How To Read People Without Them Knowing

Fans love Sherlock Holmes for his ability to notice things that most people ignore. I was wondering, maybe later when you're finished.

You're wearing lipstick. You weren't wearing lipstick before.

I While Sherlock is a fictional character, there are ways you can learn to read people in real life to better understand what they're thinking and feeling without them saying a word. No individual read will be foolproof, but together they can start to paint a picture for you. Not unlike how Sherlock deduced that John Watson had recently served overseas.

Yesterday I said Afghanistan or Iraq. You haircut the way you hold yourselves as military. No tan above the wrists, your lips really bad when you walk, but you don't ask for a chair when you stand, like you've forgotten about it. Is an action suntan Afghanistan or Iraq?

Since the goal is to help you be more charismatic, we'll focus on reading someone's interest, comfort level and emotions. We'll also go over how you can use this to improve your dating life, career, or friendships. While you may never match Sherlock Holmes detective skills, you can certainly beat him in that.

I don't have friends.

Let's start with the easiest thing, reading other people's interest. The first place to focus is an obvious one, the direction of their gaze. Most of us do this unconsciously already when we're the ones in conversation. You can tell when someone's interested because they maintain eye contact, and you can tell someone is losing interest as their gaze starts to wander. Where most people don't apply, this is when they're observing other people interacting. For instance, let's say you're at a party or networking event and you see someone you want to get to know. If you see them looking around a room while somebody talks to them, that's a good sign that they're bored or uncomfortable and would welcome it if you approach their conversation. For an over the top example from real life, watch Tom Hardy lose interest while Leo answers this interview question. These men actually did this and we within the context of if this were a social event, that'd be a sign that he's open to a different conversation. The second thing you want to get better at reading is body language. Specifically, when it comes to interest, take note of the direction someone's feet are pointing. We subconsciously want to point our bodies towards people we have interest in, but most people have learned not to be obvious if they like someone and so they resist that urge. Almost no one tries to consciously control the direction of their feet, which means the feet act like a compass pointing towards people. We're Interested in. This works for people who are standing as well. If you're standing in a group of people, keep an eye out for where people point their feet and you'll get a clue as to who is more or less interested in you. After engaging someone in conversation, the next thing you'll want to do is read their comfort level. This is useful because some people are too polite to express discomfort. But if you can spot it, then you can save a conversation before it goes poorly. Some common signs of discomfort are crossed arms, looking down, fidgeting, or shifting your stance. But the sign that most often gets ignored is a rigid body. Here's an exaggerated example from Suits I'm alive. While we'd all hopefully notice that one, you'd be surprised how often people ignore this sign when it's more subtle. So let's say you're trying to make a sale, or you've just put your arm around somebody on a first date. If their body language stiffens and you continue to push forward, you'll likely make a bad impression. But if you notice and ease off, then you still have a chance to establish trust and rapport and potentially form a great relationship. The next level of reading someone is learning to read their emotions. Sherlock sometimes goes to unrealistic lengths to read emotions, like in this clip where he explains how he knew Irene wasn't faking her crush on him. In real life, emotions can be harder to read than interest or comfort level because it's the area people are most skilled at hiding. So the question is, how do you get a read on someone's emotions when they're actively trying to be unreadable? Three areas that give away key details are the face, throat and chest. The first thing to look for is a micro expression on the face. That's an involuntary expression that only lasts for a moment. Sherlock is a master at catching these small changes.

Your pupils dilated.

Learning how to read every single micro expression would take serious training. But just being aware enough to look for them gives you a leg up on reading people. Because even if you don't catch what the emotion is, seeing a micro expression instantly tells you two things. One, something just triggered an emotion so strongly that it wasn't possible to repress it completely. Two, because the person didn't allow the emotion to be expressed, you know it's a reaction that the person wants to hide. For a real life example, watch Robert Downey Jr. Go through a range of micro expressions in his infamous Channel 4 interviews. Notice how, because he's promoting a movie, he keeps trying to return to a positive face. But he can't hide the other emotions from briefly appearing.

I'd really like to ask you about a quote you gave to the New York Times, and I don't want to pry, so if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. But what you said to the New York Times once was this was a.

Clue to the interviewer that he's entering sensitive territory. Unfortunately for him, he was not good at reading Robert that day, so he plowed on and started to ask about his time in prison. That question did not go over well and led to the following tense exchange. Watch for two things. First, Robert makes a good read about the interviewer's nervousness based on his leg. And second, Robert's mouth drops when the guy starts to speak. Again, at the end of the clip, your foot's starting to jump a little bit.

You better get to your next question.

You welcome back to this interview. Again, in a minute when we talk about the chest. But first, the second area that gives you information about what someone is feeling is their throat. Specifically, watch for a hard swallow. If you see someone start to swallow their spit more frequently or more noticeably, that is almost always a sign of nerve. This is a very reliable sign of nervousness, and it can also be helpful when you're trying to figure out if someone is lying. Although not every hard swallow is a sign of dishonesty, the third area that can cue you into someone's feelings is their chest. If you see someone's breathing shift from their belly to their chest, you that is a sign that they're trying to hold in a negative emotion. For example, watch Robert Downey Jr. At the end of this interview as he tries to hold in his anger.

You've talked in other interviews again about your relationship with your father and the role of all of that in, you know, the dark periods you entered and taking drugs and drinking and all of.

That, you can see his chest starts to rise and fall more noticeably as he gets heated. Unfortunately, the interviewer is so wrapped up in what he's saying that he doesn't read the signs until it's too late and Robert walks out mid interview. So those are six things specifically you can watch for if you want to get better at reading someone's interest, comfort, and emotions. But there's one last thing that surprises most people. If your goal is to improve your charisma, then the most important person to get good at reading is yourself.

Look at me. I'm afraid, John.

Afraid specifically in areas like social situations or work meetings. Pay attention to any time you form a strong positive or negative opinion about someone. For example, let's say you're in conversation and catch yourself thinking, wow, I really like this person. That's your cue to think back to what they just did or said in the few seconds prior and consider if it's something you can do yourself going forward in conversation. That said, if you want a list of Charisma best practices so you don't have to rely solely on reading yourself or I highly, highly recommend how to Win Friends and Influence People. Despite the super cheesy title, this is one of the best resources for anyone who wants to improve their people skills. If you want to check it out for free, you can get the audiobook thanks to our sponsor. For this video Audible, just go to audible.com charisma or text Charisma to 500 500. You can sign up for a free 30 day trial which includes any audiobook you want. You'll also get access to a monthly selection of Audible originals. These are audiobooks available only on Audible from creators like Mel Robbins, Mark Manson, Kevin Hart, and Neil Gaiman, just to name a few. The nice thing about Audible is you can listen to it while you're doing things like run errands or doing chores. So no matter how busy your day is, you're always able to find time to learn and grow again. If you want to try that Audible trial and get how to Win Friends and Influence People for free, you can go to audible.com charisma or text charisma to 500 500. Either way, I hope that you enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.