Self Love Q&A

A few days ago I put up what I think is the most important video I've ever put on YouTube and it was on self love. If you've not seen that video, first thing, click here. Watch it because this video is the Q and A from you guys. I saw great questions in the comments and in 20 minutes I didn't answer all of them. So that's what I'm gonna do right now. I've got them here on my phone and I'm gonna pull them up. So here we go. Alright, question number one. You talk about loving people even if they've done wrong. I blocked my ex on Facebook and the phone after she cheated on me. Do I need to unblock her to practice what you're talking about? No, absolutely not. You can exclude people from your life while still extending to them those sort of good vibes. All that I mean when I say love people, even when they've done you wrong, is that you don't wish ill on them. You hope in your ex's case, one, that she begins to treat people better and doesn't cheat on them. And that two, once she gets there that she actually does wind up happy. You don't need to have this psychic warfare against people who have wronged you. Question number two, aren't those people who love everybody no matter what kind of doormats? How do you avoid being walked all over and becoming other people's servant if you're constantly love you like that? So great question and it is best answered I think in a story. This is one that my friend related to me and it was about his mother. So her family was not always the greatest to be around. She loved her mom and dad, but they smoked often, they drank some and of course they fought when they did that more and more often. And she was raised around that, was not particularly happy with it. So. So when she had my friend, what she said to her family was this, listen, I'm your daughter, I love you guys, I want you in my life. But if you bring smoking or excessive drinking or the fighting that I saw when I was growing up into my son's life, you will never see your grandchildren. And that is kind of the illustration of what self love allows you to do. It allows you to create firm, healthy boundaries in your life so that people cannot enter it unless they are a positive influence. When I say love people, what I'm saying is extend that love to them. I love you no matter what, but I will only include you in my life if you are a positive influence. And if you meet certain conditions that are absolutely important to me, so you don't need to be a doormat. In fact, you can be completely the opposite once you've got a solid sense of self love. Question number three. If I start to love myself, no matter what I feel like, I will become less productive and stop improving myself. I feel good and loved when I'm productive and feel bad when I'm doing something worthless. Should I change that to achieve what you're talking about in this video? Absolutely not. So for instance, if you did for 24 hours, you were completely unproductive. You ate Cheetos, you ate Oreos, you watched TV reruns, whatever it is at the end of that, it's going to be very natural for you. Even for someone who feels a tremendous sense of self love to feel disappointed in their behavior. Having a high sense of self regard and self love and even self esteem doesn't mean that you look back on every decision and go, that was a great decision. Really proud of that. All that it means is you have this underlying sense of, you know what, even though I've made mistakes, even though things in my past are not as I'd like them to be, I care for myself. So quite the contrary. In terms of productivity, if you were to ask yourself in the present moment all the time, how would I behave right now if I truly loved myself? You're not going to find answers like, I'd sit down and watch TV for another four hours. Typically, you're going to do things that are good for you, that are productive and good for other members of society. So I would say that self love and productivity actually go hand in hand. Question number four. Didn't the insecurity make you the person you are today without the insecurity that you felt because you weren't loved? And if you felt perfectly loved now, wouldn't you have become complacent? And won't we? Well, the truth is, yes, insecurity did drive me. It may be the person that I am today, but I will tell you that's not the only way to do it right now. I'm not making this video out of insecurity or desire to improve myself. I'm making this video because I want to continue the conversation that we started. You guys ask great questions and I want to contribute back to it. I'd like to keep this dialogue going. I guess the point is that there's lots of different kinds of fuels and completely clearly, I was driven by insecurity for a long time and A lot of amazing things in my life came from it. And some people do the same with anger, with fear, right? Trying to prove other people wrong. And those fumes can take you very far. But the truth is, the way that you should think about them is that they're noxious fumes. And you're driving really fast on anger. But it's filling up that car with stuff that is choking you. It makes it a miserable ride, even if it goes far. There are cleaner, burning fuels, excitement, the desire for some variety, the desire to contribute to other people, to your community, to humanity in a greater way. Those can make you do things and absolutely take you out of complacency. I think of Elon Musk when I think of this and when I listen to him speak. I don't know the guy, obviously, but he doesn't seem to have a chip on his shoulder. He doesn't seem to want to prove anything. He genuinely seems to want to improve the world and do the things that he thinks are best for humanity. For 500 years down the line, that desire to contribute has certainly not made him complacent. So if Elon Musk can do it without seemingly needing to be insecure, I am sure that the rest of us can find a way to do it as well. Question number five. What if you don't love yourself? I was doing the mirror exercise, and I knew that I wasn't telling the truth as I looked at myself. So for this, if you feel like you don't love yourself right now, what I encourage you to realize is that self love is first and foremost a choice. It is a choice that says, I decide to be happy, I decide to care for me. I decide to accept that, yes, in the past, I've done things I'm not proud of. And I decide from this moment on that I'm going to be the type of person who takes care of myself, who makes decisions that do make me proud. Now, in terms of the mirror exercise, you've made that decision. You're standing in front of the mirror. You can't just go, I love myself. I accept myself. I love myself. Because truly, the physiology needs to be involved as well. So if you can, whatever it is. Sometimes I say things that make me laugh, but I'll go. Even though I'm feeling kind of ridiculous today, standing in front of the mirror, I love and I accept myself fully and completely. You've got to commit yourself to it. If you need to shout, if you need to scream, whatever it is to break out of that, I Don't like myself pattern snap the tone of voice, snap, the body language, you will start to feel it more intensely and stick with it. Truly, it is a decision and if you don't feel it when you're looking in that mirror, there's probably nothing more important that you can go and do right now. Question number six, how do you maintain this? I had this mindset a couple of months ago, but I stopped worrying, so I lost it. So two questions that I kind of see here, one you did ask and one you didn't. The one you didn't ask is how do you keep it going? If you're feeling crappy right now and you want to make sure that it actually drives into your brain and I've been there. What I recommend is if you're in it right now in a bad state, decide that for the next half of an hour, anytime a negative thought enters into your brain, you will do the exercises, you will interrupt it, you will feed yourself the self love and. And then you will extend that love and that gratitude to people around you. For more detail, go to the last video I mentioned before. But 1/2 hour is generally enough to make that state change for a long time. To come to your question, you feel better, you don't feel like you need to feed yourself that self love all the time. What do you do? I have just started building it into my morning routine, right. Because yes, there's maybe not bad thoughts occurring in your day. So what you want to do is in the morning, I wake up and for five minutes before I get out of bed, I'll just lay there and there's not a bad thought to interrupt necessarily. But I will kind of do step two. I'll sit there and say I love myself and accept myself and I'm proud of this. I'll even extend a past love to pride. Other kinds of emotions that I want for five minutes just sort of feeding that need to feel appreciated. And once I've got that, I go up all my day and honestly, I've noticed it making a big impact. So build that into the morning routine. I think you'll see some really good things come of it. And the last thing, which is not a question, but just a note for me, is that the comment section was overwhelmingly awesome. I genuinely appreciate all of the stories that you guys told up until a couple of hours ago. I've read them all. I can't respond because I think there's over a thousand at this point, but I have read them. I truly appreciate the time that you guys take to do that. It makes me want to keep this conversation going. So if there are more questions maybe we'll come back with that. Just wanted to say you guys are awesome and honestly you do the YouTube comment section proud. So thank you for that. If you've made it to the end of this video and for some reason you are not already subscribed, I don't know how you got here quite frankly, but click here, we're gonna throw up a link you can subscribe to the channel. We typically have videos that are charisma related and also like this, the mindsets of confidence, charisma and happiness related and I think self love is a big important part of that. So if you've not subscribed go ahead and do that. If you want to comment, keep this conversation going. Maybe we'll do another video. Otherwise I'm working on Muhammad Ali right now and potentially Arnold Schwarzenegger so look for those soon and of course I will see you guys in the next video.