How To Build Quiet Confidence That Commands Authority

Tommy Shelby is stone cold confident and seemingly fearless. So in this video we're going to.

Break down what you can learn from.

Him to be confident in those high pressure situations in your own life. Also, the original version of this video was banned by YouTube, which is why you might recognize this reuploaded updated version. Please don't ban us again. YouTube spoilers through season five to follow.

First off, perhaps the most noticeable thing about Tommy is that he rarely overreacts in situations of extreme pressure.

You tell me what he is.

Tommy's calm, non reactive demeanor is extremely.

Unsettling to his adversaries.

But even more important, it's in this remaining calm that he's able to put into practice all of the other strategies that we're discussing in this video. So this piece is foundational. Now, Tommy wasn't born cool as a cucumber. None of us are. He developed this trait through repeated exposure to life threatening situations. First in the war, and then over and over and over again in the course of his rise as a gangst.

The same principle applies in our lives.

If we want to remain calm in.

Certain situations, the most reliable way isn't simply by focusing on keeping a straight.

Face or a deadpan stare.

In fact, the more you think about.

Your facial expressions when you're nervous, the.

More likely you are to actually blush.

So even though people notice the unflinching face, the best way to get there.

Is through what's called exposure therapy.

Essentially, you put yourself into less challenging simulations of whatever difficult scenario you're about to face. So if you're going to interview, doing a mock interview with a friend, or even touring the building that you'll be interviewing in can go a long way to calming your nerves on the big day. Or if you want to be more comfortable in social situations, saying a single extra sentence to a service person can challenge you without triggering total panic. But Tommy's experience also shows us what happens if you expose yourself to overwhelming situations rather than gradations of slightly more challenging ones. Now, outsmarting people requires more than just composure. Tommy often has to persuade people that have every reason to hate him. And he exhibits three powerful tools that regularly keep him in control. The first is his use of state breaking questions. Watch.

So the odd fellows want you to know that any deviation from your instructions will have consequences. That's your dog's man.

When we're under pressure, our natural response is to go with the flow and passively accept the conversational pace set by someone who's in a position of power over us. However, in doing so, we surrender our.

Power during that conversation.

Which in a negotiation usually leads to an unfavorable deal. This state breaking question is a seemingly out of place that breaks the one sided conversational flow. And from there conversation is much easier to steer in a new direction. In this case, Tommy uses it to assert his power despite the fact that he is imprisoned.

You visited your sister?

Me? What's your name, boy?

Interestingly, when Tommy does have power, he doesn't allow others to divert it away with their own state breaking questions. He simply continues down his original path.

Rather than answering them.

Furthermore, he has a criminal profile which will make his actions explicable to the police. And since when did you worry about the police? Barney Thomason is going to kill an MP your life.

You probably don't want to use this.

To introduce threats into a conversation, but.

It can be an incredibly persuasive tool. Especially when someone's emotional state is preventing them from moving forward productively. For instance, if someone is feeling upset, asking a random light hearted question can snap their state for long enough for them to consider more empowering possibilities. And we saw this in the video that we did on Tony Robbins. Getting people out of depression.

What makes you hate yourself? Is it the red shoes?

What?

Is it the red shoes?

No.

Are you sure? Because it's fucking red.

Now a simple question isn't going to.

Instantly put someone on your side.

In fact, other people can be counted on to continue to pursue their own agend. Which is why we often see Tommy get what he wants by finding a way to align his needs with the other person's. Watch here as Tommy tries to convince another faction to join him in a war against the Italians. He doesn't appeal to honor or to doing what's right, but to doing what's good for Alfie Solomon.

If the Italians win, they're not planning on leaving. And after me, it'll be him and then you. And the fucking Mafia, Alfie. They're gonna steal their liquor and it's against the law. They've come in and they like what they see coming and ready to stay.

Now, in order to do this effectively, you cannot imagine that other people want the same things as you. You must try to first view the world from their perspective. Now I know this may sound obvious, but so few people follow this advice. Instead, they offer others what they would want. Never getting anywhere. So before offering help, you need to make sure you understand the other person's world. Which is why Tommy comes to these meetings already, understanding the position and Temperament of the person that he's going to be speaking to.

Distillery provides one tenth of your income. Protection is another 10% on the risks you might in the racetracks.

I know you keep a gun in the drawer. I know you keep it beside the whiskey. I know you offer a deal or death.

And if, after all of your research.

On someone, you're still unclear on what.

They want, you can always just ask them in the course of conversation.

I want to know what you want.

One concrete area that you can put this to use in your own life is in connecting with someone that you might like as a mentor, say a CEO, an influencer, or whoever. The Internet makes it easier than ever to get in touch with these people, but it also means that they get more of these requests than ever before. So rather than the typical let's chat over coffee, research a particular problem they may have, and then offer to meet to discuss how specifically you can help, this is a much, much more effective way to start that relationship. But even beyond this particular scenario, the point is that one of the best ways to get what you want is to seriously consider how you can get other people what they want. Now, this brings us to the next point. When Tommy really needs something done, he doesn't just solve someone's problem. He gives both the carrot and the stick, which is a much stronger motivation when you're trying to effect large changes.

Watch the nature of the deal as explained in my proposal. I've booked you a suite at the Midland Hotel. If you need anything in this city, just mention my name. So you want to impress me, Mr. Shelby. Also in the envelope is a check for £500 for your wife. She can use it to buy a black dress and a black horse with black feathers to pull a black carriage with your body in it should you break the terms of the white flag.

Some people are motivated more by the prospect of gaining something, others by the fear of losing something. And all of us are motivated when there is a particular path that assuages both of those desires. Which is why Tommy makes sure to hit on both whenever he needs someone to be all in on one of his plans. You can see it again here. This time, he does it in reverse order.

If those guns reach Belfast, your life in the force is over. When I've achieved what I've set out to achieve, I will let you know where to find the guns. You'll be a hero. You'll probably get a medal.

This is a far superior, persuasive strategy than simply commanding or threatening people. And it's incredibly helpful when you're trying to inspire any group of people. So whether it's in school or work, when there's a team of people that you're trying to move towards a common goal, or if it's in business, when you're trying to explain the value of a product that you're selling, don't just talk about what someone can gain if they follow your vision, but instead on what they might miss out if they don't. Now this takes us to the last piece, which is truly what makes Tommy.

Shelby so unique and probably why so many people love him.

And it's his ability to turn trash into resources. Lemons into lemonades, as the phrase commonly says. But I wouldn't actually use that phrase because it's most often used to describe the making the best of a bad situation. In Tommy's case, he makes a bad situation better than if it had never happened in the first place. For example, when there's a failed assassination attempt on his brother's life, he doesn't just look at the bright side of things that his brother is alive. He uses that attempt to spread disinformation, telling everyone that Arthur, his brother, is dead, which buys him time to recuperate and then eventually surprise and kill that season's big baddie but Luca Changretta. Similarly, Tommy is told that he needs to kill his friend Danny Whizbang to avoid all out war with the Italian gangsters. Clearly a bad situation, but he makes it work out better than if he didn't have to by using it as an opportunity to fake Danny's death. Which gets him a man who can operate in London without anyone even looking for him. And it also gets him a hiding.

Place for the guns that he stole.

At the beginning of the season, the supposed grave of his friend, a place that no one would even think think of looking. Now, this might seem like it could only work in scripted dramas, but this strategy of turning trash into resources is how some of the most elegant and brilliant solutions are created in the real world. The point is, the bad things in your life may only appear bad in a particular context. If you could put those things into a completely new and different context, you can turn something that everyone else overlooked into a valuable resource. So an extremely powerful question to ask when you're frustrated or you wish a circumstance wasn't the case is how can the thing that I least want become valuable towards another goal of mine? And if you're looking for more guidance.

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