How To Charm People & Make Them Feel Incredible

In today's video, you'll learn how to be extremely likable. Whether you're an energetic extrovert or a soft spoken introvert. We'll cover how to make an amazing first impression and how to turn that first impression into deep relationships with people that love and admire you. People often ask us, what do I say? In conversation. But just as important is how you say it to see what I mean. Watch this quick 10 second clip of Brad Pitt. Try to take note of what you see. That's charismatic. Brad, congratulations. Your first time out on track in front of a crowd.

Yeah, yeah. I'm a little giddy right now, I gotta say. And it's just great to be here, man. We're just having such a laugh. Such a laugh.

Brad is certainly helped by the fact that he's extremely good looking. But beyond that, there's four charismatic habits jammed into those 10 seconds. These habits will make you more charming no matter what you look like. They are listening with warm, soft eye contact. A Duchenne smile, meaning a smile that reaches your eyes, making the outer edges wrinkle. Speaking through a smile and using expansive gestures. Expansive meaning your elbows don't stay glued to your sides. In if all you take from this video is those four habits, you'll already be above average in charisma. This doesn't mean you have to plaster a smile on 247 to be charismatic. For example, when you're telling a story, you want to embody the emotions of each character. But when you get back to talking about something happy or funny, bring back that Duchenne smile. For an example of what this looks like, watch Brad in this next clip, he's talking about trying to sneak a spoken line into his first movie role as an extra.

I got to this actress at the end and I poured her drink and then I looked at her and I said, would you like anything else? She looked at me and went, I had the first idea. He goes, cut, cut, cut, cut. And he came over to me and said, you do that again, you're off to set. And I was like, oh man, oh man.

Now let's talk about something that a lot of people struggle with. How do you captivate people so that they really want to hear what you have to say? One way is with a pre story laugh. This signals that what you're about to say is funny.

Tarantino's different. Tarantino, me, who's never done Shakespeare.

This has to be genuine, otherwise you risk coming off very weird. So the easiest way to do this is to tell Stories you genuinely find funny, then you don't have to force a laugh. You just have to allow the laugh that naturally comes up when you think of your story. If that's not something you think you can do, well, there's another way you can get people interested in what you have to say. Use a one line hook. An intro sentence that hints that you're about to share something very interesting.

You were talking about nyu, your time at nyu.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is my favorite Adam Sandler story.

Tweaking that slightly to make it more universally applicable. One hook you can use often is, this is one of my favorite stories. If you don't like that one, there's a second hook you can use. This time from Leonardo DiCaprio.

Scorsese actually said to me, look, I'm not sure how Daniel feels, if he's ready to work or not. You know, you're another actor. You should, you know, have a conversation with him and suss it out. And I'll never forget, you know, meeting him in New York. I went to his brownstone, sort of knocked on the door.

That phrase, I'll never forget is a powerful way to introduce a story. It implies that what you're about to share had a big emotional impact on you. Now, everything so far will help you make a great first impression. These next two habits will help you take that first impression from oh, I like this person to oh, I really like this person. The first habit that does this is making someone feel good around you. Maya Angelou said it best. People will forget what you said, but people will never forget how you made them feel. People love to feel seen and appreciated, especially once they've decided they like you. One of the easiest ways to do this is simply by laughing when someone makes a joke. Brad does this even when he's not supposed to. Like when his co star is ad libbing in a scene.

You shot me. I shoot twice. Well, you also have a shootable face. You shot me. I shoot shot me twice. I should have done a third. I'm so sorry.

Your goal here is not to fake laugh. It's to laugh freely. When you do find something funny. Instead of holding in your laugh like most people do, limiting it to a quick chuckle or even just an exhale, if you struggle to laugh when you're in conversation, that's okay. Laughing is a habit that gets easier the more you do it. So a good practice is to watch something you know will make you laugh right before you go out. This will prime you to be in a better mood. To laugh. You can take this connection builder to the next level by adding in a light platonic touch and a compliment. What did you get paid for that?

I don't know, but I got flipped off a lot.

So the bird. Got the bird.

The bird, yeah. See, this is why you got the show, Stacey.

That's how I do it. On the topic of compliments, there's a big mistake a lot of people make here. Here it's selective kindness, only being kind to certain people, like your boss or the person you're attracted to. In a group, this comes off as manipulative. You want to be universally kind, especially to people that most people ignore, like receptionists, servers, or in Brad's case, translators.

The best, right? I keep forgetting to give short answers and I give these long, winding, babbling answers. Very good. Wow. I think we need to have a little hand for our translators. That was impressive.

Most people in conversation try to elevate themselves. This self focus can be off putting and it can create a feeling of neediness or desperation. It's counterintuitive, but when you're willing to elevate other people, it shows self confidence and it makes people want to be around you. We've covered compliments in detail in other videos, but just to quickly review. The best compliments will be something you genuinely appreciate about the other person, something they take pride in and ideally something they don't hear often. This is especially powerful if they respect you in the area you're complimenting.

But I gotta tell you, when you tell me I did good in Uncut gems, that feels good. I can sit in that a little bit. I'm like, because what you've been doing over so many years and crushing for so long, when you tell me I'm doing something good now.

While compliments are a fantastic way to make people feel good, if all you do is compliment, it will get boring and predictable. So you want to mix in humor as well, specifically playful teasing.

I want to thank my co stars, Leo Margot Robbie, Margot Robbie's feet, Margaret Qualley's feet, Dakota Fanig's feet. Seriously, Quentin has separated more women from their shoes than the tsa.

One tip for teasing, try to calibrate to the other person. If they seem sensitive after you tease them once, go light on them. If they laugh loudly and tease you back or play along, you're good to lean into it. A second tip with teasing, tease yourself too. This lets people know that it's all in fun and you aren't actually mocking them. For example, in that Same speech where Brad teases Quentin Tarantino for his foot fetish. He teases himself for being single.

I gotta add this to my Tinder profile.

The last habit we'll cover today has the potential to create lifelong bonds. When someone you care about is dealing with something difficult, be a shield in their shield wall. Sometimes people go through things that are hard to handle alone. If you can be there to support them through it, they'll remember you forever. For example, Brad dated Gwyneth paltrow in the 90s. During that time, Harvey Weinstein made a pass at Gwyneth while he was her boss.

I told him right away and I was very shaken by the whole thing. And I had two movies. I'd signed up to do two movies with him.

Were you afraid that the movies would.

Be canceled or you would be.

I was afraid when this happened. Harvey was one of the most powerful people in Hollywood. His influence was bigger than any actor, even Brad Pitt. But listen to what Brad did. The next time he was in the same room as Harvey and Harvey was.

There and Brad Pitt, it was like the equivalent of throwing him against the wall, you know, energetically. He said, if you ever make her feel uncomfortable again, I'll kill you. Or something like that.

Brad was there for Gwyneth when she needed someone to help her. And you can see how much it moves her emotionally. Even 20 years later, he leveraged his.

Fame and power to protect me at a time when I didn't have fame or power yet.

Right. Wow. It moves you.

Yeah, it was, it was fantastic.

Good for him.

Yeah, he's a good person.

Oh, you must have just, you know.

People remember who is there for them when life gets hard. A small inconvenience or sacrifice on your end can have a huge emotional impact on someone else. Now that said, it's important to recognize that not everyone you go out of your way to help will stay in your life or even be grateful for it in the moment. But over a lifetime, if you make it a habit to be there to help and support the people you care about, you will end up with some amazing relationships. Ok, let's quickly run through today's tips to help them stick. First, strengthen your first impression with charismatic body language. Make warm, soft eye contact. Speak through a smile. Let that smile reach your eyes and use expansive gestures when you speak. As the conversation progresses, you can capture people's attention using a pre story laugh or a one sentence hook. Once you've made a charismatic first impression, you want to make sure people feel good around you. This can be done with kindness and compliments or by making them laugh. And once you've established a relationship with someone, keep an eye out for when they're going through something difficult and try to support them. Now, there's a lot of advice in this video and it can be overwhelming to know where to start and how to actually implement it. After all, you don't just want to learn charisma facts, you want to live it. That's why we made our 30 day program Charisma University. It's a step by step video course that comes with a daily action guide to show you how to take what you're learning and turn it into unthinking habit so that you start to radiate confidence and charisma naturally without trying. The program comes with a 60 day money back guarantee, so if you don't think it's worth every penny, you can just give yourself a refund from inside the program. We've had thousands of people go through Charisma University and the average review they give us is a 9 out of 10. Here's the type of impact members get from the program in their own words. The term life changing is thrown around a lot when online personal development courses and I can't think of any course I've taken that I would describe that way. Except for this one. I couldn't recommend this course more. The wonderfully simple actions yield incredible results and make you feel so much better about yourself. It has truly been incredible. I've instantly had results that seem insane. So many more meaningful connections. My friendships have improved and my interactions with total strangers are a new, exciting, fulfilling thing. I want to recommend this to everyone. This should be in our basic education system. I had an interview on day eight when we had the Visualization Action Guide and I couldn't have been more happy with the results. I walked into the interview feeling so confident, everything I imagined, down to the laughter of others, came true and and I got the job on the first interview. If you want to learn more about Charisma University, you can click the link on screen now or in the description below. Either way, I hope you enjoyed today's video and I'll see you in the next one.