If A Conversation Gets Boring, Play The Opposite Game

We've all been stuck in an awkward conversation that feels forced or boring. You want the person to like you, but you have no idea what to say. So in today's video, we'll go over five habits that instantly make conversation more fun and help you connect with anyone. One great habit to make people love talking to you is to set a playful tone early in the interaction. For example, Jordan Peterson is often a serious person. Jordan, great to have you back on the program. Well, thanks, Pierce. It's good to see you again. Now watch how different Jordan is when someone starts the conversation playfully, without reading this. So what you're saying is there's only 12 things you need to know in life, Right? That's it. You know, I grew up on wild meat. My dad hunts. He still hunts. He's 82. You know, he's slowing down a little bit, obviously, because he's getting old, but, yeah, he's using a gun now instead of a knife. Yeah. But he doesn't just jump on the animal. You'll see this all the time. When meeting someone or catching up with an acquaintance. People want to have fun, funny conversations. They just aren't sure how. So if you can seamlessly make the conversation playful, they'll love you for it. Here's another example with Jimmy Fallon and Chris Ev discussing the Captain America sequel. Notice one joke from Jimmy instantly changes the energy. We tried to evolve his fight style, and so we tried to do a little bit more gymnastics. Flipping around. That's right, flipping around. Balance being instantly. I had a whole ribbon routine. Yeah, of course. That's what we wanted to see in IMAX 3D. If you don't already do this naturally, it can be helpful to have a mental cue for it, a trigger to think to yourself, oh, this is a chance to make this more fun. So. So here's an easy way to learn this habit. When someone asks you a question, answer with a joke. Can you spell dormammu for me? D O R M A M U O U. Dormammu is so fat. No, Chris. If you want a specific joke you can use when answering questions, there's two you can steal from this video. First, take your real answer and exaggerate so much, it's impossible to take you seriously. Here's a quick example where Jimmy Fallon just told Tom Cruise that he's getting into ice skating. So, are you up early? Ice skating rink. I'm up early every day. I skate at least four times a day. And then, yeah, at least four times I skate to work. I got on rollerblades now, that's good. Yeah, it's my new thing. It really is that easy. You can also take what people expect you to say and say the opposite, like in this next clip. How is your summer going so far? It was too much time with my family. Again, super easy to do. Now, you don't want to do this all the time where people will think you're avoiding their questions. You want to give a mix of genuine answers and playful answers. A good tip is to answer someone's first small talk question playfully, and at least 25% of the small talk questions after that. Another easy way to set a positive tone early in the conversation is to give a genuine, friendly compliment. Hello, Maggie. Hey. It's very. You look sensational. May I say, if you're worried that a compliment will feel awkward, you can follow it up with a joke to defuse the tension. For example, here's Craig Ferguson giving that same compliment to Keanu Reeves. For context, in his monologue that night, he mentioned being sick and a little loopy from cold medicine. You look sensational, man. Thank you, Craig. And that's not just the cold medication talking. I'm telling you. There are three common mistakes people make when complimenting someone. Making the compliment too sexual. Making a compliment you don't mean, which makes you seem manipulative and dwelling on the compliment. A compliment is great to give, but especially with people of high status who hear compliments all the time, you want to transition off of it fairly quickly. A great way to make someone feel good and transition into conversation is with a compliment plus a cold read. So you compliment them and then transition to a guess about the person. It looks something like this. Well, dude, you got jacked. You went from being skinny to shredded. Yeah. Yup. You're pretty serious about MMA training, man. It's really just about, like, the lifestyle, you know what I mean? You're a martial artist, so, you know. And just like that, they've skipped small talk and are off into a conversation about mma. Now, even with perfect delivery, it can get boring and predictable if all you do is compliment someone. So a great habit is to mix compliments with fun, funny teasing. For example, watch how Conan bounces between teases and compliments with his assistant Sona at different parts of their conversation. This took the strangest turn. I. You went from being the peppy America's sweetheart to being this Nosferatu of doom. All right. I love you, Sona. You're a great friend. You're a great assistant. This doesn't mean you have to undercut every compliment with a tease. Sometimes you can just let a compliment sit. Playful jokes, positivity, compliments and funny teases will all help you make a great first impression. You'll have people smiling and laughing and enjoying being around you. Now what can you do if you want to connect more deeply with people? One way is to share your imperfections without shame. Many people think sharing your flaws will make people dislike you, but often the opposite is true. People like you more when you share imperfections because it makes them feel comfortable with their own. After all, nobody's perfect and everybody has flaws. And it shows confidence that you're willing to share something most people would try to hide. Here's a great example of Jim Carrey at an actors roundtable. Complete this sentence. I act because. I act because I'm broken in a lot of pieces. And acting gives me a chance to reconfigure those pieces into a thousand different things that are positive for people to watch. He's very matter of fact with his tone. He's not sharing this for sympathy. It's just his truth. Even if someone doesn't feel the same way, they'll respect your honesty and your confidence in sharing. Remarkably truthful. Yes. Yeah. Wow. We're all broken, let's face it. Yeah, yeah. This doesn't always have to be something heavy. For a lighter example, listen to Charles Barkley talk about his broken golf swing. I have no idea how it started and I can't help it. I've tried everything. You know I got hypnotized. You're not kidding. I'm not. I went to see a hypnotist. All I got was a good nap. What happened now? So far we focused on what you say in conversation. But you can also make people love talking to you by asking good questions that set them up well. Specifically, ask open ended questions. Questions with one word answers can make it difficult for the other person to contribute, especially if they're on the shyer side. Our youngest player here at 17 years old, is that correct? Yes. Still a high school student? Yeah. I'm grade 12 right now. Perfect. Perfect. Unfortunately, this is how most people have conversations. Where are you from? Do you like it? There a series of questions with one word answers that force the other person to do the work to make the conversation interesting. By contrast, open ended questions naturally lead the other person to share more. Why Utah, man? Why you live in Utah? What's that about? Why is a fantastic open ended question to ask because it gets the other person talking about what motivates Them and what they value. This will naturally lead to a more interesting conversation. The best open ended questions are questions the person will be excited to answer. For example, if someone shares a dream they have for their future, ask them why they want it. Why do you want to tell a great story? Once they're talking, you can deepen your connection by being a likable listener. Let's go through two easy ways you can do that. The first is to mirror them by repeating their words. Here's a quick example with Pharrell and Oprah talking about his song Happy. We put out the video on November 21st. All of a sudden, boom, boom. I mean, when I say boom, you mean boom, boom. Yeah. Oprah does this all the time. It's one of the reasons her guests love her and feel a connection with her so quickly. It's the part of you that feels, that is drawn to hope. That's one way to understand spirit. The part of you that is drawn to hope. Mirroring someone shows them that you're tuned in and interested in what they're saying. It makes them feel heard. If this feels too on the nose for you and you don't want to repeat someone's exact words, that's okay. Repeating back the sentiment they're sharing works just as well at building a connection. You know, this need for people's approval, that would send me through the roof. That would make me a high achiever. You understand what I mean? Like, you will change where you need to go. Yeah. That's where the success comes from. The second habit of a likable listener is to laugh generously. Just watch Matthew Perry's reaction in this next clip when Craig starts laughing. I want to come up with different words for things. That's what I think I'm going to do. Pointy porte. Oh, no, no, no. Pointy por. Here's another example with Brad Pitt. Adam Sandler discussing Adam's colonoscopy scene from Uncut Gems. Brad isn't trying to make a joke, but Adam finds it funny and laughs. Watch how that brightens Brad's mood. They say it's in the script. I do it now. I'm. No, it was convincing because you looked at. You had this kind of. Yeah, I did. Very feeble. No, no, I know, I know. No, that's hard to pull off. I was in a weird position. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't compromise. I was compromising. This is tough because you can't fake it or it will make people dislike you. So the best thing you can do is Try to find people you genuinely enjoy being around who energize you rather than drain you. If you're meeting new people and don't know yet if you like them, then focus on making the conversation fun for yourself. Talk about things you enjoy, make jokes that you find funny and let that filter people in or out of your life. Now, there's a lot going on in this video and you may be wondering how the heck do you actually remember all this when you're out meeting people, especially if you're speaking with someone who makes you nervous, it's hard to remember to put all this into practice. That's why we put together our program Charisma University. It's a step by step 30 day program that tells you exactly what to do every day to take what you're learning and turn it into unthinking habit. So by the end of the program you radiate confidence and charisma naturally, without even thinking about it. Rather than tell you about the program myself, here are a few things that past members have said. I had confidence in some areas, but not in others. Then Charisma University changed that for me. Since beginning of the program, I have seen noticeable changes in my life. It has helped me unlock the confidence that comes with knowing that I can go into any social situation and crush it. Another member wrote in I've always been bad at expressing myself in situations that weren't one on one. In conversations, I'd find myself hesitant to speak or I'd get caught in my own head overthinking things. After cu, I am now way more confident in saying what I think. I feel much happier all the time. I was even able to talk to a woman I've had a crush on for about a year and made a great first impression. Overall, I love this course and I keep going back to it when I need a refresher on the Daily Action modules. And lastly, one member writes, thank you so much for this program. After going through Charisma, I've made more friends, have higher self esteem, and can more easily talk to people I don't know. I've solidified my values and I know who I am. The program is literally guaranteed to change your life. That means you can take the entire course and if you don't think it's worth every penny, you can give yourself a full refund from right inside the program. If you want to see if Charisma University is right for you, click the link on screen now or in the description below. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this video. I really appreciate you taking the time to watch it, and I hope to see you in the next one.