. And the Starks do well on some of these and miss on a couple of them. If you can hit all four of these emotions in the right order and you're in any kind of environment from the boardroom all the way to a bar party, this will work. So if you want those, click the box. It's going to take you to a page where you can submit your email and get immediate access to that video so that you can use those emotions today. If you have enjoyed this video and want to be the first to know when we post new ones. Subscribe to the channel. That way, we're going to pop up on your YouTube home screen every single week. You won't have to worry about missing a new video. So go ahead and click the button here to do that and you'll get lots of breakdowns like these. Plus the best tips that I have for being your most charismatic and confident in the moments that count the most. If you have any video suggestions, please go ahead write them down in the comments. I've got some stuff I am very excited for in the next week or two. I've been working on it for a long time, but suggestions are always appreciated and that helps me know what's coming later down the line. So go ahead and write them in the comments. I hope that you guys have enjoyed this video and I will see you in the next one.