How To Stop Feeling Awkward In Social Situations

Like it or not, we have all been awkward at different points in our lives. And sometimes that awkwardness gets in the way of connecting with other people or even just feeling confident in ourselves. But awkwardness doesn't have to be the end of the line. In fact, if you handle yourself well, you can turn awkwardness, whether it's just a moment or a way of being, into confidence, which is what we are covering in this video featuring Tom Holland. Now, I'm not saying that Tom Holland is an awkward guy always. I'm saying that he is very skilled at turning those more difficult moments around. So first off, you can improve both your self confidence and other people's perception of you in nearly every situation simply by adjusting your body language. For instance, Tom is able to convey a sense of comfort and ease while he speaks by following the three second rule of eye contact and shifting his gaze to various people.

And you have to go through an exam process to get into this school, which obviously I didn't do. And she's like, hey man, what's your deal? How are you here? Let me tell you my secret. I'm actually. I'm actually Spider Man.

The three second rule of eye contact says that instead of looking down or away or awkwardly staring at someone for way too long, give everyone in a group at least 3 seconds of eye contact before moving to the next individual. Now, of course, this number isn't exact every single time, but it's the amount of time that generally makes someone feel included in a conversation. If you're listening to someone speak, more continuous eye contact is totally appropriate since there's one person speaking. But the three second rule is an easy way to capture an audience. Even if you're a bit nervous while speaking, you'll also notice the top tends to show his palms and gesticulate frequently while he speaks.

Go through an exam process to get into this school, which obviously I didn't do. There's like a couple hundred thousand.

Oh, that's a lot.

I was like, this is amazing.

Not only do his gestures make his comments more intriguing to listen to, but in revealing his palms specifically, he avoids a trap that awkward and nervous people fall into all the time. When you hide your palms, it sends a subconscious signal to the other person that you may be keeping something from them. And that can result in making you come across as less trustworthy. So get your hand out of your pockets, especially when things get uncomfortable. And don't grip the podium if you're giving a speech, or a chair. If you are seated, reveal your palms and you will immediately come across more confidently and more trustworthy. Now, the overarching rule that you can see in all of Tom's body language that is excellent for any time you're put into a difficult or awkward situation, be that karaoke dancing or even just giving a speech, is commitment. Check out Tom's rendition of Rihanna's Umbrella. Dressing up like Rihanna and dancing provocatively would make most men freeze and become extremely rigid. It's that fear of being judged or criticized that causes them to subconsciously limit their range of motion and even facial expressions so as to draw less attention to themselves. Unfortunately, it's exactly that limited expression that signals discomfort and creates an awkward for everyone present and especially the people watching you. But by committing fully from his dance moves to his facial expressions, a scenario that could go terribly becomes one where Tom's confidence shines through. And you see the same principle at play with Jack Black.

I just been watching the show backstage and going, everyone has such good moves.

Yeah.

And I was feeling the pressure. I was like, I gotta bust out some moves on the way down there.

Yeah.

So I don't really have the moves.

No, you do.

But I thought I'd make up for it with just, like, commitment.

So if you do something goofy, whether it's on purpose or by accident, your best bet is to go all the way. Paradoxically, by embracing awkward situations fully, you show more confidence than every other person on the sidelines. Which brings us to the times when awkwardness is forced on you. For instance, when friends are teasing you. Now, in the past, we've covered how to handle more malicious attempts to make you look bad. So you can check out our Russell Brand or Robert Downey Jr videos to see what to do in those cases. But it is very likely that, especially if you're a guy, your friends are going to tease you. And it's not necessarily out of malice. If you handle these situations poorly, you can become the forever butt of the joke. Handle them well, and you can exude confidence and become a leader in your group. So in those situations where the teasing isn't in bad faith, a great first step is to just take up more space.

It's their time.

I didn't know your name was Tom.

I'll put my thigh next to his thigh so y' all can see you're.

Being warm in your expansive gestures, even touching your friends. But you're also showing that you're not afraid to take control on a physical level. There's absolutely no sort of implied threat or violence here, but these gestures still Subconsciously signal to the group that you're not someone that they should pile onto. Second, rather than resisting the joke or even shooting back a zinger of your own, a very powerful technique is to simply laugh with the group. It's like Men in black.

Every 20 seconds, we just wipe it. He's very young.

Your friends get their aim, which was laughter, and you get to show that you can separate who you are from the aspect of you that is being teased, whether it's your haircut, your clothes, something you did in the past. You realize that those things don't define who you are, so it's easier to look at them with an element of humor. This is a critical mindset, which we'll touch on more later. But just know for now that this is actually what separates the people who constantly get teased from the ones that the group just kind of gives up on. If they laugh with it, it goes away in most cases. But for now, to make laughing at yourself even more powerful, you're going to want to double down on the joke. This might initially feel like it makes you more the laughingstock, but if you try it, you will realize that it actually puts you back in control of the conversation. Just watch.

Like your ears. Major shade. Major shades. True fact. In the Spider man costume, they actually considered gluing my ears because they stuck out.

So what's amazing here is that you are transforming a moment where people might have laughed at you, making you feel uncomfortable, into one where you're showing your good humor and confidence. You amplify a joke and spread the laughter. And if you've just cracked the best joke, people will be listening and reacting to you, so you can then take the conversation wherever you like. Again, this is specifically for friends and people who have your back. If you feel like the teasing has crossed a line, check out one of our other videos to learn how to deal with someone who has crossed into bully territory. And this brings us to our third major point. If you're an awkward person, chances are that the people around you have some pretty embarrassing stories of yours in their brains. So rather than let those be narratives told about you, which may draw laughter at you, it's incredibly useful to know how to tell a gripping story. So friends ask you to tell your own embarrassing stories. When this happens, it shows a supreme level of confidence, since you're the one comfortably and comically relating what most people would be embarrassed about. For instance, I have to wear a thong.

And other than that, that's it. You know, the first time they ever gave me the thong. They were like, here, put this on. I was like, no, why would I wear a thong? And they were like, yeah, you have to, because it makes the suit look better. And I'll never be the same. Never be the same again.

Now, telling good stories is a huge topic, but there's a couple of things that Tom demonstrates that will take your stories to the next level so that you become the one in charge of your own narrative. First off, it's likely the case that your body language won't always be ideal, and that is totally fine. But as you begin a story, activate the confident body language tips that we mentioned in the first point, especially if the story involves self deprecation. This has the obvious effect of commanding the attention of the audience, but it also is how you signal underlying confidence while telling stories where you literally may be insecure or bumbling. Watch how Tom does it here.

Useless. I was trying to find her pulse. I don't know how to do that. I was like, she has no pulse. Oh no, she does, she does. I just don't know how to do that.

Second up, the emotional impact by choosing high impact words. It is no secret that good stories can feel like exaggerated versions of the truth. People need a reason to listen to a longer story, and incorporating words that have emotion packed into them by their very nature is a simple way to get people paying attention so that you're not left talking to an audience who isn't engaged with what you're saying.

My family and I went to Hawaii in January.

Very nice.

That's an amazing trip. I wasn't living at home. I rented a house near the studio with my friends, which I think was the best summer of my life, because football was coming home. I woke up and I panicked. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to ghost you.

And he didn't.

He obviously didn't reply for ages because of the time difference in la. So that was maybe the most stressful day of my life where I thought my relationship with Downey was over.

You'll also get your audience more engaged if you embody the characters in your story. This means body language acting out the events of the story, as well as matching their voice type and even their accent.

But the funny thing is the director got too excited at times and was like, Tom, can you. Can you climb up that wall and then do a double backflip off here on or there?

I'm like, no. Obviously you're unlikely to have a dialect coach like Tom, and you're probably not as good as accents. It's okay, since even the attempt goes a long way towards creating humor in the middle of your stories. But perhaps most importantly to these awkward stories and to everything else that we have covered, when it comes to awkwardness is the mindset that you go into it with. If you have the right mindset, you don't need to have the exact technique in every sit, since it makes those charismatic habits flow naturally. And it's this. 99% of the awkward situations you will encounter in your life are made worse because you're fighting to be perceived in a certain way. If you would just let go of managing people's opinions, most of the awkwardness would disappear. So if you're ever feeling awkward, just ask yourself, what perception am I fighting right now? And then relax in knowing that it's only a perception of you. Because your deepest confidence is not based in controlling the perceptions of others, but embracing the truth of who you are. And just so you know, you're not perfect, there's always going to be things about you for others to criticize or tease or for you to feel embarrassed about. It's in recognizing those less than perfect facts and liking yourself anyway that true confidence is generated. So if you can tune into that truth that, like everyone else, you sometimes do dumb, embarrassing, or silly or regrettable things, you're going to handle stressful situations, social blunders, and criticism without having to feel awkward. So embrace the truth. Kind of like Tom.

I don't know what I can say. I don't even know how to react to what Tom just said there. I mean, I really don't.

What did I just say?

You said Spider Man's in space.

Oh, that thing. Right. Yeah, it's really awesome.

If you want to level up your charisma fast, I would definitely recommend checking out our course, Charisma University. The course gives you both the actions and the mindsets that lead to massive leaps in your charisma. So the people around you, from your work to your social life, are going to find themselves drawn to your presence and your confidence. Now, the course is set up so that you spend 20 minutes a day on it. For 30 days, you're doing one small thing every single day that builds easy, but sometimes counterintuitive charismatic habits. And that's all while ingraining those mindsets that make those good habits just happen naturally in the future. So if you want to join or you learn more about that course, you can click on the screen here or in the description below. This course is truly the most actionable and fastest resource that I have ever made for maxing out your charisma. So if that's something that you're interested in, I hope to see you on the inside. Either way, I hope that you enjoyed this video and I will see you in the next one.