STOP DRINKING: Why alcohol kills self-improvement

So I want to talk about how to get better in your social skills, your charisma. And specifically, I want to talk about one thing that you can stop doing that is going to help you improve so much faster. And that thing, though it might sound like sacrilege, is to stop drinking. Now, a lot of people look at me like I'm crazy when I say this. They're like, what does my drinking occasionally when I'm out with friends have to do with my charisma and social skills? Well, those three main things, three benefits that you can expect to see when you cut out drinking, and here's what they are. The first one is that your passive social skills skills, without even thinking about it, begin to improve when you stop drinking. And the reason is very simple. Social skills are a skill. Right when you're playing the guitar, when you're playing soccer or anything else, you wouldn't go get sloshed or have a couple drinks to loosen up beforehand because that would slow the learning process down. You wouldn't be picking up the little things. Now, when you go out to a networking event and first have two drinks before you start to mingle and feel comfortable, what you're actually doing is you are slowing yourself down and you are going to passively pick up far less than you would if you just forced yourself to deal with it, push through, be courageous and sober, and see what happened around you. The second is that the active building of your social skills drops tremendously. And this is a huge one, because I often think of these debriefs that I used to do, and when I was much more shy, I'd go out into a social situation and I would look around me and see, okay, what's going on? And then I'd come home afterwards and I'd say, oh, what happened there? How did it go? Who was I comfortable with? Who was I uncomfortable with? And most importantly, what do I wish that I had done differently? How could I change? What would I have said instead? Now, obviously, when you're drinking, the first thing that goes is your recall. So you go try to debrief after a night that you've had three drinks. You go, well, I think I talked to them and then I talked to them, but I don't really know how we started conversation. And you cannot get that same sort of learning that comes from. From dealing with it. And again, you are robbing yourself of the experience of being courageous in a social situation, which really is 50% of the battle when it comes to being more charismatic and social and Outgoing. Which brings me to number three. And you know the kind of night where you're just going out when you're not planning anything special. Well, that's what happened to me. I was in New York City, going out with some friends, not planning on anything cool, when I walked into this bar and immediately, first thing, saw this woman that I had to get to know. And I thought, you know exactly what to do and you know how to be cool, confident, collected. Go do it. Go to the bar and go get three drinks. Better yet, get four drinks. And then in 25 minutes come back and then you'll be cool enough and comfortable enough to make this woman interested. And no sooner did that thought pass through my head than it completely exposed and rocked and embarrassed me. Because I was not the man that I wanted to be. I was not someone who could go do those things. I used alcohol as a crutch to be more comfortable and confident. You see, while I wasn't chemically dependent on it, and maybe you weren't either, I was socially dependent on it. And when I look around at the bars, networking events, social events, I see so many people who share this, and it pissed me off. I was saying to myself, like, how could you have let this happen? Where you're supposed to be someone who feels so comfortable and has worked so hard, yet you still use this masking drug to basically cover up the ways in which you're insecure. And from that moment on, that was it in social situations. I stopped drinking because it had really viscerally connected with how much it was stopping me from moving forward in all of the ways I want to. So I challenge you. If you sense this in networking events, social events, parties, anywhere, even if you're just out with friends and you think you know what to have fun, what I need to do is drink. Maybe you're going out with the wrong friends or to the wrong event. Maybe what you should do instead is to learn how to create fun from within and not need to basically turn your brain off to convince yourself that the things around you are interesting are fun or that you're interesting. So I challenge you for once the next time that you go out and you feel the urge to match other people by drinking, or that you think this would be more fun if I drank, or that you think I could be more outgoing and confident if I drank, don't. Just don't. Right? And if you're in with this, what you will see is that these benefits, while the first time is going to feel uncomfortable, they will begin to accrue. You'll notice things when you're out. You'll be able to debrief afterwards, break down things that went well, things that didn't, and you'll have basically higher self esteem because you're on the road to being the person that you want to be. So what I highly recommend is if you're in, go ahead, comment below, say that you're in. Commit. Get some accountability there even. I'll comment back to you. Secondly, if you have any questions about this what do I say when somebody asks me if I'm drinking? How do I deal with drunk people? How do I have fun when I'm not drinking? Write those in the comments. I'm planning on doing a whole series. Those questions will be covered, but if you have others, write them in and I'll tell you how I've dealt with them over the last three years. Years. And of course if you want to see these videos, Charisma breakdowns others get tips on how to be more outgoing, charismatic and to live with higher self esteem. Subscribe to this channel. I'll be creating more videos like this, shooting from my bedroom whenever the sun isn't shining too much in the window. So hope this has been helpful and I will see you in the next video.