If You Only Watch One Charisma Video, Make It This

You can be smart, hardworking, and kind and still be the person no one remembers. In fact, someone once told me that I was so normal that I was invisible. So I spent the next 20 years trying to figure out why. I built a charisma company that has reached over 7 million subscribers across 7 languages, and I got to teach over 30,000 students in our courses. Through that process, I have learned that most people think charisma is something that just a lucky few are born with, but that's not what it is. It's actually something that anyone can learn to build. So here are the 7 principles that helped me build my charisma, helped 30,000 people build theirs, and can help you build yours. Starting with principle number 1, charisma is a muscle that you can train. Now, if I asked you to name a charismatic person, you might say someone like The Rock, and you'd be picturing this larger-than-life guy who walks into any room and makes everyone stop and stare, like that's just how he naturally is. But Dwayne Johnson, AKA The Rock, grew up in poverty. He was actually arrested multiple times by the time he was 17, and he battled depression after he was cut from the CFL, which ended his football career. So that charisma that you see actually came from hundreds of live reps practicing in front of WWE crowds. He took acting lessons as he moved from wrestling into Hollywood, and he practiced being charismatic over and over until it became an essential part of who he is. And I actually went through something pretty similar. In high school, I was very, very shy. I wasn't charismatic by any stretch of the imagination. But in college, I had the opportunity to study abroad in Costa Rica, and I took that as an opportunity to try to change things. So to start, any time that I had a question like, "Where is this class?" or "Where can I go get some good food?" I would make myself go up and talk to a stranger to ask them. I would also sit with people in the cafeteria that I didn't know. I found myself pushing through this nervousness again and again and again. So by the time that I came back to the States, something in me had changed. There's actually a girl who I'd asked out prior to going on this trip, and she turned me down, and even she saw the shift. So we're actually standing out in this bar at the time, and I was talking to a group of people. They may have been nothing, like they were entertained, but it was like a comfortable conversation. And what I heard after is that she told our mutual friend that she saw me there and that I looked great. Now, I didn't look any different. I hadn't actually even changed my haircut. She was responding to the charisma, the confidence, the responses of the other people, and that had all been developed by those reps in Costa Rica, putting myself in those uncomfortable social situations. That is what building charisma means. It's practicing it rep by rep until expressing it is your second nature. The Rock built his, I built mine, and you can build yours. But here's where most people get stuck before they even start. They hear the word charisma and they picture someone who's really extroverted and commanding, and they're thinking, well, that's not who I am, so I guess I'm just out. And that actually fits right into principle number 2, which is that charisma does not look the same for everyone. There's actually 5 different types of charisma, and they look completely different from one another, but they all come across as charismatic. So to start, you have this high conviction type. This is someone who believes in what they're doing so deeply that you feel compelled to go along with them. You could think of a prime Conor McGregor when he spoke and he declared who he was going to knock out. You believed it because you could feel that he believed it himself. I will go forward and I will put the pressure on him and break this old man. Trust me on that. He was so certain about what was possible that the people around him became certain too, and they couldn't take their eyes off of him. Second up, you have this authentic type, and this is someone that you trust completely because you've watched them be exactly who they are whether it's convenient or it's not. You can think of someone like Keanu Reeves here. Keanu doesn't just say that he's a nice person, he actually gives up a seat on the subway and he gets caught doing it by the paparazzi. He's given away millions of dollars to the crews of his films. There's basically not a gap between who he is publicly and who he is privately, and people see that and then trust him as a result. Now, next up you have the funny type. You can think of someone like a Kevin Hart or a Lisa Gilroy. It's that their humor is basically woven into everything that they do, and that makes every situation more fun when you're with them. Next you have the Energetic type. Think of someone like a Jack Black, who is still funny but is also fully invested in the bit with tons of enthusiasm and positivity regardless of whether other people are joining him. Last up, you've got the empathetic type—your Oprahs, your Stephen Bartletts. These are people that make you feel so seen that you may end up sharing things with them that you've never told a stranger before in your life. Of course, these types bleed into one another. Keanu is authentic and deeply empathetic. Oprah is empathetic and has a conviction that has moved millions. Your mix is going to be your own. So if you want to find the type that is going to be the best for you to develop, think about those people that you would most admire. What is it about them that pulls you in? You also want to think about what came naturally to you when you were a kid before you were socially repressed. Usually your type is some combination of these two things. That is a great starting point. Now once you know your type, the next step is to start practicing it. But most people actually never do this because they fundamentally misunderstand confidence. And that's principle number 3: confidence isn't "I'll win," it's "I will be okay." You see, most people think that they need to feel confident before they can act charismatically. They are waiting for certainty, like once they know that something's going to work, they will finally go for it. But think about your little brother, think about your little cousin. If you need to feel good at something in order to be confident, why are they so confident when you hand them a controller to play a game like Elden Ring? It's a really brutal game even for adults. That kid doesn't have the skill yet, but he he understands it's just a game and it's totally fine if I lose. The worst that that kid has to do is try again. So even though he has almost no competence and is certain to die, he has total confidence. That's because real confidence is knowing that you'll be okay even if it doesn't go the way that you want, and that is available— the little boy playing Elden Ring— it's available to you right now. So the next time that you're paralyzed by a decision, a move, a hard conversation, or a career risk, ask yourself What is the most reasonable worst case? Not a catastrophe, but the most realistic bad outcome. You'll almost always find that you can survive that, and that means that you'll be okay. And once you know that, you can just act with confidence. Now, people will feel the shift in you nearly immediately. That's because of the fourth principle. You are broadcasting what you believe about yourself at all times. People don't just hear what you're saying. They're feeling what you believe. I actually saw this with a friend of mine at an event many years ago. So he was leaning into this conversation. He's broadcasting neediness with his whole body. As he's leaning forward and it's going nowhere. I can see from the other person's body language. So I went over and I pulled him aside for just a second. I gave him one tip. When he rejoined, he started leaning back. So he's broadcasting less neediness, more self-assuredness, and the other person actually became much more interested in him as a result. The content of what he was saying hadn't dramatically changed. It was one physical shift and the whole dynamic changed with that. Now, belief shift is a large subject and can take some time, but a great way to start is with the surface level stuff like my friend did. So you shift the way you stand, you shift is how you hold eye contact. And at first, this is conscious and mechanical. You might not fully feel the belief change just yet, but as those surface changes shift how people respond to you, you're going to see that that different response changes what you believe about yourself. And you do this enough time, the loop completes, and the belief solidifies. So before your next important interaction, just check physically what are you broadcasting. If you're walking in thinking, oh my gosh, I hope they like me, that's what they're gonna feel before you even say a word. So before you walk in, shift that. Open up your body language, take up space like you feel feel good being there. Tell yourself internally, "It is okay if this doesn't go the way that I want. I just need to be me." Stand like you belong, hold eye contact a beat longer, change what you broadcast, and you will change eventually what you believe about yourself. This brings us to the fifth point: trying to be likable will make you forgettable. I had a blog years ago, and people regularly gave me two kinds of responses, one on each end. On this end, people would email me saying, that a post had changed their life. And on this end, someone would call me a total piece of trash. And in doing this, I realized as the same blog post, the only way that I can have everybody like me is to just disappear like I did in high school. So you have to stand out if you want to be remembered. And standing out attracts both kinds of people, people that love you and people that hate you. That is the price of admission. But most people prefer to sand down their edges and fade into the energy of the room in order to feel safe. Doesn't make people like you, though. It just makes people not notice you enough to hate you. And that really isn't what you want if you dig deep down. I'm assuming if you're like me, that what you want is connection. You want conversations that lead to cool business opportunities. You want people that set you up with someone who's right for you because they actually know what kind of person you are. You want real friends that you can call in an emergency and hang out with in good times. You don't get that by blending in and being forgettable. You get that by sharing what you think and letting the people who resonate with it find you. Everyone else was actually not going to be a real connection anyway, and it's okay to lose them. So try this: wherever you have been holding back an opinion, share it clearly—not aggressively, just honestly—and notice who leans in. Those are your people. But connection is more than just those deep connections. You're going to have dozens of little interactions every single day, ranging from those small ones where you're maybe ordering food, or the networking event where you don't know anyone, or just a family gathering where everyone is sort of of keeping up appearances and asking boring questions. Those interactions still matter too. And this takes us to the 6th principle, the one that can guide you in these, which is that the leader is the one who humanizes the interaction first. Now, I used to go to Chipotle 2 or 3 times a day back in the day, and every time the interaction was exactly the same. They would say something, the customer would react, "White or brown rice? Black or pinto beans?" And people would just go through the line, myself included, like a robot. So one day I decided to break this pattern. I wanted to humanize the interaction. And before I ordered, I asked the person behind the counter how they were doing. Wasn't the throwaway, "How are you?" that most people ask when they don't actually care about the answer. And so I got this person's name when I arrived at the register, and from then on, I would greet them by their name. I did this with just about everybody in the store, and after a while, the people that worked there gave me a nickname and they started giving me free food, which was huge because I was a broke kid and I was sleeping on my co-founder's floor at the time. The point is not that you can get free Chipotle too. It's that the second that you stop treating people like they're part of some routine that you're in, you open the door for connection. Even in the places that most people wouldn't expect. This isn't just about grand gestures. It's about these everyday reps. So in your next interaction today, which is the coffee shop, the checkout line, wherever, just say one thing that breaks the script. Ask someone how their day is going. Compliment something you noticed about them. Don't just read the vibe of the circumstances, set the vibe. So why don't more people do this and take action? They've heard this advice before. It might not be the first time. They're probably even nodding along right now, and still they don't do anything. And the reason is Principle 7, and it's the one that actually matters the most, I think., and it's that fear is almost always the wall. Many years ago, I was actually out with a group of friends, and one of them saw a beautiful woman, his, like, exactly his type. I said, "You should go talk to her." He says, "I don't know, she looks dumb." And then later on in the evening, another friend walks over and talks to her. Turns out that she went to Harvard. She wasn't dumb. My friend was just scared, but he couldn't admit it, so he makes up this reason to stay put. This happens to all of us. Fear masquerades as practicality. And it's that raise that you don't ask for because, ah, it's not the right time. It's the person that you felt something with but didn't follow up with because, ah, it would be weird. It's the same wall every single time. It's fear wearing this logical costume so that you just don't have to admit that it's there. And just being able to recognize your fear and to name it, saying, I'm afraid, actually puts you ahead of most people who are still making up excuses like she looks dumb or it's not the right time or that person probably wouldn't want to be my friend anyway. Anything to avoid naming the real thing, which is just, "Hey, I'm feeling scared right now." So the next time that you catch yourself making that excuse in a social situation, stop. Just name it and say, "I'm afraid." You don't have to take action yet. Just naming it honestly is actually 50% of the work. So what is this for you? What fear came to mind from your own life as you were listening to this story? Notice it, feel it, and name it. And if you're willing to go just one little step further, my challenge for you today is that you can take that fear and do what it's telling you not to in a small and safe way. So you're booking time with your boss to talk about that raise. You're saying hello to the stranger. You're sharing the opinion you're not sure about. One small rep just to show your system, your nervous system, that you can handle it. If you do that, it's going to be just like going to the gym. You don't have to push through the wall in just one session. It's those repeated tiny breakthroughs that make you much stronger charismatically and confidently. Over time. That is exactly how I learned to be more charismatic. It was just a few minutes a day setting one small intention and acting it out over and over and over until in time it stuck. And eventually that person that you've been practicing becoming is the person that you are. And if you want the fastest way that I know of to get those reps in, to close that gap— the part that took me years to figure out is like the ordering of this stuff— well, that is exactly what Charisma University hands you. It tells you what to practice each day. It's a daily step-by-step program that tells you exactly what to do so that you're building both the skills and encouraged to use those skills until showing up as yourself confidently, charismatically is totally second nature. Here's just a few things that some of our past students have said about the course. Nadim wrote, going through the course, I felt a shift in myself. I've always wanted to be my best self, and for the first time, I feel like I'm actually capable of it. My confidence is higher than ever, and I feel truly liberated. David shared, I've instantly had results that seem insane. So many more meaningful connections. My friendships have improved, and my interactions with total strangers are a exciting, fulfilling thing. Harry told us, "Your course has been life-changing. We are talking to the point of where I wake up in mornings feeling like I've somehow been transferred into a new person's body, that person I kept dreaming about becoming before I found you." So if becoming that person is a priority for you, click the link in the description below. The whole course comes with a 60-day money-back guarantee, so there's no risk in trying it. Either way, I hope that you have enjoyed this video, and I very much look forward to seeing you in the next one.