How To Make People Respect You If You're Quiet

When most people are asked to picture someone quiet or shy, they picture someone meek, someone who lacks confidence. But that isn't always the case. In fact, you can be quiet while still radiating massive confidence and commanding respect from the people around you. So in this video, we'll go through four tricks you can use to be charismatic without needing to be loud or over the top. Let's start with an area many quiet people struggle. How to grab and hold attention in conversation. This is often difficult for quiet people. You end up talked over by the louder people in the group. For instance, here's a great example of how Will Smith grabs hold of a conversation simply by being the loudest.

I mean, it's a business based on rejection.

And the easiest form of it is just going on the Internet.

Don't they just say you're cute and stuff? Like, don't they say great things?

No, no, no, no.

I liked him in Bad Boys, but he got some big ass ears. There's nothing wrong with enthusiastically chiming in if you have something you want to say. But if you're quiet, your voice on its own may not be enough to command the group's attention. Luckily, there's a trick you can steal from Keanu Reeves to make sure you don't get ignored. Watch this next clip and pay attention to Keanu's hands for context. Jamie Dornan just told Graham Norton about his first childhood acting gig.

Liked that.

Joseph asked you again.

What?

I'm sorry, how old were you?

That's tough.

Yeah, no, but he made an adjustment.

To the dialogue manner born. Even if you're the quietest person in the room, if you signal with your hands one second before you go to speak, it'll capture attention. Keanu uses a similar trick to maintain attention while he speaks. For example, watch him describe his motorcycle accident in this next clip. Notice how his hand gestures captivate the people around him. Despite his quiet speaking voice.

I ended up sitting on the ground and then that bike was lying over there. And then my tooth was cut in half and I had blood in my mouth. And then the guy came over and he was freaking out, but I was in shock, so I was like, it's okay.

By taking up space with your hands while you speak, you signal that even though you're speaking quietly, you deserve to be heard. There's another trick you can use if you're speaking quietly. If you want to hold someone's attention, hold their eye contact.

What you call love was invented by guys like me to sell nylons. She wants to tell the world he's mine. He belongs to me, not you. She marks her man with her lips.

Yes, Mad Men is scripted, but this is just as effective in real life. Whether you're flirting or giving a pitch at work, holding eye contact works wonders at conveying confidence and keeping someone engaged. If holding prolonged eye contact makes you nervous, you're in luck. Yes, it's incredibly hard to command respect if you don't make eye contact at all. But looking away at times either when you're forming thoughts or remembering a story, can actually make your conversation feel more genuine. The key isn't to make unblinking eye contact, but to make sure you return to making eye contact once you've figured out what to say. George Clooney is a fantastic person to model for this boomerang style of eye contact. Here's a quick example of it. While George is talking about his kids.

You know, he goes outside and hugs my car.

Car.

And he hugs it, which is. It's bad when I'm driving.

Yeah, that seems dangerous.

That's really not good. He gets right in the wheel well.

Yeah.

And then. And then my daughter's up in my wife's closet with purses going mine.

The last common mistake most quiet people make when speaking is they take big pauses at the ends of their sentences. This leaves you vulnerable to being cut off, not necessarily because people don't respect you, but because they think you're done speaking. But it can feel disrespectful all the same. So instead, make sure to take your pauses mid sentence. This will make it obvious you aren't done speaking and and make you a more captivating speaker. For example, listen to Emma Watson in this next clip. For context, she's discussing the surprising benefit of reading critical Instagram comments.

But what I wanted to say was I also got some useful critical feedback that I wouldn't have got, I wouldn't have maybe heard if I hadn't been engaging in that way and engaging in that space.

A one second pause is also a great way to make something funnier. Here's a quick example of Ryan Gosling from the Graham Norton Show. Notice how his habit of pausing makes his story funnier.

Was it cellophane you want to do? So.

My parents came upon a truck of cellophane. Somehow I was asked not to ask too many questions. I didn't.

Now, if you're quiet or shy, you may want to radiate confidence or command respect, but you probably don't feel the need to have the spotlight on you at all times. The way Other needier personalities might. So one nice trick to redirect attention while still being charismatic is to share praise with others. Watch this clip of Chris Hemsworth talking about Ragnarok on Jimmy Kimmel to see what I mean.

By the way, I saw the movie last night. This might be the best Marvel movie of all of them. I don't know how they keep doing it. It's unbelievable.

I'll tell you how. Talk at Watiti.

He is the director of the movie. He did such a great job with this movie.

Yeah, Chris is the title character and a huge reason why the film got such great reviews. Yet he instantly redirects the praise to Taika for his directing. This habit is super helpful in any team environment, whether it's sports, group projects or your job. Some people get this wrong because they mistakenly think the best way to earn respect is to try to take all the credit for everything you're involved in. Ironically, by sharing the praise with others, you earn respect both for your achievement and for your humility. And as a bonus, if the teammates you're praising hear you shared credit with them, they'll like you more. Keanu Reeves is notorious for this. It's not uncommon for an actor to overstate how many of their own stunts they do, but Keanu does the opposite. He's quick to praise his stuntman, even naming him on national television just to help him get recognition.

Okay, so I'll do some fight scenes, and then John Wick will get hit by a car. And that's Jackson Spidell, who's amazing. Yes. Who's an amazing stuntman.

Yes.

He gets hit by the car.

You do quite a lot of your own stunts, don't you?

I don't do any stunts, but I. I do action. As much action. Okay, some people do stunts, but.

But. No, but hang on.

I don't get hit by a car.

No, that.

By a car, they don't let me.

I love that.

I love that you. I love that you say that.

The key here isn't to duck compliments entirely or downplay your own accomplishments. Keanu admits he does a lot of the action scenes, just not the stunts. So in your own life, acknowledge the compliment with a heartfelt thank you and then redirect the praise to the other people who contributed that way. It isn't about lowering yourself. It's about elevating others. Now that we've covered some tricks for when you're speaking, let's talk about how to exude confidence even when you're listening, simply by using your body Language. Loud people tend to have louder body language with a lot of movement and energy. It's easy to mistakenly think this is the only way to be charismatic. Especially because when most people think of someone who's quietly listening, they picture someone sitting stiffly, like Michael Cera here.

You're one of the people that when I see on the big screen, I wonder to myself, what is their life like off the big screen?

No, not to Michael. He was young and has come into his own as he's aged. But contrast that clip with George Clooney here, whose body language isn't big or loud, but it is relaxed and confident.

You do hold the whole story together. You bring it.

Yes.

Yeah. So tell us about it.

Okay. Okay. You do the work.

Yes, exactly.

Here I go. Yes, I'm all the work. Especially when you're sitting while you listen, there's a few specific things you can do to project confidence. Lean back, sit asymmetrically and take up the unoccupied space around you. You see all three in this next clip with Matthew McConaughey. Notice how it creates a comfortable, confident, thin slice.

Alright. I'll tell you something, Matthew.

You know what he told me?

What?

One take. And that's all you really need.

There's one more trick you can use to command respect and radiate confidence. If you're quiet, and this one is actually probably easier for you because you're naturally quiet. It's being non reactive. There's a good cinematic example of this in the Witcher, when Yennefer is yelling at Geralt and he remains non reactive.

Let the Djinn escape. Who knows what havoc it'll wreak now that it has no vessel at all?

No more havoc than you. And djinns are only dark creatures when they're held captive.

How can you be so sure?

Koby's viral moment against Matt Barnes is another great example of how sometimes not reacting is all it takes to look confident. Being non reactive shows you feel comfortable in your ability to handle whatever is happening. It's hard not to respect someone who keeps their cool in a situation where most people would lose it. That said, you don't have to be stoic to command respect or show confidence. A great example of this was Ryan Gosling's viral reaction at the Oscars in 2017. If you don't remember, his movie La La Land was originally announced as the winner of Best Picture, only to have it taken away. The crowd looks horrified, but Ryan is smiling. Listen to him explain why.

Here I thought someone had been hurt. You know, the way everyone was talking amongst themselves, it felt like someone had had a heart attack or worse. And it felt like someone was in danger. And then I found out that they just read the wrong name.

The ability to laugh or even just quietly smile in a situation where other people might freak out. Screams of self confidence. You're basically saying, whatever this is I'm facing, I know I'll be okay. Of course, the goal here isn't to fake that you're okay while freaking out on the inside, and it's to cultivate a genuinely strong, deep internal confidence. Once you do that, you'll naturally command respect in situations where most people would panic or get nervous. Now, the tips in this video should instantly help you project confidence, but building that strong internal confidence does take a bit more time. If you want the fastest way I know of to build that unshakable confidence, check out our program, Charisma university. It's a 30 day program that comes with step by step daily guides to show you exactly how to build unshakeable confidence. And it takes just 30 minutes a day. You'll also learn how to start a conversation with anyone you see, crush small talk, and consistently make an amazing first impression. We've had thousands of people join the program and get a ton out of it. Here are just a few of the things that some past members have said. I had confidence in some areas, but not in others. Then Charisma University changed that for me. Since beginning the program, I have seen noticeable changes in my life. It has helped me unlock the confidence that comes with knowing that I can go into any social situation and crush it. It costs less than half the price of one course at my college, but it has had a far bigger impact on me than any traditional class I've ever enrolled in. This next one is from a guy whose social life improved. He says it has truly been incredible. I've instantly had results that seem insane. So many more meaningful connections, my friendships have improved and my interactions with total strangers are a new, exciting, fulfilling thing. I want to recommend this to everyone. This should be in our basic education system. And this last one is from someone who says it's been life changing. Your course has been life changing to the point where I wake up in the mornings feeling like I've been transferred to a new person's body. The person I kept dreaming about becoming before I found charisma on command. It is incredible. I've found myself and I found what makes me happy. You'll see more success stories like these in the comments if you do decide to join the course, and if you join the course comes with a 60 day money back guarantee. Unlike other online courses, this is not an action based guarantee, meaning there are no hoops to jump through. You have 60 days, which is enough time to go through the course twice. And if you don't think it was worth every penny, you can just ask for a refund and you'll get it. We do this to make sure that every single member truly feels like they're getting a ton of value from the course. If you want to learn more about it, you can click the link on screen now or below in the description. Either way, I really hope you enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one. Sam.