If You Want To Charm People, Play The "Opposite" Game

If you've ever wanted to know what personality type leads to being beloved by men and women alike, you're going to like this video. I started researching for this video intending to make something around Thor, but I very quickly realized that the real person worth studying is Chris Hemsworth.

He's one of the greatest guys I've ever met.

What is it like, the dynamic between you two when you're on set?

It's magical. It's really.

It's sweet, and it's very nurturing. Now, sweet and nurturing aren't normally words that men use to describe other men. But there are four things about Chris that seem to truly make people love being around him. Even castmates that start out not wanting to like him end up raving about him.

I just needed something to be wrong with him, and there was nothing. And also, for the four of you, it must be annoying because you gotta think, oh, we're very funny. And here's this hunk. He's annoyingly funny. Hilarious. Who is Rick?

And the hype for his latest movie, Ragnarok, is off the charts because we finally found a director that's willing to let Chris and Thor bleed their personalities together, just like Robert Downey Jr. And Iron Man.

We know each other. He's a friend from work. Oh, come on.

Is there more you in Thor this time around?

I think so, yeah. And that was the goal.

And it literally transformed Thor from the worst ranked Marvel movie on Rotten Tomatoes to the highest you.

By the way, I saw the movie last night.

This might be the best Marvel movie.

Of all of them.

I don't know how they keep doing it. Now, it's worth saying part of his appeal is absolutely that he's great looking. There's no doubt about it. But everything we talk about today will apply to you, no matter what you look like. So let's take a look at Chris's personality and what makes him so special. First, Chris Hemsworth is hilarious. The fact that Thor Ragnarok is being called the funniest Marvel movie yet is a testament to this. Because the movie was mostly improvised, we've covered humor a lot in previous videos, so this video will mostly center around other traits that are more unique to Chris Hemsworth. But it's worth noting because it's definitely a big part of why people like him so much.

Do you need Chris to lean back a little bit? Yeah, there you go. Otherwise, you're right in my shot. Yeah, right. So anyway, are we competitive? Not at all. No, you're not competitive. It's just Naturally, we kind of fall into place here.

Chris uses a great and easy to use principle called do the opposite. He you don't want to use and abuse this, but it's an easy fun way to be playful and make people laugh. If you want to deep dive into this type of playful self amusing humor, I will put a link to a breakdown we did on Chris Pratt at the end of this video. Now that said, there's one common theme in Chris's jokes that is definitely worth spending a minute on. He almost always chooses to put himself on the same team as other people and he makes jokes that elevate the people around him.

I lead his fan base. I'm the founding member of that one too.

They're calling for a Loki movie. It's very.

We know.

Or how he playfully assures Chris Evans that he's got his back and then later on how he answers when asked the one thing that's a must have at a party.

Well, this is gonna sound strange, but that's great. You can't ever see I'm with you. I'm right here with you. Do not be afraid. Co it's a must have at a party. It's Chris Evans. I was gonna say. I mean clearly it's not a party.

Without this may seem like a small thing, but he time and time again. And there are real benefits to defaulting to that type of humor. One, it makes people laugh. Two, it makes your friends feel great and really like being around you. And three, you lift yourself up as well and you do it without bragging because if your friends are awesome, it stands to reason that you must be awesome as well. I don't want to give anything away, but you'll see this in Ragnarok too. Now one caveat here. This has to be done right so that you don't look like a suck up. We'll go through how to walk that fine line at the end of this video. First, I want to point out two quick things about making jokes that elevate people. It's important to keep these short. I have a friend, a really, really nice, well intentioned guy who tries his best to do this for me whenever we go out. But he drags it on for so long that even though it starts by getting a laugh three minutes in, it just feels try hard and awkward. Chris Hemsworth avoids this completely by throwing in a funny elevating joke and then moving on without dwelling on it at all. And the last point on this, it's worth noting that he is not like this 100% of the time. He definitely teases people, but they receive it well because he's been complimentary in the past. For example, watch Chris Evans lose his mind in this next clip.

A lot about Thor that's so great is you bring these slightly different nuances to Thor. Whether he's on Asgard or on Earth or whatever you like, you bring new aspects to him. And with. With Captain America, it's like, as we've seen, yes.

And then he does it again as soon as they've gathered themselves.

And then we see Captain America evolving into his leadership role. But we also see you evolving more and more as we see you more on screen owning the role. Right.

And what Chris does amazingly well is balance this play playful, jokester Persona with another side of himself that is very genuine.

Never was torturous at all. So I'm incredibly proud of this.

This creates depth in him and is a very powerful thing that you can do too. There are certain emotions we all share. Pride after working hard, fear of not being good enough, envy of the success or achievements of others and so on. If you can share them honestly without fear of judgment, it's really powerful. The second thing Chris Hemsworth is incredible at is touch. Touch is something we get asked about often. How, where, when, how do I make sure I'm not being weird or making anyone uncomfortable? Touch is incredibly important for human interaction, and I don't just mean romantic relationships. Studies have shown it increases trust and liking amongst friends and co workers and can even lower blood pressure, heart rate, and the stress hormone cortisol. That said, if done wrong, touch can create awkwardness and make people uncomfortable around you. I didn't know this before making this video, but Chris Hemsworth is easily one of the touchiest people I have ever seen. And there are a ton of great little details about touch to learn from watching Chris.

So there it is. There's your answer to who was funnier on the film. Can I ask about that?

What's that about?

If you're well, I can see the monitor over there, right? And I know we're trying to show the poster off, but what it looks like is that me and you are really into each other and we're on the fence about you.

Now, I know that some people are very uncomfortable both touching others and being touched. And I'm not saying you have to do this to be likable or charismatic. I am saying that it helps a lot. That said, there are three principles that will make sure that your touch is well received. First, be a universal Toucher touch everyone. Obviously not equally. Certain relationships to the person will impact the level of touch. But as you saw, Chris will reach out to his coworkers, his director. Later, you'll see he does it to a reporter. And I even found one example here where Chris is meeting someone for the first time. Chris call McCartney.

That's cool, right? It's pretty awesome. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, it's good, yeah.

Becoming a universal toucher is a great habit to incorporate because it conveys confidence without much effort and without needing the conversational spotlight. Just the fact that Chris is so comfortable touching right off the bat screams self assured confidence. Being a universal toucher is especially important if you're a guy. I've spoken to many female friends about this and there's nothing creepier than being a woman who's meeting a new guy who seems to have singled you out and is touching you non stop. Being a universally touchy person conveys warmth and confidence. Singling out one person has the potential to feel predatory. That's actually another reason why I highly recommend that you become a universal toucher. Start incorporating touch with your friends and family and not just when flirting. Because when you incorporate touch into your non sexual relationships, you get used to touching without it being creepy or having any sexual motives. That brings me to my second touch principle. Adjust where you touch and how long you touch based on your relationship to the person, how the conversation has gone and their body language. Do they tighten and freeze up or do they welcome it? This is also going to vary extreme based on what country and culture you're in. To highlight this, check out the difference in touch when Chris is with an acquaintance compared to when he's with the director he's been working closely with for months.

See you, buddy. Here we are bringing two cultures together. The warring tribes of Australia and New Zealand. It's all over.

Now. Obviously that's an over the top example, but it just highlights the importance of calibrating your touch to who you're with. The opposite of that would be to be what I call a lingerer, where you're always touching for too long and you're never checking in with the person to see if they're comfortable. I won't explain the circumstances because he might be watching, but I have an acquaintance who makes everyone around him very uncomfortable because he'll start rubbing your shoulders or your back for way too long without checking to see if you've tightened up or are touching back. And spoiler, no one is ever touching back with this person. The opposite and equally awkward side of that coin is to have a scared touch or hover hands. If you touch like you're terrified of how the person will react, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and is destined to be awkward. So what's a good rule of thumb for how to touch? That's principle number make it feel good. That may sound obvious to you, but the way Chris touches his male friends is very different to how most men touch each other in western society. We have a lot of aggressive overcompensating in our culture where guys will slap each other really hard on the back or punch each other in the arm. Maybe some guys just love being slapped and five starred, but I think that a lot of it comes from being terrified that any sort of nice physical contact with a man will suddenly have them labeled something pejorative. Chris clearly does not share this fear. Notice how he gives a brief massage for a second, then moves his hand to Mark's back. There's no hesitation. It's clearly non sexual and you can tell Mark is comfortable the whole time and even reciprocate.

Probably not. Yeah. The whole new version of the Big Green Monster was your.

This segues really nicely into the third thing that Chris Hemsworth does that makes everyone around him fall in love with him. Chris shares potentially embarrassing things about himself as if they are not a big deal. And he speaks as if he is unconcerned with being judged negatively, especially for not being quote unquote, manly enough. For example, here he is with Jimmy Fallon where Jimmy is basically giving Chris an alley oop to make fun of his brother.

I saw this photo. It's all over the Internet. This is your brother and just.

He got his nails painted or something like that.

What is he doing? I'm gonna ride him.

And instead, when a lot of men might be embarrassed to say it, Chris shares that he also had his nails painted that day.

What is the story behind that? Was us painting each other's nails? Yeah. No, you did not. Nah, we didn't. My daughter and my nieces painted everybody's nails, so I actually had my nails painted as well.

This is an incredibly charismatic trait. By sharing these things as if they're not a big deal, he comes across as so comfortable in his own skin. Isn't just limited to masculinity and femininity. This applies to anything you do where you might feel embarrassed. What's great about committing to this is you basically only give yourself two options in life. Own what you do or don't do it. If you decide that you're going to stop hiding anything that you do from other people. You'll end up living a life you're more proud of. Your confidence will skyrocket and you'll end up attracting the right kind of people into your life. The fourth thing Chris Hemsworth does better than anyone I've ever seen is share praise. Let's rewatch that Jimmy Kimmel clip where Jimmy says this may be the best Marvel movie yet and watch how Chris responds.

I don't know how they keep doing it.

It's unbelievable.

I'll tell you how we talk at Watti.

Chris is the title character. He plays a huge part in why the film is getting such fantastic reviews, but he doesn't skip a beat before crediting Taika for his directing. This will be especially useful for you if you're someone who spends time in a team environment. So this can apply to athletics, group projects or a work environment that involves managing other people or having a manager. Selfish people scared they aren't good enough will try to take all the credit for things because they think it makes them look better. This fails in two ways. One, people like humility and if you share the praise, it will make the people around you trust you when you say who's actually responsible or if you do deserve all the credit. And two, life is a long term game. By sharing the praise and being complimentary, Chris creates great relationships with other people, which in turn creates a great work product. Now they all benefit because they were part of an excellent movie. This may seem to be limited only to movies or performances, but it's really true of any job or any team. By building close relationships with your boss, you get more leeway and a higher pay come bonus time. And by forming better relationships with the people below you, you'll get higher quality work delivered for you. Here he is again, cutting off a chance to be praised for being funny so that he can praise Taika.

Who's funnier, who's funny between who these two? There's a third person in this conversation.

And here he is crediting Cate Blanchett and Mark Ruffalo for bringing up his acting in Ragnarok.

You call it the contact high. They kind of stand near certain person. You get kind of lifted as much as happens when I stand next to Ruffalo.

Now how does Chris make these compliments come off as genuine and not fake? I don't know for him, but for myself and everyone I've worked with and coached, the answer is pretty simple, but it's effective. Only compliment someone when you mean it. The second tricky part about compliments is how do you make someone feel good without coming across as a suck up? You have to calibrate this to your social status in that moment and the situation in general. That's why a compliment from boss to employee can make an employee's day. But a compliment from employee to boss might seem like sucking up, but it also might make the boss's day. It depends what you compliment and what comes before and after it. That's a longer topic, but I'll link to a video on the four emotions that create an amazing first impression that goes into it in a bit more detail. It's part of our Charisma University program, so we don't have it on YouTube, but if you click the link and drop your email in, you'll get access to that part totally free. Putting those four emotions in the wrong order is what leads to a compliment feeling like a suck up. One other thing worth noting, Chris Hemsworth has an amazing voice. I literally just made a video on Voice, so I'll link to both that and the Chris Pratt video in the description. And if you enjoyed this video, click the subscribe button to get more like this every Monday and Thursday.