How To Stop Caring What Other People Think Of You

Whether we admit it or not, we've all felt insecure at different points in our lives. And that insecurity can hold you back from things like pursuing your dream job, approaching someone you want to connect with, or just feeling good about yourself. But it doesn't have to be that way. There are tricks you can learn to actually use your insecurities to your advantage. To instantly look more confident, and eventually to build deep, genuine confidence and stop caring so much what other people think about you. That's exactly what we'll be covering today in this video featuring Pete Davidson, someone who has stated many times that he battles with insecurity, yet still has a lot of friends, relationships and career success. Pete has also mastered the ability to talk about his flaws in a way that makes him seem extremely likable and confident. For quick example, watch him talk about what it was like being uglier than his ex, Ariana Grande.

It's so funny walking down the street because, like, dudes are walking by and they're like, some dude goes to me, he's like, yo, man, you like, gave me hope.

Common misconception is that being insecure means you think about the things that make you less than perfect. But actually, what makes you insecure is thinking that being less than perfect is a bad thing. If you can accept your imperfections, it'll lead to deep confidence. The first tip to do this is to embrace that you aren't good at everything. Most people try to pretend that they're good at everything and avoid situations where they won't look good. But Pete volunteers to go on what the fit with Kevin Hart, even though he's an out of shape asthmatic. Watch how he handles it. After having an asthma attack in front of Kevin Hart and at least a dozen other people.

Oh, Jesus. Not like this. Yeah, Kevin, I can hold this down in here.

Okay.

Are we sure? Kevin? Are we still friends? Yeah, you can. I'm 100% your friend, Pete.

Most people would feel shame, but Pete can't stop laughing just by laughing. He makes are we still friends? Go from an insecure question to a joke that makes Kevin laugh. The mindset you want to adopt is that nothing is inherently embarrassing. People ping off you to decide if what you said or did is embarrassing or not. Just by smiling and laughing, you convey that you aren't ashamed of whatever's happening. When you know nothing can embarrass you, you release the impulse to worry about what other people think. Here's another quick example. Most people told that they don't have the Talent for something would have one of two reactions. They get sad or they get defensive. Watch how Pete reacts instead.

You think, I could be a good rapper?

Oh, my God, no.

Is that true? I don't think so either.

Laughing shows you're unfazed. And being unfazed by something that might offend other people makes you look and feel confident. This only works if you can genuinely find humor in the situation. So how do you start to build the confidence to find humor in situations you potentially feel insecure? One trick to start building confidence is to answer questions honestly in situations where most people would lie. Oftentimes, awkwardness, anxiety, insecurity. They come from you thinking the truth isn't good enough and that you have to lie or pretend things are other than they are. For example, most people, when asked by a friend why they do their job, will avoid saying money, even if it's clearly a money motivated job, because it's not considered an admirable motive. By contrast, watch how Pete responds when asked how he got involved with Mortal Kombat 11.

It's my favorite number. Yeah. Also, well, they are paying me to be here to talk about it. Oh, wow. That's really. Thank you for being honest. Yeah, no, yeah. You know, I'm trying to get a helicopter to Coachella.

Honesty, when someone isn't expecting it, is refreshing and will make people like and respect you more. But more importantly, you're training your brain that you don't have to be ashamed of who you are. Pete does this even with more serious issues like his mental health. While most people would try to hide something, like having borderline personality disorder, Pete has the exact opposite mindset.

I'm sorry, are you, like, bragging? So what if I am? So what? I love being mentally ill. I'm so relieved you know that. Everybody knows that now I don't have to hide anything.

This doesn't mean that you should force your insecurities into conversation. Just be honest if something comes up. Most people create a vicious cycle for themselves. You feel insecure, so you try to hide parts of yourself in order to be liked. This signals to your brain that you aren't good enough as you actually are, which reinforces your feeling of insecurity. One other tip. When you're talking about something you're potentially insecure about, use a nonchalant tone of voice. Watch Pete talk about some cosmetic surgery he got. Any recent purchases?

No, I've been chilling. I got new teeth, so I have to chill on getting some sneakers. All right, just want to let everybody know these Are temporaries. I'm aware that they might look a little, little fake, but that's because the real ones are coming tomorrow.

Once you've gotten comfortable with being honest about who you are, you can start to harness your insecurities using self deprecating jokes. The first and easiest way to do this is to just say your insecurity out loud, speaking through a smile. For example, watch Pete talk about being on snl.

So that's good. Five years in, you're happy to be there. Yeah, because like, I don't deserve to be there. So like, I just, I feel like I'm getting away with something.

It really can be that simple. If you want a tip to make sure you get a laugh, use specificity. For example, here's a quick clip of Pete talking about Kanye sticking him with a bill he couldn't really afford.

Yeah, you know, buy my boy birthday dinner. And then Kanye goes, let's get the special room in the back.

He could have just said he didn't have enough money, but listen to how he gets that point across.

And I was like, oh no. So we're sitting in there and I'm like, I'm like texting my touring agent. I'm like, yo, you gotta book more shows. Getting real over here.

Here's another quick example. Again, he could have just said his girlfriend is more successful than he is. But listen to how he presents it.

You bought a pet? Yeah, we got a pig. You got a pig. So can I just say like this, this girl, like, she was like, I want a pig. And then later it was just there. You know what I mean? Like, I'm still trying to get like a Propecia refill.

The key here is self amusement. That's why this comes after embracing who you are. Your goal isn't to make jokes that make other people laugh, but make you feel bad. It's to make yourself laugh. So start with jokes about things you aren't super insecure about. And then expand your comfort zone over time as you get used to it. When you're able to genuinely have fun at your own expense, you'll start to free yourself from caring so much what other people think. Ironically, you'll also look more confident and more likable to the people around you. The last habit we'll highlight from Pete today doesn't directly tie into not caring what other people think about you. It's just a generally great habit that makes people love being around you and makes you look confident. That is to raise up the people around you. We all see traits in other people that we envy or admire. A common mistake some people make is to keep that to themselves. They worry that if you highlight the good in others, it'll make you look bad in comparison, so you bite your tongue. By contrast, Pete is very complimentary to the people around him.

You know Rob a little bit? Yeah. I think he's one of the greatest actors of our generation.

You can see Rob's face lights up at the compliment. Giving compliments is something that can go really well or very poorly depending on how you do it. So in the description we'll link to another video called how to Be Charming in any conversation that goes into detail on what makes a good well received compliment. The mental upside of getting in this habit of complimenting people is you stop viewing the world as a competition. And when you build the habit of seeing and saying the good in other people, you'll have an easier time seeing the good in yourself. If the idea of giving someone a direct compliment like that makes you uncomfortable, you can start by complimenting people when they aren't around. This is something Pete regularly does. Here are a few examples of him talking about his friends.

My boy birthday dinner. That's nice because he's like the greatest. He's the best musician that's ever lived. And yeah, one thing no one knows about Colson as well, I think people are starting to know. But he's really hilarious and like a genuinely one of the nicest people I've ever met. I just want to say like Kim and Kanye, the cutest couple ever. Very, very sweet people. And like I had a really good time with them. Yeah, they're great. Yeah.

Don't say it if you don't mean it. You've probably noticed by now, but an overarching theme in this video is the power of being authentic and dropping your verbal filter. So your goal isn't to force yourself to say something nice you aren't thinking, it's to say out loud whenever you are thinking something nice. If you want a more in depth guide on how to become more confident, I highly recommend you check out the six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Brandon. It has some fascinating insights into the common habits we have that destroy our self esteem every day as well as some quick daily exercises to help you build a strong foundation of confidence. And you can get it for free thanks to our sponsor for this video, Audible. If you want to check it out, go to audible.com charisma or text charisma to 500500 Audible is my favorite audiobook platform. It's a great way to take downtime like driving or doing errands, and transform it into productive time where you're learning and improving yourself. By joining Audible, you get a credit every month to use on any title in their premium selection, regardless of price. You also get access to their PLUS catalog with thousands of audiobooks, podcasts, and guided meditations that you can listen to for free with your membership. Again, if you want to try it out, you can go to audible.com charisma or text Charisma to 500500 and get a free 30 day trial including any audiobook you want. I highly recommend the Six Pillars of Self Esteem. Either way, I hope you liked this video. I want to thank our editing team of Andre, Theresa and Ivan for their hard work on editing it. Thank you so much for watching it and hopefully we'll see you in the next one.