How To Turn Social Anxiety Into Confidence

After watching an interview on Jimmy Fallon where Sophie Turner comes across as very charismatic, I started looking into doing a breakdown on her. But I was surprised to find that she actually says she struggles in social situations.

I felt jealous of Maisie because she is one of the best people with, like, interacting with people. She walks into a room and she, like, lights up a room, and I walk into a room, and I'll immediately go to, like, a corner and try get as drunk as possible so I don't have to talk to anyone.

Second, watch through. I realized that hints of her nervousness were actually present in that first Jimmy Fallon interview. So in this video, I thought it'd be good to learn what it seems. Sophie has already learned how to turn anxiety, shyness, and nervousness into charisma. First off, when you are nervous, vulnerability is your friend. Not only does it calm you down because you feel like you don't have to fake anything, but it can actually make people around you begin to root for you if it is displayed wisely. Now, you've already seen Sophie speak about her discomfort in social situations, but she went Even further on Dr. Phil, sharing stories of how criticism from Game of Thrones fans led her into depression. Did social media cause you to get depressed?

I think it definitely was a bit of a catalyst. You see 10 great comments and you ignore them, but one negative comment and it just, like, throws you off.

To be clear, when Sophie opens up like this, it isn't just random. Your level of vulnerability should change as the situation calls for it. And it's after a question on jealousy that she shared her envy about Maisie's sociability. It was on Dr. Phil, when asked about mental health, that she opened up about depression. So matching your vulnerability to the situation is key. For instance, before a big interview or a speech, a fine response to, how are you doing? Could very well be, I'm actually really feeling butterflies right now. What might be overkill in that situation is to delve into depression, because that is not what has been asked of you. Now, interestingly, Sophie's vulnerability extends beyond her words. Positive emotions shine through when she's feeling enthusiastic.

One big one is, you have to have your hair up because they will chew on your hair.

Aw. I love that free haircut as well. Perfect. I'm excited.

Good.

Let's do it. All right, let's go.

Both her pride and her bashfulness come through when she receives praise. Someone like you that is an absolute icon to your generation, he thinks the world of you, by the way.

Thanks.

And sometimes that bashfulness can even cross over into shyness when she is complimented in a way that feels extreme to her. The tight lips and the barely restrained smile are the giveaway in this clip.

You're on the biggest show in the world, Game of Thrones. You're about to be in the big, biggest movie, Dark Phoenix.

It appears that Sophie has no poker face and it probably makes her a terrible liar. But that's actually something that brings people closer to you. Her feelings are obvious both in her words and her expressions. When people do the opposite, never revealing too much, we struggle to feel at ease, wondering if they're secretly judging us or disliking us. But when you're talking to Sophie, you probably know how she's feeling, which can then make you relax. And this is a hallmark of other authentic types that we've covered in past videos. Videos though they might create this feeling in a variety of ways. And just to be clear, simply being authentically shy isn't charismatic. It's being shy, but still making that effort to engage. I'm going to go deeper into this in a later point, but keep that in mind. You also need to wear more than just your shyness on your sleeve. Sophie has bursts of energy that are totally captivating.

You just got married.

I did.

You did it.

Yes. Okay, let's clear this up. That's in a different scene. And also, we all have the same cups.

My boyfriend's become a white walker, AKA he's ghosted me. What's cool is that this has a different effect on the audience than someone who is always high energy, like a Will Smith, for example. Now don't get me wrong, that is a great habit and it can pull people into your world. But when shyness is revealed prior to these enthusiastic bursts, it feels exciting for the other person because they feel like they have been a good conversational partner. They've navigated conversation in a way that made you feel comfortable, which then makes them feel special and like you more because of it. Now, the next thing that can help a shy individual is knowing how to handle back and forth conversation where you don't immediately know what to say. Of course, it's not that Sophie doesn't know what to say every time she's asked a question. There's plenty of times where she just goes right into an answer. But I want to focus on strateg that she uses in other occasions because they can be useful to shy people. So the first is simply active listening.

Active listening involves any combination of cues that signal to the other person that you are interested and engaged with what they're saying.

No need to dive deep here. It looks like this.

I saw you at the Met gala.

Yes, briefly.

Yeah. It was really fun.

Though the second is a bit more sophisticated. It's mirroring, repeating a pattern of behavior of the person that you're interacting with. You can watch Sophie mirror gestures, which makes the person that she's talking to subconsciously feel like she is like them. You also see verbal mirroring with the repetition of the last few words of the other person's sentence. And that has the added benefit of buying you time to think of what to say next if you're someone who isn't necessarily very quick when under social pressure to respond.

The theme was camp.

The theme was camp.

Yes. And so everyone's very camp.

Everyone was very camp. Yes. We went to Granny Annie's. Granny Annie's. Two for one cocktails. Two for one cocktails. Smash daiquiris shopping.

As strange as it sounds, sometimes the thing that most makes people like you is not when you are smart and funny, but when you make them feel smart and funny. And hearing their own words spoken back to them in an encouraging voice or seeing themselves in your gestures goes a long way towards making that happen. So if you're shy, remember, you can have a great interaction without needing to make yourself the center of attention. In fact, making the other person feel special can be even more effective in making friends. Now, repetition and mirroring don't need to be exact. So to spice things up, you can elaborate on the idea that someone has suggested. Like in this clip when Sophie elaborates on Jimmy's joke. It's a classic. Yes end. You repeat someone's joke and then expand upon it.

It's a cardboard cutout of Joe Jonas. You didn't even come with him.

No, I didn't. I'm not even married to.

You're not even really married?

No, I just took his cod wood, cut up to the middle white chapel and married him.

Don't go there. Don't go there. Don't go there.

Don't go there.

Go over there.

And the last thing that you could do if you are shy, which is a culmination of many of the previous points, is to make fun of your own shyness. Own it. Now, we saw Sophie do it before, but a lot of her stories are about how strange she acts when she's under social pressure.

And then I came out with Joe, and Justin goes to Joe. He's like, yo, Joe, I heard you got a new girl. And Joe was like, yeah, yeah, there she is. She's over there. And I I don't know what came over me to do this, but like I turned around, I was like hi.

Sophie will also use fake grandiosity to the same effect. She's poking fun at herself for not being as cool as she's pretending. Now. Definitely do the grandiosity as an overplayed character, put on the voice, used extreme facial expressions or else it may be mistaken for genuine grandiosity. And that's something that we discussed in the video on Brie Larson if you're curious how it can go sideways.

But I've always loved Justin Bieber and then I met him once. Well, I've met him like twice now.

The idea behind both of these jokes is that you own your awkwardness or your shyness and you make something silly of it for everyone to laugh at. Now I do want to leave a word of caution with these self deprecating jokes. Whether or not it's going to bring you closer to someone or just make them feel awkward comes down to how at peace you are with the aspect of yourself that you are teasing. When you feel comfortable with your shyness, for instance, or your awkwardness when you've accepted it and released any shame around it, the self deprecation tends to be laughed at and improves your social standing. People know this because you're not looking to them for a validating response. But when you feel insecure about something, you're looking for people to reassure you that it's not the case, that you truly are the thing that you're teasing, or you're simply racing to beat them to noticing the thing that you don't like in yourself and it can come off as alienating to that person.

Now if we could use a bit.

More help with anxiety, I found that.

Something called Cognitive behavioral therapy can work wonders for diminishing. It's it has some very actionable and practical tools that you can use in the moments that you feel yourself becoming anxious. Feeling Good by David Burns is an excellent resource to begin with CBT and.

You can get that for free today.

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