How To Make Everyone Around You Feel Amazing

Graham Norton has what many people would consider their ideal charisma for two reasons. One, he doesn't need to hog the spotlight in order to shine. And two, he seems to have the ability to make anyone like him. From rock stars to movie stars to professional athletes, people from all walks of life seem to love being around him.

By the way, this is the best time I've ever had on the talk show.

So today we're going to talk about a four step formula that Graham uses to make people love him even when he teases them, and how you can use it to make yourself both funnier and more well liked. The first thing that Graham Norton does with every guest on his show is create a warm, positive connection. Graham uses three main elements very early on to establish this warm, friendly vibe between him and his guests. The first two are smile and touch. Playful teasing is what we do in our most intimate relationships. If you think of close family members and friend groups, or even romantic relationships, most of them involve playfully giving each other a hard time. If you can effectively jump into this type of humor early on in a relationship, you immediately create a much more familiar feeling between the two of you. This is one of the biggest reasons why Graham's guests are so laid back on the show. It's hard to be uptight when you're cracking up laughing while somebody teases you. As an example, here he is teasing Elizabeth Olsen about her role on the Avengers.

So you're just going, there's a lot of trust involved. We've got a picture of you doing it without the special effects. And you're right, it is. It's not even Jeremy Renner. Jeremy Renner looks really unimpressed. Didn't say, this woman's fleeing for her life.

This is a dangerous type of joke to make because it can easily be confused with putting someone down. But Graham avoids that by keeping it light. He wasn't teasing something core to Elizabeth, like her acting skills. He's simply poking fun at a silly pose. The two rules to keep in mind are don't attack someone's identity and don't tease something that is both unchangeable and important to them. Teasing someone is not the same as insulting them, and it should make the person laugh. Look at this clip with David Beckham, for example.

This one, okay, what was going on here? Yeah, that was, that was maybe a bad decision.

Graham is teasing David's past haircut, which is a complete, completely changeable feature. And since Beckham is a well known sex symbol who has literally won people's Sexiest Man Alive award. It's a safe and funny joke that they can both laugh at. Going back to the example with Elizabeth Olsen, there's another important factor at play. This was around the release of Age of Ultron where Elizabeth was playing a starring role in one of the biggest movies of the year. Graham even compliments the movie earlier in the interview.

It is terrific. They've done such a good job with this movie. People will not be disappointed. It's just fantastic.

By starting with such a sincere compliment, Graham has established that he liked the movie, which sets the stage for him to be able to tease little things without offending anyone. Here's another example of grounding your teasing with a compliment with heavyweight boxing champion Anthony Joshua.

We've got a still of when you slipped. You can see the position I'm in that vooom. Yeah. I mean look, suddenly there's some water there.

Look at how hard Anthony Joshua is laughing there. How is Grant Norton able to tease him about being knocked down without upsetting him? It's simple. 20 seconds earlier he praised him very heavily and sincerely and it's a fight that Anthony won, so he isn't sensitive about it. It also helps that Graham delivers a jab. He says it with a smile, laughing and an upbeat tone. We've all been burned by the guy that takes a jab at us without smiling or laughing and it feels totally different. This goes back to the point, don't be a jerk. Don't say something out of malice or dislike for someone. Whoever you're teasing should be laughing along with you. Now, if you forget to slip a compliment into the conversation and happen to tease someone before thinking of it, there is another way to keep the conversation fun and funny for everyone and that is with a self deprecating joke. Here's an example from Graham.

Are you from New Zealand as well? No, I'm from Basingstoke. I have a great ear. A really great ear.

It's funny and it also isn't a huge put down. The joke isn't that he's a huge loser. He's actually just acknowledging what everyone else has already started laughing at, which is that he botched where she's from by occasionally teasing yourself as well. You're showing that it's all in fun and that you aren't actually attacking anyone. This creates an atmosphere where everyone is on the same team and laughing together. There is no in crowd versus out crowd dynamic. Watch as Graham puts it all together while promoting X Men First Class. He starts off early in the interview with something nice.

But here's the exciting thing. All three of the men also appeared on Empire's sexiest Man of the year poll.

Then he puts them into a funny and awkward spot by making them guess where they rank against each other.

I'm going to be humble. I'm going to say last and you're right.

Now, James McAvoy could feel a bit of a sting here, although it turned out he ranked 16th sexiest man alive out of 100 potential celebrities. So he's probably not hurting too badly about it. But watch how Graham softens it even further a minute later.

Where were you? Where were you, Graham? I was at home reading it.

Between the early compliment and the joke at his own expense, it'd be hard for James to be upset at Graham right now. One quick word of caution. Don't make yourself the butt of every joke. The same rules apply when teasing yourself as when teasing someone else. By combining achievement based compliments, the person is probably proud of playful teases and self deprecating jokes. You can tease people while they laugh and love you for it. The last thing Graham Norton does fantastically that really endears him to people is he listens very intently. He speaks much less than most talk show hosts, instead guiding the conversation, jumping in with jokes when he sees the opportunity, and mostly letting the stars do the talking. Watch how he asks a question, makes everyone laugh and then stops being goofy and becomes very focused on listening intently.

I read unusually as an actor. You. You negotiated. You lobbied for extra nudity. I'm trying to sell the film, Tom. Gothic romance. How are you? Hello. Well, you know, Gothic romance is. It's about sexuality, it's about. It has to be sexy. And there is a love scene in the film.

One of my favorite authors, Dale Carnegie, wrote to be interesting, be interested. Especially once you've got them laughing and feeling like you're someone who is a joy to be around. The people you're talking to will really value your attention. Listen to how Graham asked this next question and watch his eye contact, facial expressions and gesticulation. There's a real sense of genuine interest.

Because you were the same. You worked when you were very young, didn't you? You were on sets as a.

Letting someone talk and share while making them feel listened to can be an incredible experience for them. And there you have it. There's obviously of a lot.