Question Cutting: The Habit That Makes People Instantly Like You Less

In today's video, we're going to show you seven bad charisma habits that will consistently make people dislike you. By becoming aware of these mistakes, you can hopefully avoid making them. The first bad habit is vulnerability dropping. That's instantly making a joke when someone opens up vulnerably. Watch this quick clip for a brutal example with a soldier who thought he had saved a friend who ended up dying in battle.

That was such a high moment with everything that had happened that Mace was going to make. It sounds like at the end, the battle came down to saving Private Mace.

Some people aren't comfortable with strong emotions, so they use humor to quickly try to change the tone of the conversation. This can make the person sharing with you feel hurt and unsafe. There are times when it can be helpful to use humor to lift someone's mood, but make sure you're doing it for them, not because you're uncomfortable. Also, often you're better off simply listening and making someone feel heard and understood. The other common mistake to avoid when someone shares something with you is conversational narcissism, relating everything back to yourself and consistently trying to put the focus onto you. Watch these next two clips for a great cringey example from the View. The conversation starts with Sonny expressing empathy for the people who are suffering because of Russia's invasion of Ukraine and that.

This is going to start a humanitarian crisis, a refugee crisis in Europe. We're talking about 5 million people that are going to be displaced. I mean, it's, it's heartbreaking.

Now watch Joy Behar use what is called a shift response to shift the focus of the conversation to herself.

Well, I'm scared of what's going to happen in Western Europe too. Yeah, you know, you just, you plan a trip, you want to go there. I want to go to Italy. For four years, I haven't been able to make it because of the pandemic, and now this.

This is an extreme version of a shift response, but they happen in conversation all the time. A common example would be if someone says something like, sorry, I haven't seen you recently. They things have been really rough at work. A supportive response would be something like, no problem, do you want to talk about it? You're showing the other person that you care and are interested in hearing more. A common shift response would be, oh my God, I know exactly what you mean. My work has been awful lately. And then launching into a story about your own job. A shift response isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes sharing your experiences makes people feel like they aren't alone. But if the only way you respond to things is with a story about yourself, it will eventually repel people. There's another common way people hog the conversational question. Cutting. Asking a question and then interrupting the answer. Talking over each other is commonplace in a group of excited friends. And it isn't always a bad thing. But if you interrupt right after you ask a question, it's almost always frustrating.

Let's say it goes how you think it's gonna go. Khabib dominates. What's next? I'll tell you what I think. Go ahead. And one of the reasons I say this, because I heard you say this so I put a lot of weight into it, is he's done. Okay? So, yes and no. I think he retires. I don't think a Tony Ferguson. I don't think a Conor fight. And so you go out to walk the dog? Well, no, I sort of do. They allow dogs at the hotel? Aren't you supposed to let people talk on the show? They're saying, I heard that Taylor Swift will be performing. Can you confirm or deny? Um, I mean, we've had a really good time today. Taylor. So, Taylor. See where I'm going with this? At least nobody ever listens to me.

The good news is it's extremely easy to avoid this mistake. If you ask someone a question, let them answer it. There's another mistake related to asking questions that you also want to avoid, and that's trampling boundaries. This sounds obvious, but you'd be shocked how common it is. Here's a quick example of what it looks like for context. Rob Gronkowski's teammate, Aaron Hernandez, was arrested for murder around the time of this interview.

I do have to ask you, when you heard about Aaron Hernandez, what you thought, what your reaction was. Next question. I learned that from Drew Rosenhaus. Next question. It had to be a shock for you, though. It had to be shock for all your teammates. Next question.

You would think that Rob's made it clear he wants to move on to a new topic, but watch what the interviewer does next.

All right, then I'll ask you. It seems to me that these two men played on opposite sides of the line, but they had more than that in terms of being opposites.

And I truthfully, I'm not gonna go. Yeah, I'm not gonna go there.

Don't walk off right now.

Here's another example. So you can see how this might happen without you meaning to upset someone. It starts with Jim Norton asking a very personal question, but in a respectful way.

I know your mom was killed, right? But did they? There you go. That's what I'm getting to. That's what Sam is kind of, I think, alluding to. It's obviously a very rough way to come up. Was it something that was ruled accidental and then declared a murder? There was some kind of a.

Now watch what happens when Dylan McDermott draws a boundary and says that the topic is off limits. I mean, I really want to get into that now.

You know, I'm just talking about Ellie to Vegas, but yeah, it was definitely rough. What night is that on? It's on Tuesday. It's on Tuesday. It's not the death slot. Hey, speaking of death, what time LA to Vegas? I love it.

Similar to vulnerability dropping, it's possible Doug Stanhope was trying to add levity to the conversation because he was uncomfortable or even because he saw Dylan was uncomfortable and he was trying to help. It's possible to mean well when you cross someone's boundary, but you're much better off simply respecting the boundary and moving on. Even without a boundary beforehand. This is a classic mistake people make, trying to make a joke and accidentally making someone angry. With certain close friends that you know, like dark humor, nothing has to be off limits. But especially with people you're first meeting, it can be a mistake to tease sensitive topics. You'd think this is obvious, but again, it's surprisingly common.

Just wondering who told you that, because my wife tells me that often. She says, good morning. You're still married as American, Yes. Well, you. But I truly am no joke. Sorry for the loss of your friend. Ryan Dunn. I know you must have been thinking, it could have been me. And I know we were all thinking, why wasn't it?

The mistake here is getting so focused on trying to make a group laugh, you don't pause to consider how the focus of your joke will feel. If you're going to tease someone for a laugh, tease them about something they're unlikely to be insecure or sensitive about. As you bring these slightly different nuances.

To Thor, or whether he's on Asgard.

Or on Earth or whatever, you bring new aspects to him.

And with Captain America, it's like, as we've seen, he doesn't bring nuance.

The most likable way to tease someone is to tease their strengths. You say something so obviously untrue that it ends up drawing attention to a strength of theirs. Watch this next clip for another example with Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth, this time guessing Avengers based on bicep photos.

What do you Got hem drink.

Here's Scarlett Johansson with a similar joke during playground insults.

Your biceps look like Thanksgiving turkeys.

Do they? Now let's talk about a mistake that often comes with good intentions giving unsolicited advice. As an example, watch George from Impaulsive. Give the Island Boys financial advice for if their music career flames out.

I think if, God forbid, it doesn't go in your guys direction. For real. I think you guys take all of your jewelry assets and invest it in something so you guys will never, ever be broke again. So I don't think there's gonna ever gonna be a broke situation. But I'm saying, like, if you guys.

George isn't a rude guy. He's genuinely trying to be helpful here. But you can see it makes the Island Boys angry because they didn't ask what to do if their music career doesn't work. So the advice feels insulting.

George, stop talking. We have multiple. Wait, that was. Hey, that was. That was for you guys. Yeah. That wasn't like a hate show.

I don't need.

I don't need financial advice when I probably make more money than you. But that was me being nice. It wasn't me being like an asshole because I was giving you guys nice advice and you guys were being asked, hey, George, keep talking, I'm gonna walk out.

It's great to want, but you'll get a much better response if you ask if someone wants your advice before you give it. You'll avoid making them angry and they're more likely to listen to you because they've opted in. The last mistake we'll cover today is instant aggression. It's okay to stand up for yourself and draw boundaries, but some people respond to the slightest accidental offense with way too much hostility. Here's a great example of this from a first date.

How old do you think I am? Maybe 29, 30, I don't know.

Now notice how she responds.

Did you say 29? Did you say 30? I'm actually about to choke because of you. I'm 25.

You can see her continued hostility makes the guy very uncomfortable.

I didn't know you said I'm 29 or I'm 30. You don't see me as my five year old. I am 25. I am not 29 or 30, okay?

Often this instant aggression comes from assuming negative intent where there isn't any. You're much better off assuming someone's being positive until they explicitly prove otherwise. Here's a funny example of what that might look like from the movie the King of Staten Island.

I gotta be honest Kelsey, you look exactly like your picture. You're kind of thicker, more robust. Thank you. It's a compliment.

Even if you think someone is being rude, you don't have to respond aggressively right away. You can start with a soft boundary where you use a friendly tone to call out what you don't like. This at least gives you a chance to get back to a pleasant conversation afterwards. Listen to Taylor Swift respond to John Cleese here for an example.

I much prefer cats. They're unpredictable and cussed like women, you know. Oh, we don't want to do that.

Now. With all of the charisma stakes in this video and pretty much every charisma mistake beyond these, the most painful part is that you almost never realize you're doing it. Very few people set out to make people dislike them. And if you do accidentally have a few bad charisma habits, you can end up ruining a first impression you really want it to go well. Missing out on promotions at work or becoming the odd one out in your friend group. It sucks. The flip side of that is also true. With just a little work, you can build fantastic habits that let you be your authentic self in a way that makes people love and respect you. If you want help with that, you might like our video program, Charisma University. It's guaranteed to give you more friends, more dates, better work, relationships, and most importantly, high self esteem and true confidence. If you try and don't like it, you have 60 days to give yourself a full refund from right inside the course just by pushing a button. We've had over 14,000 people go through the program so far and the average score people give it is a 9 out of 10. People write in saying things like, I've already watched a lot of the YouTube channel and loved it, but Charisma University's action guide really changed my life. Insane social experiences I never thought I'd have and work wise, I ended up getting a best selling author as a mentor. I'm so glad I joined. Loving the course. I've liked a girl for over a year now, but never thought much of it because I thought she was too pretty. Took your lessons, gave things a shot, and now we're dating. By sticking with Charisma University, I've had the confidence to make groups of new friends and land a promotion. I interviewed at dozens of places for jobs after medical school. At the end of one of my interview days, the doctor pulled me aside and said that I had hands down the best interview out of everybody and they would love to have me at their program. The entire course will only take you 30 days. If you start today, you'll be getting dramatically different reactions from people within just one week. To see if the course is right for you, click the link on screen now to learn more. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this video and I will see you in the next one.