Silent Authority: Command Respect Without Saying A Word

Harvey Specter isn't exactly the perfect man. He can be rude, emotionally stunted, and sarcastic.

Who doesn't like me?

But even though he is flawed and, of course, fictional, his portrayal can teach you quite a bit about confidence and power in the real world. So in this video, you're going to learn concrete steps and deeper mindsets for conveying a deep sense of confidence and power. Now, a ton of this has to do with frames, so I'm going to give a quick crash course. Frames are the unspoken context that dictates the rules of any interaction. And you can analyze interactions as two people introducing and accepting or rejecting one another's frames. The more powerful, confident person usually wins out. That's why you're more likely to enthusiastically answer tell me about yourself at an interview than at a party. You're going to acquiesce to the interviewer's frame because they have power that a random partygoer doesn't. Whoever controls the frame has power anyways. The first thing to note is how Harvey's body language and tone are often in service of establishing the fact that he controls the frame and therefore is the more powerful person in an interaction. For instance, Harvey often surprises people by entering big and brash, like the corporate lawyer that he is, and he establishes the frame that the other person will react to his emotional state.

Jessica threatened me. I don't care. Anyone comes at you with any threat at all, you come to me. I don't give a if it's the Queen of England. You come to me. You tell me. You tell me everything. That's what loyalty is.

But you'll often see Harvey respond much more slow and subdued when somebody directs him to do something. He takes his time sub communicating. That he does. He doesn't need to jump just because they say so. They might be saying go quickly. He responds by going slowly, a subtle indicator of power.

That's a Barbary legal handbook right there, right? Open it up. Read me something. Anything.

You know what, Harvey?

Just get out. Get out.

Similarly, other people will come at Harvey aggressively, and rather than respond defensively, he strolls nonchalantly past them so that he can sit comfortably, not reacting to their emotional state.

First of all, Gerald, if you think anyone's going to touch this deal after your bad faith, you're mistaken.

Second, and when Harvey is in conflict.

With people who are losing control, he.

Often stays cool, calm, and collected. Again, they go angry. He responds by not rising to it.

How dare you walk in here and.

Accuse me with these things. But you are my Lawyer?

No, Bert, I'm the lawyer for Morello Asset Management. As far as the law is concerned, Dean Morell is my clan, not you.

What's important is not the particular frame of an interaction that's always going to be changing. What's important is that Harvey is always the one setting the frame. And you see the same ability to dictate the frame in this case, that his status is superior to the other person's. When he exits a conversation, he doesn't need to outright say it, but he signals that he's in control by exiting without announcing it or asking for permission. And it leaves the clear message that he is the boss. Everyone else is lucky to have some of his attention, because right now, I.

Got some things to take care of.

Convince me why I should go with you in the first place.

Okay, we're done. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

To be clear, I'm not recommending you do this. Broadcasting that you're in control all the time is not a good way to be or to be well liked. But it certainly does contribute to the sense of awe that people have when they encounter Harvey. Additionally, Harvey frames himself as nearly omnipotent by dictating not what he'd like to happen in a situation or what he hopes will happen, but how things are certainly going to unfold. Listen to his language here.

Here's what's going to happen. You're going to give me back my promotion, and that's the last we're going to talk about this.

The key to actually making this believable comes from Harvey's tonality. When we're nervous or we just want to make things sound like more of an invitation, we will add an upward inflection to a statement. Commands and certainties are often spoken with downward inflections, like this. Now, this is the difference between saying.

For instance, come over my house at 7 and come over my house at 7.

And when you tell people what's going to happen, you typically want to do it with a downward inflection, as Harvey does.

Everybody, give me and Faye a minute alone. It's okay, Louis.

I got it.

Now, rather than focus on all of this at a concrete level, simply keep in mind that the person who controls the frame of a conversation will come across as more powerful and confident. And for the purposes of charisma, setting a higher energy frame is best in Entrances and Greetings, whereas Harvey's slower, less reactive frame is more powerful in moments of conflict. This brings us to the next main point. Powerful, confident people respond to other people's insults not by challenging the content of their insult, but by attacking the frame. Challenging the content would imply that you've accepted their frame and need to defend yourself. Shifting the framing is a verbal way of taking back control, and it's the heart of quick wit. Check out a few examples here.

Fantastic wine. Almost enough to make up for the mediocre company.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You're not mediocre. See, that's funny, because you were talking about me.

So what is this? A new color on or just a hint of jealousy? I'm surprised you don't recognize your wife's perfume.

I know you're not married. Still funny.

Now you don't need to be cutting or sarcastic like Harvey was in the last clip. The simple act of not being so concerned with literally defending yourself when someone makes a joke about you will take you a long way. In fact, the less that you focus on literally defending yourself, the better. Your banter will become a key here. Though if you're going to engage in banter is not to make it critical to win every exchange. Powerful people can mess around, and they don't need to win every time. So when someone does jokingly get one up on Harvey, he can confidently play along, further solidifying his confidence and power.

We have breakfast at Nougatine and an excursion to Hermes that may or may not involve a new handbag. You've been needing a new handbag. You can never have too many handbags.

You're a son of a bitch.

That's exactly what I thought of myself when I came up with the idea.

Harvey's next keyframe dictates how he interacts with clients, and it's the belief that that he is not there to impress or to supplicate to them. The unspoken frame is that they are lucky to be working with him. So when they begin to disrupt this framing, treating him as an inferior that they can berate, he quickly asserts that he has the power to leave them.

You see it how you want to see it. But if you can't figure out a way to make Jonathan stay, you'll be the one who's gone.

Tony, I'm gonna fix this. But let's get one thing clear. I'm not like the other lawyers you've burned through. So the next time you go stomping around like a four year old throwing.

Tantrums with me, I'll be the one.

Getting rid of you again.

Rather than responding to the content of.

What they're saying by defending himself, he responds to the framing that he ought to be working for their approval in the first place. Now, you don't have to flat out tell clients that you don't need them, but if you're any kind of sales role or client facing role, you will perform much better if you shift your mindset from I'm selling this person or I work for this person to this person needs me to partner with them. That means that you'll push back when needed. You'll give better advice and sub communicate a powerful position that they're more likely to want to associate with. Now, another reinforcer of this partner frame is that rather than work for the praise of his clients, Harvey allows them to earn his favor, complimenting them when they've impressed him.

I don't take meetings. I set them. And my respect isn't demanded, it's earned.

That's only two things. What's C?

C is for people who show me they know amb.

Well, since we're quoting Jerry Maguire, all I want is for you to show me the money.

You just took step number one towards earning my respect.

It feels good for the client because they're receiving a compliment, but it also reinforces the idea that Harvey is screening them. When people feel they've been accepted to something exclusive, it makes them value it much more than if they were simply sold into that thing. That's why people celebrate college admissions letters even though they essentially just received the biggest bill of lives. Now, you can use this principle without being conniving in your own life. All it requires is that you pay attention to the moment that you think, you know what, I like this person. It could be something as simple as saying during a greeting, I love your enthusiasm. It's always a bummer when people are flat during interactions. That little statement positions you both as friendly and discerning in terms of who you choose to spend time with. Now, this takes us to the fourth way that Harvey conveys power, again to do with frames. And it's that he is an expert at framing one's options in any particular scenario. When it comes to his opponents, he frames their options in a very limited way. He says, here's your choices. Things that you don't want to do, and the thing that I want you to do. It makes people feel like he has total control over the situation.

We move forward with the suit. Lose, lose. We can give you your money back plus the 500,000, or you and I can play poker for it.

But the truth is, Harvey doesn't have total control. He's just controlling the menu, which is to say that he controls the options that are readily available in anyone's mind. And the person who controls the menu controls the outcome. Harvey is savvy enough to let people do this to him, though he recognizes that there is always another option that suits him better than what the menu might say.

And what are your choices if someone puts a gun to your head?

What are you talking about?

You do what they say or they shoot you.

Wrong. You take the gun or you pull out a bigger one, or you call their bluff, or you do any one of 146 other things. If you can't think for yourself, maybe you aren't cut out for this.

The video that we did on Tyrion Lannister goes deeper into this idea as it is a staple of Tyrion's character, and I'll link to that in the description if you want to check it out. But for now, we have arrived at the fundamental mindset that makes Harvey so powerful, and it's that he creates options for himself. In any negotiation, the person who has a better second option is going to win. They can afford to care less. And Harvey knows that he can always get another client or another job or find another way. If someone closes one path to him. He has power because he doesn't need anyone specific to do anything specific for him. He can get what he wants and needs from a variety of sources. This is a mindset that can improve your life dramatically in a ton of areas in date. Create options that doesn't mean that you need to date all the time. It means that you simply become the type of person who knows that they're capable of finding someone else that they love spending time with. And that might mean that you work on the general social skills that you're finding on our channel in your career, create options you are far more likely to ask for and get a raise when you've been developing your skills in your free time and know that you could get another job if things didn't work out. In short, power and confidence go up when you know that you have options. If you want to get better at creating more options in your life, you're already on the right path. Because whether you're focused on your career, your dating life, or your friendships, charisma is a skill that will unlock incredible new options for you and make everything in life easier.

And if you want to fast track.

Your charisma growth with a step by step program that's guaranteed to give you more charisma and confidence in 30 days I definitely recommend checking out our course Charisma University in just six weeks. It teaches you everything from how to make an amazing first impression through to commanding respect and being a leader everywhere you go and every day you get a step by step action guide to make powerful confidence your default mode of being. Which is nice because it takes the guesswork out of having to do all of this improvement. You follow the guide, you get the results, and if not, you can always get your money back within 60 days. So if you want to fast track to more confidence and charisma, you can learn more about the course with the button on the screen now or the link in the description. We've had over 4,000 members go through this course and get a ton out of it, so I hope that you also decide to join this if this is an area of your life that you're looking to improve. Either way, I hope that you've enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.