How To Use Your Quiet Nature To Attract People

Despite having social anxiety growing up, Tom Hardy has transformed himself into someone that oozes confidence and is incredibly popular. Tom's charisma is unusual because he doesn't follow the normal advice you might see on something like a body language list. He'll often slouch or fidget in conversation, doing things you're quote, unquote, not supposed to do. But Tom has a few core mindsets you can steal that will instantly make you more confident in almost any social situation. These mindsets allow him to project a confident, I don't give a f. Attitude that draws people to him.

Would you like to say a few words to your public? No. Well, Tom, I hope we can rebuild these bridges. No, no, you. That. That's good.

The first thing that helps Tom go into any conversation with confidence is that he isn't trying to make the whole world like him.

He.

He's willing to polarize. He's accepted that some people won't like him. Listen to him, answer the interview question, what kind of snack would you be?

You know, so more of a Twiglet. How about that? A bag of Twiglets. You would be a bag of Twiglets. Yeah. You either love it or you hate it, don't you? You either love me or you hate me. Either way, I'm a bag of Twiglets.

I don't know anyone.

What are you gonna do about.

This mindset? Frees you to make a strong impression rather than no impression. Tom, you're the best.

It wouldn't work out, but I somehow wish that you were my dad and you could give me this kind of advice straight up. Thank you so much.

That said, getting comfortable polarizing is a process. One habit that will help you get used to polarizing people and just help you build more confidence is to allow yourself to have authentic reactions to other people. The average person's internal dialogue is, I hope this person likes me. Part of Tom's confidence comes from doing the opposite. He's there to see if he likes you. You can hear this in the wildly different reactions he has to interviewers based on how they act and what they ask him. Compare Tom in these next few clips to see what that looks like. You know, the reaction to Venom when we first saw in early promos was social media thought he was sexually attractive, that he was hot. I mean, was that weird?

I mean, is it a weird question? No, I'm just.

What is the question?

Why would you ask that question? No. Yeah, maybe that's not a good example of camp. You won't have to wear a gimp mask. Will you? Well, you know, only if I feel like it. You could lie again. I've never worn a gimp.

I was wondering if you find it difficult for celebrities to talk about their sexuality.

I don't find it difficult for celebrities to talk about their sexuality. Are you asking me about my sexuality? Sure. Why? Thank you. Okay. How do you belt? Cart. Fat. Lot of fat. And trickery. A lot of fat and trickery. They do that with me here on Chatty Man. I'm actually painfully thin.

This is obvious. Be authentic and react to people based on how they act. Unfortunately, while most people can do this when they're with their friends and they lose that authenticity when they're talking to someone they want to impress. I'm sure you've seen this before. Suddenly they'll awkwardly laugh at bad jokes, pretend a boring conversation is a little too fascinating, and even smile while being insulted or talked down to. That's what happens when your internal dialogue is, I really hope this person likes me. Instead, next time you have a conversation that makes you nervous, purposefully shift that internal dialogue to something like, I'm excited to see if I like them. You'll feel more confident once you stop treating conversations like a one sided tryout. If this seems daunting, there's an easier first step you can take to help you build more confidence. Stop trying to look flawless. Watch this next clip as an example. The interviewer asks Tom why he's always playing dark, psychotic characters. Tom has the opportunity to come off as cool or tough, but listen to how he answers instead.

Does that come where? From inside you? Is that like a little dark, little Tom in there? I think it's because I know what frightens me. Do you know what I mean? And actually I'm a big. I'm a big softie and that's why I'm covered in tattoos and everything. Because I'm actually quite scared of everything.

Most people would hesitate to label themselves as soft or scared, but ironically, for a guy who says he got his tattoos to try to put on a fake front, Tom isn't fronting. He freely admits his fear. This is the weird paradox that you can learn from Tom. His fear hasn't gone away, but he's learned to be confident while still experiencing some fear. Here's another example. Again, notice how he prioritizes being honest over trying to appear flawless.

What scares you? Everything. Everything. Not being in control. Not knowing anticipation, like waiting for something to go wrong. I'm an addict and alcoholic, so I have my Ups and downs.

Direct candor. Admitting things most people would try to hide has two good outcomes for you. One, people will get the sense that you're not trying to pretend to be something you aren't. And people are drawn to that kind of authenticity. Two, if you make a habit of sharing your imperfections, you will slowly build more and more confidence in yourself because you're messaging to yourself that you are good as you are. You don't need to hide parts of yourself to be acceptable for other people. Lying about your imperfections may feel easier in the short term, but it will wreck your self esteem because you're telling yourself that you aren't good enough. One thing to note, this isn't about unloading on people or forcing yourself to bring this stuff up. In each instance, Tom is simply being honest when answering a question that he's been asked. If you're concerned that this will make people like you less, don't worry. For most things, people are just paying off of you to decide how they'll feel about something. If you seem ashamed, they'll think it's shameful. If it doesn't seem like it's a big deal to you, it will be less of a big deal to them. If you're not quite sure how to do this, a good trick is to use the same tone of voice you'd use to talk about what you had for breakfast. For example, listen to Tom talk about where his addictions come from.

And where did you think that came from for you? I don't know. I don't know. I think my personal issue is to do with alcoholism or anything. Like it's indiscriminate. I don't know if it's nature or nurture or where it came from. It's just. It just is. And it's what I have, and I have to deal with it on a daily basis. And do you feel you're winning? Yeah. Today is a very, very good day for Tommy Hardy. Yeah.

If this still seems daunting to you, start small. You don't have to start by talking about your deepest insecurities. Start by sharing small flaws or little funny, embarrassing stories. You can expand what you're comfortable revealing about yourself. As your confidence grows, the next thing you want to do to feel more confident is to start prioritizing your own comfort. Here's a quick example where Tom delays the start of an interview so he can get more comfortable.

Thank you.

He's such a genius. Man, that's the greatest shirt. You started off with a massive woolly coat.

Put that in the swag.

Everything I wear, I keep most anxious People go into social situations trying not to attract attention. So rather than taking actions to be comfortable or to stand out in a positive way, you'll try to do what you think you're supposed to do. Ironically, this mindset of blending in and doing what everyone else does actually makes you more nervous because you're constantly asking yourself, am I doing this right? For another example, you may remember Tom Hardy had a small viral moment while promoting the movie Revenant. He started eating mid interview while Leonardo DiCaprio was trying to answer a question. Of course, the weather was always something that was entirely unpredictable. You know, 2015 was the hottest year in recorded history, so we had weather shifts all the time that complicated the entire production. Some people loved this moment for highlighting Tom's I don't give a f attitude. He was hungry, so he ate People are drawn to people who seem confident in who they are. Prioritizing your own comfort shows you aren't focused solely on getting other people's approval. Now, if you only saw a few seconds of it, you might think Leo and the interviewer were upset with Tom for being rude, but it actually played out. Totally friendly Tom. He's already snacking on the smoked chocolate chips.

How are they, bud? Let me try this.

They're good, aren't they? They taste like a campfire.

Yeah, a little. See, Put those in there.

Yeah, yeah.

See?

Not so bad. They do taste like a campfire. This is often the case when you're nervous. In social situations, you have these fears that rarely come true, but they hold you back from enjoying yourself or forming new relationships. Now, whether you want to be confident because you're looking for a new mentor, more friends, or more dates, there's obviously a lot more to that than just what we've covered so far. You have to know how to start a conversation. Hook them in the first few minutes so that they want to learn more about you and then build a real connection so that they want to see you again. If you'd like a step by step guide that lays out how to quickly master those skills, you can. You may like our program Charisma University. It's the fastest way to become confident and charismatic. You can read all the details in the link below, but I figure the strongest way to let you know what it's all about is to let the members speak for themselves. So here are a few things that Charisma University members have written in this first one is from someone who says their social life has transformed, they wrote. I am significantly more confident in all social situations. The connection I feel with strangers and close friends and family alike have increased dramatically. I transitioned from someone who never got asked to hang out regularly to multiple people texting me on a daily basis. Many people have openly expressed their admiration for me and I get a lot more positive attention. I've grown so much because of this course and I cannot thank you enough. This next one comes from a guy who's been making new relationships. Before going through Charisma University, I didn't know how to bring energy to a group and I was terrible at meeting new people. Everything in my life has improved after cu, from loving myself and others more to creating and developing amazing external relationships. There's so much more joy in my life and CU has been a huge reason for it. And this last one is from a guy who joined after a breakup. He says, thank you so much for Charisma University. I thought that after completing this course I'd become a smooth talker and be able to take over a room. What I didn't realize is I'd get that and feel so confident in myself. I feel liberated. Thank you for creating this course. If you want to join but you're not sure if it's right for you, you should know that it comes with a 60 day money back guarantee. That means you can get a full refund for any reason at all. It's 60 days even though the course is only 30 days, because we want to make sure that every single member truly feels like they're getting massive value from the course. If you want to learn more, you can click the link on screen now or below in the description. We've had over 8,000 members go through this course and get a ton out of it and I would love for you to do the same. Either way. I hope you enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.