How To Become The Person You've Always Wanted To Be

So today I have a bit of a high level video for you. This isn't one that goes down to the weeds of the specific phrases that you need to say. It's something that is a bit abstract, but I think ultimately will help you have a little bit more self compassion, some more gratitude in your life, and hopefully help improve some of the most important relationships in your life. But first I need to tell a couple of stories. The first one is one that really frustrated me. It's about a girl who was in my extended group of acquaintances and it got back to me through the grapevine and that she was having issues with infidelity. She hadn't really crossed the line, but was pushing it more than she should have. And it came back to me and I was asked if I would speak with her because I used to coach people, help them change their mindsets. I said, absolutely, I can do that. So we sat down. She'd kind of been drugged there by a friend. We spoke and I did the whole coaching thing that I did in the past with my charisma clients. We broke her down, we made her cry. She didn't want to do it anymore. That was absolutely the end of it. And then four days later, the line got pushed farther. Still didn't really cross that line, but came incredibly, incredibly close. And at this point, I'm invested. And I heard about this. I said, look, please let her know if she wants to speak with me again, I'll do it. We can do another one of these calls that normally I charge for, but like, I don't want this to happen. She didn't get back to me. I said, okay, let her know even if she doesn't want to talk to me. There's this seminar that I know of. It's a personal development seminar. I think it'd be great for her. And. And because I don't want this to happen, I would. Even if finances are an issue, I'll cover it. If she wants, she can pay me back. It's not a big deal. I just don't want this to happen. Message got relayed, came back, she wasn't interested, no joke. One week later, the line was blown past and things blew up. People found out. Not only did she have to deal with having done this, but other people found out, which made it even worse. And she was in a world of hurt and I didn't expect to hear from her. But I got the first text from her that I've gotten and it said, could we please chat? I said, okay. So we sat Down. And she said, look, I don't know what to do. I said, well, at this point, I would recommend this personal development seminar. I'm no longer willing to pay for it because it was kind of a preventative measure, but I think you should go. And I stopped really even pushing. Four days later, she was at this seminar. And I reflect on that story, and I reflect on all of my experiences, and I realize people need two things in order to actually change. There's the resource. The resource is good advice. It's a book. Hopefully this channel is a resource for you with all the advice that I give, and you can be the judge of if it's good or not. But they need this resource. But the resource is just a door. It's got this whole world of possibilities behind it. But to open it, unlock it, get value from it, you need a key. And that key is your life experience. Unfortunately, the experiences that you often need to get access from different resources is one of tremendous pain. It has to hurt before you can get value from that book, that seminar, that piece of advice that your friend told you and you made that mistake and you knew you shouldn't have. What you were missing at the time was unfortunately, not just them telling you, but putting your hand in that flame and having it burn. And it's a bummer, But I think back to some of the most profound changes that I've helped people with and even just witnessed. There was someone I knew who was pretty overweight, wasn't terrible at the time, and people had suggested that they could exercise and eat better. And of course, they knew what to do at a high level but didn't do it. And then one day, there was this group of people who were absolutely vicious, so brutally mean about this. And that was it. After that, within six months, this person had lost 50 pounds. They now teach people health and fitness. It's been years and years. They've kept it off and they're in shape. I think of the people who have signed up for our charisma coaching programs who are really interested. The day of the first coaching came back. We don't do this anymore, by the way. And they weren't there. And we'd go, okay, what's going on? Is everything okay? They said, you know, this just isn't. It's not for me right now. It's too expensive, whatever. A month later, we'd get this panicked email from them saying, can we please start tomorrow? And when we did get on the phone and they were there, we'd find out that either they. They were about to get fired, or they just got a promotion and they needed to do really well and they were nervous, or they just spoken to someone that they really had a crush on, they asked them out and they were rejected. And now they were ready to access the resource that was at their fingertips. They were about to do it, and money was no object. Now, this might seem like a trite point, that pain is part of what drives us to be better, but I think if you're like me, what you try to do is you try to spare both yourself and. And the people around you as much pain as possible, which is, of course, a noble thing. But as I grow older, I realize there's only a certain amount that you can save people from. People do need to hurt themselves. It's kind of like if there's a baby and you think the best way to teach it to walk is to put it in one of those little carrier things so that it never hurts its little butt. The baby must fall down or it will never learn to walk. You can try to coddle it, hold it up forever. It's going to be crippled. And so I look back to my own life and I see this. I'm trying to spare people the pain of the choices that they are making. And even when you force someone, right, you're like, you know, if I can just get them to read this book, to watch this YouTube channel, to go to this Tony Robbins seminar, then they can change the things that are going bad in their life. Even though I offered it, I gotta drag them there. I've done this. I've drugged people to these seminars. And I promise, when you force someone to read a book, when you drag them to a seminar, you sit them down, you say, you have to watch this YouTube channel, they're the people who get the least value out of it. It's the ones that have hit a point in their life where they're open to that stuff that truly gets something. And so this has really got three main points that I wanted to drive home to myself, which is kind of why I'm making this, but also to you. The first one is if you're one of those people like me that is trying to help other people, that just wants other people to change to avoid their mistakes. You have to realize that it is not your responsibility to. And I honestly don't believe that it's within your capability to get other people to change. What is in your capability is to tell the truth, to say where you see an issue, to offer A resource to offer your support in accessing it and say, look, I think you're having a hard time with this. I'm here for advice. There's this book, there's this seminar that I think you get a lot of value out of. If you want to talk about it, I'm here. But I can't tell you what your path has to be. You're going to have to find that. And if you've offered this to someone two, even three times at that point, what I found is that they need to get hurt. You can't drag them through it. And it's just time to have compassion and love for them because, well, they might be in for some pain. That does have a big caveat, which is if there's drugs and alcohol involved, they're about to actually end their life. An intervention might be appropriate. The second point that I want to make is that I realize in my own life there's resources that I've encountered all throughout my time on this earth and I couldn't help access them. I thought that they were just dumb things like meditation, things like hiking, which I thought of just as taking a walk in a non indoor space. I didn't get it. But as I've gotten older and my life experience has changed, I find tremendous value in those chiller activities. So I go back to meditating and it's useful again. I go back to hiking and I enjoy it. And there's other things that I realize, you know what? I should probably try yoga again. I should probably give surfing another try. Was too laid back for me. But I bet you at this point in my life there'd be a ton in it. All that to say if there's things you just don't think you're one of those kind of people. Retry it. Because there are these human activities that have satisfied, fulfilled, made people feel joy and connection for a long time. And I think of the ones that I mentioned, there's surfing, meditation, being outdoors in nature, reading both fiction and nonfiction. A newer one is these personal development seminars. Whatever it is, I'll put a long list in that D description below. But if you feel like you're not one of those people and it's been several years since you tried, consider giving one of those things a try. Because you might find like I have, that a resource is completely changed in what it's meaning to you because you have changed. And the third thing that I wanted to touch on is about self compassion because you are going to make mistakes. There are things that you're going to learn from watching other people and you're going to go, you know what? I'm not going to put my hand in that fire and it's fantastic. But there are things where you, like me, are going to be stubborn. You're going to know that it's a bad decision. You're going to sense it and you're going to do it probably anyway in those situations. I'm not saying to deny that you have agency. I'm not saying to just go, you know, oh, throw my hands up. I just have to suffer. What I am saying is to not beat yourself up with what you should have done. I shouldn't be so stupid. How could I be so dumb? I shouldn't, I shouldn't, I shouldn't, quite frankly. Yes, you should. This is part of your lesson. You're trying to make this recipe of learning without the ingredient of experience and pain. And it's oftentimes necessary for the most important things for you to learn. So have some compassion for yourself as you do that. Don't beat yourself up. You don't need that on top of it. And second, if there's an individual or a situation that is really hurting you, it can be tough to do. But have some gratitude. Go, you know what? I don't really like you. I don't like the way you've treated me. But this lesson that I'm getting, as hard as it is is going to be so incredible for me and my life. And when you can do that, you can take what is a tremendously difficult situation and add both a lesson and a silver lining which can make it more manageable. So I hope that this has been useful. I know it's very high level. There's one other announcement that I wanted to make, which is about two months ago, I talked about foreign language channels. We have them getting started. There's an Arabic channel, we're getting started with a Hindi channel, and I believe at this point, a Mandarin. I will link to all of them below. But if you speak any of those languages, I know that it would mean a ton both to me and to the managers of those channels. If you went in, took a look, subscribed, told your friends who maybe don't speak English but do speak those languages to check them out. And if there's other things, other languages, you can go ahead and write to me about those of you who would potentially like to run those language channels. I'm sorry, I can't get back to everybody because we got no joke, hundreds and hundreds of applicants, which is awesome. So that's it for this video. Want to wrap this up? Hope that you have an amazing day, and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.