How To Flirt If You're Quiet

If you're an introvert, chances are that you find parts of dating very uncomfortable. That's probably because a lot of the advice that you're getting, some of which is on this channel, is geared towards extroverted behavior. So in this video I want to give you five steps that any introvert can use to become a much better flirt. Whether you're a guy or a girl, the first tip is for those of you who don't have someone specific in mind. You're still looking. And it's to realize that it's not just bars and clubs, your workplace, your social circle and online dating that you can actually meet people you're compatible with. In fact, those aren't the best best for meeting people that you have really easy chemistry with. I think the best place to go is to an event or an activity that you have a non romantic interested in all by itself. So for instance, many years ago I was a very shy 19 year old. I was studying abroad in Costa Rica. I didn't date anyone. I lived in Costa Rica for nearly a year. And then I took this salsa dancing class. Lo and behold, the only person I dated was a girl who was in that class with me. It was because we got paired up. We got to see each other over several weeks. I wasn't very confident, but over the course of weeks I worked up the nerve to ask her out and we dated for a few months. So ask yourself, what are you interested in? What activities do you currently do that could be made social if only you went out and looked for a place to do it? Now in my own life, I know a couple of these and I'll tell you, yoga has been one of them. ACRO has a very, very friendly community of people of both men and women and women that tend to be very accepting. Dog parks. I haven't done it personally. I've heard stories and seen people who meet at dog parks, dog rescues. If you don't have a dog but your heart is in the right place, don't use this as some sort of a trick to meet people. Has a lot of wonderful people as well. But the point is go to places and do things that you are genuinely interested in to have the person that you might be. For women who are looking for guys, rock climbing gyms, I've heard very, very good. The second thing is to wear your interest on your chest. Now I got a very accidental lesson in this around the same time. It was I got my brother a gift for Christmas and I'd got him plenty of books. He Never read any of them. And I finally got him the shirt that I thought was funny. It said I heart reading. He didn't like it. He didn't think it was funny. He gave it right back to me. So I wore it, and completely by mistake, it became my favorite article of clothing in my wardrobe because people would walk past me on the street and be like, oh my God, I love that shirt. And on occasion, I. I was in college at the time. Girls would come up to me and start talking to me and we'd be talking about our favorite books. I'm going, oh my God, this is so awesome. She started the conversation with me. We're right off into talking about books. This is great. Now, since then, I've done this repeatedly. I've got shirts that are Disney themed. I've got Game of Thrones sweaters. And now I've actually got a present from Ben coming in the mail. That is a super Smash Brothers shirt. I'll let you guys know how that one goes. But the point is, wear your interest on your chest. Those novelty tees are often the best sort of clothing, at least in my opinion. The third thing comes now. You're in conversation. You've been thrust into conversation. At dance class, they asked you about your shirt. What do you do to get out of that uncomfortable small talk? This can be tough for introverts. Now, I made a video on small talk from Kanye west for introverts. But a very, very easy tip is to do two things. First off, open ended questions are going to be better than closed questions. So if you're at salsa dancing, a bad question is, is this your first time? And a better open ended question is, what made you decide that you wanted to come? Right, the first one. Short answer, it's done. Now you got to ask them another one. Second one, they can elaborate more. Once they elaborate, now you can relate. So let's say that they say, I'm here because my life was just kind of getting stale. I needed to shake it up a bit and I'd always wanted the salsa dance. Now, maybe that's not your reason for being there, but you can relate to that value. So perhaps you said, you know what, I actually had the same exact thing last year. I grew up my whole life on the east coast and I just needed a change, which is why I moved out here to the West Coast. If you ask open ended questions, there's more to relate to. Follow this back and forth and you can quickly get out of small talk into more meaningful conversation. One other little Tip. I've done this in the past. If you are on a date, you want to be playful. There's an app, I think it's called 36 Questions. It's supposedly got 36 questions that make people fall in love. I found it fun to play with and also just to pull some simple, intriguing questions from that you can ask on a one off basis. So there's that. Now the other thing is that you're going to want to get this person into an area where you guys can actually talk. Because group conversations can be difficult. If there's a lot of noise, maybe that's not where you shine. And a very easy way to do this is to just say, hey, I'm really enjoying this conversation but it's loud here. Do you want to go step outside or over here or wherever it is? This shows leadership and it also is just something that is going to make it easier for you to to connect. Now we've arrived, you've had this conversation, maybe you've gone somewhere you guys can chat privately. At some point you're going to have to cross this bridge from two people who are talking to guess what, I'm interested. I like you. I'd like to go on a date with you. Rejected or to be very polite, they tend not to want to put themselves out there so they invite to themselves. So a very simple way to ask someone on a date in a way that is both non needy and confident. This is incredibly attractive to both men and women by the way. This non needy confidence. With three steps, it goes like this. Say hey, acknowledge the social situation or the awkwardness that may be there. Say what you think about them and then invite them to something fun. So it goes like this, hey, I know that we just met tonight, so this is a little bit strange, but I enjoy dancing with you. Would you like to go out and get drinks sometime? Very simple. You can take this and sub whatever you want. You say, hey, I know we didn't get much of a chance to talk but I think you're really cute. Would you like to? And then I come back to drinks because that's an easy thing to do. That is obviously a date, but you can of course sub in whatever you like. When you do this, you are making it clear that you are interested romantically and when you can do that in a both non needy way.