In this instructional video, Charlie Houpert (Charisma on Command) explains why most people rely on weak, surface‑level compliments that can feel uncomfortable, and introduces a three‑tier framework for delivering more powerful praise that deepens connection. The first tier, "social flow" compliments, are everyday niceties that become more effective when they are specific, highlight effort, and are delivered with appropriate eye contact. He warns against over‑using eye contact in a way that feels pressuring. The second tier, "MC" compliments, are public acknowledgments made to a group, where you shine a spotlight on someone’s talent or repeat insights they’ve shared, thereby increasing their sense of being seen. The third tier, "heartfelt" compliments, are deep, authentic expressions that convey the personal impact the other person has had, describe what you admire about them, and close with gratitude. Throughout, Houpert illustrates each level with real‑world examples from celebrities and podcast hosts, showing how the structure works in practice and why genuine, well‑crafted compliments foster lasting trust and affection.
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If you want people to love being around you, there is almost nothing like delivering great compliments but most people don't realize that there are actually 3 levels of compliments that lead to better and better connection so they stay stuck on that first level and too many of these first-level compliments can actually make people feel uncomfortable.
This is the reaction of what the nicest guy in the world would do, by the way.
Anyway, anyway, anyway, it's really nice to hear and thank you for sharing that but anyway.
So let's dive into that first level which you're totally familiar with which is social flow compliments. These are simple ways to bring a friendly positive vibe to any interaction.
You look sensational, may I say. Thank you so much.
Just fantastic. And congratulations on this film.
It's really wonderful.
Now, that's easy enough, but you might not realize that you could make these social flow compliments much better by adding 3 simple things. First, compliment something specific rather than general. So instead of saying, "You look nice," it'd be something like this.
You immediately inspire trust.
It's the jacket.
Well, look—
It was choice.
I was—
I fell on that immediately. I had nobody warned me.
Look at that.
Autumnal affair. Speaking of the fall season, I love you in those colors.
Second, compliment something the person is proud of. Your compliment will be far more meaningful if you highlight something that they've put significant effort into rather than something that comes naturally, and that's what Matt Damon does here.
By the way, this is the best time I've ever had on a talk show.
Oh, bless you.
You're not like that.
Thank you very much.
That's true. And lastly, this part sounds simple but make eye contact when you're delivering your compliments. Notice how these two compliments feel much differently. The first one with less eye contact feels like a basic social nicety.
"Good to see you and thank you so much for coming back on the show. I always love it when you're here." "Of course.
Thanks for having me." But contrast that with a compliment that Jimmy gave Stephen Bartlett at the end of a conversation that Jimmy really loved. You can notice how dialed in the eye contact is and how you feel listening to it.
"Keep doing what you're doing. You're Great. You're fantastic. I had the greatest time. It was so fun. I want to say thank you to every camera.
There's one warning here. You are not making eye contact to insist that the other person receives your compliment in any particular way. If people feel like you're pressuring them to feel good, it actually makes the interaction uncomfortable. So don't try to make anyone receive a compliment positively either with your eye contact or your words, sort of like this interviewer does here.
That you were the nicest You're the nicest guy in the world.
Why did you just—
That's ridiculous.
Well, I mean, can I just—
Anyway, it's nice to hear but it's not true.
You can't take a compliment.
Can you? It was cool, I mean, to work with Angelica Houston—
This is the reaction of what the nicest guy in the world would do, by the way.
Anyway, anyway, anyway.
So in summary, focus on specificity, complimenting what took effort, and eye contact, and these social flow compliments will be much more impactful. But we can do better because there is a more powerful level of compliment that you should mix into your conversations and these are MC compliments. These are compliments delivered not to the person that you're complimenting but to an audience about that person.
If you have not seen The Darkest Hour, you will see one of the greatest actors alive give one of the greatest performances of one of the great British characters of all time. It is astonishing.
Thank you so much, sir.
Now, you're probably not going to be speaking to a talk show audience but you do have the opportunity to use these MC compliments every time you're in a group of 3 or more people. Any praise that you would give directly to that person, you can share with the group instead. When you illuminate people's talents publicly, they feel incredibly seen and appreciated. Now, another way to deliver these level 2 compliments is to credit people when you're repeating insights that you've learned from them. Chris Williamson is excellent at this, as he regularly quotes friends and prior guests on his podcast.
One of my friends Alex has got this quote which I love, and he says, "The heaviest things in life aren't iron and gold, but unmade decisions." Whitney Cummings has got the best take on this. She says, "In order for art to imitate life, you have to live a life." So good.
This may seem like a small thing, but when people hear that you were highlighting them behind their back, it creates a tremendous level of affection. And trust, and I know because I've experienced this firsthand with Chris.
I can't believe— I genuinely can't believe it took me as long as it did to find your work. It's Charlie Houpert from Charisma on Command that said you'd been a gateway drug for him to a bunch of other stuff.
Now, I know that was literally just a mention of my name, but when I heard it, I checked and I felt really good. And that shows that you don't need a perfect compliment in order to affect this. Simply mentioning someone in a positive light to to a friend or to an audience is often enough to make them feel genuinely appreciated. Now, this brings us to the deepest level of compliments. These are the ones that build lasting connection and these are heartfelt compliments. This kind can't be fabricated or faked and they're reserved for the people and the moments that have had genuine powerful impact on you.
I watched you know every member of the crew's names, have a working dialogue with every single part of that crew and those people and how everyone around you felt so seen. And I honestly, it left the biggest impression on me. I thought, man, if I'm ever even remotely lucky enough to be in Hugh Jackman's position in life, these are the lessons you want to get into your DNA as soon as humanly possible.
Thank you, man.
In the case of these heartfelt compliments, anything that comes from the heart is enough, but there is a simple structure that can really help these feel even more meaningful to the person listening. First, you want to let that person know the impact that they've had on you. This can occur in an instant like when Sean Evans asked Jack Harlow about a teacher that meant a lot to him. Is it true that you made a song with your 6th grade teacher, Mr. Swain?
You just brought a smile to my face, brother.
You just warmed my soul up. Second, you want to tell that person what you see in them that has had such a powerful impact on you. Brie Larson did this really well when she met her idol J.Lo for the first time.
I'm such a huge fan. I saw Selena and it made me want to be an actor and you've always meant so much to me. Oh my god, don't make me cry. I was like, yeah, I just— it's been a dream of mine so thank you so much. Your work ethic is so important. Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, you're a sweetheart. Thank you.
And finally, close with a simple statement of gratitude and love. This interviewer absolutely smashes all 3 of these points in his interview with Brendan Fraser. Just look at how affected Brendan is by the the depth of his compliment.
You really had a positive impact in my life and made me want to get into this. So this is kind of a full circle moment now, being here and chatting with you. And honestly, George of the Jungle made me feel like, damn, when I'm like 27, 28, I need to get in the gym. Hurry up and do it now. But like, you're honestly, you're honestly like so adored by so many people. And I'm sure there's people that are like me that come from environments like myself or come from different walks of life that grew up on you and deeply appreciate you, man. You're really loved and I just want you to—
That means a lot to me.
So thank you so much. Thank you for saying that and taking the time. You're good, man. I appreciate you.
Be well, though. Come here.
Thank you so much.
And this takes us to the essential mindset behind any true genuine compliment because look, I know that I started this video by promising you ways to get people to love you and how you can build rapport and yes, that is all true but the best compliments come from a place of deep gratitude. Not "I'm trying to get something from you," not "I want you to like me," but instead, "You have given me something that I deeply appreciate and I want to acknowledge what I have already received." When this becomes a habit, your whole energy shifts and your life begins to be filled with appreciation. So I want to leave you with a challenge just to get started. Today, find a way to give a level 2 or 3 compliment to someone you appreciate. You can post something positive about them on social media, send a voice note sharing what they mean to you, or just let them know that you appreciate them next time you're together. And if you want more daily challenges like this to take your charisma to the next level, you may be interested in joining Charisma University. It's our 30-day program to take your charisma and confidence to the next level, and this is what just some of our members have to say about it. I don't even have a bachelor diploma, yet they want me to fill this position, and when I asked why this was the answer. You have great social skills, which is rare for an engineer. You can think quickly on your feet, and you are open and self-assured in your demeanor. Thank you so much for all that you have taught me. You have truly changed my life because without Charisma University, I wouldn't have qualified for that position in a million lifetimes. Or check out this student's experience with dating. Loving the course. I've liked a girl for over a year now but never thought much of it because I thought she was just took your lessons, gave things a shot, and now we are dating. And try this one out for friendship. It has been truly incredible. I have instantly had results that seem insane. So many more meaningful conversations. My friendships have improved and my interactions with total strangers are a new, exciting, fulfilling thing. I want to recommend this to everyone. This should be in our basic education system. Now, the course comes with a full money-back guarantee, so there's no risk to you trying. There are thousands of people that have improved their lives with Charisma University, and I would love for you to do the same. Either way, I hope that this video has helped you, and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.
