How to Have More Attractive Body Language Than 99% of People

When it comes to having attractive, captivating body language, there are only four things that you need to know. If you do these four, you will immediately enter into the top 1% of communicators. Here's what they are. First, reveal your vitals. We naturally move to defend ourselves when we feel a threat. The problem is that we can enter a defensive posture even when we aren't in physical danger. We're just experiencing social discomfort. And in those situations, we may cover our faces with our hands or shrink into ourselves to protect our throats, chests, inner arms and groin.

The thing that I was really fascinated by, and always have been is people. First, let me say this. I care deeply about the democratic process and protecting its integrity.

This reflex is tough because not only does it make us look awkward, it makes us feel more afraid. The solution is to reveal your vital spots. This means uncrossing your arms, opening up your chest, lifting your chin and turning your palms and arms out. Outward facing. You can take this even further and make larger gestures that get your arms off of your sides. Whoa. And this all will have the immediate effect of making you look and feel more confident. And if you really want to take this all the way, you can incorporate more platonic touching with people that you're speaking with. This might mean a hug when most people would shake hands, high fives during conversation, or shoulder pats and hugs when people say stuff that make you laugh.

You're in frame. I promise you, not cut out. Okay.

Sometimes though, your body will do things that you just can't control. You'll get red faced, sweat profusely, or your hands will just feel like they can't stop making jittery movements even if you're not aware of it. Revealing vitals won't be enough in those cases, and telling yourself to stop sweating or shaking will just make things worse. That is because those behaviors are run by our autonomic neighborhood nervous system. So what should you do when you've lost control in this way? Well, instead of just beating yourself up and saying you need to stop, you want to verbally own your experience, share that you're feeling excited or nervous, or don't know what to do with your hands. When you do this in a self loving way, it will almost always get a laugh.

I'm so nervous.

Are you?

Oh my goodness.

What are you nervous about? What are you nervous about?

Oh goodness. I think everything.

You.

I'm such a huge fan of you. I actually had a crush on you when I was younger.

When you verbally own your experience, you are signaling to your body that you hear its discomfort. You're not ignoring it. You are just choosing to move forward with the discomfort. And this will stop the loop of silently beating yourself up for feeling uncomfortable, which is what was keeping you jittery, sweaty and red faced in the first place. And if you look here at how Jacob settled in after what he said, you can see how verbally owning his experience helped him to naturally shift from those jittery movements at the of piece beginning to a much more confident body language later on. Now the next point is extremely subtle, yet incredibly powerful. And it's developing eye contact that is strong where most people are weak. You see, most people make fine eye contact when they're listening, but when it comes time to speak, they find it nearly impossible to hold. So they wind up gathering their thoughts by looking away from their conversation partner, which can make the other person lose interest in what they're saying.

Transcendence really is, is about.

I, I.

Think it's a very unique film.

Now contrast that with someone like Bill Clinton, who is the best I have ever seen at this watch the percentage of time that he maintains eye contact while speaking with a woman in a town hall. It is so effective that you can see her nodding. And even his opponent, George Bush, could sense that he was getting crushed.

In my state, when people lose their jobs, there's a good chance I'll know them by their names. People that have lost their jobs, lost their livelihood, lost their health insurance.

Through the entirety of that answer, Clinton made eye contact 92% of the time. What I see in most people is that they make eye contact with their listener less than half of the time. So your goal should be to just hold eye contact a bit longer than is immediately comfortable when you are talking. Over time, you'll learn how to gather your thoughts while maintaining eye contact. And that will help you develop an incredibly captivating gaze. But I should say this is where we run into an issue at the core of all body language training. Because on the one hand, we want to stretch our comfort zones that's necessary to growing. We need to try revealing our vitals and sustaining eye contact through discomfort. But on the other hand, it's exactly the discomfort that makes you shut down and have weak body language in the first place. So it can feel like you're being pulled in two directions. And then you just might want to quit stopping, stop working on this stuff at all. And that is why it is critical to keep in mind this final point. Every single tool that you will ever apply from this channel works better when you treat it not as a chore, but as an opportunity to explore what feels good for you. So when you're in doubt, just ask, what would feel good right now? Matthew McConaughey is the epitome of this. He slouches, rolls his fingers, even kicks his feet up.

But how do we. Are we giving ourselves too much credit? Congratulations. You're the first guy to put bare feet on this desk. Oh, yeah. Congratulate you.

Thank you. And all of this makes him come across as extremely confident, even when he's not following the quote unquote rules perfectly. Watch how even despite his lacking eye contact, he can still hold attention when he tells a story.

Look, there's a lot of five star players who don't have the hustle.

Yeah.

And then there's a lot of some of the most talented ones. Right, because it comes too easy to.

Yeah. The reason this works is because when you prioritize feeling good, you will start to exhume your own positive self image. And that in turn makes others respect your self worth and it invites them to feel good in your presence. So, yes, stretch yourself some to apply these tips, but do it in service of your own enjoyment rather than from a place of beating yourself up. A great concrete way to do that is to only spend five minutes each day consciously stretching your social comfort zone. From then, just relax into whatever interactions you're having. That'll make you develop magnetism extremely quickly and the process becomes much more fun. Now, if you want to go even faster and enhance the speed of this, you can follow our daily action guides to get concrete steps to max out your charisma. People have done our 30 day program, have gotten promotions, they've started dating new partners and developed closer relationships with their family and their friends. And if that all sounds like something, something that you'd be interested in, you can click the link on screen to check out Charisma University.