Listen First, Then Use This Trick To Influence Someone

Tyrion Lannister is a genius. Despite being a mutilated dwarf whose family hates him, he manages not only to stay alive, but to become one of the most powerful players in the Game of Thrones. And that is because his genius is with people. He's able to get people to do exactly what he wants them to do. How? He is constantly asking one question of the people around him.

What do you want? Tell me.

What do you want? That is the question. Because people act like homing missiles towards their deepest desires, Tyrion finds a way to put the strength of their own desire directly in line with his goals. And if you understand the subtleties of this art, you can begin to influence people in the way that Tyrion does. So in order to figure out what people want, Tyrion uses three major tools. First, cold reading. And by the way, spoilers through season five for the rest of this video.

I should just take your food and leave you here, eh? What would you do then? Starve, most likely. You don't think I'd do it, do you? What do you want, Bronn? Gold? Women? Golden women? Stick with me and you'll have them all for as long as I'm around and not a moment longer.

At this point, Tyrion has not spent much time with his character Bronn, who's a mercenary originally hired to guard him. How does he know all of this about Bronn? How does he know what he wants? It's by paying attention to the clues that he gave during their short interaction.

You need a woman. Nothing like a woman after a fight. He'll be out in droves looking for me in the wrong place. Word's probably gotten to my father by now. He'll be offering a handsome reward. Everyone knows a Lannister always pays his debts.

Tyrion has heard Bronn talk about women, and he sees the look right here when Bronn hears about a reward. Plus, he knows that Bronn is a sellsword, so it isn't a huge leap for him to know that riches and women are what motivate Bronn this. But many of us do exactly the opposite. Rather than cold read someone else's desires, we shout about how they should do exactly what we want or how they should do what is fair. We ignore all of the evidence that would tell us the truth, that they just do not care about what we want or what we think is fair. So watch now how another character, Lamy, a boy who's just been injured in a battle, completely ignores the fact that he's speaking to a soldier who just killed Some of his friends.

Help. Help me.

Something wrong with your leg? Boy?

Look at. Can you walk?

No.

You gotta carry me. Alright.

If you take one thing from this video, please let it be this. Don't be like Lamy. Pay attention and figure out what other people want rather than demanding that they help you from the kindness in their hearts. It's gonna go much better for you. But what if you have terrible cold reading skills? We're actually gonna come back later in this video to a few more tips. But the good news is that there's also other ways of learning about want. And all that the second one requires is that you listen. Because people tell you what they want all the time. Watch how even after being captured, Tyrion is still listening carefully for what his captors want. And then he's able to quickly find a way to get them what they want by keeping him alive.

About the dwarf. Worthless. Cut his throat. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let's discuss this. And then chop off his cockpit. Sell it for a Fortune 12 has magic powers. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You. You can't just hand a dried cock to a merchant and expect him to pay for it. He has to know it came from a dwarf. And how could he know unless he sees the dwarf?

If Tyrion had pulled a lob me in that situation, he would have screamed about how they couldn't or shouldn't right up until they cut his throat. But by listening, he was able to find a way to give them what they wanted by keeping him alive. And again, this seems simple, but how often do we act like this? Instead, she married a traitor and known degenerates like Renly Baratheon for a reason.

She married Renly Baratheon because she was told to. That's what intelligent women do. What they're told.

You need to ask yourself what.

I don't need to do anything.

The young king here just finished telling his mother how he believes men should tell women what to do. And instead of appealing to his sense of superiority, his mother does exactly the wrong thing. She tells him what he needs to do. He basically spelled out that he would ignore her advice, spelled out that he wouldn't take commands from a woman. And she immediately commanded him to do something exactly wrong. So in your own life, be on the lookout for the things people say because that will give you a clue to the keys to influence them. And of course, the last way, if your powers of observation fail you and you haven't been listening or you just don't have a chance, you can always Ask about people's stories, which is exactly what Tyrion does and the immature Jon Snow does. Not.

Everybody knew what this place was and no one told me. No one but you. My father knew and he left me to rot at the Wall all the same. Gren's father left him too. Outside a farmhouse when he was three. Pip was caught stealing a wheel of cheese. I've been asking the Lord Commander about them fascinating stories.

Watch here as Jon Snow continues to only see from his own perspective. He is selfish and he lacks one of Tyrion's most prominent character traits, empathy. Empathy is the ability to look at someone else and realize that they live a life as complex as your own, with experiences that might have led them to very different worldviews. It's the ability to step into someone else's shoes and understand what they might feel. And it is a vital skill because you cannot persuade someone that you don't understand.

They hate me because I'm better than they are. It's a lucky thing none of them are trained by Master at Arms like your Sir Robert. I don't imagine any of them have ever held a real sword before they came here.

At this point, we've covered three ways to understand what other people cold reading, listening when they tell you, and straight up asking about their story. But Tyrion's genius is not just in knowing what other people want, it's in how he uses that information. First off, Tyrion speaks the language of the person that he's talking to. I talked in another video about how it's important to match your word choice to your audience's understanding. Two different people might be motivated both by money, but one. One might need to hear about an asymmetrical investment opportunity and another might need to hear about getting filthy rich. Speak the language of the person that you're talking to. And in this next scene, clearly the jailer's got a more basic understanding of things.

Listen to me. Sometimes possession is an abstract concept. When they captured me, they took my purse. But the gold is still mine.

Where?

Where? I don't know where, but they free me.

It's at this point that Tyrion realizes he's going to need to change the way he speaks in order to get through to the jailer. So watch how he uses common phrases and simple words in order to communicate his message.

Have you ever heard the phrase rich as a Lannister? Of course you have. I am a Lannister. Tyrion, son of Tywin. If you deliver a message from me to Lady Arryn, I will Be in your debt. I will owe you gold.

Clearly, the issue here is not that the jailer wasn't interested in Tyrion's offer. The issue was that he couldn't understand it. So once Tyrion dumbed down his language, he was able to communicate clearly and get his message delivered. So the second thing that you should note about Tyrion and the way that he used information about what people want is that he cycles through different possibilities very quickly. He might appeal to gold, to giving you land, to your personal pride, and then to the friendship that you share, all in the same conversation. He doesn't get stuck on just one angle. He's looking for whatever angle is going to work in that moment. So here. Watch all of the ways that he tries to convince his sellsword friend Bronn to fight on his behalf.

Bo, if you want me to kill the Mountain for you, it better be a damn big castle. I'm a bit short on costs at the moment, but I can offer you gold in gratitude. My wife is heir to Winterfell. If I emerge from this with my head still on my shoulders, I may one day rule the north in her name. I could carve you out a big piece of it. Does he frighten you so much? I'd be a bloody fool if he didn't frighten me. Why should I risk it? Because you're my friend.

If you watch the show, you know that conversation doesn't work out for Tyrion. But it's the sheer volume of options that he explores that I find so impressive. Now, I've breezed over the scene because I'm running incredibly long on this video, but let me know in the comments if you want more on Tyrion's frame games, or if you've had enough at this point. Either way, I hope that you have taken the key point in this. First off, don't be a lamy. But second, that influence is not about convincing people to want different things than they already want. It's about showing them that the way to get what they already want is what they have always wanted, is by following you. If you're creative, there's almost always a way to get more for both of you. And that is the point of this video. Tyrion sometimes does this underhandedly, but you can do all of this without being a liar. You can do this by being perfectly honest. So start just by seeking to understand people's motivations and then spot the ways that you can help. If your intentions are truly for both of you to get ahead, you're going to find that it's actually quite easy to demonstrate some of Tyrion's persuasive genius in your own life. We've covered some of the things that make Tyrion so likable to the characters who take the time to get to know him, but of course to the fans as well. And if you're curious about what you can do in your own life to become more likable during your first impressions, we've set up actually another video that covers the four emotions that guarantee an amazing first impression every time. If you hit those four emotions and you hit them in the right order, which is what we cover, and you're in any kind of environment, from the boardroom all the way to a bar or party, it doesn't really matter. It will work. So if you're curious what those emotions are, go ahead, click the box. It's going to take you to a page where you can submit your email and get immediate access to that video and begin to use those four emotions in your interactions today. If you've enjoyed this video and you want to be the first to know, whenever we post new ones, which is every week, sometimes more, go ahead and subscribe to the channel. That way, whenever we have a new video, we pop up on your YouTube home screen and you can see them every single week. You will not have to worry about missing a new video. So go ahead, click the button here to do that and you get lots more breakdowns like these, but most of them are going to actually be on real people. In fact, it's very rare that we do a TV show. I just happen to love Game of Thrones and it seems like people like too. We also cover the best tips that I have for being your most charismatic, confident self in the moments that count the most. If you have any video suggestions you want to see more Game of Thrones, whatever direction you'd like to see this channel go, please write it down in the comments. I am absolutely keeping a close eye on what you asked for, which is why this second Game of Thrones breakdown exists. Not just because I love doing it, but because a lot of you asked for it. So let me know what you'd like to see in the coming weeks. As always, thank you for watching and I will see you in the next video. There.