How To Make Small Talk Interesting And Fun

Welcome to today's video. Merry Christmas. If you celebrate it, Happy Holidays. If you celebrate something else. Today we are going to talk about four ways that you can make small talk with anyone and make it effortless and fun so the person almost instantly likes you. Before we jump in, there's two quick things. One, we are doing a kind of online raffle. We've never done this before to give a free hour of coaching that's normally worth $500 to three people. So there's more details about that at the end of the video if want to you it's going to run for the next three weeks, so you don't have to rush there now. But at the end of the video there's more details on that. And second, this video assumes you are already in conversation. So if you want to know how to get into conversation, I'll put a video in one of these corners that Charlie made about three easy ways to start a conversation with anyone. And I will also link to that at the end of this video so you can watch that if that is something that interests you. So small talk, what is the point of small talk? Why do we do it? I think that's the first important thing to cover before we talk about how to do it. And the answer is complicated. But in my opinion, it kind of boils down to three things, which is you want to learn about someone new or learn something new about someone that you know. You want to see if you connect. You want to see if there's a relationship worth pursuing there. If you guys get along and you want a friendship or to be dating or a mentorship, whatever it might be. And three, you want to have fun and you want it to be fun for them. You want it to be an enjoyable experience. So with that said, here are four ways that you can make small talk so that it's not a boring interview esque vibe or a bunch of awkward silences and forced conversation. The first thing is a compliment plus cold reach. And I actually didn't invent this. Someone, I think a natural just did this to me when I was at an event one time and it really made an impression on me. So I was in a group of maybe four or five people. We're all getting to know each other for the first time. And I made a couple jokes and I had people laughing and this woman asked me if I was a comedian. She said, oh my God, you're so funny. Are you a comedian? So that's a compliment. And then a cold read, which is just a guess. At something about them, where they're from, what they do, a hobby, whatever it was. But I will tell you, I instantly really like that woman. She made me feel so good about myself. And I did start talking about what I actually do, but the impact it had on me versus if she had just said, oh, by the way, what's your job? Was so much stronger. So this can be anything from wow, you're really extroverted, I bet you're great at sales or wow, you have incredible fashion, I bet you're a stylist. And if you're right, great bonus points. They'll laugh and wonder how you knew it. But if you're wrong, there's no knock, there's no talent involved. You don't have to get this right, you're just giving a compliment, giving a guess. And then they will tell you whatever it is, what they do or where they're from. And it sets a fun vibe, it gets rid of that interview vibe and they will really appreciate the compliment, which will make them much more likely to engage in the conversation fully. The second thing, sticking with the cold theme is something I consider creating an avalanche of words and specifically creating an avalanche of words with a good question. So the goal here is instead of getting those one word answers where someone really doesn't engage you in conversation, the goal is to ask them something that gets them talking and talking and talking. Almost word vomiting. Cause they're so excited about what you ask them. There's two ways you can do this, and if you combine them, it's even more powerful. First is try to avoid questions that have one word answers. So how long have you lived in Los Angeles? It's a pretty boring small talk question that I get asked a lot because I live here now. And yes, there's a charismatic way to answer it with your whole backstory. But most people, if they're not great conversationalists, are just going to say, oh, six months, five years, whatever the answer is. Instead, if you ask them a question that gets them talking more like why did you move to la? Or what do you do for fun, right, you will get them to engage in a longer answer, get them talking, they'll give you more to respond to. You'll have a much more natural conversation full of different threads you can take. The second thing is ask them something that they're going to want to answer because they like talking about what you've asked. So a lot of people ask about work, they'll say, hey, how's work going? It's a terrible Question, in my opinion, because one, you can just say, good, bad, whatever. Two, they might not like their job, but instead if you can ask, what's exciting at work these days? Or even better, what's exciting in life these days? Or what do you do for fun? Now, the person is more likely to engage and talk because they like talking about what they like, they're thinking about what they like, associating it with you, creating that positive vibe between you guys. And now you have an opportunity to connect with on something they care about. The third thing you can do is make a guessing game of it. I really like to do this, don't do this all the time for every question. But if you find yourself asking a question that seems kind of boring and you catch it, so you say, where are you from? Then immediately turn it into a guessing game. Just go, where are you from? Wait, give me two hints, let me see if I can guess. And the person will probably appreciate that you're making this conversation more fun. They'll give you hints. They'll have to think about what to say. Say you'll try to guess, you'll be laughing and smiling when you eventually do find out where they're from. It's a much more fun process to get there. Now, you wouldn't want to do this in any situation. You wouldn't want to do this if you're small talking your boss, let's say. But it's really useful in social situations, bars, things like that. And honestly, anytime it feels appropriate, it is fun. It is much more fun than just asking a series of, where are you from? What do you do? How old are you? That most small talk devolves into until you're talking about traffic or the weather, because you just don't know what else to say, right? So I like to mix and match with those three things a lot with the guessing game and questions that get them talking and the compliments and the cold reads. The fourth thing I like because you're not going to talk about them necessarily, but you're going to elicit their advice or their opinion and show that you value what they think. And it's a very simple question. It's just, hey, I have a quick question for you then. Anything that you genuinely think is interesting. Now, unlike the avalanche, which is about what they think is interesting, this is really, what do you like? What do you think is interesting to talk about? And you try to engage with them on this instead of just the regular list of topics that everybody asks about when they're making small Talk. So this can be anything from super light to kind of deep. When Charlie and his brother Henry and I went out to a restaurant the other day, they were wearing ugly Christmas sweaters. And so we just started asking the people sitting around us and the waitresses and the hostesses which sweater they liked more. And then they could guess and then we could tease or they could pretend that, oh, it's just because you like Charlie more than Henry, it's not the sweater. It made a fun vibe for everyone around us. Much more so than if we just said, hi, what's your name? Here's my order. I want this sandwich, whatever it might be. The other thing you can do is go a lot deeper and especially with people that you know a little bit or you've met before, this is a really easy way to create a more interesting conversation than just, how have things been going. So anytime I am with extended family and I'm with somebody who was married for a long time or had a marriage that didn't work, I like to just ask them, hey, I've never been married, I'm in a relationship. I would love to know your thoughts on what makes a long term relationship work or what doesn't. And what's nice about this question is if they're happily married, they're going to be happy to tell you what has worked for them. Interestingly enough, if they aren't happily married or they're struggling or they're divorced, they're still really actually pretty excited to talk to you. Because I've seen an instinct where people want to help you to avoid the mistakes that they've made or the suffering that they've had. And so a question like that, if you find it interesting like I do, because you like relationships and psychology, can start a really interesting conversation. Much more so than how are the kids, how's the job? The questions that everybody asks. So those are the four things that can help you to make a small talk conversation interesting and fun and feel effortless and natural. And that is a compliment. A cold read, a question that creates an avalanche of words, having them play a guessing game of any kind, or telling them that you want to know their opinion on a question or something that you find interesting that you want to kind of bring into the conversation via a question. Also, if you want that video on how to start conversations that Charlie made, you can click here. And if you want a video Charlie made on how to make an amazing first impression and specifically the four emotions that guarantee a great first impression, you can click here. So thank you so much for watching. I hope that you enjoyed it and I will see you in the next video.