It's actually pretty easy to flirt with women

What's up, everybody? This is Charlie from Charisma on command. And today I have something a little bit different for you. It's of a flirting technique that is called push pull. Now this is not the only flirting technique. You don't even have to use it. But I suspect that if you keep your eyes open, you'll start to see it all the time. And the idea is this, most men, when they enter in sort of a flirting conversation, have one of two strategies. The first is to just lavish compliments on the woman and the second is to be very teasy and jokey and try to get her to laugh a lot. Now the truth is neither of these is excellent on its own, but when you combine elements of each, when you combine a compliment with a joke that releases the tension from that compliment, you're left with something very powerful. So let's just jump right into it now to see an example with Russell Brand.

If you was on tell in my country when I was a teenage boy, it messed me up.

In what way?

Yeah, I think you're gorgeous.

Oh, thank you, Russell. It's very kind of you.

You ain't kind. It's just a bit rude. I'll take you in a shot.

And so that is a really, really classic push pull right compliment there. He sort of baits the compliment, gives her the compliment and then builds that tension for just a second and then sort of deflates it going. It's just a bit rude. Cracking a joke at himself. Now a lot of people think the pushes have to be, you know, a real push, like very aggressive. It sounds more than that really what a push does is it just kind of takes away that tension that is built by the compliment and allows you to move on. If Russell had just said it might have been a bit awkward. But by doing that, creating the laughter, he allows for a comfortable segue into non straight up complimentary conversations. So real quick, we can watch it again.

If you was on tell in my country when I was a teenage boy, it messed me up.

In what way?

Nothing more gorgeous.

Oh, thank you, Russell. It's very kind of you.

See, she's a bit like doesn't know what to say. And then he again releases the tension with this joke.

Mind, it's just a bit rude. Say you're in a shop.

So that's push pull one. Moving on now to a second example of what push pull looks like. You can see it here.

Now, you, young lady, are the kind of thing like you're the reason I went through puberty for women. Like you.

Oh, thanks. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever.

There is the pull. Right.

It's not gonna get any better than this. That's it. You peaked.

I just hope this day, and that's kind of what you can expect, is that the pull gets. Oh, thank you. Aw, that's sweet. Or like, aw. And then when you do the push, it's that release of tension, the laughter, and what the push does when people laugh. I've talked about this in previous videos. When people laugh, it almost opens the floodgates to accept everything that happened before. So if you're in conversation with someone, you're arguing and they can make you laugh, there's this sense that you've, like, tacitly accepted their point, which is so frustrating, which is why people really try hard not to laugh when they're arguing. And what he does here is he makes his compliments sink in more effectively by following them up with stuff that is funny. The push that makes her laugh.

You, young lady, are the kind of thing I. You're the reason I went through puberty for women like you.

Oh, thanks. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

It's not gonna get any better than this. That's it. You've peaked.

I just heard switching up gears for a minute. You've got Craig Ferguson here. Now, he is very, very, very light with the pushes. This is a different angle. And you'll see he oftentimes talks about how beautiful the women who call him on his show are. And the way that he deals with that is. It varies from clip to clip. But you'll see something pretty particular here that we'll talk about once we've gone through it.

Why do you keep doing that to me? Freaking me out.

I'm putting spells on you.

Yeah, you've already done that. You did that when you did the knee. That's right. You see me move back like that?

I did, yes.

So the first was the. Was the pull. You've already done that. The spell. Right. She giggled a little bit. Cause it was sweet. And now he's starting to move away from her.

Crawling away.

No, no, I.

The distance is hurting me.

No, it's. Listen, it has to be.

And this is all very complimentary under the subtext, but he's physically moving away from her, saying that they can't be together. Watch. And now she, like, playingly, jokingly, obviously.

Fair enough.

No, no, I'll just lean. Don't lean. That could be worse. I'll come back I'll come back.

So that is another clear example of push pull. The push is way softer there. But again, if you just go with straight up regular compliments, which I sometimes see guys do in bars, and then let it sit, don't redirect the conversation, don't follow up with a push, don't take it somewhere else. It can feel kind of heavy, like there's too much tension in the air. The entire idea of cracking a joke afterwards or moving away or using the push pull together is that it makes things stay light while still demonstrating your interest. So here's another one of Craig Ferguson. Again, his pushes are very light. Oftentimes what he does is just makes a joke after his compliments that sort of undermines them and it's funny. And again, it gets those floodgates to open and the compliment hits very hard.

Hello, Diana, how are you?

I'm very well. How are you?

Are you being nice to me? Because you just saw a clip of me beating up a boy.

This may come as a surprise to you, but I am often nice to beautiful women.

Well, that's nice.

I am also European, though, so you can hit me with a tennis racket and I may enjoy it.

And so what he does is he makes light of that first joke. So I'm also this. It makes her laugh a lot, the poll, obviously the first part, but he does kind of take away the intensity of that initial compliment, whereas some guys sometimes will just pile on and go, no, really, you're so beautiful. I get. I don't even want to get into this story, but I've seen it happen where it gets bad. And I want to play this back one more time. This is kind of separate from what we're talking about, but Craig is very, very deliberate in his delivery. Right. He takes his time and you can see her waiting to see what he's going to say.

How are you?

I'm very well. How are you?

Are you being nice to me? Because you just saw a clip of me beating up a boy?

This may come as a surprise to.

You, but right here she's like listening very closely for what he say because he's prefaced it as this may come as a surprise to you.

I am often nice to beautiful women.

Well, that's nice.

I am also European, though, so you can hit me with a tennis racket and I may enjoy.

So move along now.

You American?

I am.

I thought you were, yeah.

Why'd you think that?

You've got nice teeth.

Oh, so do you.

I was at the dentist Today, actually, my mouth's a bit hurty.

I haven't gone in years.

You can't look at you. That's not possibly true. You. You have to go, like, once a week with teeth like that.

See? Obvious compliment poll.

No, I really should go.

Really?

Yeah.

Open your mouth. Let me see your teeth. You're fine. Remember, though, that's a Scotsman saying it. So if I can see teeth, I'm like, you're ahead of the game.

That's the next.

And again. So he doesn't necessarily push, but he does kind of deflate that initial compliment by going, whatever, I'm a Scotsman. If I can see to you. I think it's amazing. Rather than piling on with how wonderful and sparkly and shiny, which he could. That is a separate direction, really. The important point here is that when you compliment a woman, you want to continue to take the conversation in some direction, right? What I see a lot of people do that is not good is they want a girl to like them. They might walk up, they might say something nice, and they either get a little bit nervous about saying it, so they sort of just wait there afterwards, or they pile on in a very needy way. As long as you're leading conversation after that, you're going in a better direction than just saying sitting there waiting for her to respond to your compliment, right? So you can push afterwards, you can take conversation in a new direction. You have a lot of options there. That is really the underlying key to this. And this push pull is just one aspect of it. So just to recap, this is just one of many tools that you can use when you're flirting. You do not have to use push pull. It's just one thing that you might want to add. Secondly, I forgot to add this, but you do not have to use a push after every single compliment. In fact, this is going to be most useful towards the beginning of interactions with women that you have not yet gotten to know. And the reason is that most men, when they're going up to them, are just lavishing praise and compliments on them. You actually separate yourself by being more fun and funny and challenging and joking after any sort of compliment. But remember, the compliments are important because they let her know that you are interested. So if you found this helpful, and if you've ever found yourself hesitating to walk up to someone that you might be interested, I've created a video that has the three things that I use 95% of the time when starting a conversation with a woman. This is a way to do it without being creepy or weird, and I use them in bars, clubs, when walking on the street. They're helpful in all sorts of situations where you kind of just freeze because you want to talk to her, but you don't know what to say. So if you want to get that video, go ahead and click the link that pops up now. It'll take you to a page where you can drop your email and you will get that video immediately. I hope you guys have liked this. Let me know if this is something that you're interested in. I can do more of these breakdowns. Either way, send me your celebrities that you like. Thumbs up this. Of course, subscribe if you want to get more videos and I will see you in the next one.